But I Don’t Really Want This, Chapter 13
The pain between her thighs woke Tina up. Not a bad pain, a pain that vigorous, great, rough sex always gave her. But still pain. She would feel it for the rest of the day, a reminder of the previous evening’s fun. The ceilings of this penthouse are so high, she reflected as she slowly removed the sleep from her eyes. Such a great apartment, and in such a fancy area. She could hear the maid in the next room cleaning up the mess they had made last night. Great sex, luxury, no need to ghost this guy just yet.
An interesting month she had had, beginning with one of her periodic attempts to get her life in order. She had decided that she needed to take a job seriously, to have a career. Something that she was interested in. She always knew that she was shallow and she had no problem with that, but it did narrow the kinds of work that she would like to do. The list of interests that she wrote out were money, fun and men. That didn’t give her much options, but she found that one of the executive assistant jobs available was for a company which provided local services to the rich. That was promising. Willing to accept candidates without experience, provided that they demonstrated a clear willingness to learn.
She had thought that her application had been rejected, but then two weeks later she had been invited in for an interview. Immediately, she booked an appointment at the salon, she needed to shine for this interview. She needed to give them the impression that she wasn’t just sexy and confident, but smart, sophisticated, earnest, sexy and confident. She needed to tone down the overt sexuality that she preferred to display to the world. She googled images of brunette pixee hair styles. She loved her long hair, but she was creating a new Tina, a Tina who was the obvious candidate for this job. As it turned out, she loved her new haircut. She posed for herself in the mirror, realising that, despite all the lost hair, she was still hot.
She also needed to practise applying slightly more subtle make-up. Once she had the job and had passed some probation period she could slowly revert to her usual style, which it would have been unfair to describe as garish, but certainly not afraid to show off. She would be able to let her hair grow out again, and she could use the other women the office as markers as to how sexily she could get away with dressing. After all, she might be working with some very wealthy men, it would be fun to catch some of them.
At first when the interviewer introduced herself Tina thought that this was a mistake, this couldn’t work. But she held her ground, she hadn’t been recognised, maybe she could pull this off. Of course, Nicole and her had only met once before, and only briefly. Tina’s new haircut had made her unrecognisable to people she had known for years, why should Nicole have recognised her. Did she really want her boss to be a woman whose boyfriend she had had an affair with?
She realised early on in the interview that Nicole wanted to hire her, that the interview was much easier than she had expected. Yes, she had no experience, but she just had to demonstrate a desire to succeed. Clearly Nicole was not used to giving or preparing interviews, and in fact this was the first that she had ever done by herself. One candidate had already been interviewed, but that had been with the help of one of her fellow managers. Tina didn’t know it, but Nicole wanted to hire someone that she had interviewed alone, she wanted to demonstrate that she had the confidence to make these decisions herself, that she belonged in this managerial position.
Tina was also helped because Nicole fantasized about being a good mentor for another younger woman in this male dominated environment. She also wanted to prove that she could be relied on with new hires with no experience. Candidates with no experience couldn’t command as high a wage, Nicole wanted to prove that she could save the company money by grooming them for the job. And there were other reasons that Nicole had favoured Tina, reasons that Nicole had no intention of sharing with anyone.
So, the new Tina had a new job. She was grateful for Nicole’s advise and help and encouragement, she had figured out by now that Nicole wanted to be her mentor and that she wanted her to succeed. But, she had to admit that Nicole’s earnestness was grating. It hadn’t pissed her off yet, but she knew enough about herself to know that in time she would be sick of it. Tina had loved high school and she still thought in terms of high school cliques. To Tina, despite Nicole’s outrageous beauty, she was the teacher’s pet whereas Tina herself was one of the cool kids, one of the rebels. She was not interested in being her friend and she didn’t want to spend anymore time with her than she had to. And they had to share an office!
The impression she had always had of Nicole was that Nicole wouldn’t know a good time if it had bit her in the ass. That’s why Will had had the affair Tina had assumed. Nicole couldn’t show him the good time that she could. But, well, had Nicole changed? She knew that Nicole had been beautiful, stunning, but had she had work done? She had always pictured Nicole as a folded up ironing board with a vase of flowers balancing on top, but clearly that wasn’t true.
And she had learned soon after from Jay that her old image hadn’t been wrong. New boobs and lips, Jay had said, didn’t tell anyone, just arrived back in the office with them. Plus she used to have no ass, clearly she’s worked on that. Will will be pleased smiled Tina to herself, lucky boy, she mustn’t be as much of a prude as I imagined.
