First, it’s fiction. Get over it.
Second, it’s erotic fiction. Don’t like that? Too young? Fuck off, then.
Third, it’s MY erotic fiction. Steal it and I hunt you down and feed you to the Leather Dominatrixes of the Planet Platex!
Bunny Tales
Number Two
“Bunny!”
“Master! You’re home! How was your trip?”
“It was fine, Bunny. Now...”
“Did you see any sights?”
“It was a business trip, Bunny.”
“... And?”
“... Huh. You’ve got me there.”
“Bring home any new slaves?”
“No. There is to be no more hunting in this household, which you’ve clearly forgotten in my absence.”
“I haven’t forgotten, Master. I love hunting more than anything, but Master forbids it, so I don’t.”
“Bunny...”
“I haven’t! I mean I see pretty, pretty girls every day that I want to make into joyful mindless sex slaves, but Master said no, so I don’t.”
“Bunny, stop pouting...”
“Pretty little cash register girls at the grocery store with innocent eyes and and young, young butts...”
“Bunny...”
“Young mothers jogging down the road, all sweaty and breathless, trying to work off their sexy sexy baby bellies, their boobies all swollen with milk...”
“Uh... Bunny...”
“Executive women in the gym with rock-hard abs, gloriously naked and vulnerable as they change in front of me...”
“Bubu.. bu... buu...”
“Cheerleader girls with gravity-defying tits and skirts that barely cover their panties, moving around in packs like sheep, just waiting to be led away...”
“Haaabababoo...”
“Thursday night clubbing girls, dressed to kill and ready to fuck...”
“BUNNY!”
“WHAT? Master made me a hunter and now he won’t let me hunt!”
“Because you don’t seem to have any sense of self-control!”
“I have lots of self-control! All I ever want to do is hunt, but I DON’T!”
“Bunny.”
“WHAT?”
“What does Master hate more than anything else in this whole wide world?”
“Marketing execs!”
“Besides them.”
“Liars?”
“Bingo.”
“I’m not lying, Master.”
“Then who is that in the kitchen?”
“I don’t know.”
“Bunny...”
“I haven’t been in the kitchen for hours! How would I know who’s in there?”
“The naked girl!”
“That doesn’t narrow down the list much, Master.”
“Young, collared...”
“Still no help...”
“...on her knees!”
“... Is Master being serious, or what?”
“Eating out of the cat’s dish!”
“Oh, her.”
“Yes, her!”
“She volunteered.”
“GOD-DAMNIT, BUNNY!”
“SHE VOLUNTEERED!”
“Oh, okay, fine. You’re telling me she actually asked to be enslaved.”
“Yes, Master, she did.”
“Nice. This one, I’ve got to hear. Entertain me.”
“No.”
“Ex-squeeze me?”
“Master is being a dick and I’m not playing until he apologizes.”
“Bunny...”
“I don’t care if you DID spend the whole weekend surrounded by marketing execs and drinking yourself into a stupor. I may be a slave, but I ain’t your whipping boy! You do not get to stand there and assume I’m going to lie to you and then treat me like shit, buster!”
“Umm...”
“You haven’t even noticed that I’ve been crying, or that I’m wearing black lingerie while digging a hole in the ground in the back yard, have you?”
“WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH... oh, my god. Bunny?”
“WHAT?”
“Has someone died?”
“OH! NOW you catch on! Nine dozen naked women running around this crap-hole, you can’t even tell the one hairy pussy in the place is missing!”
“TIBBLES?”
“YES, TIBBLES! Your ten-thousand dollar pure-bred Persian cat is DEAD and I’m the only one around here who gives a crap enough to bury her!”
“Tibbles.”
groan “I’m sorry, Master. I could have done that better.”
“No, it’s okay, Bunny. You were right. I was being a complete dick, back there.”
“I had a much better way to tell you planned out, really. I was going to tell you after sex.”
“What?”
“Well, you know, get you in bed with your swim team, have them give you a few orgasms, wear you out, snuggle you up with them, and then gently break the news to you.”
“So... wham, bam, thank you ma’am, your cat is dead, sir?”
“Well...”
“That’s kind of a funny way of doing things.”
“It’s better than, ‘you’re a prick and your cat is dead, asshole,’ isn’t it?”
“Well, okay, I’ll admit that one.”
“I am sorry, Master. It only happened a little bit ago, and I’m still in shock, really.”
“I can imagine.”
“For what it’s worth, Master, I think she died in her sleep.”
“Well, that’s nice to know. Uh, she was a little young to die in her sleep, though...”
“Not if she took a nap in the middle of the street, she wasn’t.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“Bunny?”
“Yes, Master?”
“I am sorry I treated you so badly.”
“Thank you, Master.”
“You know that’s why I always leave you in charge, right?”
“Why?”
“Because you can still think for yourself and stand up to me. None of the other slaves can do that.”
“Well, with all due respect, Master, I converted all of them. YOU converted me.”
“Right. That, by the way, brings me back to my original question...”
“... which is?”
“Why is there a naked woman eating out of Tibbles’s dish in the kitchen?”
