But I Don’t Really Want This, Chapter 15
Will found himself awake. His erection was sore. Overuse. Yesterday had been something else. Even by the standards of the last year. How much times did he cum? More than he had thought possible. The last time had been completely pointless. Pushing rope. He had let her suck him off one more time before falling asleep.
He looked at the alarm clock. OK, so that was 10 hours ago, and though it was sore, his penis had decided that he had had enough rest. He turned over in the bed. Nicole was lying on her side facing away from him. He moved closed, put one arm around her and then settled against her. She pushed herself backwards to meet him and his erection—so she was awake already, or he had just woken her—and then gave her ass the faintest of wiggles, letting him know she was ready for him.
Will inched himself in, using his arm around her to gently rock the two of them forward and back. God, he was sore, but it still felt good. After a few minutes he stopped the rocking and moved his hand down between her legs, and started to stroke her outer lips.
‘I don’t need to cum’, she whispered, ‘I’m sore down there’. Thank God, thought Will, who, although he was usually generous, had only being offering on this occasion out of obligation. He was exhausted. ‘I just want to feel you’, she added.
Will moved his free arm up to her breast and started the rocking motion again. A few minutes later he came.
Will woke up again. Still holding Nicole. His cock sticky against her. Had he withdrawn before he fell back asleep? Had she had to do that? Nicole stirred too. Will moved to his side of the bed and looked at the alarm clock. Another 2 hours had passed. ‘What a sleep’, he said.
Nicole came over to his side of the bed, smiling, and kissed him. ‘You deserved it’, she said, and kissed him again.
‘Did you sleep good?’, he asked.
‘Brilliant. Great sex means great dreams. I just woke up now. Coffee?’, she offered.
‘Definitely, and food’.
They sat up together on the couch with their second cup of coffee, discussing the previous day.
‘So was yesterday good or bad?’.
‘Mostly brilliant’, said Nicole.
‘What was brilliant?’
‘It was fun to act as such a funny woman.’
‘You were really good at that. I knew that you were a good actor.’
‘Yeah, but even though someone like her is not at all who I want to be, there were things I liked about her. I absolutely love that she didn’t care about what other people thought about her. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so much about that. Also, she was comfortable in her sexuality, and had years of experience of being comfortable with it. For me, only in the last year have I started to discover that, and it is not something I share with anyone except you, and though I am beginning to get comfortable with it, I am a long way of her.’
‘Also, it was such a turn on, I don’t fully understand it. Something about that poor girl’s reaction to my behaviour made me so horny. I don’t understand what it is. It felt so good and I do want to explore it. Yesterday was the best sex ever, really amazing’.
‘I never felt you so wet. When we got home your panties were drenched.’
‘I know, though I had been fingering myself as we drove home, so that didn’t help’.
‘What was bad about yesterday?’.
‘Well, for one thing, I hate that acting that way in front of her turned me on, I hate that it feels so good. I also didn’t like how nervous I was before I went in. I was praying for you to change your mind. But what was worse then that, I was terrified that someone would recognise me’
‘But you do want to try this again? I don’t mean buying bras with a funny accent, I mean something like that where you are conscious that you are not acting normally?’
‘Yes, I don’t like that it felt so good, but it did. Just, please, I don’t want to be recognised. It has to be just one or two people around. Anyone can take videos on their phones. The more people there are, the harder it is to control the situation. So, I need to be allowed to abort the mission if there are too many people. Also definitely not too often. Maybe we could wait a while to try again?’
‘OK, and you definitely have the permission to abort if additional people show up, or if the situation gets out of control in some way. But you will have to explain to me why you aborted, so you have to be sure that I would agree. I’ll try to think of situations that are as controlled as possible.’
Will changed the subject. ‘I have an idea. There is something I want you to do. No, wait, not something I want you to do, there is something I am ordering you to do. Start a blog on Tumblr* about sex. About what turns you on, what you like, what you’d like to try. About discovering this side to yourself, about discovering slut Nicole. I know you are thinking about this stuff a lot, so post updates on your thoughts. Keep it anonymous. You can talk about me, but don’t say that you must obey me. Say that it turns you on to obey and that we are exploring that together. Say that we have agreed that you will do everything I tell you, and that I have agreed to not push you too far too quickly. This blog is documenting that journey.
‘That’s actually a good idea. I mean, I wouldn’t have chosen to do it where anyone could read it, but it would be good to be able to have all of my thoughts on this in one place.’
‘Good, also, it doesn’t just need to be words. Post images too. I want to know what you think is sexy, not what is beautiful, but what is sexy, what turns you on. Post pictures that document this. I want to see what you are thinking. Hey, get your laptop now, and we can set it up’.
