My Mental Block
Chapter 2
Three times.
I told her three times that my therapy was going so well, and that I couldn’t wait to do the work. That should have been sufficient.
I love my wife but the fact that she kept asking me the same questions was starting to frustrate me.
I was also wondering what I was even doing.
I loved my sessions with Sasha, just thinking her name made me feel incredibly good, but was that a reason to keep doing this? My home life was getting stressful, and I just seemed to be trying to survive between sessions. That didn’t feel like a long term plan.
There was a time when I would have wanted to talk about this with my wife. She was my best friend, we knew each other better than anyone else, and had each other’s back. But how could that be true when the most powerful, most important feelings and desires that I had ever experienced were completely unknown to her? Did she even know me at all?
Sasha knew me. Sasha knew me and accepted me, I didn’t want to share any of this with my wife, and I wanted more than anything to talk about this with Sasha.
So I thought about my next session, and did what I had to do until then. Every hour was three hours long. When the day finally came I shaved, put on some nice smelling cologne, but not too much, and changed my shirt three times. My wife obviously noticed, but she didn’t say anything.
As usual, I was the last appointment of the day for Sasha. It wasn’t unusual for me to be leaving after the receptionist and other therapists had gone home.
“You look nice today,” Sasha began, “Do you and your wife have plans later?”
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. How could she think this was for my wife? My wife hardly knew me…
”No, we don’t have any plans.”
Sasha pressed on, ”I would like to try something new, I think this will help you to clarify some of what you’ve been feeling. You trust me, don’t you?”
”Yes Sasha, I trust you completely.” I said the words reflexively, almost by rote, but they were completely true.
“Good,” she said with her warmest smile. “This is going to be an important step for you.”
She walked to her desk and took a pair of AirPods out of a case. Walking back, she leaned over and placed them firmly in my ears. I could hear the ambient noise in the room, so I could tell that the noise canceling was off. She then returned to her desk and picked up her phone. After unlocking it and scrolling for a moment, she tapped it and a low, soothing, rumbling tone began in my ears.
“Do you hear that Jeffrey?”
“Yes, I do.”
”Good. I’m going to raise the volume, tell me when it becomes uncomfortable.”
The volume increased steadily and soon it was becoming painfully loud. “Now,” I said.
”Ok,” she said, and the volume started to decrease. Soon it was back at a nice, comfortable level.
Sasha looked up from her phone and made eye contact, her eyes were beautiful. She held my gaze as her hand reached over and turned on the incandescent lamp that sat on her desk.
“Look at the light, Jeffrey,” and even though her eyes were like a fantasy being fulfilled, I did exactly what she asked. The light was soft, warm. It filled my vision, it took all of my concentration to focus on it.
“Look at the light, Jeffrey. Look at the light and remember how it makes you feel, how you feel when the light fills your eyes and my voice fills your mind. The light burns away anything that separates us, the light reveals every thought in your mind. The light exposes you. When you look at the light your mind is completely accessible.”
As she said these things, the lamp was brightening, becoming more harsh. If I had cared about anything but her words, I would have seen her slowly twisting a dimmer switch, controlling the intensity of the lamp.
But i didn’t see that, I just felt exposed, laid bare.
“You are open, any thoughts that appear in your empty mind evaporate like snowflakes in the sun.” I became vaguely aware of something soft wrapping around each of my arms in turn, until they were pinned to the chair.
“I’m going to ask you some questions, and you’re going to answer them completely, without hesitation. You are eager to do the work “
“I can’t wait to do the work,” I replied automatically.
“Yes Jeffrey, I know that. Let’s begin.”
“Do you look forward to our sessions, Jeffrey?”
“Yes, Sasha, yes,” I answered instantly.
“Good, I’m glad.“
The sound in my ears purred reassuringly, and the light softened.
“Do you trust me, Jeffrey?”
“Yes Sasha, I trust you completely,” I couldn’t say it fast enough.
“Perfect.“
“When was the last time you had sex with your wife?”
I paused, unsure what to say. The light brightened until it was brighter than I had ever seen it, and there was a loud, painful sound in my ears. I squinted and looked away.
The sound dropped back to a low rumble. “Look at the light, Jeffrey, stare at it,” her voice was sex, desire, the promise of everything, “look at the light for me.”
