An Immodest Proposal
by Mudak
Chapter 3
Vanessa glanced down at her watch as she got off the elevator in the building that housed Professor Wells’s office. 10:45 am. She mused that showing up about midway through his office hours, she wouldn’t seem too eager. She hadn’t told anyone—not even Chandra—that she was planning on going down to see him, but it felt like time dragged in getting to this point. She wondered if anyone noticed the bounce in her step as she walked down the corridor towards his office.
When she arrived, his door was closed, so she decided to loiter around some of the nearby desks. She saw an administrative assistant, made a note of her name, and asked, “Hi, Emily. Is Professor Wells meeting with someone right now?”
“I don’t think so. He usually keeps his door closed.”
“But his office hours are...”
“Right now. Just go up and knock.”
She walked up to his door and made a fist so as to knock, but she paused to read the cartoons taped to his door. In one, the scene was a bar, with some guy talking to a girl. His mouth is open and the caption below it read, in quotes, “Do you understand the difference between cunning linguistics and fallacious logic?”
A second cartoon was a picture of a bedding store whose name is “Nothing Really Mattress.”
A third cartoon had the appearance of a backyard party or barbecue, but all of the attendees wore medieval clothes. One person has a quote balloon that reads “Joan of Arc burned my steak.” A second person, standing next to him, warns, “Don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s how rumors get started.”
A fourth cartoon was a scene of what appeared to be a meeting in some kind of a board room. One person is standing, with a quote balloon saying, “... And so we should try to move away from references to the so-called dead white males in order to be more inclusive.” Someone sitting at the table has his hand up; his quote bubble has him saying, “Does this mean that Shakespeare should be barred?”
A fifth cartoon was clearly intended to be a wedding scene, with the bride very visibly pregnant. Many of the guests around the church wore clothes that were reminiscent of Japanese nobility and a lot of people carried long, thin swords. The caption below it read, “Shogun Wedding”.
Vanessa laughed loud enough for a voice to call from behind the door, “Is someone out there?”
She cautiously pushed the door open and stepped in. “Sorry, Professor Wells. It’s just me.”
“I remember you. You were one of the girls I punked in my Words class yesterday, right? Chandra?”
“Vanessa, actually. Chandra’s my friend.”
“Ooooh! Sorry.”
“That’s all right.” She felt somewhat dispirited that he didn’t remember her name, but decided not to say anything.
“I take it you like my cartoons?”
“I thought the shogun wedding one was the best.”
“Yeah, I liked that one. I think all of those cartoons say something about me and what I like and don’t like.” After a short pause in the conversation, he added, “I’m sure you didn’t come down here to talk about my cartoons. What can I do you for, Vanessa?”
She took a deep breath and reminded herself of what she’d been planning on saying for the better part of the past day. After a short pause, she said, “I’ve been thinking about something you said yesterday and I don’t really understand it. What do you mean when you say that our tongues are lazy? I googled the phrase and all I could find was something on Lazy Tongue Syndrome, which is when people speak but their words aren’t really understandable as the words they think they’re saying.”
Professor Wells smiled and let out a hearty laugh. “Please. Sit down.” He gestured towards a chair near his desk. “Can I get you something to drink?”
She sat down, crossed her legs, and said, “I’m all right. Thank you.”
He sat down and looked Vanessa directly in the eye. She smiled and met his gaze for a moment before she looked away.
As she looked away, he diverted his gaze somewhat lower and smiled broadly. He then decided that this girl would be his first real follower of the new term. She seemed like a good candidate, both because she seemed friendly enough the day before, and now, with her acting somewhat flustered.
Soon, he broke the silence with a cough. “Lazy Tongue Syndrome is a medical term that’s really an extreme manifestation of something that’s true for all of us. When you speak, your tongue will always try to make sounds that are relatively easy to make, and words that have sounds that are likely to change in pronunciation in some capacity over time.”
“How do we know that?”
“That’s easy. You can figure that whenever the spelling of a given word was established, that’s by and large a representation of how it was pronounced at the time. How are you feeling? So if we don’t pronounce the word the same way, it’s probably because our collective tongues have gotten lazier. The middle day of the week. Do you know anyone who actually pronounces it ‘wed-nes-day’? No! You pronounce it either ‘wens-day’ or ‘wends-day’. How are you feeling? And you can see words evolving even today. The place where you go to study or to borrow books. Some people might still pronounce it ‘li-bra-ry’ but others might say ‘li-bear-y’. That ‘br’ sound in the middle of a word isn’t easy for us Americans to pronounce. How are you feeling?”
Vanessa opened her mouth to speak but the professor cut her off. “And it’s not unique to the English language but different languages might have different definitions of what might be considered ‘easy.’ How are you feeling? How many consonants will a French speaker actually pronounce if they happen to be the final letter of a word? How are you feeling?”
“Ummmm”
“C, R, F, and L. That’s it. And R isn’t universal. So how are you feeling?”
Vanessa took a deep breath but was cut off by the teacher again. She casually uncrossed her legs and placed her hands on her knees.
“Russian’s a fascinating one. Almost all vowels are interchangeable in their pronunciation if they’re not accented. And where we might add a voice to some consonants at the end of our words—for example, pronouncing the letter ’s’ as though it were a ‘z’, Russian goes the other way, taking the voice out of those same consonants. How are you feeling?”
“I’m...”
“So our tongues tend towards what’s easy and comfortable. And when different people pronounce the same word differently, that’s a sign that the language is evolving. Take the word ’n-u-c-l-e-a-r’. How are you feeling? Some people pronounce it the way it’s spelled and others pronounce it ‘nu-cu-lar’. Both are right, of course. Neither pronunciation is a sign of anything other than the place where they first learned how to say it. How are you feeling?”
