Head Off
A typical suburban home—11:45 p.m.
Flip ...and in world news today, Britain announced that their new government would be led by—
Flip The African tribal leader stalks his prey, the rare wabbuba deer—
Flip It slices, it dices, it chops, it does the work of over thirty knives—
Flip Early tomorrow, a front will be moving in from the north, meeting up with a high pressure curve. This will result in an unstable air mass over much of the—
Flip Head Off, apply directly to her forehead! Head Off, apply directly to her forehead! Head Off, apply directly to her forehead!
Hi there, folks at home. Did that get your attention? Yes that’s right, the makers of Head On have come out with something new, the most revolutionary product to be developed in decades.
My name is Ty Hurupgoode and I’m here tonight on this special half hour infomercial to introduce you to the wonder that is Head Off! Apply directly to her forehead.
I’m going to move in close to the camera for a moment, because I’m speaking to you, men.
Men, are you tired of your wife always yapping at the mouth, always gabbing on the phone, running up bills on her cell phone that remind you of your social security number?
Are you tired of the way your wife dresses, in drab clothing that hides every reason you first were interested in her?
Are you tired of the way she acts when you want to try a little experimentation in the bedroom? Is she rigid and stuck up, conservative and boring?
Well I have great news for you... Head Off, apply directly to her forehead!
That’s right, just one simple application of Head Off to your wife’s forehead while she sleeps and her mind will be yours to command. Tell her anything you like as she sleeps and it will be immediately engrained into her permanent personality.
Tell her to stop talking so much and she’ll shut up. Tell her to stop dressing like a prude and she’ll strip off the clothes faster than a cheap hooker. Tell her to be the biggest slut possible in the bedroom and she’ll loosen up those morals and let you stick whatever you want wherever you want.
How’s that sound, guys?
Still skeptical? Well, fortunately for you we have footage today from a completely unpaid customer who was dealing with similar problems with his wife. Just sit back and watch as Larry J. from Anytown, USA heads off problems with his marriage by using Head Off!
“Hi there, my name’s Larry and I’m a Head Off customer for life! Two months ago, my wife Julie was a cold, frigid fish in the bedroom, and sex outside the bedroom was unheard of. My life was stressful with work being cut back due to the economy and the bills only increasing. I needed something to relieve the anxiety I suffered and Julie just wasn’t helping.”
“Hey there, I’m Julie. I’m the former fish my stud-muffin husband here is talking about. I was such a b-i-t-c-h to him and I’m totally glad he used Head Off to wipe my pink little mind of all those nasty thoughts and goals I used to have. I can’t describe how much fun it is being a giggly little slut all the time.”
“Yes, Julie here is so much better than before. I used to try and kiss her in public and she’d flip out, shouting when she had a moment about how inappropriate the public displays of affection were, how unwanted the advances were, and how it made her feel like a piece of meat. Now, thanks to Head Off, my Julie can’t get enough. She’s let me screw her brains out in the frozen food section of the local supermarket, while shoppers were on the next aisle over.”
“My nipples were so hard. You wouldn’t believe how hot it can be when you’re humped in such a cold location!”
“And she’s let me screw her up the ass at a football game. The others in the stadium knew what we were doing as I carefully unzipped my pants and Julie lifted her tiny skirt to squat over me. As the game roared into overtime, Julie roared into her third orgasm as she bounced up and down on my cock.”
“It was so fun! Nothing beats having your ass filled with cum while thousands of fans all look back and forth from the action on the field to the action in the nosebleed section. Needless to say, Larry here filled me up good!”
“And, Julie’s even let me walk up behind her on the front porch of our home and do her doggy style over the railing. That was the most fun, as several neighbors passed by and waved at us. They probably couldn’t quite see what we were doing from their vantage point but Julie was having to really restrain herself from screaming out loud.”
“Yes, Larry shoved his cock so hard up inside my cunt that I could nearly feel him burrowing through my guts. When he wrapped his hands around me and began squeezing my tits, I nearly lost control. Luckily, we’re getting good at being kinky in public. We managed to fuck for nearly half an hour before a few neighborhood kids finally figured out what we were doing.”
“That’s true, and Julie here really wanted to keep going. She’s such a complete slut now that she simply wanted everyone to come cheer her on and maybe even join in.”
“I’d love for all the neighborhood men and boys to take a shot at filling me with seed. It sounds like a lot of fun!”
