The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

June 24

Well my dear Journal, where do I begin? There is so much to tell, I hardly know where to start. I guess I should start with the biggest surprise of all then try to fill in the blanks a bit. I got my answers with Margaret, just as I knew I would, but it wasn’t even close to what I expected. I have been digesting this since yesterday and I am still more than a little overwhelmed by it all. Also, I am thrilled by my discovery, I feel liberated and excited at the same time. Journal, I am a lesbian. I, Marybeth Lyons am a lesbian!! I love women, (Mel most of all), women turn me on.

I can’t believe I am writing this. It was and is such an amazing and totally unexpected discovery. Even now as I see it in my own writing for the first time, I am still amazed how wonderful it feels to acknowledge it and, to admit it to myself. What’s even more amazing is that I have always had these feelings but didn’t know it since I have been repressing them and any memory of them for years.

Yesterday I had my appointment with Margaret and what an eye opener that was. As my car approached Margaret’s office, I saw Mel pulling out of the parking area and heading away from me. I am sure she didn’t see me but my heart leapt when I recognized it was her.

As I got out of the car and headed for Margaret’s office, I felt apprehensive and even a little afraid mixed with my excitement about finally being able to enjoy another pleasurable session. I was apprehensive because of the silly thoughts I had been having about her possibly putting thoughts into my head. Of course as I think back on it now, I realize how impossible that is. My thoughts are my own, she simply has helped me clarify them and remember things I had repressed. She is a remarkable person and I trust her totally.

She greeted me as usual and invited me to relax and get comfortable in the patient’s chair. I immediately felt at ease and relaxed as the soothing sound of her voice and her presence washed away any apprehension I felt. I felt comfortable and safe for the first time since our last session.

Margaret started, “Marybeth, it is obvious from our phone conversation that you are struggling with some things that have developed in your life since we started our sessions. I want to help you resolve them so, today, before we get to the actual session, let’s talk about this a little so I can best understand how I can help you. I want you to tell me what has been going on in your mind and in your life since our last session.”

It was like the question opened up a flood gate of emotion as I started telling her about my recent lesbian fantasies and my concern about my feelings for Mel and how I was racked with this awful confusion mixed with shame and guilt. I even found myself telling her more about my new lust for masturbation.

Margaret listened patiently as I carried on and, when I was through, she asked me, “So Marybeth, answer me honestly. Are you enjoying your new feelings, these new fantasies and this sexual awakening you are experiencing?” to which I replied, “Yes, I am… for the most part, but not entirely…… it’s all so confusing. The pleasure is incredible but it seems the more I enjoy the thoughts and feelings, the more I feel the guilt and the shame and the confusion. I don’t know where these thoughts came from. I’ve never had lesbian thoughts in my life, Margaret. What is going on?” As I talked about the guilt and shame, those feelings began to surface and I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes.

“It’s ok, Marybeth, just relax and allow yourself to experience all those feelings. You’re safe here.” I felt myself relax back into the chair and just let the feelings wash over me. Margaret continued, “It seems your problem is not with the pleasurable feelings and thoughts you are experiencing, but rather with the negative thoughts and feelings that accompany them, isn’t that right?”

I nodded in agreement. She was right.

“Do you have a problem with lesbianism in general?” she continued.

“No, not at all. It’s fine for lesbians. It’s just that…… I’ve never.. I mean….. I’m not…. well, I don’t THINK I’m a lesbian… well.. I’m not even sure of that anymore. I just know I’ve never wanted to be one. It’s just not right for me... I guess is what I am trying to say.”

“Ok Marybeth, let’s work on this contradiction a little, then we will get started. I want to make sure we both are clear on the problem before I put you under. Fair enough?” I simply nodded in agreement.

“Tell me again what kind of fantasies you are having?”

“Lesbian”.

“Say it all please.”

“I am having lesbian fantasies.”

“Tell me how you feel about them.”

“I like them very much.”

“Marybeth, you are going to have to be honest with yourself and with me if we are going to get anywhere. Again please.”

“Ok, I love them.”

“You love what?”

“I love my lesbian fantasies! OK?” It felt so good to say that, I felt a delicious twinge in my pussy as I finally put words out loud to my feelings. I also felt a certain pride as I spoke this truth for the first time.