He thought it would be a ten minute job, but Nicole had wanted to use a new email address, to separate this side of her life from her actual life. Then they had to pick a name for her user and blog. Nicole thought for a second and then began typing in “my-sexual-awakening”.
‘Wrong’, announced Will, before she could submit it. ‘Lame. It needs to be much better. This is the wrong direction completely’.
‘Well, what’s better, what’s the right direction? This is your idea.’
‘Good point, I’ll pick the name’, and he thought for a bit. ‘This is going to be hard’, he said, ‘and I don’t just mean my cock’.
She punched him on the arm, but couldn’t hold back her smile at the shitness of the joke.
‘I’ll make us some more coffee and come back with an idea’, he said. He took both cups and left through the kitchen door.
Right, he thought, first of all, it has to be much filthier. But how much filthier? Could there be a limit? Decide, what you want, and then decide if it needs to be toned down. Besides, it is anonymous and it is meant to be fun. It is fun, it’s a joke. This is all a joke, so don’t worry too much about that.
Words like whore, slave or bimbo were too obvious and too dumb. Something that meant the same, that defined the position he had put her in, but described differently.
Cock holder? Less obvious, but still too obvious. Also, holder implied she was using her hands.
Cock holes? Even more obvious.
Cock warmer? Better, he supposed, but still obvious. Make it fancier.
Cock moistener? Much better. Play with that idea.
His cock moistener? Personal cock moistener? No, ah, wait, he had the direction he wanted to go in now.
Pretty cock moistener? Sexy cock moistener? Pretty and sexy were too obvious, but this was the direction.
He returned with two coffees and a grin, set them down in front on the coasters and seized the laptop. She stared over his shoulder.
He pressed enter.
She gasped, ‘mon dieu’.
‘You don’t have to start making posts this second, but that’s your blog’.
‘Cock moistener’, she said looking at him in disbelief, half laughing, ‘an ornamental cock moistener’.
He kissed her quickly, enjoying the little extra bit of resistance that her new lips offered over her real lips.
‘Increasingly ornamental’, he said, feeling her breast. ‘You don’t have to start writing yet, but you do have to start writing soon. Make some introductory posts. Maybe describe changes over the last year. Remember, don’t say that you have to obey, but that this is what we are trying out together.’
‘Do I say that you ordered me to have surgery’.
‘Hmmm, good question. Say that I ordered you, but it was always your choice to obey. Besides, you did want the boobs’. He kissed her again.
‘Have you gone outside yet with cleavage?’, he asked.
‘Not yet, I’m still to scared. I would like to go clothes shopping though, none of my clothes were bought with the intention of showing off anything, yes some of them would now show cleavage, but I would like to buy some tops and to know as I am choosing them that they will display cleavage. I have never gone clothes shopping with that consideration.’
‘Can we go together? Besides I need new stuff.’
‘Yes, next weekend, Saturday?’
He nodded and they kissed again.
‘What about gym clothes?’ he asked.
‘I don’t want to show cleavage at the gym’, she said, ‘you’re not going to make me do that, are you’.
‘No, you don’t have to, but I think you should have new yoga pants, your ass deserves them’.
‘OK’, she smiled. They kissed again.
‘Let’s clean up last night’s mess and watch sitcoms under a blanket, no under a duvet’, he suggested.
She smiled and kissed him again and they got to it.
It was early evening now. An episode of a comedy had just ended. They lay spooning on the couch, facing the TV. For the last 5 minutes Will hadn’t being paying attention. Had been thinking of fucking Nicole. His cock was still sore though, so he wanted to hold back a bit. Still, it was nice to think about. Plus, he was hungry.
‘Food time’, he said. ‘I want sushi’.
‘I don’t like sushi’, she objected, turning around to him.
‘I know, but I love it and we never have it. This time let me have sushi, I saw a new place that I want to try.
She acquiesced, with a nod.
He found the menu online and picked himself a selection of different fish. Nicole picked a soup with rice. You couldn’t order online, so he phoned.
‘Fifty minutes’, he said when he hung up. ‘They are a bit far away, and they don’t usually deliver this far, but I managed to convince him. Hey, show me your new bras’.
‘Yes!’ she agreed excitedly, and spent the next 15 minutes posing in the new bras, explaining what she liked and didn’t like about each one, what situations she would use them for, etc.
‘Very nice, now get naked again’. Will was still in his pyjama bottoms, but his erection would have still been obvious even if he hadn’t been stroking it. ‘We haven’t taken pictures of your ass since before the surgery, let’s do that’.
