Little Pink Pills
Part 1
April sighed at the growing paperwork on her desk. She would much rather be in the lab mixing some solutions for a new moisturizer base she’d had an idea for while reading the latest pharmaceutical papers in bed last night, but the paperwork demanded her attention at this point. Most of it wasn’t even hers. Her male colleagues constantly passed on the majority of their reports and memos for her to deal with, on the basis that she was the best at dealing with them efficiently. It had started as a favor for Lyle one week several months ago when he had a deadline to meet and needed to spend all his time in the lab. April had done such a competent and efficient job then that Lyle started asking her for favors more often, and then her other colleagues Jackson and Henry also started asking for favors. It had felt like no big deal when it started, but within weeks it had mutated into some kind of paperwork monster that was devouring April’s working hours.
Of course, eventually, she tried to face the problem head on, first by asking her male colleagues to stop leaving her their assignments. Each one came up with some convoluted bullshit of why his lab work was more important for the company and that April needed to pick up the slack. April then decided to simply stop doing the work that wasn’t hers. This resulted in first Lyle sending her a rudely worded email, then Henry acting put out and aggressive around her. When, finally, Jackson out and out shouted at her and berated her for not pulling her weight, she had had enough. However, before she could email her boss to set up a meeting in order to explain her problems, her boss contacted her first and summoned her to his office.
Dr Morrison had talked sternly and talked down to April, like she was a naughty little girl who wasn’t playing nice with the boys in his classroom. He floated words like synergy, and maximized productivity, targets, difficult decisions, and all the corporate bullshit that translated to: Sit down, shut up, and put up with what we make you do.
After the meeting April held in her hand a letter of official warning, in which it stated that further infractions of “company valued ethics” would result in disciplinary action, up to and including termination. April promptly went to the little used storage cupboard at the corner of the lab’s office and burst into tears.
Several minutes and a good cry later, April felt only slightly better. Here she was, sitting in front of a pile of paperwork that wasn’t hers, eating up her day that should have been spent in the lab playing chemistry with cutting edge technology and techniques. But this was her dream job at the end of the day. Pegasus Pharmaceutical Ltd, more commonly know just as Pegasus was one of the largest companies in the worldwide pharmaceutical market, and April felt privileged to work there. Though this paperwork bullying had certainly put a blight on it, she still got to spend so much time in the lab mixing exciting new chemical compounds in the hopes of finding the next big breakthrough in the pharma industry that could genuinely make peoples’ lives better. She couldn’t just quit, surely.
She needed to weigh up her options here, so she decided to get some coffee. Wiping her eyes and hoping the puffiness would dye down quickly, she wandered down the corridor to the break room that all the labs on that floor shared with the office boffins on the south wing. She entered the break room to a strange scene. Cheryl was there, sat on a table with a nail file out, looking relaxed and content as she focused on her nails while someone else was making teas and coffees. What was instantly so strange was that Cheryl, as a newly hired administrative assistant, usually was the one to get drinks for everyone, no matter what time of day. She was also dogsbody to everyone, and never had a spare second to sit and relax, let alone do her nails.
“No sugar in the herbal tea, two for each of the coffees, and creamer in one of the breakfast teas only. Are you getting it right?” Cheryl cooed without looking up, as if talking to a toddler.
April gawked in bewilderment as she realized that Cheryl was giving instructions to Jeff Matthews, the head of east coast marketing! He was like a zillion pay grades above both Cheryl and April. In the time he was taking making these drinks he would be earning enough to buy Starbucks coffee for the entire building. And yet here he was stirring in sugar with a distant smile on his face.
April took a few steps into the break room to watch the scene play out. It was such a strange contrast. Cheryl was this tiny stick of a girl, barely five foot and with a face as young and fresh like she had stepped out of a skincare commercial. She was just out of college and wore a smart casual skirt and blouse. April had to admit, she was looking good. But that didn’t explain what was happening... There stood Jeff, an imposing six foot two with broad shoulders and a chisel jaw, short dark hair and the perfect amount of stubble to make most girls weak in the knees. In his immaculately tailored suit he looked powerful and imposing. Or, at least, he should.
“All done, Cheryl.” Jeff said, looking hopefully to the petite assistant.
“Thank you Jeff, you’re such a sweetheart!” Cheryl replied. “Now leave mine here and go deliver the rest.”
