Enshrined — Chapter 04
By Mythical Traveller
The journey to college was long and wearying for Simon that morning. Everything was an effort. After his disappointing conversation with Chaarvi over breakfast, it was all he could do not to crawl back into bed for the rest of the day.
He’d missed half an hour of class by the time he managed to slink quietly into the lecture hall. His meeting with Chaarvi had already held him up too long to possibly get to class on time. Then once she’d left, Simon opted to have a nice, long shower, to help soothe his pain. Even when he eventually left his apartment, he’d been in no hurry to get to college.
He took the nearest available seat, in the back corner of the hall.
Scanning the curved auditorium, it took him only a split second to locate Chaarvi, sitting in the fourth row, on the opposite side of the room.
She had completely reverted to her typical frumpy appearance. Her luscious hair was once again tied back modestly. Her shoulders were hunched and her upper arms were pinned defensively to her body, making her frame appear much smaller than he knew her to be. Her lips were perpetually agape, giving the vague impression that she was a dull-witted girl.
But her homely disguise didn’t fool Simon for an instant. All he could see was the most beautiful girl on campus; perhaps even the entire planet.
He marveled at how blind he had been for all these months; sharing so many classes with such a gorgeous woman, yet being totally oblivious to her presence in the room. He pitied all the other fools in here; the guys who never took any notice of her, or considered her too dreary to be worth bothering with.
Simon wished she was sitting right next to him. He blissfully fantasized about feeling the sweet warmth of her body, radiating on to him from his right-hand side.
A second later, Chaarvi closed her laptop and began to rise from her seat.
“Oh, shit! No! I didn’t mean for you to move!” Simon thought in a panic. “Stay where you are! Stay where you are!” he silently commanded her.
Chaarvi immediately obeyed, indecisively lowering her butt back on to the seat, and making an unconvincing attempt to pass her movements off as readjusting herself for comfort. Her odd behavior clearly caught the attention of the teacher and disrupted the flow of his lecture.
“Shit, I’m gonna have to be more careful with my thoughts,” Simon realized, once the disturbance seemed to have passed. “I just have to want something, and she does it!
“Staying out of her life might be more difficult than I originally figured.”
He could tell by Chaarvi’s body language that the incident had unsettled her. She was visibly less comfortable than she was when he’d first entered the room.
Even with his newfound awareness of how careful he needed to be regarding Chaarvi, Simon couldn’t stop staring at her. She was so lovely; even hiding beneath that unflattering outfit.
“Why do you do that to yourself?” he wondered privately, “Why do you hide yourself away like that? In those uptight clothes? Why don’t you have any friends? You’d hands-down be the most popular girl on campus, if they only knew the real you,” he mused.
Even though her eccentricities confounded him, Simon was nonetheless smitten. The teacher yammered on and on and on. Simon didn’t hear a single word. All his attention was fixated on the enchanting babe on the opposite side of the hall.
Even when the lecture had concluded and the room began to clear, Simon remained seated, his head resting in his hand, gazing longingly at her. As she collected her belongings and prepared to leave, her movements were clumsy and skittish. But for Simon, there was nonetheless something truly adorable—or adorkable—about the way she carried herself.
Eventually, the room had emptied enough for Simon to become self-conscious of the fact that it was time for him to leave. He was starting to get weird looks from the other students.
He met up with Rusty in the quad outside. Rusty talked, and talked, and talked. Simon wasn’t listening. He merely placated his buddy with a series of mindless, mumbling agreements, and the occasional, “Sure, Rus...”
Simon had a midday class coming up. But by now it was clear that he was far too preoccupied to get anything out of any lessons today. So he decided to go back home, instead.
The days and weeks that followed were difficult for Simon. He tried as best he could to rededicate himself to his studies, and to settle back in to his old social routines with Rusty and the guys. But Chaarvi was always lingering near the forefront of his mind.
In particular, he found it practically impossible to avoid having erotic thoughts about her as he was lying in bed at night, trying to get to sleep. Within a few days, he’d become accustomed to fantasizing about her at night, sometimes for hours on end.
Sometimes he would merely reminisce about their one amazing afternoon together. But mostly, Simon liked to daydream about much slower, more tantalizing encounters. One of his favorite fantasies was of him and Chaarvi being hopelessly entangled in a bedsheet together, with only enough freedom for him to be able to thrust inside her, as he stared into her doting, lusty eyes.
Other times, he would dwell upon the mental image of her perfect, naked body, and dream about savoring every single feature, one by one: petting her thick bush, feasting upon her supple breasts...
In the madness of his ecstasy, Simon would often find himself pining, “Oh, Chaarvi! I want you! I want you so much!” Only to rapidly realize that his wish was probably summoning Chaarvi to his apartment, for real.
“Oh, shit! No! I didn’t mean that!” he would immediately think, anxiously hoping to correct the mistake. “Don’t come here!” he would deliberately order her.
