Pandemic
Part 3
“Diane!” Helen said loudly to me. I jumped out of my skin, my wandering hand darting to hide in the thick curls of my fiery red hair. I looked at Helen like a kid who was caught with her hand deep in the cookie jar, though my hand was about to open a different treat container.
“Huh?” I said, hoping my cheeks weren’t going as red as my hair.
“Wow, you really spaced out there.” Helen gave me an amused smirk. “I was saying do you want cocoa? I’m going to make some.”
“Oh! Sure, ok.” I replied gratefully, and she gently patted my shoulder on her way to the kitchen.
For a few minutes, it was just Craig and I watching, or rather listening to the muffled orgy of Channel 14 news. Occasionally there would be a particularly loud grunt or scream, but most of what was going on was too faint and garbled to make out.
“Those poor, lucky bastards…” Craig sighed after a minute of us sitting in silence.
“Lucky?” I asked.
“Well, yeah.” He grimaced. “I mean, of all the ways to go, having hot, pheromone charged sex with strangers until you literally can’t function anymore? There are so many worse ways to go out.”
“I guess, but…” I hesitated.
“No buts!” Craig insisted. What about the people who started feeling the effects of the virus while driving and crashed because they couldn’t stop themselves jerking off? What about the people who succumbed to it while outside in that fucking awful winter weather and who’d die of exposure because they couldn’t get themselves to shelter? These guys: they’re inside, they’re warm, and their not in danger. Fuck, I hope my parents went just fucking the crap out of each other… It’s a good end to a long and bumpy marriage for them.”
“But you don’t know that they’re—“
“Oh come on Diane. My parents are dead, and so are yours!” he said shortly. “Most likely! I mean, we lucked out here. This place being a couple miles outside of town and with us holing up here for the weekend anyway was just dumb luck. Most people didn’t have that. Most people were exposed before we even knew the virus existed!”
A chill ran down my spine and a swelling anger started building in my throat. Craig clearly saw this, as he shook his head and spoke more softly.
“Look, I’m sorry. I just… I’m trying so hard to be ok, to not let it all get to me. Thinking they went out in the best possible way just helps me.” He sighed.
“My parents aren’t dead.” I replied in a sheepish murmur. “Neither are my brothers. They’re smart, they’ll have known to shut themselves in.”
“Ok, I won’t insist they’re gone, but you know you can’t go see them, right?” Craig said gently. “If you leave here, you can’t come back. We can’t risk all of us for any one person’s hope, alright?”
“That’s fair.” I replied, fighting back a tear, “But my parents are not dead, and I will see them again, Craig.”
“I hope you do, Diane.” Craig stared at my somberly. “I really hope you do.”
We sat in awkward silence for a few more minutes, occasionally exchanging timid glances until Helen returned with the cocoa.
“I miss anything?” she asked keenly as she handed a mug to Craig then myself.
“Absolutely nothing.” I said lamely, before thanking her for the cocoa.
“You know…” Craig mused, “When we run out of cocoa and marshmallows, a little part of me is going to die.
“When we run out of food, all of us are going to die…” Helen muttered back, sipping slightly on her cocoa as she sat down on the couch next to me. She then looked up and glanced between Craig and I. “Sorry, was that too dark? I can’t always tell…”
“We’ll be fine. We have food for a week, at least.” Craig tried to sound confident as he said it, but his voice was laced with concern.
I could tell Helen wanted to ask what the plan was when the food ran out, because I wanted to ask it too. Neither of us did though. It was a question that the entire household had on their minds, and it went unspoken.
More awkward silence ensued, until Anne appeared, bleary eyed and yawning some fifteen minutes later. Anne was like our groups’ own cheerleader. She looked the part, being perky, blonde, with a huge smile and friendly demeanor. But beneath that, she had been tirelessly doing her best to comfort everyone when they needed it. I had cried into her shoulder that first night when we all agreed we had to stay and that we couldn’t try to save our families. She had told me both Craig and Jeff had cried with her too, though she made me swear never to tell them I knew. She was beautiful to me, inside and out, and was the heart of our little survivor group.
