Brainwave of Horror II, Epilog
Copyright © 2003 by Jafar
Summary: mind control, incest, kidnapping and brainwashing, cosmetic brain surgery, hot pink hair A kidnapped woman is returned with post-hypnotic commands, but the rest of the family is acting as though they’ve been brainwashed as well; a pop-twat—erh, pop princess—conducts an infomercial for cosmetic brain surgery; a family, abducted into the future, learns to cope with their own sexual urges and dangerous female politics. Enjoy the fun and strange truths of the Pumpkin’s Night.
See No Evil: Contains sexually explicit and politically incorrect material. If you shouldn’t be reading this, or if it might offend you, simply stop now.
Legalese: All actors and actresses are over the age of consent. Proof of age is on file. Any similarity of any character, event or place to any actual person, event or place, is purely coincidental. This is all fantasy, and the actors are all professionals—do not try any of this at home.
Archiving: You are welcome to discreetly repost or archive this, just do not change it, steal from it or claim credit for it.
Author’s Rambling: The third tale isn’t as polished as I usually prefer, but I’m out of time if I’m going to get these out for Halloween. I may, after I re-read it in a month, put out a revised version if I’m still not pleased with it.
Epilog
“But ... none of those were really curses,” the cursed waver spoke finally.
Jack stiffened. “What do you mean?! The family members were cursed with trigger commands that made them do terribly sexual things. And the subjects of Dr Bentley ‘s clitorization procedure were cursed to pleasure during every waking moment of their lives. Not to mention the women from the future cursing the women from the past in order to further bolster their own political power!”
“Ah, but none of them were curses like mine. Mine is far, far worse than any of those.”
Jack tapped his foot. “Is it now?” He had thought those were some pretty darn good curses that he’d related.
“Oh, yes, m’lord. Not long after I was cursed, I went to a Christian priest. He said, ‘I am Father O’Reilly. I can dispense penances to absolve sin, I can explain the mysteries of three gods really being one with the Holy Trinity, and I can turn ordinary bread and wine into the flesh and blood of the Deity. So what can I be helpin’ ye with this mornin’, son?’”
“I told him of my curse and my desire to have it lifted.
“He wanted details, and I told him everything that he wanted to know. When I was done, he crossed himself and hissed, ‘I cannot help ye, lad,’ then darted into the confessional.
“Next I went to a voodoo witch doctor. He said, ‘I am de Great Zambulah. I kahn raise de dead, I kahn snatch de light from de women’s eyes and replace it wit de lust, and I kahn bind up your soul in a chicken bone and feed it to de great dark gods. Whatcha come seekin’ me out for, boy?’
“I told him of my curse and my desire to have it lifted.
“He wanted details, and I told him everything that he wanted to know. When I was done, he shook his head sadly and said, ‘No, mahn, I cannot help you wit dat.’
“Next I went to a Tibetan mystic. He said, ‘I am Drzh Che. I know the song of the universe and can warm my body with my breath when it is too cold to survive; I can slow my heartbeat until it is still, and then play the rhythmic accompaniment to Michael Row the Boat Ashore with it; and I can bend men’s minds and perceptions with my will. What wisdom have you come seeking, aspirant?’
“I told him of my curse and my desire to have it lifted.
“He wanted details, and I told him everything that he wanted to know. When I was done, he sputtered, ‘Such a curse defies reason and compassion in the dance that is Shiva’s. I cannot help you on this matter.’
“So now I have come to the master of masters, to you Mr O’Lantern. Can you help me?”
Whew! If the curse defied the efforts of those three masters, it sounded like it was going to be one tough nut to crack. “I am going to need a few details. How did the sinister caster place this curse upon you? Did he say cryptic words of great evil in your presence? Did he force specially defiled chicken bones into your body by deception? Did he gesture with the powerful hand movements of the dark ninjas? Did he prick you with an ancient artifact of the dark gods? Were mimes involved?”
The waver sighed. “It was all verbal, m’lord. All ... verbal ....”
“Really?! ALL verbal?”
“Yes, he just spoke some words, and then it was done and I have been in misery ever after.”
“Really?! Wow. What were those words?” Jack was ready to take notes if a curse this powerful was invoked with no more preparation than a few spoken words.
“I will ... NEVER ... forget those vile words, m’lord ....”
“Yes, yes, what were they?”
“I—”
“Yes?”
“I—”
“Yes?”
“I now pronounce you man and wife.”