Jeff placed all bar one of the drinks on a tray and started to leave. When he saw April his expression instantly hardened.
“Hello Anna, I hope you’re working hard in the lab for us.” And without so much as a smile, he left with the drinks. To April, it felt like a slap to the face.
“April! Umm, hi!” Cheryl giggled, “Or should I call you Anna, now?”
“Cheryl...” April said slowly, and could tell that Cheryl was subtly squirming where she sat, like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. April walked right up to her and looked her right in the face.
“Cheryl, what was that?” April inquired with a raised eyebrow.
“What was what?” Cheryl replied innocently, looking away and shuffling to get down from the table.
“What do you mean what was wh- that was Mad Matthews!” April exclaimed in disbelief, sidestepping to hinder Cheryl’s dismount. I’ve never seen him behave like that. Hell, I’ve never seen him without that vein throbbing out of his temple. What the hell was he doing in here
acting like a friendly butler?”
With renewed effort, Cheryl wriggled off the table and quickly ducked around April to get to the door.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, April, he was just being friendly now excusemeIgottagotakecareof...” Cheryl practically ran from the break room, abandoning her beverage and leaving April just as dumbfounded as when she had entered.
What a bizarre day, she thought. A few minutes later, coffee in hand, April decided to head upstairs to the executive offices. She entered the elevator and as the doors where closing she heard someone hurrying and calling “Hold the door!”
April quickly stuck her hand in the way of the sensor before the doors closed and they shuddered back open. A moment later, Arjun shuffled into the elevator obscured for the most part by a box stuffed with computer parts and old monitors.
“My hero...” Arjun said jokingly, then turned around so he could see past the overstuffed box. “Oh April, hey!” his face lit up.
“Hey Arjun.” April smiled back, “What floor?”
“17 for me.” he replied, “So hey, did you see there’s new episodes of Steller 7 on Netflix?”
“I did actually, I was going to watch them over the weekend.” April replied. It was a gripping show—sexy aliens, Earth occupied and under the stellartorium fisted control of the 9th dominion, and a desperate resistance movement struggling to survive against the brutal anti-insurgent Unity Drones. April was kinda into her sc-fi, but Arjun was hard-core, so it was an easy way to talk to him. He had flawless caramel skin with a dark stubble and bright hazel eyes.
“Well them, we’ll have a lot to discuss on Monday!” Arjun replied happily. “I’m just gaming mostly over the weekend, you got anything else on?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m gaming too.” April said enthusiastically, immediately regretting it. She didn’t play games! She’d always been curious about various fun looking computer games but she’d never made the time to look into it. Why did she say she was gaming? Urgh. Arjun did this to her every time she spoke to him. Somehow she was in middle school again and getting tongue tied.
“Really? Cool, what games are you playing?” Arjun beamed expectantly.
“Umm, urgh, what’s its name...” April stalled. Just then the elevator opened on Arjun’s floor.
“It’s cool, tell me tomorrow,” Arjun said as he started to shuffle out. “Oh, hey MacKenzie.” he said, and April’s heart sank.
MacKenzie Black stepped into the elevator. She was imposingly tall, the effect amplified by heels, and her short work skirt revealed legs that lasted forever. She was immaculate in both dress and every other aspect. Her lightly tanned face was the kind you saw on the cover of beauty magazines, and her long flowing auburn hair was stunning with fiery red highlights throughout it. She smiled politely at April as she stepped in, her subtle but elegant makeup making her look like some kind of royalty.
“April.” she said curtly
“MacKenzie.” April offered back in reply, feeling self-conscious about everything all at once.
“I wouldn’t mind finding out how spicy that Tikka Masala is, you know what I mean?” MacKenzie uttered, glancing sideways to April as the elevator doors closed.
“Ar- Arjun?” April stammered back, her heart leaping for reasons she couldn’t fully comprehend. “I mean... I thought a glamorous sales rep like you wouldn’t be interested in...” April trailed off.
“Really now, April, I’m not a snob.” MacKenzie joked softly. “Besides, how often do you come across a drop dead gorgeous IT guy? They’re usually loser slobs, right?”
“I think that’s being a bit general, I mean...” April trailed off again. Forget middle school, she was in high school now, and the most popular girl in school was looking at her like she was an insect.
