Memories Make Us
Chapter 6
As I sat in my desk chair the night of the Big Couple News, thinking about all this, my phone rang. It was Dani calling—actually calling me—so I answered immediately.
“Hey, Dani! Is everything okay?” I figured if she was breaking her almost-silent-treatment, something must be wrong.
“Yeah, Jack, everything’s fine. In fact...that’s kind of why I called.”
“I don’t understand...”
“I wanted to apologize. For acting like I have the past...God, has it been a year?”
“No, you don’t need to...”
“Yes, I do. Look, I did fall in love with you, but that’s on me. We never said what we had was anything more than fun, and it wasn’t right for me to blame you just because you didn’t want the same thing. I should have apologized sooner, but...I guess my pride was more wounded than my heart. So I’m sorry for how I acted.”
“No, Dani, I shouldn’t have...I...” Suddenly, a debate raged on in my head. A war, more like. I felt obligated to try and explain what I’d done to her, but I was certain that, if she even believed me and understood, she’d hate me forever. And I had just gotten my sister back, I didn’t want to alienate her forever. But she was putting all the weight on her own shoulders, taking on all the guilt... “I made you fall in love with me.” There it was, no going back.
She scoffed. “Hey, Cassanova, you might want to shrink that ego of yours a few notches. You didn’t ‘make me’ fall in love with you, I just did.”
“No, I...I made you. I didn’t mean to...I just wanted you to be okay with the sex, and then to be okay with the dating...”
“Those were both my ideas, you idiot.”
“No, they weren’t. They were mine. I just...made you think they were yours. I made you remember...”
“What does that even mean, ‘made me remember’? You’re not making any sense, Jack.”
“I found out when I was 13.” Yep, it was all coming out now, whether I wanted it to or not. “When you asked me why Mom and Dad had stopped fighting. I can...make people remember things that never happened.”
“Okay, you read way too many comics, and it’s starting to make you delusional.”
“Look...have we ever had a dog?”
“What?”
“A dog. Have we ever had one?”
“No,” she said, confused. She had no clue where I was going with this.
“Remember when we had that Yorkie terrier for three years?”
“Well, yeah, but...I mean, that was...How did I forget about Sammie?” She was completely bewildered now.
“You didn’t. There is no Sammie. I asked if you remembered having a dog, so you did. That’s how it works. I don’t control it; if I ask someone to remember something, they just...do.”
“Okay, you’re being insane right now. You didn’t make me remember Sammie, I just...wasn’t thinking of her when you asked...that’s all...” She sounded unsure.
“Well, have we ever had a cat?”
“No. We definitely never had a cat. I’m allergic, we would never get one.”
“But remember Sammie’s feline playmate, the calico we had the whole time Sammie was with us?”
“I...I sneezed everyday...I...but I just said...I couldn’t forget...” Then she gasped and all I heard was the click of the call being disconnected. I put the phone down and sighed, sure I had not only lost my sister, but been outed to my parents if not someone else. But I deserved it...no one should have this kind of power, especially someone like me who didn’t know what he was doing with it.
That night I lay in bed, eyes wide open, unable to sleep. I listened to the soft snoring of my roommate who, thanks to a bit of alcohol, had no trouble passing out on his bed. And then my phone, plugged in but next to me on my mattress, vibrated. It was a text from Dani: “Can I call?”
“You sure you want to?” I typed in response.
There was a 20 minute delay until the next message. “Yes.”
“Go for it,” I said. And then the phone began its vibrational pattern telling me that Dani was indeed calling.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hey, bro,” she responded, much more gentle a greeting than I had expected.
“Look, I really am sorry about everything. I never meant...I just wanted...I don’t know what I wanted. I was horny, and you’re hot, and I just...abused my powers and manipulated you. I didn’t know it would go as far as it did. I’m sorry.”
“So...how many times did you...whammie me?”
“Whammie?”
“Shut up. How many times, Jack?”
“I don’t know...just when I needed to to make sure we could keep doing everything. The first time...you never decided we should fuck whenever you and Hank did; that was fake. And you never said you were okay with incest...that was me, too. And...you never wanted to date me. That was me.”
“So...you wanted to date me?”
“Kind of. I just...was tired of only having your body, and I wanted more. But you were set on us only being physical, so I just...made you think you weren’t.”
“You wanted more? Like what?”
“Not like that, Dani. Just...I don’t know, variety.”
“’Variety’? So you made me fall in love with you for ‘variety’?”
“No! I didn’t know you’d fall in love with me. I honestly had no idea I was doing anything more than getting us some dates. That’s why, when I left for college, and you told me all that...I was really heartbroken. I saw you were, and it made me. I love you, Dani, you’re my sister and I would do anything for you. But I just...don’t feel that way, and it’s only because of me that you ever did.”
Silence. Then, “I didn’t tell Mom and Dad, you know.”
“What?”
“I didn’t tell Mom and Dad about this. They wouldn’t believe me anyway, but also...maybe they don’t need to know.”
“I don’t get it. Why are you being so calm about this?”
“I’m not calm, Jack. Inside, I’m freaking the hell out. I don’t fully understand this...”
“Welcome to the club.”