“Very good Marybeth, now, let’s continue. What kind of feelings are you having for Mel?”

“I am very attracted to her.”

“Marybeth………..”

“Ok, I love her and she turns me on.”

“And how do you feel about your love for her?”

“I love loving her.” I could feel my love for her spread throughout my body, warm and soft.

“And how do you feel about being turned on by her?”

“I love being turned on by her.” Once again, I felt a pleasant rush as I could feel my clit stiffen.

“Very good Marybeth. And what do you do when you get turned on by your fantasies or by thoughts of Mel?”

“I masturbate.” The answers were coming more easily and I felt a certainty and pride along with a growing arousal with each answer.

“And how do you feel about your masturbation?”

“I love it…….. I love to masturbate.”

“How often do you masturbate?”

“I masturbate all the time.” Then anticipating the next question, I continued, “And I love that I masturbate all the time.”

“Very good, Marybeth.” It felt so good to please Margaret and pleasing her and the direction of the questions only flamed my arousal. I felt my pussy grow hotter.

“So, you love to masturbate your pussy. Tell me, how do you feel about your pussy?”

I imagined the feel of my fingers as they caressed my pussy and rubbed on my clit, “I love my pussy.” I responded. It was terribly exciting to say that.

“And the feel of your pussy?”

“I love the feel of my pussy!”

“And the smell of your pussy?”

“I love the smell of my pussy!”

“And the taste of your pussy?”

“I love the taste of my pussy!” Each response increased my arousal.. my pussy was on fire and I could hardly contain the pride that came with each admission. I felt incredible!

“And what about Mel’s pussy?”

I pictured my fantasy of Mel fingering herself and exclaimed, “I LOVE Mel’s pussy!? It felt so right to say it, to finally admit the essential truth.

“And what about other pussies? How do you feel about them?”

The images from the video I had watched of women masturbating and licking each other’s pussies flashed in my mind and the answer was clear, “I love pussy. I love all pussies!” I heard myself saying. What a rush it was to admit that. I was on a roll and loving every minute of it.

“Marybeth, do you want to keep having these feelings and fantasies?”

“Yes, I really do!” Of course I did. I needed them like I needed air.

“And do you want to keep loving your pussy?”

“Yes, I want to love my pussy!” No way I was giving that up. I was addicted to masturbation and glad to be so.

“And do you want to keep loving Mel’s pussy?”

“Oh, yes!” I knew this beyond any doubt.

“Do you want to keep loving all pussy?”

“Yes, I do…. I really do.” I knew I loved all this too much to want to give it back now.

“But you’re not a lesbian. Is that right?”

“I.. I’m not sure… I don’t know any more…” It was crazy, how could I possibly say I wasn’t a lesbian after admitting what I just did. The confusion made my head swim.

“And you don’t want to be a lesbian? Is that right?”

My head reeled. It didn’t make sense. “I…. I.. I just don’t know anymore!” I blurted out. I started stammering… everything was coming up at once and colliding in my brain. The lust, the love, the certainty and the uncertainty and the shame and guilt.

I sat.. trembling.. unable to form a coherent sentence when Margaret spoke, “It’s alright Marybeth. Just let it all go and relax. Take a deep breath, let it out and relax.

I felt the tension suddenly fade away and I slumped back in the chair with a sigh of relief. I felt so grateful at that moment that Margaret knew exactly what to do to help me.

Margaret assured me in her wonderful soothing and supportive voice, “Just let your mind relax and clear itself of any unpleasant feelings and thoughts. You feel safe and secure”. As she said the words, my mind continued to clear and, of course, I did feel safe and secure.

“So Marybeth”, Margaret continued, “you love your new fantasies don’t you?”

“Yes”

“And you love your new found feelings for Mel, don’t you.”

“Yes”

“And you love your pussy and you love to touch it and think about Mel don’t you.”

“Yes”

“And you even love all pussy and looking at it and thinking about it and playing with your pussy, don’t you.”

“Yes”. With every yes, I once again felt the pleasant rush of pride for answering Margaret correctly and for admitting aloud these pleasures.

“And you want to continue all these feelings don’t you.”