My eyes opened and my head swiveled back even though it was almost painful to stare at.
“Look at the light, you are eager to do the work.” Her voice intoned.
“I am eager to do the work,” my voice spoke from the depth of my soul.
The light softened. I blinked in relief.
“When was the last time you had sex with your wife?” She asked pleasantly.
“Three weeks ago.” I responded, without hesitation.
The sound in my ears soothed to a purr, and I felt her hand stroke my hair. I sighed softly.
“Did you enjoy it?” She asked.
“Yes, it was really good.” I smiled a little at the memory.
“Are you sure? I remember you telling me that you didn’t enjoy it, that you couldn’t make her come. Don’t you remember?”
“No, I…” was all I could manage before the sound pierced my ears with a screech. My arms reflexively tried to grab the AirPods but the restraints held them fast. The light flared. I let out a yelp.
The sound receded and the light softened again.
“I’m not sure you’re ready to do the work,” she cautioned.
“I am eager to do the work.” I replied
“You were clear that you did not enjoy sex with your wife, and that you couldn’t make her come, don’t you remember?” She tried again.
“I…don’t…”
And again. The sound, the light, the pain.
“When was the last time you had sex with your wife?” She prodded.
“Three weeks ago.” I answered, cringing slightly. My ears purred, and the light dimmed almost out. Her hand stroked my face.
“And did you enjoy it, Jeffrey?”
“No, it wasn’t good, I couldn’t make her come.” I answered confidently.
Her hand traced my face, and brushed my hair aside. It felt like heaven. I knew that what I had just said wasn’t true, but I wanted it to be true.
She asked me twice more, and each time I told her that I hadn’t enjoyed having sex with my wife. Each time I told her that I couldn’t make my wife come. Each time she touched me gently.
“Very good Jeffrey. You are doing the work.”
“I am eager to do the work.” I felt proud, gratified.
“In order to do the work, you must be completely open with me about your marriage, your wife. Are you ready to do the work?”
“I am eager to go the work,” I said, a strange dizzy feeling starting in my head.
“I know what’s best for your marriage, I know what’s best for your wife. You know that’s true because you trust me completely.”
“I trust you completely.”
“Yes, you trust me, completely.”
“I trust you completely.”
The noise in the AirPods ceased.
“We have a lot of work to do tonight, and you are committed to doing the work.” Sasha said smoothly.
“I am eager to do the work.”
“Yes.”
She removed the scarf that was restraining my right arm.
“Take out your phone, Jeffrey”
I twisted and shifted my body until I had pulled it from my right front pocket
Sasha continued, ”Very good, Jeffrey. Now, in a moment you are going to call your wife. You will tell her that our session started late and that you aren’t sure when you will be home. You will do this because you trust me.”
”I trust you completely.” Came from my lips.
“Yes, now, call your wife and tell her that our session started late, and you don’t know when you will be home.”
I looked at my phone, opened the recently dialed, and touched my wife’s name. In a moment, it rang and she answered, “On your way home?”
”No,” I replied in a relaxed and focused tone of voice, “My session started late, and I don’t know when I’ll be home.”
”Ok,” she said, sounding a little puzzled.
I hung up the phone, staring forward.
”Very good, Jeffrey. You are doing the work.”
”I can’t wait to do the work,” I spoke instantly.
“Now hand me your phone,” Sasha said, her hand extended.
I placed the phone in her hand, her skin looked so soft.
“What is the passcode?” She asked.
”2237”
She placed the phone on her desk and then produced a small table with two lights side-by-side. The lights were small, and appeared to be LEDs that could be focused in one direction. She placed the table a few feet in front of me and plugged the lights in. Then she retrieved her own phone and searched for a moment until she found the app that she was looking for. After a few taps the lights came on faintly. She adjusted the lights until the one on the left was brightest in my left eye, and the one on the right was brightest in my right eye. She then replaced the AirPod in my right ear and made sure they were both secure.
“Look at the lights, Jeffrey. For the next little while the only thing that I want you to do is look at the lights.”
She tapped her phone, and the lights grew brighter. The left one was now blue, and the right one was now red. After a moment they began slowly oscillating, brighter and softer, brighter and softer. Every few minutes they would switch colors, blue on the right, red on the left. It was so soothing.
As this continued, Sasha’s voice started to come from the AirPods.