“Yeah, well...I’m just trying to put myself in your shoes. If I found out I could do what you can when I was 13...I don’t know what I’d have done. Probably not make you want to fuck me...or maybe I would...I mean...I don’t know. All those times together, were they real? Those memories...did they happen?”
“Yeah. Well, all except the first times. I figured you’d only be okay with it if you thought we’d done it before...but everything after that was real.”
“Yeah...look, I’m not happy you used me like that. Part of me wonders if it counts as rape. But I just...I don’t know what I would have done in your place. Have you used this on anyone else?”
“Mom and Dad. And Sarah.” Sarah was my ex-girlfriend, the one from high school who I’d “reminded” that she’d asked me out.
“Of course. That’s the only way a dick like you would get someone to date them.”
“Hey!” I said, mildly offended. But I was also happy about the comment...it was the kind of comment she’d have made when I was 15, back before I started changing her. It was the kind of comment the real, unaltered, unreminded Dani would have made.
“Just stating the facts. I think. God...Sammie and Skittles seem so real in my head...”
“Skittles?”
“You know, our cat—oh, I guess you don’t know...”
“Yeah...”
“Well, look, can you just...get rid of them? Make me forget them? It’s so weird knowing that I have false memories rattling around in my brain...”
“I don’t know. I’ve thought about it before, but I never wanted to experiment. After what happened with you...with us...I just wanted it to end.”
“Well, here. Try it. Just...ask me if I remember not having a dog and cat.“
“Are you sure you want me meddling again?”
“I’m asking you to.”
“Okay...” I wasn’t as sure as she that this was a good idea, but if she wanted it, I wasn’t in a position to deny that. “Do you remember that we didn’t have a dog or a cat?”
“...woah. That’s...that’s...I don’t...”
“Dani, you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just...weird. Like...I remember Skittles and Sammie, but...I remember the same times without them. Like...both at once. Like I’m living two lives...”
“Well, I guess I can cross ‘memory erasure’ off my list of superpowers...”
“Superpowers? I knew you were reading too many comics.”
“What would you call it?”
“I don’t know...what would you call it?”
“A curse.”
“A curse it is, then. You know, in all those movies and shows, they always say that everything is a gift and a curse depending on how you use it. Maybe you just need to start using it better.”
“I can’t say the ‘r’ word without rewriting someone’s memories and making them think they’ve lived a life they never did. How can I ever use that better?”
“I don’t know...you’ll find a way.”
“Heather’s dating some other guy,” I said, not sure why I’d brought it up.
“Who’s Heather?”
“Don’t you rem—I mean, uh, I mentioned her in a text before. She’s a friend up here, lives in the dorm across the hall?”
“No, I don’t remember, which I’m just fine with. But so what if she’s dating some other guy?”
“I asked her out. Kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“I just wanted to ask her out, but out of habit, I...may have made her think she asked me out first.”
“Ugh, you are a complete douchebag.”
“No, I know. I backtracked, though, and turned it around...made it so it was like I was asking...I fixed it. She went out with another guy instead, and now they’re dating.”
“Well, see? Not always such a curse.”
“It only went well because I backpeddled. If I didn’t, she would be going out with me and hating every second of it.”
“You don’t know she’d have hated it.”
“You didn’t see her face when she thought she’d asked me out.”
“Fair enough...I wonder if I...if I’d have fallen in love with you anyway, if you hadn’t messed with my head.”
“If I hadn’t messed with your head, we’d be a normal brother and sister, never fucked, never dated, and you’d be totally against incest.”
“Is...is that really who you think I’d be?”
“I know it is. It’s the kind of person you were before...I got involved.”
“Well, you know what? Thank you, then, for doing it.”
I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. “Uh...what?”
“Thank you. Look, you said all those memories with you—except the first time—were real, right? Well, I love those memories. I treasure them. And even if it did make me fall in love with you in a very one-sided desire...I still love those memories on their own, too. If what you said is true, I would never have let myself try those things...I would never know what it’s like to feel you inside me, to feel your lips on mine. Even if the dates were just ‘variety’ for you, I would never have known what it’s like to be wined and dined by you. I would have just...stopped it before it happened. So thank you for giving me all that.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re all screwed up in the head.”
“Maybe. But isn’t it better to be screwed up and happy than normal and missing a piece of yourself?”
“I...I don’t know...”
“Look, it’s getting late, and I need to try and get some sleep. Be careful with your curse, but...don’t always assume it’s a curse. Sometimes, even the worst actions can have the best results. Goodnight, dork.”
“Goodnight, Dani.” Click.
“Hey.” I jumped about a foot off my bed; I thought my roommate was passed out. “Isn’t Dani your sister?”
“Uh...yeah. She just called.” How much had he heard?
“Did you say you fucked and dated her?”
Shit. Shit shit shit. “No...” I couldn’t remove memories; we’d just tested that. So how would I get out of this?
“I know I’m still a little drunk, but you totally said that.”
“I...we...why are you mentioning it? Remember how you love incest?” Double shit. What had I just done?
“Yeah...that’s why I’m asking. Why didn’t you ever tell me you and your sister were together?”
“We’re...not...anymore...”
“Oh. Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to get involved...g’night.” Immediate snoring.
If our memories make us, then what had I just made him?