Those revelations would always break the fantasy; reminding Simon of the disturbing reality of his situation. It made him uncomfortable, knowing the unfair level of control he held over Chaarvi; how much disruption his careless thoughts could wreak upon her life. But even worse was the sting of remembering that he could never be with this beautiful woman he desired so badly.
At least, not without forcing her into a relationship with him, against her will. And that was something Simon hoped he would never stoop to.
The lone ray of sunshine in his life was his engineering lectures, when he was able to spend hours gazing across the hall at the girl of his dreams.
Simon was eager to gain a better understanding of Chaarvi, and, to that end, had spent some time researching Hindu folklore.
In his apartment, Chaarvi had mentioned that her grandmother was some sort of Hindu goddess. But at the time, Simon hadn’t paid much attention, as he assumed that she was simply nuts.
Nonetheless, with a bit of determined Googling, he eventually managed to stumble upon a term that he remembered Chaarvi saying: “Apsara.”
Within the heavenly palace of the Hindu gods, the Apsaras are essentially the royal court’s dancers, Simon discovered. They are said to be extremely beautiful, and superb dancers; the epitome of grace and elegance.
Simon had no difficulty whatsoever, believing that Chaarvi was descended from such a being. Graceful, elegant, divinely gorgeous—that described Chaarvi to a tea. She may have feigned an awkward manner in public, but Simon knew that, in reality, she had a flawless, sensuous grace about her.
Learning about Chaarvi’s lineage made her appear even lovelier, in Simon’s eyes. In a way, it also helped him feel a little closer to her. Yet, at the same time, he still had countless questions that gnawed at him.
He would stare at her in class, lost in a daze, as he wondered about her; wondered about who she truly was beneath her stand-offish facade.
Yet he never dared approach her, out of respect for the promise he’d made to stay out of her life.
As the days passed, Simon began to notice subtle changes in her appearance. They were the sort of minor details that nobody else would ever spot: one or two tendrils of hair hanging loose, from her normally immaculate bun; wrinkles of stress and frustration upon her brow during class; clumsy accidents—like dropping pens, which seemed to be genuine mistakes. She seemed sad.
Every day, the signs became more and more apparent: Chaarvi was struggling. Simon grew increasingly concerned about her decline. He wanted to reach out to her, but he figured she would resent the intrusion.
Then one afternoon, Professor Henderson, their teacher, asked Chaarvi to stay after class—the request every student dreads above all else. Simon was horrified. Whatever had been troubling her recently was now apparently affecting her studies. It seemed like things were worse than he’d originally thought.
He was still worried that Chaarvi might become even more upset if he broke his promise and approached her. But, as far as he knew, Chaarvi was a true loner; she had nobody else to turn to at college, if she needed help. And, as her ‘shrine’ (whatever that meant), Simon felt he had a certain responsibility to look after her.
He waited discreetly outside the lecture hall for her to leave. When she emerged, no more than five minutes after the lecture had concluded, Simon dashed over to catch up to her.
“Chaarvi?” he tentatively greeted her, mentally urging her to stop, so they could talk.
As ever, she was clutching her satchel anxiously to her breast. Her shoulders were hunched and her head was timidly lowered, until Simon willed her to make eye contact with him.
The sight before him made his stomach sink. Chaarvi’s eyes were wracked with anguish. This girl was a mere shadow of the strong, articulate woman who had sat across from him in his kitchenette and confidently educated him on her remarkable nature. This girl was broken; worn down to her limits by some unknown hardship.
“I’m sorry to...” Simon weakly apologized for breaking his word and involving himself in her life again, “Are you okay? What did Henderson want to see you about?”
“That assignment we had last week? I fucked it up. Big time,” Chaarvi replied in a sad, weary voice. “He thinks I can’t understand the course material.”
That didn’t make sense to Simon. He knew Chaarvi was much smarter than she let on. He was certain she was smart enough to master the stuff they’d been studying in class.
“I’m sorry,” Simon said. “Is... is there anything I can do to help?” he continued, after a sympathetic pause.
Chaarvi opened her mouth, but no words came out.
“Look, you can tell me to butt out if you like, but I’ve been wondering if... Is there something else going on?” Simon inquired.
Chaarvi stared into his very soul with pleading eyes, then anxiously looked around the spacious vestibule. There were small, scattered gatherings of other students across the room, all of whom were at least sixty feet removed from Chaarvi and Simon. Nonetheless, Chaarvi was clearly uncomfortable with how public this setting was; too uncomfortable, it seemed, to talk openly with him about whatever was troubling her.
“Come on,” Simon softly prompted, ushering her towards a door in the corner.
They slipped unnoticed into a sterile, gray stairwell illuminated by cold florescent light. Simon knew this stairwell barely got any traffic at this time of day. If they couldn’t get privacy here, they wouldn’t find it anywhere on campus.
Chaarvi cupped her hands over her mouth as she searched for the words to express her turmoil.
“Why?” she complained. “Why won’t you let me come near you?
“Ever since I left your apartment, I’ve wanted so badly to go back and sleep with you again. It’s practically all I can think about!