“We’re considering having a neighborhood block party where Julie here is the centerpiece and every man gets a shot at humping her brains out! All I can say is, thank you Head Off! You’ve made my life anxiety free and all I had to do was apply directly to her forehead.”
And you’re most welcome, Larry J. of Anytown, USA. That is just one of the many testimonials we could share with you that show the amazing potential of Head Off! It’s truly revolutionizing the way husbands and wives relate, and at least according to Larry J. where they relate and in front of whom.
But what if you’re a single man watching this program? Is there anything Head Off can do for you? The simple answer is yes. The more detailed answer is, according to Jeff G. from Anywhere, USA, oh god yes, very much yes, big definite yes!
Jeff G. is a single man. Like most single men, he enjoys one thing, single girls. But Jeff G. was having a slight problem with the girl of his dreams. It seems Ashley wasn’t responding well to his advances and in fact was being quite rude about them. Head Off came into his life and now Ashley simply can’t get enough.
Here’s Jeff G. another unpaid customer wishing to share his story with the viewers tonight.
“Hi, I’m Jeff, and my story is a common one. There was a hot neighborhood girl and I wanted her. What single guy hasn’t dealt with that before? Anyway, I was getting nowhere. She was nineteen when we first met, ten years younger than I am. Apparently that alone is what made her think of me as some perverted old lech. I’m really not. I just thought she was a hot little cunt and wanted to bang her. What could be lecherous about that? So, I was at a place where I thought nothing could work to make Ashley mine. Nothing short of some kind of magic spell, that is. But Head Off came into my life and everything’s so much better!”
“It sure is. I’m Ashley and had it not been for the wondrous product that is Head Off, my head wouldn’t be bobbing half the day away in Jeff’s lap. Sure the other guys at his office get jealous, but I don’t care. If Jeff lets me, I’ll just suck them off too.”
“Oh, I’ve been tempted to. Ashley here can suck like a vacuum and really gets into it. You should see how much she can swallow, all in one gulp. But really, I owe everything to Head Off. All I had to do was apply one swipe to her forehead, which wasn’t easy considering she tried to mace me as soon as I got close enough. One swipe and her mind is wiped. That’s what the box said and it works. It really does.”
“Oh baby, talking about that just gets me so hot. I remember everything. One second I’m putting up this oddly pathetic fight to get your hand away from my forehead. The next second, all these tingly sensations are just pouring into my brain. It was so neat. And what we did next was even better!”
“I’m getting to that, Ashley. Don’t make me have to spank you.”
“Oh, would you do that? Would you spank my cute little ass? Or would you just pull your pants down and slide that cock inside it? I bet you’d prefer that.”
“Back to the story though. Ashley here went from bitchy to bitch in heat like that. She dropped to the sidewalk right out in front of her home, probably not even caring whether her parents, who she still lived with, were home. She dropped to all fours, began shouting the most foul commands I’ve ever heard, and started to rip open her top. I mean, she ripped it open, buttons flying into the grass. I stared for at least a minute, unable to believe the product actually did what they claimed it would. It transformed Ashley, smart college coed, into Ashley, slutty little cunt begging me to do her right there!”
“I was really horny. I couldn’t believe how bad it hit me. I just had to have him inside me. I wanted his cock up into my belly so far I could feel it in my throat. I wanted Jeff to claim me as his bitch since I’d been so mean to him. Most of all I just wanted him to fuck me all day!”
“We just about did that. Apparently nobody was in her house because she screamed out quite loud in orgasm as I rammed into her right there in her front yard. I must’ve sent more cum inside her than I ever knew was possible. It was pure animal passion. Again and again we fucked. Whenever it seemed like I was done, exhausted, Ashley here introduced me to her wonderful lips and quickly brought me back for more.”
“Oooh, baby. You’re making me hungry right now!”
“Then suck away, slut. I’m sure they can filter it out or something. It’s all for an infomercial anyway!”
“So like I was sayin, Head Off works. If you’re a guy out there watching this right now, and you think it’s all fake, think again. Just look at the...unghh... hot blonde sucking away at my cock. If I can get a college coed swallowing load after load all day, giving up education to be a cum container, then anyone can do it. All it takes is a little Head Off.”
“Huh?”
“No baby, I didn’t say take your head off. Get that cock back inside your slutty little throat!”
“Oh, mwauhh—”
“Thanks Head Off, for making my life incredible!”