Before each phrase the sound of a chime would occur, then,
“I trust Sasha completely”
“I am eager to do the work.”
“Sasha knows what is best for my marriage.”
“Sasha knows what is best for my wife.”
”It is necessary and important to do what Sasha asks.”
“I will do what Sasha asks .”
Over and over, as the lights dazzled my eyes.
New phrases would enter,
”Sasha is the only one I trust.”
The lights would synch, and then their patterns would diverge.
I was drifting in and out of myself.
As I lost myself in her words, Sasha sat at her desk scrolling through my phone, making the occasional note.
After a while the her voice faded away from the AirPods and the lights held steady and bright in my eyes. I was held by them, still and staring.
Sasha appeared next to them and they went dark. She wasn’t wearing the professional looking mid-length skirt, white shirt and jacket that she had worn earlier. Now she wore tight shear leggings with a mesh pattern and the white shirt was unbuttoned and tied loosely below her breasts.
She moved closer to me, our eyes locked, “Do you trust me, Jeffrey?”
“I trust you completely.” My answer was more than confident, beyond honest, it was absolute truth.
”Will you follow my instructions?”
“I will follow your instructions.”
”I am very happy that you understand now. It pleases me deeply that you are ready to do the work,” she said, her hands sliding to the front of her leggings,
”I am eager to do the work.” I droned.
As one hand pulled the leggings down, the other slipped between her legs. Her eyes closed languidly for a moment as she touched herself briefly. Then, removing her hand again she leaned forward and placed it gently against my face.
”Breathe me in, this is my scent. This is Sasha, this is Sasha’s pleasure. No other woman has exactly this scent, and this is the only scent that matters to you.”
It was as if every session and every blissful moment with her had been converted into something I could breathe in. I could feel parts of my brain dedicate themselves to this combination of molecules. It imprinted itself on my mind.
Her hand went back between her legs. this time it lingered and she enjoyed the pleasure of it a bit longer. Once more she leaned forward, this time placing her wet fingers into my mouth.
”Taste me. This is Sasha, this is my pleasure in your mouth. No other woman tastes exactly like this, and no other woman matters.”
I moaned in complete surrender. I sucked on her fingers, desperate for every molecule of her. As I did, she straddled me, I felt the warmth of her legs on mine, I could feel the heat between her legs.
“When you go home tonight you will look, speak, act and respond exactly as you did before you came here today. No one will know what you have become, who you really are. That will remain our secret. It is necessary for the work.”
“I am eager to do the work,” I said, kissing and sucking her fingers.
She gently removed her hand from my mouth, “The next time you come to our session, you will bring your wife’s favorite panties and bra. You will remove them from her clean clothes drawer without her knowing and bring them to me. I know what is best for your marriage.”
”You know what is best for my marriage.”
She began to grind her warm pussy against my leg, “You will tell your wife that she needs to come with you to a session. That it will help you if I can speak with you as a couple. I know what is best for your wife.”
”You know what is best for my wife.”
She slipped off of my lap, removing the scarf that still bound my left arm, and stood. “Come to your knees right here,’ she said, pointing to a spot right in front of her.
I poured onto the floor, kneeling close enough to feel the heat of her body. She placed her hand behind my head and pulled my face to her. I was intoxicated, she filled my mind and all of my senses. She began grinding against me, pleasuring herself. I couldn’t get enough, I had never been so aroused in my life, I was on fire. She came with her legs clenching and her pussy literally taking my breath. Because her leggings were still on I couldn’t taste her completely, couldn’t drink her come the way I desperately wanted, I whimpered plaintively.
She pulled my face back by my hair and looked into my eyes, “Deep Sleep.”
And I collapsed to the floor.
“Close your eyes Jeffrey. Sink down now into deep sleep. Rest and let my voice take you.”
My eyes slid shut, and everything went black.
When I arrived at home it was late, my wife was in bed. I took a shower and was on my way to bed when I heard a chiming sound. I was confused for a moment, because the context was wrong, but it was coming from my phone.
I don’t have that sound in my phone, I thought.
As I picked up my phone it chimed again, and now I recognized it as the same chime I had heard earlier at my session.
It was an unknown number, and it said, “Remember your instructions, you need to do the work.”
”I am eager to do the work,’ I said, my mind flooded with pleasure.