“Every fiber of my being tells me I ought to be with you! It’s like gravity, pulling on me, so powerfully! But every time I try to actually get up and go to you, my body locks up! My legs refuse to walk! And I know... I know that it’s because you’ve forbidden me from going near you!” she asserted, on the verge of tears.
Simon was speechless.
“I lay in bed at night, touching myself till all hours... dreaming of being with you... because that’s all I can do!” Chaarvi continued, “But it’s never enough! In the morning, I still want the real thing. I want it so bad, it drives me crazy! I can’t concentrate. I can barely dress myself. I leave my room looking like a mess, no matter what I do...”
Her mouth moved as if she wanted to say more. But once again, words failed her.
“Just... Why? Why won’t you let me be with you?” she concluded in exasperation.
Simon shook his head in confusion.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he told her, calmly. He felt sorry for Chaarvi, and wanted to respond to her in a way that wouldn’t cause her any additional distress. “I never ‘forbidded’ you from coming to see me!
“The only thing I...” he trailed off, as certain details about his recent lifestyle suddenly occurred to him.
“Well... Sometimes, I guess I order you not to come to my apartment. But I only do that when I’ve accidentally ordered you to come to my apartment, in the first place. You know, to sort of... cancel it out,” he sheepishly explained.
Chaarvi stared at him, clearly confounded by his convoluted explanation.
“So... you want me to come see you... and you also want me to stay away from you?” she summarized, dryly.
Simon shook his head in frustration. “No. I want...
“I just wanted to do the right thing,” he sighed. “I mean, I’m trying to stay out of your life, like you wanted. I didn’t want to force you to come over to my place in the middle of the night. So I...”
“But, you do want to see me, right?” Chaarvi interrupted him, “You... you want to have sex with me, don’t you? I mean, you’ve been wanting it this whole time?”
“Well... yeah,” Simon softly admitted, with embarrassment. “But...”
Chaarvi buried her face within her hands. There was a gravitas to her body language that immediately silenced him.
“You... you want us to be lovers. But you won’t allow that to happen, because you’ve decided it’s wrong to use your control over me that way. You’re at war with yourself: fighting between what you think you’re supposed to do, and what you really want to do. And that war is flowing down the link between us, into me, and it’s tearing me apart!” Chaarvi explained, remaining calm despite her obvious exasperation.
“I’m sorry,” Simon sincerely apologized. “I’ll try harder to...”
“Master, you can’t force yourself to stop wanting something, just because ‘it’s something you’re not supposed to have.’ The mind doesn’t work that way,” Chaarvi cut him off. “The more you try to suppress your true feelings, the worse the turmoil will get, for both of us.”
“What are you saying?” Simon asked, warily. He felt like he already knew the answer, but he needed to make sure there wasn’t any misunderstanding.
“I’m saying it’s time for you to stop fighting your desires,” she stated decisively, “and pushing me away. If you want to have sex, then we should have sex!
“I think that’s the only way either of us will find any peace.”
‘We should have sex!’ The impossible words Simon had been aching to hear for so long. To think that Chaarvi had been privately lusting after him just as badly as he had been lusting for her, this whole time! He could scarcely believe his luck.
Yet, he couldn’t discount the unusual nature of their relationship. Yes, Chaarvi wanted to screw him. But the only reason she wanted to screw him was because his own desires were apparently leaking into her mind. The ethics of the situation still troubled him.
“I thought you wanted to go back to living as if you’d never met me?” he countered.
“I did,” Chaarvi candidly replied. “But what I want isn’t relevant. The reality is that you’re my shrine now, master. I’m under your control. Your thoughts and feelings influence me.
“This mightn’t be the way I imagined my freshman year playing out,” she shrugged, “but trying to pretend you don’t have this power over me is only going to do more harm than good.”
Simon could only stare at her. He still couldn’t believe that the girl of his dreams was offering herself to him so freely.
“This is the way things are,” she asserted softly. “I don’t want to fight it. Frankly, I think it might be very... rewarding to accept the situation for what it is,” she said with a warm, almost cheeky smile, “and see where it goes...”
“Wow!” Simon quietly sighed in amazement. “Well, okay, um... So...” he babbled in excited confusion. Part of him wanted to take her by the hand right now, and steal her off to somewhere more private, where they could consummate this new decision, before she had a chance to change her mind.
“You have a shift at your job this afternoon, don’t you? Perhaps I could stop by your apartment, afterwards?” Chaarvi suggested, bringing a sense of order to Simon’s impulsive thoughts.
“Yeah, sure! Sounds great!” Simon nodded with a broad grin.
“Okay,” Chaarvi agreed, with a smirk that almost seemed flirtatious. “See you then,” she said sweetly, gliding past him and back out into the vestibule with an elegance that foiled her frumpy disguise.
Simon lingered in the stairwell for a minute or so more. His legs were practically jelly. His already-racing heart seemed to only grow more excited, with the passing of each second.
This was really happening! His most dizzying erotic fantasies were about to come true!