“Oh, that. Actually, Master, we’ve been discussing that, all along.”
“Have we?”
“Well, this morning, I was in the living room polishing the dildos and giving the other slaves their...
“Stop, stop, stop.”
“What?”
“You were polishing the what?”
“Dildos. You keep saying they’re limited edition collector’s items.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have to... nevermind. Just... nevermind. You were doing that...”
“Right. Anyway, I’d given the other slaves their orders for the day, and there was a knock on the door, so I pulled on some pajamas and answered it, and there was the lady, looking all sad.”
“Right...”
“So, I asked her what was making her all sad, and she said she was sorry, but she’d just run over my cat.”
“Oh, that couldn’t have been good.”
“Well, I didn’t believe it at first, and I asked her to show me the cat, so she led me out to the street, and there was poor Tibbles, all squished and dead and all...”
“Oh, god, Bunny.”
“Sorry. But anyway, I started to cry – a lot – and she felt really really bad and apologized like a dozen times, and finally said she wanted very much to replace Tibbles.”
“Right...”
“So, I said, ‘really,’ and she said, ‘yeah, really,’ and she seemed really nice and all, so I led her into the kitchen, got her some milk and then went to get the rayguns...”
“Wait. I missed something, I think.”
“What?”
“You said she volunteered...”
“Right.”
“So, when did she do that?”
“I told you. She said she wanted to replace Tibbles.”
“Well, yeah, I caught that, but... OH, COME ON! THAT JOKE IS SO OLD IT’S GOT MOLD GROWING ON IT!”
“What joke?”
“Did you ask her if she’s any good at catching mice, for god’s sake?”
“WE’VE GOT MICE?”
“Oh Jesus, Bunny.”
“WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU TELL ME? I COULD HAVE CALLED AN EXTERMINATOR DAYS AGO!”
“Bunny...”
“I HATE MICE!”
“Get the hell out of the tree, Bunny.”
“No. Not if there are mice.”
“There are no mice, Bunny. It’s part of the joke.”
“It’s not funny, Master!”
“Nevermind! So you zapped her, you reprogrammed her, and you clipped Tibbles’s collar on her?”
“No, Master, just her tag.”
“Oh, sure. Have you done anything to cover her disappearance, yet?”
“No, Master, I wanted to bury poor Tibbles, first.”
“Well, as usual, it apparently doesn’t occur to you that someone might notice her missing.”
“Well, it did, but...”
“The police are already looking for her, you know.”
“They are?”
“There’s a police car sitting outside the drive. The police are watching the house.”
“Really? Where?”
“Right outside the... Look, come around the end of the house... Right there, see?”
“Uh, Master? There’s no one in that car.”
“Huh. You’re right.”
“You know, now that I think about it, this might explain the costume Tibbles was wearing.”
“Tibbles was what?”
“The new Tibbles, I mean. She was wearing a police-girl costume when she came to the door.”
“You can’t be serious, Bunny. No one is that stupid.”
“HEY!”
“She was wearing a police uniform and she was driving a police cruiser, and you’re trying to tell me that you didn’t realize she was a cop. Is that it?”
“I didn’t notice it was a police cruiser! All I saw was poor Tibbles...”
“Fuck Tibbles. There’s an empty police cruiser parked in front of my house and a naked police officer in my kitchen.”
“Big deal. I still have the uniform. I’ll put one of the slaves in it and order her to drive it out into the middle of nowhere and leave it there. It’s not like I’ve never enslaved a cop, before.”
“EX-SQUEEZE ME?”
“Oh, please. Before we moved, you did half the Rhode Island State Highway Patrol, and you never even left your house.”
“FUCK!”
“Hell, the first girl I ever converted was a cop.”
“Oh, jesus!”
“She pulled me over for speeding, asked to see my license and all that, and there are her boobies, right in front of my face, and she’s got this really serious bored and lonely look to her, and start thinking she needs to be fucked something awful...”
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”
“Why the fuck didn’t you ask?”
“Oh, jesus...”
“Don’t worry, Master. I know what I’m doing.”
“I don’t know, Bunny. I think I’m going to have to get more involved when you hunt from now on.”
“What was that?”
“I said, from now on, when you hunt...”
“I CAN HUNT?”
“Uh...”
“THANK YOU!”
“Uh...”
“Don’t worry, Master! I know just what to do! Here!”
FLASH!
(ten minutes later...)
“Master? Master?”
“Oooh, five more minutes, mommy...”
“Master?”
“Huh? Doctor Bastos?”
“Master, what are you doing, lying in the dirt next to a hole in the ground?”
“I am? What the hell.... oh shit! Doc, have you seen Bunny?”
“Yes, Master. A few minutes ago she put on a police-girl costume and drove off in that police cruiser that was parked outside.”
“Damn. Please tell me she wasn’t grinning.”
“Yes, Master. She was giggling like a maniac, truth be told.”
“Fuck. I think I’m going to need an exam, Doc.”
“Wonderful!”
“No, a real one. An actual urology exam.”
“Good heavens.”
“I just hope she goes to the gym.”
“Huh?”
“Nevermind.”