“Mmm, whatever.” MacKenzie mused. “I just do feel like Indian tonight...”
April wanted to scream, to shout, to claw and kick MacKenzie’s stupid face. But then she told herself that Arjun would never go out with or hook up with an evil witch like MacKenzie. He wouldn’t, right?
The elevator arrived at April’s floor, and April just stood there, silently seething.
“See you around, April.” MacKenzie smiled gloatingly at April before walking out of the elevator first and disappearing around a corner.
April took a deep, frustrated sigh, and exited the elevator. As much as she hated MacKenzie, she only ever seemed to hate herself more after any interaction with the deliberately gorgeous sales rep. She thought of her own short pale brown hair, and how it seemed forever drab compared to MacKenzie’s flowing wavy highlights. She agonized over her dry skin, that never seemed happy no matter how much moisturizer she sacrificed to it. Her eyes were a boring brown, her nose was too large, her chin too small, and she didn’t even want to get started on her body, because she didn’t have all day. Thursday was sharply disappearing and, regrettably, she still had a pile of paperwork that wasn’t hers on her desk. But that was why she was up on the executive floor, to speak to a friend and ally for some much needed support.
On the top floor of the building everything was so clean and bright, with glass walls and skylights allowing sunlight to pour into the corridors and boardrooms. What little walls there were provided privacy for individual offices, and April approached the office she was interested in. She peeked around the door and saw Naomi, a Junior Executive, on the phone and anxiously twisting her long, dark hair through her slender fingers. She saw April hovering and enthusiastically waved her in.
“No, that’s ok Carol, I don’t want to make a big deal of this, yet,” Naomi explained down the phone. She motioned April to close the door behind her. “Yes, find out what you can. Yes. Yes. No, this is just between us right now.” She motioned silently for April to sit. “Yes, just until we get more information. Well, yes. Yes, it’s promising, I know. Remember to write it down and keep track of it. We need to know exactly what it is we’re dealing with here. Yes, I know. Yes, ok, we’ll speak again soon.”
Naomi put down the phone and smiled warmly at April. “Miss Stuart. I was expecting to see you sooner or later. Honestly, I thought it would be later, but you are exceptionally smart.”
As much as it was a lovely compliment, April had no idea what Naomi was talking about. However, far be it to admit that she wasn’t clued in, April simply smiled slyly and said “Well, you know me, I pay attention to the details.”
“Great, and that’s exactly why I need you onboard with this. Now, has anyone told you anything? What do you know?”
“No one has told me anything yet. I think they understand that secrecy is important here.” April replied with a nod of her head. She was flying blind, but that didn’t seem to matter.
“So, I’ll stick to the short version as best I can.” Naomi explained, bringing out a small box from one of her desk drawers. “When I came in on Monday morning, this was waiting for me on my desk. Now, as nervous as I was that it was something harmful, I went against my better judgement and opened it. Inside were a few hundred of these” she pulled out a large clear bag that had countless smaller bags within it, all containing small bright pink pills. She handed one of the smaller bags over to April, who started turning it over in her hand and examining the pills carefully.
“As you’ll no doubt see, they don’t have any hallmark markings and they look pretty similar to a few different things on the market currently. But if the note that came with it and the last few days are any indication, this is something else entirely. Something revolutionary.”
“So you think you know what it is?” April stared at Naomi uncertainly.
“Well according to this,” Naomi held up a letter from inside the box, “It’s cutting edge, multifaceted and super effective on anyone lacking a Y-chromosome.”
“So, what, a new birth control pill?”
“No, though it does stimulate certain hormones. Its primary effect is actually to produce a previously unknown type of pheromone. But other effects include a reduction in anxiety and depression, an increase in confidence and libido, and a reduction in cravings for addictive substances and activities.”
“That is... that sounds impossible.” April remarked in part awe and part scepticism. A drug that would help anxious women not only feel better about themselves, but help them combat negative craving habits and to top it off make them more attractive to everyone around them... That would mean… And then the image of a calm and contended looking Cheryl flashed back into April’s mind.
“You’ve been giving it to the staff already, haven’t you?” April said coldly as a nervous chill went up her spine.
“Spare me your ethics talk, April, what I nee—” Naomi began, but April cut her off.