And you’re welcome too. There are guys like Jeff G. all across this great country and for years they’ve been content to fantasize about the girls they see every day. They sat at home on lonely nights and took care of their needs themselves. But that suffering is a thing of the past, thanks to the product so revolutionary that we had to get permission from the FCC just to air these testimonials.
However, if you’re still at home, questioning whether Head Off is for you, then maybe our last couple will convince you. Unlike the first two, the following couple decided they needed Head Off together and this demonstrates just how versatile a product it can be. Sure, it can help you get more from your wife, or maybe get you laid by a hot young blonde, but can it help your family.
The answer is, not surprisingly, yes!
Head Off can essentially head off any crisis in your life that involves women, and it works on women from ages sixteen to sixty. Just do as the commercial says. Apply directly to her forehead!
For Sharon K. and her husband Mark, the crisis they faced came in the form of their own daughter, Rachel. Rachel was a typical teenage girl, typical in the sense that she thought she knew everything. Have you ever dealt with a teen like that? Well, listen to what these two concerned parents had to say when Head Off helped them straighten their girl out.
“Hi, name’s Mark and this is my wife, Sharon. I just want to say that without Head Off, we wouldn’t be as secure in the future of our family as we are now.”
“Yes, our daughter, bless her heart, thought she knew everything when it came to dating and boys. She also failed to take note of the fact that she’s the last of her family. If she doesn’t have children, our bloodline ends and that’s just disrespectful to the heritage she comes from.”
“What my wife is getting to is that we have high goals for our daughter. She’s everything to us and having grandchildren is everything to us too. Poor Rachel didn’t realize that there’s more important things she could be doing than studying all the time. She was always so independent, so thickheaded. Well thanks to Head Off, we wiped all that useless stuff from her mind and gave her a much clearer outlook on what she should be spending her days doing.”
“She’s a beautiful girl, takes after me. As a mother, I think I always instilled the right values in her, you know, what she should look for in a boyfriend.”
“That you did, Sharon, and when she began maturing into a gorgeous young girl, I thought we had nothing to worry about. She reached the age of seventeen though and still was single.”
“We were so disappointed. I mean, what parents in our situation with an attractive young redhead would expect to be dealing with that?”
“Frankly, as her father, I was practically outraged when she told us she was still a virgin, as though that were something to be proud of. Here I thought she may show up pregnant any day and our future grandchild would be on its way, but no. No. She was saving herself supposedly, whatever that means.”
“Calm down, Mark. You know your blood pressure.”
“I know, it’s just it gets me so angry what they teach kids these days.”
“But that’s a thing of the past, daddy!”
“Yes, yes it is, Rachel. And might I say you look positively glowing today.”
“Thanks. Hello everyone, I’m Rachel, and my parents finally got through to me with Head Off. They simply waited until I slept, then generously dabbed Head Off to my forehead. By morning I was a horny little cunt eager to get a big belly and make my folks proud.”
“That you have, you’ve made us very proud!”
“Thanks mom. I must admit to being confused as to what they were telling me, but Head Off rid me of that nasty confusion. It also rid me of any silly moral reasons I’d been clinging to by not going out and getting myself good and knocked up. Why fight something that’s so fun to do?”
“Tell everyone about Kirk.”
“Of course, daddy. My daddy is talking about Kirk. He’s the captain of the football team and cutest guy in the world, who’s totally responsible for this big fat belly I have now.”
“Yes, he knocked you up nice and quick!”
“Believe me mom, it took some convincing. I had to jiggle my tits in front of his face quite a bit at school that first week after Head Off. I’m sure the other girls were bothered but I didn’t care. I had a goal to achieve. And achieve it, I did. Before the week was out, Kirk was sneaking off into dark corners of the high school, fucking me hard and quick. He was sending rope after rope of cum straight up into my pussy, and I was only encouraging him for more.”
“Tell the viewers about your teacher.”
“Oh right, daddy, almost forgot. One day, my teacher walked in on us in an empty classroom. Kirk had me bent over the desk at the front of the room, plowing me from behind like a real champ. He’d already cum in me twice that day so the top of the desk was rather a mess. Anyway, the teacher first tried to stop us. I guess he was being responsible or something. Then I changed his mind by offering him a special treat. You shoulda seen his eyes when I gobbled down his cock, deep throating that monster while Kirk kept right on fucking me.”
“Her grades have never been better.”
“Exactly, Head Off not only helped me get this swollen belly, it helped me in class as well. But the most fun for me is still knowing I’m being the slutty little girl I was always meant to be. Daddy even says that after I’ve pumped out this baby, he’ll take me downtown to get a job at the local strip club.”