‘But I haven’t gotten much exercise in the last month’, she objected, not needing to explain that this was due to the recovery of the surgery. ‘It won’t be bigger’.
‘Still, we take them every month, it would be a pity to miss a month.’ They went into the bedroom. She put on the ridiculous pink, six inch high heels and positioned herself in front of the wall that they always used. He held the camera, standing in his usual position. He was hoping to convert the series of images to a video showing the change over time, and so they had already figured out where their feet should be to try and keep the positioning and angles constant. The first images in the series had used smaller heels, so there was already that imperfection, but he didn’t regret that change.
He listed the positions and she performed them. He used a function in the camera to compare the previous month’s image with her position, snapping when there was not too much of a difference.
‘OK, face me, arms to your sides.’ He compared her new boobs with her old, real boobs, smiling to himself. ‘You’re so hot’, he said.
Face left, hands straight up.
Face right, hands straight up.
Face the wall, arms to your side.
Now arms straight up. He smiled. There was just a trace of her larger boobs visible when looking at her like this from behind. That was new.
Touch your toes.
Hands and knees. He took a chair and placed it beside her and stood up on it. Pointing the camera directly down. Admiring, as always, the curve as her waist narrowed and then flared out at her hips.
‘Good job cock moistener’, he said as he got down.
‘Cock moistener’, she said, pleased with herself and the ridiculousness of everything as she got up.
‘Wait no’, he said. ‘Back down on your hands and knees. I want to do a new one’ He had liked how her larger breasts had hung down, not sagging, still maintaining their rounder shape. He placed the camera between her legs and pointed it at her breasts. She was keeping her chin up, her eyes looking at the wall. ‘No, eyes down’, he corrected her. Her face appeared in the viewfinder. Not looking at the camera, but visible between her breasts. He took the picture.
He helped her up and they made out. She stroked him through the pyjama bottoms.
‘Food will be here soon’, he said, pulling away, ‘no time for that now, keep the heels on. Put on the push up bra and the matching panties that you wore when leaving the shop yesterday’.
They went into the sitting room where the purchases were and she put them on, twirling and smiling for him as she did so. ‘Very nice’, he said. ‘Looks real good’.
He kissed her again. The doorbell buzzed. ‘There it is. You go get it. I’ll wait here. You can use my wallet.’
‘What?’, she said. ‘Like this?’
‘Yes, make no attempt to cover yourself up. Be proud and unashamed like the girl from yesterday. But you don’t have to do the accent, and you don’t have to say anything more than what you would usually do in this kind of situation. Give him a big tip, he came a long way to get here.
Once he heard the door close, he went into the kitchen where Nicole was taking the containers out of the carrier bag, her back to him. He approached her and allowed her to feel him against her. He pulled her knickers down and slipped his cock between her legs, not in her yet. ‘Were you this wet before you answered the door?’, he asked.
‘No’, she responded, breathily.
‘It turned you on?’
‘But you don’t like that it turns you on’.
‘I don’t want to think about that now’, she objected, pushing her hips back against him, spreading her wetness on his cock.
He grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head back, not violently, but not gently either. His head was over her shoulder. Her eyes opened and they made fleeting contact with his before she closed them again.
‘You liked it’.
‘You put yourself on display, and you liked it’.
His head was in her now. He very slowly started moving in and out.
‘Was it a man?’
‘Did he like it?’
‘He was surprised. He was unsure what to do. I made small talk, he responded. By the end he was more comfortable, friendly, smiling. Yes, he liked it’.
‘You liked it. Are you glad he liked it’.
She didn’t answer immediately. By now he was deeper, but he stopped thrusting and waited.
‘I prefer that he liked it. I think I look good, I’m glad he thought so too’.
‘What kind of girl likes that? Putting herself on display in lingeree for strangers?’ He started thrusting again, faster, deeper.
‘I don’t know’.
‘I don’t know. I don’t want to have sex with him, but being on display turned me on’.
‘A tramp. You total tramp’.
‘You’re my tramp’, he said. ‘My cock moistener’.
‘Yes, I am, your cock moistener’.
‘You do look good, really good’.
‘You look amazing. So sexy.’
‘Thank you. I feel sexy’.
‘You are. My ornamental cock moistener’.
‘Your ornamental cock moistener’.
He grabbed one of her breasts and squeezed. He put the thumb of his other hand against her lips, pointing down. She sucked it. He looked at her fake pout around her thumb. Where once there was a real, natural, beautiful pout, now there was a fake, exaggerated, hot, sexy pout.
He squeezed her breast again. ‘My increasingly ornamental cock moistener’.
‘Mmhmmm’, was all she could exclaim with her lips around his thumb.