“No! I’ll never spare you the ethics talk!” April jumped to her feet. “Without our morals and values we may as well be animals. I can’t believe you would do this, Naomi! What the hell were you thinking giving a completely unknown drug to your subordinates?! And... did you...?”
“No! Not me. Look, April, I had several volunteers who were willing to try it. Some were even eager, based on the promised effects of this drug. And it’s working exactly as it’s been promised to so far.”
April felt her cheeks flushed hot with anger, but knew she should give her friend more of a chance to explain. “I know you’ve given it to Cheryl.” she said as calmly as she could. “Who else?”
Naomi looked away, her face betraying her shame spilling out due April’s scolding. “Joanne in Data Processing, Winifred in Customer Support, Carol in catering, and Lorraine in sales.”
“A sales rep?” April ran her hand over her forehead in exasperation. “Naomi, it’s bad enough you gave to people you can keep an eye on in the building, but a sales rep?”
“She’s our lowest performing rep, April. Another month or two and she’d be let go. I honestly wanted to see if this could help her.” Naomi sighed. “Look, you know as much as I do that while there is change taking place for women in the work place, it’s sometimes so slow and so ineffectual that it sometimes feels like we’re going backwards. If we’re able to shift the balance a bit, then surely more power to us. But I need you to study the pill in the lab and fully analyse it just to ensure there are no unwelcome surprised in there. Can I count on your support?”
April gave Naomi a steely stare for a few moments. Naomi was something like her boss’s boss’s boss, or at least had that kind of power within the company. April had gone to ask for her help and advice, and here she was being asked instead. April mulled it over. Naomi had broken one the key ethical values that Pegasus had in its company charter. She had skipped years of required recorded clinical trials and the most important documentation phase for any new drug and dived into a shady practice of using subordinates as guinea pigs. That was surely inexcusable, wasn’t it? If so, why did April want to say yes so badly?
“I’m sorry, Naomi, that’s just too much to ask.” April stated solemnly. Her heart felt like lead in her chest, but she knew she was right. “As your friend, I won’t report you to the senior executives or the CEO, but as your colleague, I cannot take part in this and I strongly urge you to put an end to it immediately. Hopefully taking your guinea pigs off the drug this early on means there will be no withdrawal effects or lasting changes to them, but you shouldn’t risk it, not even for another day. Put an end to it now or I will, understand?”
Naomi’s eyes flashed with anger for a moment, as she looked up to meet April’s gaze. But then her expression softened and she softly nodded her head. “You’re right, April. I’m sorry. I’ll end it. I’ll get the pills back from the ladies.”
An awkward silence hung in the air between them.
“You should have come to me first...” April said sadly. “Why didn’t you?”
“You know why, April...” Naomi sighed with sadness. “Because you would have talked me out of it, and had we followed proper procedure there would be no way a drug like this would ever reach the market. I’m sick of it, April.” Naomi slumped in her chair. “I’m sick of feeling like I... we... all of us women have to work twice as hard to be valued half as much, and I’m so fucking sick of it.”
“I know... I want change too,” April’s own demeanor softened. “But this is not the way to do it. I’ll speak to you later, okay?”
Naomi bid April a dejected goodbye, and April walked out of the office feeling wretched. The feeling followed her back down to her lap and spend the rest of the afternoon strangling the focus out of her mind.
Was she making the right choice? Would it really be so bad to let informed and willing volunteers try out an experimental drug that would, if anything, level a playing field that had been stacked
against them since the dawn of civilization?
As April tried to get through her male colleagues’ paperwork her resentment grew and grew and her focus shrank and shrank. She looked up to see it was now past eight in the evening, and she still hadn’t finished. In frustration, she gave up and went home.
Back at home, eating a fairly disgusting ready meal, she tried to unwind for the night. Her flatmate was out working a shift at a nearby bar, and would no doubt come back at 1 in the morning. April was tempted to wait up for her, but a larger part of her simply felt exhausted and wanted to get some sleep. April snuggled into her bed for the night, her mind awash with images and conversations from the day. That looming stack of paperwork, Cheryl smiling in the break room, Naomi reaching out for April’s help. She thought of Arjun, and wished she could talk to him right then. She thought of MacKenzie, and wished she was having a miserable evening somewhere. And then the pills, her thoughts always came back to the pills. Every time she closed her eyes and tried to sleep she saw a little pink pill and her mind kept racing.