“It’s sure to help her find more potential daddies. We want a big family for our girl.”
“And you’ll get it. There’s no better place for me, than on my hands and knees. It’s like I was made for this. Taking a cock and feeling the guy shoot his load deep inside me is better than any of those stupid ideas I had before, going to college and all that. Everyone likes a slut!”
“And I just have to say that without Head Off, my daughter wouldn’t be where she is today, passing all her classes while carrying the child of a future star quarterback in the NCAA. I always wanted a grandchild I could play football with. This kid’s already kicking up a storm. He’ll make grandpa very proud.”
“Honey, don’t forget, Rachel also promised us a girl.”
“Oh I haven’t forgotten. The sweet little slut can pump out an entire litter for all I care. Just so long as I get to play football in the backyard. Hell, maybe she can have an entire team. Just give her time.”
“Daddy, mommy, you’re making me horny. Now I’m gonna have to call Kirk up and get him over here.”
“Go ahead, sweetie, we can finish up. You two go fuck like bunnies and we’ll tell you when dinner’s ready!”
“Thanks, mom. And thanks to Head Off for opening my eyes and my legs to a world of fun!”
“I just have to add to what we’ve said, that Head Off has other benefits they don’t talk about too much in these commercials. I really think Sharon and I should attest to them that it’s totally true. Any rumors you may have heard about Head Off working wonders on other parts of the body are completely true.”
“Oh dear yes, poor Rachel was barely a B cup before we applied Head Off to her forehead. A week later, she took the initiative herself, after reading something online. She applied Head Off to her tits and now those puppies couldn’t get any bigger.”
“Yeah, my girl does have sweet tits. I won’t hide it. I’m proud of the big-titted slut, and maybe even a wee bit envious of the guys she has sliding their cocks in between them. But hey, if that’s what it takes to get cum in her belly and grandchildren on the way, what kind of father would I be if I didn’t let the girl have fun?”
“I’m getting a little worked up too, honey.”
“Okay Sharon, I happen to have a little Head Off in the bathroom. Let’s go see if we can up you a few sizes and maybe I’ll let you give me a titty fuck to end all titty fucks.”
“Ooh goody!”
“Anyway, sorry to cut this short, but thanks so much Head Off. Your products have made our family complete and our future family fuller. Keep on doing the research you have to do and I’ll keep on buying whatever you sell. Listen to the man, people at home. Buy Head Off, and apply directly to her forehead!”
Thanks for the words of confidence, Mark and Sharon K. It’s customers like you that give us the family support needed to help everyone realize what a revolutionary product Head Off is.
We’re just about out of time tonight, but I want to quickly address the research Mark was talking about. With Head Off, you know you’re getting quality products. Head Off thoroughly tests all products in university studies. In the trials for new Head Off, ninety percent of all college girls became raving sluts within one to three days. The other ten percent were raving sluts before they even left the trial.
That’s right. If you’re still debating this product at home. I spoke the truth. Head Off is one hundred percent effective in making any girl your raving slut in one to three days. But hey, it’s all up to you. Maybe you just want a girl better behaved in class, or more focused on her studies. Head Off can help you there as well. That’s the brilliance of this product. Apply directly to her forehead and mould her to your will. It has both educational and entertainment uses and values.
Due to legal responsibilities, I am required to share that certain side effects are more common from repeated uses. The following are the most commonly reported among users between the ages of sixteen and thirty six. Lowered inhibitions, massive breast growth, loss of body hair beneath the neck, lengthening of hair on the scalp, feelings of uncontrollable lust, increased sexual appetite, lessened choosiness among potential mates, and occasional dry mouth.
All side effects have been documented and no customer has complained yet of them interfering in the ultimate goal of using Head Off.
What more can I say? Head Off is the last product you’ll ever buy in dealing with any and all women in your life. And if you’re a woman, it will work for you too. Purchase for yourself, a relative, a lover, or for a coworker. Head Off makes an excellent stocker stuffer during the holidays.
Call the number at the bottom of your screen right now, and we’ll double your order, sending you two free bottles of Head Off for the low, reasonable price of just two easy payments of $19.99. In less than a week, you’ll be enjoying the results of this wonderful new revolutionary product.
I’m Ty Hurupgoode and this has been an afterdark infomercial.
Head Off, apply directly to her forehead! Head Off, apply directly to her forehead! Head Off, apply directly to her forehead!
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