“Craig…” she said, rubbing her eyes and smiling drowsily. “I need your help refilling the generator.”
“What? Again?” Craig replied, though he jumped to his feet fairly eagerly.
“I swear, show me two or three more times and I’ll totally get it…” Anne replied, before waving to Helen and I on the couch and adding “Anything to report, ladies?”
“We saw some people get infected on live TV.” I shrugged.
“It wasn’t as good as it sounds.” Helen added.
“Weird.” Anne frowned in amusement. “You both wanna get to bed soon. Diane, you’ve got 7am, right?”
“Right.” I replied. “Just going after my cocoa.”
“Well, sweet dreams.” Anne smiled before following Craig out of the room.
A few moments more silence passed before I said “They’ve gone off to have sex in the study, haven’t they?”
“Almost certainly” Helen murmured, not looking up from her cocoa. “Good for them, really.”
“Huh. You know, it must have been going on a few days now, but it just clicked for me that refueling the generator is pretty straightforward.”
“Oh, definitely” Helen replied in her dead pan voice. “Anne is likely smart enough to make a new generator out of the toaster and some Christmas tree lights, I really don’t buy her not getting the basics of filling.”
“Honestly, after what’s happening out there in the world, I’m surprised they can have sex and not be worried about being infected…” I sighed.
“You know that Ruth and Jeff are probably doing the same thing upstairs, right?” Helen commented idly.
“No shit!” I blurted, almost spilling some cocoa. “Ok, that one is a surprise to me.”
“I’ve just been watching, you know…” Helen said. She then looked at me with a serious expression. “You know what this means, right?”
“No… what?” I asked intrigued, taking a large gulp of warm cocoa.
“Well, our four housemates are shacking up together. We should probably at least make out or something…”
This time my drink did go everywhere, and I spent the next minute choking and spluttering. Once I calmed down, I looked up at Helen, imagining I looked like a deer in headlights. I typically wasn’t attracted to woman. It was one of the reasons I my close call on my bus journey with the newly infected girl was so vivid in my mind. Helen had a natural beauty about her, with her messy black tangles, pale skin, and deep hazel eyes. Her face was kindly and round, and her body had generous curves. Her body language and expression was usually one of passive disinterest, like most of the happenings in the world had no effect on her. The last few days she had been more serious about things, but no less sarcastic and cynical in general. She was the sort of friend that would do nice things for you in secret and then deny that she had any involvement. She would insult the world and then dispassionately assure you that you were an exception to her ire, and you trusted her, because with you she was never unkind. But attracted to her? I wasn’t, and now I was terrified of what to say next.
“Relax, Diane. The moment’s over. I was just joking.” Helen said with the slightest smile.
“Oh, yeah, of course.” I replied bashfully.
“There’s something going on with you…” Helen gazed at me with an inquisitive look. “You wouldn’t have half choked to death at me saying something like that if I hadn’t touched upon a nerve or something.”
“I have no idea what you’re on about.” I tried to deflect with my best attempt of a confused expression.
“I don’t mean to pry.” Helen immediately stated with her hands held up defensively. “But I am here to talk. Always.”
“It’s ok…” I murmur sheepishly. “Thanks, though.”
Helen continued to stare at me with a calculating intensity for a few more seconds. She seemed to be hesitating whether or not to say something else. Eventually she did.
“You know, it’s ok to be turned on by the idea of infection.”
My world froze. I could feel the color drain from my face as I stared back at Helen in panicked bewilderment. How could she possibly know?
“Wha-what?!” I stammered. “I’m not- I don’t- I- I—“
“I’m sorry.” Helen squinted, apparently regretting having said it. “If I’m way off base, then that’s really my bad. But you should know, I’m really curious to know what it feels like to be infected myself.”