“Yes”

“And you want to keep having these wonderful fantasies, don’t you.”

“Yes” “And you want to keep playing with your pussy while you enjoy all this don’t you.”

“Oh, yes!” All these things were totally true. I wanted all this and never wanted to let it go. The excitement in my pussy reassured me it had to be this way. I never was so sure about anything before in my life. I loved all of it.

“But you don’t enjoy or want to feel the guilt do you.”

“No”

“And you don’t enjoy or want to feel the shame, do you.”

“No”

“And you don’t enjoy or want to feel the confusion anymore do you.”

“No” All this was so true too. I hated these feelings and didn’t want to feel them anymore.

“Then Marybeth, if you could choose to never again have the feelings and fantasies that bring you this pleasure yet are causing the guilt and shame and confusion or if you could choose to have the feelings and fantasies and pleasures but never again feel the guilt and shame and confusion, which would you choose?”

I knew this was an important question, a question that held a key to my future and the answer was obvious. For a moment, I felt a rush of fear and apprehension and thought “What am I doing? Is this right? What if………?” but my fears were overridden by my lust and my need for this new passion. “I want the feelings… not the guilt.” I heard myself say.

“So, you want to enjoy fantasizing about Mel and other women without feeling guilty or shame?”

“Yes”

“Say it!”

“I want to fantasize about Mel and other women without feeling guilt or shame of confusion”

“And you want to love and desire Mel without feeling guilty or shameful or confused?”

“I want to love and desire Mel without feeling guilty or shameful or confused!”

“And what about pussy, your pussy and other pussy?”

“I want to love my pussy. I want to keep playing with my pussy and I want to love all pussy without feeling any guilt or shame or confusion.”

Suddenly it dawned on me. I knew what I wanted; I just didn’t have a clue as to how I could achieve it.

“Marybeth, do you want me to help you get rid of the guilt and the shame and the confusion so you can fully enjoy your lesbian fantasies, your desires for Mel and your love of every pussy, especially your own?”

“Yes, I want you to help me get rid of the guilt and the shame and the confusion. I want you to help me so I can enjoy my fantasies and masturbate all I want and so I can love Mel. Please help me.”

“Very good Marybeth, very good.” Margaret said with a very pleased tone.. I felt immensely proud to have gotten it right. “Now, take a deep breath, let it out, close your eyes and sleep…….” As she said those words, I felt the darkness and pleasant sleep wrap me in its warm embrace.

“Wide awake”, were the next words I heard as I opened my eyes. I felt relaxed, refreshed and in a wonderful mood.

“I feel terrific as usual, Margaret. Did you…. did we learn anything? Did we make any progress?” I asked.

Margaret responded, “Let’s find out shall we? Do you enjoy lesbian fantasies?”

“Of course I do, always” I heard myself reply.

“Are you attracted to Mel and women in general and do you enjoy the feeling?”

“Yes, of course, you know I do.” I commented, not quite sure where this was going. What had we been talking about since I arrived after all?

“And do you enjoy indulging your love of your pussy with frequent masturbation complete with lesbian fantasies? And do you, in fact, simply love pussy?”

Still unclear of why we were covering all this again, I replied, “Margaret, you know I do, what is the point here?”

Margaret ignored my question and continued, “So do you have any confusion surrounding these feelings?”

“None what so ever.” was my reply. I heard the words express a feeling I had not expected. I checked inside and it was true. There was no confusion at all. Just a clarity that I liked it all as before but whatever confusion was there before was totally gone now. I looked at Margaret and raised my eyebrows. She smiled.

“And do you feel any guilt or shame for having these fantasies or desires or for indulging them to the degree you do?”

I paused, and thought and said slowly as the realization came to me, “No Margaret, I honestly don’t. Not at all. No guilt, no shame.”

“Very good Marybeth. So, what do you feel if not guilt or shame or confusion?”

I checked what I was feeling and responded, almost with a giggle, “I feel free, liberated, and happy at last. What a great feeling. I am stunned.”

I’m happy too Marybeth. Can you tell me why you don’t feel any guilt or shame or confusion?”