Nicole had tried to warn Tina about Jay, hadn’t mentioned specifics, but had hinted about his untrustworthy character, it had really disappointed Nicole that Tina hadn’t listened. But there were two differences between Nicole and Tina here. The first is that Tina was an excellent judge of character, she knew exactly what kind of guy Jay was within a few minutes of meeting him. And the second is that Jay’s character was just fine for Tina, she loved bad boys. And she loved amazingly handsome bad boys. And she really loved wealthy, amazingly handsome bad boys. Tina knew that Jay would discard her, but that was OK. They would both benefit for a while from this arrangement.
Plus, it was fun to have this office fling with one of the most powerful men in the company. She had started in the company as the lowliest employee, an assistant with no experience for the most inexperienced manager. And within a week she had rocketed up the social food chain. It was fun seeing the expressions of some people who had worked there for years, people who were supposedly her seniors, when they realised that this nothing of a new hire was all of a sudden an untouchable.
The social power she had won felt good, really good, nice. She had no intention of abusing it though, Jay might dump her tomorrow and then she would find herself back at the bottom and with a lot of enemies. But the power felt good. And the fact that she hadn’t earned it, that she socially outranked those in the office who had worked harder, who were there longer, who were more skilled, that felt really, really good. The injustice of it was hilarious. There was no justice in the world she knew, just power, and if you didn’t take what you could, someone else would. Who cares that it’s not your turn.
Nicole examined herself in the stand-up mirror in the bedroom. All the swelling was gone by now. The incisions had long since healed, though the scars hadn’t yet faded. There was no soreness anymore, and the doctor had told her that she could start exercising again soon. She shook her chest for a few seconds from side to side, then watched the jiggling subside. It was a different kind of jiggling, less like the wobbling of real breasts—though there was some of that. The whole implant seemed to move at once, it was more connected as a single structure than breast tissue was, so the movement caused an increased swing of her breasts. And the way the implants themselves distorted under the shaking seemed less like the wobble of breast tissue and more like the sloshing of water, which she supposed it was. Could she hear that sloshing? A sound always seemed to be right on the edge of perception. She must ask Will.
They looked good, she had to admit. Fake, obviously, but still good. Natural breasts this size wouldn’t be so perky, they would have some sag. These didn’t. They stuck straight out, the lower part of the breast having no fold over her abdomen. In a bikini people would know they were fake. That shape would give it away. Maybe a D cup now. While they were swollen they had been larger, an E cup, but she assumed that they had come down now. She had to go buy new bras now. She had bought two after the surgery, but now the healing was done, she needed to properly consider her wardrobe needs.
Actually, she could probably get away without a bra on some occasions. They jiggled—swung and sloshed, she corrected herself—less than real breasts this size would, so she wouldn’t feel so self-conscious. And real breasts would need a bra to obtain this perfect shape, that was really nice she realised. Although her nipples were still very hard after the surgery. Supposedly that would subside, but it could take months. So at least for a while she would really feel on display if going braless with a tight form hugging top.
She squeezed them together by using her upper arms. Cleavage. That was nice too. She hadn’t needed to squeeze them too much to create that, the two breasts were separated by less than 2 centimetres where their diameter was widest. For the first time in her life she had cleavage. She hadn’t gone out in public before with cleavage, would she have the courage? She could ask Will to order her to show some cleavage in public. Maybe once that Rubicon had been crossed, she might no longer feel self conscious. Maybe. She couldn’t know if she would in future take the cleavage option when dressing, until she had tried it a few times. She had always admired the confidence of girls who weren’t afraid to show just a bit of cleavage. She had always assumed that, had she been able, she wouldn’t have the courage.
She lifted them with her hands, feeling their weight. She could feel the implant, could feel the parts of her breast whose softness was natural and the parts whose softness was artificial. She could feel where one met the other. Is that what Jay didn’t like. She hoped Will didn’t think that way. To change herself for him and then for him to be turned off. The thought made her want to cry.
No, I don’t want to think of that, not now, I will ask Will later. Fuck Jay, fuck that misogynistic asshole. She thought of what else he had said. That she might not have been promoted had she already had the surgery. What an asshole. That couldn’t be what her boss thought, right? Her boss knew she was a great worker, right? And she knew herself that she was a great worker. But if Jay thought that, then there were other people who thought that. She had to fight that prejudice.
She thought of Tina, so cute with her haircut, but also a bit of mischievousness. They had been working together for 6 weeks now. Tina had large breasts. Nicole promised herself that she would never tell anyone, but those large breasts had helped Tina get the job. What the fuck was wrong with her? Wanting to hire a large-breasted woman? That was everything she was against. Tina had other good qualities that made her a good candidate of course, well, she hoped that would prove to be the case, but her breasts had been a factor in her decision to hire Tina.