Breathing heavily, my mind raced at what to do next. Should I tell her she’s a freak and leave? Cover myself from ever having to admit that yes, I fantasize about being infected daily? Or do I come clean? I mean, she just opened up to me in a hugely vulnerable way… Before I could decide which path to take, Helen continued speaking.
“You know why I’ve never had a partner, right?” she asked, though didn’t wait for my response. “I don’t find men or women sexually attractive. I mean, I find people with qualities I admire, and there are people I want to naturally spend more of my time with, maybe even all of my time with… But I’ve never felt aroused, or really wanted to explore anything sexual with anyone.”
As she spoke she glanced this way and that, occasionally looking back to me nervously, probably to see my reaction.
“I tried masturbation a few times, particularly when I was frustrated that everyone around me in college seemed to be hooking up, getting in relationships and everything, you know, college stuff. Anyway, it felt kinda nice, but nothing special. Like, I may as well enjoy some chocolate and watch my favorite anime, you know?”
I nodded meekly and whispered “Uh huh.”, still amazed at what she was sharing with me.
“Anyway, seeing this infection, and what it does to people. The arousal and the pleasure it brings. It makes me wonder, would I feel that? Would I know what it’s like to be turned on? Would I get to experience an orgasm? Would I enjoy it the way everyone seems to when they succumb to the virus?”
She then put a hand on my knee as we sat, and I could see that her eyes were glossy.
“So when I tell you that I won’t judge you, please believe me.” She said with another faint smile.
“I am…” I sighed heavily, fighting my urge to attack her for her openness. “I mean, I have been extremely turned on by the thought of being infected. I mean, constant arousal? Orgasm after orgasm, and nothing mattering anymore but sex and pleasure? I think it’s a better fantasy than it would be reality, but it hasn’t stopped me thinking about it since the news broke.”
“I had the feeling.” Helen said kindly. “I didn’t want you to bottle it up. I’m only in this group of friends because you reached out to that angry kid I used to be in high school. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have gotten to know Craig and the others. I wouldn’t be here. I’d be infected and maybe even dead by now.” A tear fell down Helen’s cheek, but she was determined to finish. “So believe me Diane, when I say I love you and I will never judge you for anything.”
“Helen, I… I—“ I struggled, feeling tears well up in me. “That was… the…” I was losing the ability to speak.
“It’s ok.” She sniffed. “Just come here.”
We hugged tightly for several minutes, and afterwards I opened up more about my experience on the bus and how it had stayed with me. We ended up talking long after our cocoa was finished, about the infection and our wonderings and fantasies concerning it. We then talked about other people in high school, wondering where they were, and who they might be fucking right now. It was the most refreshed and open I’d felt since the night we decided to hole ourselves up here. Eventually, Anne arrived back with Craig close behind her.
“Guys? What are you still doing up?” she asked in surprise. Her flowing blonde hair was very disheveled and her clothes were ruffled. Clearly, she didn’t think she had needed to mask her post coital appearance.
“Oh! We were…” I tried to think of something more innocent than discussing our infection fantasies.
“It doesn’t matter. You all need your rest! Get to bed! You too, Craig.”
Anne chased us all out of the longue and we went to our separate rooms. As soon as I got into bed, my hand wandered down to my cunt and started to play. Images of the girl on the bus were now joined by the people from Channel 14 news. I touched myself to Victoria losing control of herself, and to everyone around her falling under the influence of her pheromones.
Then a new image appeared in my head. It was Helen, slowly undressing, telling me she got herself infected for me. At first I protested, but then I imagined her pheromones seeping into my mind, and I imagined myself being completely overcome with lust, falling to my knees, and crawling to lick her exposed pussy. All the time a part of me told me it was wrong, that I had to resist, but that part of me got quickly drowned out by the waves of shuddering pleasure rolling through me as I imagined Helen grabbing thick tufts of my hair and pulling me into her, telling me to lick her, to taste her juices.