The next statement came out of my mouth before I could either consider or edit them. “Because I’m a lesbian.” I couldn’t believe what I just said but as I stopped and thought about it, I knew it was true. I AM a lesbian. I was as clear and certain about that as anything I have ever known. I sat there for a moment as I considered what I just realized.

“Oh? And how long have you been a lesbian?” Margaret asked.

I thought for a second and that answer was also clear and certain. “Forever I suppose or at least since I was young enough to understand the concept.”

“So you were a lesbian in High School?”

I couldn’t remember a specific instance to support it, but I knew that I had those feelings in High School. “Yes.” I replied.

“And you have been a lesbian all throughout your adult life?” She continued pressing.

“Again, I tried but could not remember a single instance when those thoughts or feelings surfaced but I instinctively knew that they were there all along. “Yes” again I confirmed it was true. It felt good to finally admit it and get it out in the open.

I looked at Margaret and searched for an explanation. “I don’t understand what just happened. Can you tell me please?” I hoped she had an answer.

Margaret looked at me with a knowing smile on her face and said, “It is really quite simple. Apparently you have always been a lesbian and the chances are good you actually expressed them before now as well but that at some point in time, something happened that caused you to repress all memory as well as the feelings and assume the alternate role of a heterosexual woman. Along with the repression, came the guilt and shame to protect your subconscious and help prevent release of the lesbian desires. Of course, when I first hypnotized you and helped restore some of your power, this released the emotional floodgates once again and the lesbian side of you reemerged.”

It made perfect sense as she explained it so I continued. “But what about all the relationships I have had with men? I enjoyed them and I really got turned on by a nice hard cock.”

Margaret confidentially replied, “Another way your mind protected you by creating this alternative sexuality. How do you feel about men and hard cocks now?”

I thought for a moment and realized that visualizing a hard cock or a man thrusting it in and out of me and realized that there was no sexual charge in it at all. “Men are alright as friends I guess but they don’t do anything for me sexually anymore.” I confessed.

Margaret shifted in her chair, sighed and asked, “So, now, again, how do you feel about your discovery that you are a lesbian and always have been?”

I paused and thought. I thought about my fantasies, my feelings for Mel, my sexual renaissance and my newfound discovery of my repressed self. I thought to myself, “I’m a lesbian, I’m a lesbian. I like pussy. I want pussy. I love pussy. I love Mel, I want Mel’s pussy, I am a lesbian.” The more I said it, the better and more certain I felt. It was good. It was who I am and who I always have been and I liked it.

“I like it Margaret. I really like it. I am thrilled would be more like it. I am glad you helped me rediscover this side of me and I really appreciate your helping me get rid of the guilt and shame and confusion. I feel so much more complete now. Complete, proud and sexual. I’m a lesbian and I like being a lesbian. Thank you so much.” I was so excited inside with the thrill of this discovery and the disappearance of the guilt and shame and confusion that had been haunting me for weeks, I felt like dancing and shouting at the top of my lungs.

“Then I’ve done all I can and you’ve done all you can for now so this session is over” Margaret said as she stood and adjusted her skirt. I stood and extended my arms and hugged her tightly, immensly grateful for all her work. Margaret is the best!!!

She told me to come back anytime to work on this issue again or anything else and I assured her I would. I went directly home and couldn’t wait to strip naked and totally enjoy my new lesbian self. My fantasies were even more vivid than before and my orgasms had a new pride to them, if that is possible and not the slightest sign of guilt or shame. I felt perfect, alive, sexual and free. It was delicious.

This morning, I woke up with a song on my lips and full of excitement. I couldn’t wait to talk to Mel. I called and I could tell she was as glad to hear from me as I was to hear her voice. All the wonderful, giddy emotions came surging back, except unfettered by any negative feelings. I told Mel there was so much I wanted to tell her about but that I was much much better and couldn’t wait to come over and see her. She said how about tonight so I am headed there in about 3 hours.

Now my only concern, if I have one, is how will Mel react to the news that I am a lesbian and more importantly, how do I break the news to here that I love her and want desperately to make love with her? Will she be upset at me? Will she reject me? Now instead of a woman coming to grips with her own sexual and emotional urges, I am a lesbian trying to figure out how to seduce her best friend. Funny how things change. Well, I am sure I will have much more for you tomorrow, journal. Wish me luck!