Vanessa closed her eyes and her head fell forward.
The professor noticed this and smiled broadly. She’s just about ready, he thought. “The Spanish have an interesting one as many of them speak the ’s’ sound with a lisp. Some Spaniards themselves attribute it to a speech impediment to a king about a hundred years ago or so, but there’s no evidence for that. It’s more likely that it was that old lazy tongue at work again. How are you feeling?”
Her head bobbed up and down. He leaned forward, placed his hand underneath her chin, and pushed her head back so that he could see her face.
“Well, Vanessa, it seems as though my induction worked well. I kept asking you how you’re feeling so much that it pretty much shut your mind down and pushed you into a very deep, relaxed trance. Adding confusion to the mix sometimes can do that. You feel very safe, very secure, and very comfortable. You know you can trust me, just as plainly as you know which hand is your right hand and which is your left. So I want you to relax and sink a little deeper into your trance. You are comfortable, secure, and warm. Just sink a little deeper and let your mind go. You have no worries, no cares, and no fears in here.”
Vanessa sighed deeply.
“Safe secure and warm,” repeated the professor. “Safe, secure, and warm. You know you can trust me, and you have no secrets to keep from me. Just keep drifting deeper and deeper. Calmer and more relaxed. Very comfortable. Deeper and deeper.”
She opened her mouth slightly.
“Now, Vanessa, I’m going to ask you to open your eyes, and when you open your eyes, you will just see a gray haze in front of your eyes. But opening your eyes will help you sink even deeper and deeper. So on the count of three, you will open your eyes and stare blankly into the gray haze. You’ll feel safe and secure in this haze. One.. Two... Three... Open your eyes.”
She opened her eyes as instructed. There was a vague, distant quality to the look on her face. He stood up and waved his hand in front of her eyes and she didn’t flinch or otherwise acknowledge the movement. “Very good, Vanessa. Now, when I ask you a question, I want you to be able to speak freely and honestly. You can trust me and there’s no reason for you to hide the truth. Do you understand me?”
“Yes.”
“Very good, Vanessa. I don’t really believe you came to my office to discuss the lazy tongue. Why did you really come here today?”
Vanessa took a deep breath and said, quietly, “I liked your style yesterday and I couldn’t stop thinking about your lecture. And I think you’re kind of cute, so I figured I’d come down to your office.”
“Very good, Vanessa. I’m flattered. You’re very pretty yourself.”
“Thank you.”
“Please tell me your bra size.”
“36-C.”
“That’s a very good size. Do you ever go out without a bra?”
“No.”
“I think it would be a good idea if you came to my classes bra-less. You won’t even think twice about it. When you know you’re coming to my class, you’ll make sure you take off your bra before you head out. And, for that matter, you’ll also come to my office hours without a bra, too. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” She reached under her blouse and began to unfasten her bra.
“You can keep your bra on right now. But the next time you come either to my office or to my class, you’ll be bra-less. And every time after that, too.”
She lowered her hands and placed them on her knees.
The professor paused for a minute and stared at his student. The blank expression on her face, the toothy yet somewhat dopey looking grin. Her willingness to take off her bra at this suggestion. He contemplated his next move.
“I have one more suggestion for you. I want you to think about how good you feel right now. How deeply entranced you are, how safe, secure, and comfortable you are. How blank your mind is right now. Any time you hear me say ‘a mixture of erotic daydreams and mint chocolate chip ice cream’ you will immediately fall back into this state you’re in right now. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, when I say ‘a mixture of erotic daydreams and mint chocolate chip ice cream’, you will immediately go blank and drift back into this trance you’re in now. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Very good, Vanessa. Now I’m going to clap my hands and when I do, you will wake up, feeling completely refreshed, with no active memory of my having put you in a trance. The suggestions I gave you will be buried deep in your subconscious, but you won’t remember anything other than the fact that I explained what I meant about our tongues being lazy. One. Two. Three!” He clapped his hands a few inches away from her face.
She shook her head for a moment and smiled at him.
“So do you understand what I meant now when I talked about the laziness of our tongues?”
“I ... think so.”
“Great! I think this is going to be a good term and we’ll have a lot of fun in our class. What do you think?”
“I agree!” She nodded exuberantly.
“In fact, I think it’ll be better than a mixture of erotic daydreams and mint chocolate chip ice cream.”
Vanessa stopped moving. Her eyes widened, her mouth opened slightly, and her head slowly swayed back and forth.
He leaned forward and waved his hand in front of her face. She didn’t react to his movements. “Can you hear me, Vanessa?”
“Yes.”
“Very good. After I wake you up, you will decide we are done with our meeting for today. You will go about your day as normal, and you’ll talk with your friends about whatever it is you normally would talk about with them. If you want to tell them about coming to my office, that’s completely fine, but that’ll be your choice. So I will clap my hands and you will wake up, completely refreshed. One. Two. Three.” He clapped his hands a few inches away from her face.
She blinked twice and said, “I prefer cookie dough ice cream.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I like cookie dough ice cream too. But ... anyway, is there anything else I can do for you today?”
Vanessa glanced down at her watch. She was kind of amazed at how long she’d been in his office. “I, uh... I think I’m good for now. Thank you Professor Wells!”
“Any time, Vanessa. Any time.” He stood up, opened his office door, and bowed over with a flourish to let her out of his office. He watched her walk down the hall, admiring the way she wiggled her ass as she walked. He chuckled as he thought, yes, this was going to be a very good term.