She had needed to prove Jay wrong, she had needed to show him that large breasts were no indicator of intelligence, she needed for Tina to be successful, to prove him wrong. And then of course Tina had almost immediately started seeing Jay, despite Nicole’s attempts to warn her, to protect her. This was a mistake Tina would have to make in order to learn she supposed.
‘Very nice work’, Jay had said to Nicole on Tina’s first day. ‘Really hot’. Jay wasn’t afraid to talk inappropriately when it was just him and Nicole. He knew she wouldn’t complain to their boss about him. If she wasn’t going to rat him out for that incident in the hotel, then she wasn’t going to rat him out for talking. Sometimes it was fun to watch her silently seethe at his comments, to watch her so powerless to his mental assaults. ‘Nice tits, and she definitely is that kind of girl. This office just got more interesting, I owe you one’, he winked at her and walked off in Tina’s direction, who smiled invitingly as Jay introduced himself. Nicole had wanted to scream.
She closed her eyes and tried to re-center herself. She opened her eyes and looked at her breasts again. Nice. She started to smile. She looked up at her lips. She was used to them now, when she looked in the mirror, she found it hard to remember exactly what they had looked like before. Of course she had pictures, but without looking at a picture it was getting harder to remember.
I obeyed Will, she reminded herself, looking at her lips. Mmmm, nice, she smiled widely, lips parted, teeth visible. She examined the smile. Fake lips. Clearly. The thickness of each lip from top to bottom, as they stretched with her smile, just too wide to be real. They took up too much space on her face. Uhhh, mmm, so good. She pictured Will, looking down at her, transfixed, as she kneeled before him, tasting him.
She looked at her waist and hips. Despite her height, her ribcage was slender, and she had always taken good care of herself, so her waist had always been slim. But her hips had always been wide, she hadn’t had an ass true, but she had always had wide hips and a narrow waist. And now those hips were wider, the ass-focused workout adding muscle to her hips as well. She was proud of that. Not fake, but Will had ordered her. Will had commanded her to grow her ass. She could feel that ass in her shorts, could feel how the fabric was stretched tight. Could feel that her thong was resting in far more ass-cleavage—she supposed that was the word—than before. A reminder. A constant reminder. Nice.
She closed her eyes and concentrated on the weight of her breasts. That weight that hadn’t been there before. A constant reminder. She had obeyed. Mmm, that always felt good, to obey, and to know that she had obeyed, and to be reminded that she had obeyed. She opened her eyes. there they were, her lips and her breasts. A constant reminder. She had obeyed.
She played with those ideas for a few minutes, let them bounce around—no, slosh around, she smirked to herself—her mind, enjoying the warmth growing between her legs. More lust for Will, better sex for him. And this is how I can make myself hornier she realised. Just to remind myself that I have obeyed, constant reminders. Better sex for me. She took of her shorts and thong and slipped under the bed covers, playing with herself for another few minutes. I obeyed.
She called out for Will, who arrived in the bedroom after a moment. She didn’t say anything, just stretched her arms out to him, smiling widely at him, silently inviting him to join her, which he did, fully dressed. They made out, and she savoured the sensations of each kiss.
‘I obeyed you’, she whispered. ‘If I think about it, it makes me so horny to know that I obeyed, to be reminded of all the times I have obeyed’.
‘What reminds you?’, he whispered.
She pulled her head back and pursed her lips, drawing his attention to them.
‘Your lips make you horny?’, he laughed.
‘If I want to be horny, I just need to think about them for a while. And I love being horny for you’. She took one hand from him and started playing gently with her breast, directing his attention to it. They had lost some sensitivity, she hoped it would come back. And your breasts make you horny too?
‘Being your slut turns me on’, she whispered, her eyes closed now, ‘knowing what you have done to me, what you have commanded me to do, it turns me on. The more you use me, the hornier I can be for you. It feels so good to be so hot for you.’
‘The more you are reminded of obeying, the hotter it is?’
‘I’m going to play with that idea, I’m going to think about how I can make you hotter than you have ever felt before’.
‘Mmmm, yes,... please...’.
‘I can think of one thing that we could try.’
‘I could order you into an embarrassing situation. You would only be able to think about your embarrassment, about how I ordered you and about how you obeyed. That could make you really horny.’
‘Mmm-hmm, yes,... please,... I want more...’
He unzipped his jeans and eventually fished out his cock. He loved fucking her when he was fully clothed and she was naked. It implied a certain discrepancy in their statuses which seemed to press one of his buttons.