Master PC: Wing Girls
Vapid is as Vapid Does: Stephanie Parker
Wow. Talk about a hard case. I studied Sidney. He was, like, tall and some girls really got off on that, but neither dark nor handsome. If Trish gave me, like, an hour’s warning, I could have dressed him. He’d still look like a nerd, but he’d be a cool nerd. Nerds can be cool, right? I mean there’s that whole Geek Chic thing. They don’t have to look even skinnier because their suit’s too big. They don’t have to wear a suit to the club even if Trish did. Serious faux pas. Like, even Trish could only kinda make it work.
First of all, Sid needed hair that didn’t make his head look tiny. He’s like this megabrain, right? He needed to show it, and I knew this guy who could take care of that in like twenty minutes, tops. Next were jeans and a tee-shirt to bring out the lanky without making him look like an anorexic basketball player. He looked like maybe a 32 waist by 34 leg. Any department store could take care of that. Just a little work and he’d look a thousand percent better.
Anyway, it would get time consuming after that. Sid needed some real work. I bet his face wouldn’t look as long fattened up a little. He had the room for that. Guys were so lucky. A little bit of time in the gym every week, or just sports and they were good to go. An ounce of fat on me and I’d never get work.
Seriously, Sid, you’re like six ana half feet tall. You could play basketball. Solve all your problems.
Kari probably had the same idea, looking him over and wearing her thinking face. Giggle. Craig better watch out! Not! Kari liked her guys kinda dumb and beefy.
I knew I could find a girl for him. I knew he could find his own girl if he just looked after himself. It blew my mind that he didn’t. That anybody didn’t. I mean it’s not like it’s that hard, or anything. I only spent a couple hours a day and look at the results I got! Some people—Trish, my brother—got super lucky. They never seemed to do anything, but the rest of us had to work. It wasn’t fair, but like, neither were starving kids in Africa.
Will Model For Food helped out with that, but not nearly enough. We barely broke even on the last calendar.
Kari was looking at me again. Studying me. I smiled back. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but she really is a sweet person, most of the time. I mean, Craig likes her. They’ve been together longer than anyone I’ve ever seen him with. She completes him somehow, I guess. I dunno.
I tried dating him, Craig, back in high school, but it was too weird dating my brother’s best friend. And this was before girls discovered Jim and he discovered them and things got really icky. If he was a girl, he’d be a slut. These days I was about the only girl who hadn’t tried him out at least once. I mean he’s how Kari met Craig.
I heard from Trish that Jim cycled girlfriends so fast because he had a tiny dick. I used to think, well, at least something is wrong with him, but I grew up. Besides, he works in a bank. I mostly wait tables and wait for phone calls.
Seriously, how was I supposed to know the website would bring in so little money? It did so well a couple years ago, but then so did the Model for Food calendar. Worse, all of my pictures kept popping up all over the internet, and I had to keep sending out these stupid DMCA Notices that everyone ignored. Every time I did get something deleted, it would be put back up. Sometimes even at the same place with a different name.
And all the forum chatter was guys saying I’d be totally hot if I had tits. I didn’t want tits. You didn’t do Milan with tits. Even my old agent brought it up once, said I’d be more marketable. At least if I did have tits, maybe I wouldn’t keep finding those gross pictures of my head on someone else’s body or their breasts on mine. Talk about stomping on somebody’s self esteem. Like, “Oh baby, you’d be so hot if you weren’t you.”
Blah. The Internet sucked.
Even Kari got in on the act, saying I should add an adult section to the site. I didn’t think that would do any better. I’d just be writing a more notices, have more people commenting on my lack of boobs, and it would totally kill Milan. No one took you seriously once you started stripping for a living. I didn’t need that stress. If this Wing Girls thing panned out, the whole site was soooo done. I’d turn it into, like, a portfolio or something and concentrate on my real career.
But first I had to find a girlfriend for Sid and prove to Trish I could do this.