I came, hard, stifling a scream with my pillow, and gasping afterwards, soaked in horny sweat. The image stayed dominant in my mind, though and I ended up cumming twice more before I fell asleep half an hour later.
I awoke with a start in the middle of the night. Unsure of the time, but seeing it was dark outside still, I put on a robe and wandered downstairs where I heard more and more rummaging and two hushed voices.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” One of the voices said. I was pretty sure it was Anne. That made sense; she was supposed to be on watch right now anyway.
“I can. You care about her as much as I do.” Said the other voice. At first I thought it was Craig, but when he spoke again I realized it had to be Jeff. “We’ll be there and back before anyone knows it, and if they do figure it out, we’ll just explain why.”
They were in the hall, putting on warm outdoor clothes and checking a collection of heavy carrier bags and rucksacks. I stayed near the landing on the stairs, mostly out of sight in the gloom.
“They’ll blame me, surely.” Anne said anxiously. “I’m on watch, I shouldn’t let you go.”
“Look, if Ruth doesn’t get more before tonight then she’s in trouble.” Jeff said urgently. “It took me hours to coax it out of her, she wasn’t going to say because she didn’t want us to worry or do something stupid!”
“Well look at us now! We’re doing something stupid!” Anne whispered in exasperation.
“Yeah, well, Ruth definitely would try to stop us going, and so would Craig. And I’d rather leave Helen and Diane out of it, no reason to put them at risk two. And by the way, for the millionth time, I’d rather go myself! I don’t want you to put yourself at risk, just cover for me!”
“Yeah, well, for the billionth time, there’s no way I’m letting you go alone. Besides, you know how low on food we are. Once we get the medicine we need to grab as much grub as we can, and two pack mules are better than one!”
“Fine, fine!” Jeff replied bitterly. “But stay close to me, and be ready to run at any moment when we get close.”
“Please, I could outpace you any day.” Anne whispered back, this time with a lighter tone.
“Fine. And if I get infected, or lose control due to the pheromones or whatever, you leave me there and save yourself, ok? I’m too big for you to drag me away, you’ll only get yourself infected.” Jeff said with an air of finality.
“Same to you, big guy.” Anne replied. “Now come on, we need to leave now if we’re gonna get back for Diane starting her shift.”
I leaned back into the shadows as they made towards the door, fully wrapped up in winter gear for the snow outside, and with dozens of empty shopping bags stuffed into a large hiking rucksack each.
Slowly and quietly, they unlocked the door and exited the house, clicking the door gently shut behind them. My heart was racing now. Ruth being so upset earlier made a lot more sense now. She was low on medicine, but for what? She hadn’t told me about a condition ever. But Jeff had clearly gotten her to talk, and now he was off on a suicide run into town with Anne.
What should I do? Did I go after them? And if so, to drag them back, or to help them out? Or should I wake Craig? Or Ruth? Hell, Helen might know what to do…
But Ruth… I had no idea. The food situation getting grim was bad enough, now she was about to get sick… I didn’t blame the decision Jeff made. But it was still insanely dangerous. And Anne going along too…
I forced myself to move, as the longer I stayed frozen in fear, the further away they would get. Time to decide, I thought… Go after them? Or sound the alarm?
Cursing under my breath, I rushed back to my room as quietly as I could manage and threw on as many clothes as I had brought with me to the intended two day sleepover. I then crept back downstairs and picked a heavy jacket from Craig’s parents’ cupboard. A hat, scarf, and gloves, and a pair of hiking boots that fit moderately well, and I felt ready to face the ice sheets of Antarctica. The last thing I did was grab another hiking bag and a hand torch from the cupboard; it was insane how many new and unused things Craig’s parents had stuffed in there.
Hoping that Jeff and Anne hadn’t gotten too far ahead in the time it had taken me to get ready, I opened the front door as quietly as I could, stepped out into the snowy landscape, and went after my friends.