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“Little Jenny’s Blog”

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(Author’s note: The Surgeon General warns that the following should not be read by: expectant moms, unwed moms, soccer moms, security moms or any moms without a sense of humor. Dedicated to Tabico, for all of the glorious nightmares she’s blessed the rest of us with.)

Hi, my name is Jennifer Marie Harris and I was born five days ago on August 5. That’s my picture up there, taken two days ago in the nursing ward by my Mommy. My Mommy is Samantha Harris and she’s the greatest Mom there ever was. She works at Smith, Henderson, and Thomas as a junior partner. She makes six figures a year, which is really cool ‘cause I plan on spending most of it on my education. I was 7 pounds and 2 ounces when I popped out, but I’m putting on weight like a champ. I got all my fingers and toes and the cutest blue eyes you ever saw.

This is a picture of my crib. It cost my Mom a fortune, but I’m worth every penny. It’s made of REAL wood, not that plastic stuff and has real down bumpers and blankets. I’m such a lucky baby. Notice the little hanging horsies and ducks and dogs and cats that I get to look up at. It even plays music, but I’m too little to know what the song is. But I’m sure I’m going to like it when I get old enough. See ya later!

I’m a whole month old today! Yay! That’s my new picture up there. See all my blonde hair. Ain’t I just the sweetest thing you ever saw in my pink jumper? It cost a lot of money, ‘cause my Mom doesn’t shop at Wal Mart or Sears or Target. Nope, not for me. I’m too special! I’m getting a little big bigger every day too! I’m looking up at all the animals dangling up there and sometimes I smile at them. I don’t talk much, but that’s only because I don’t have anything to say right now. Life is too good to complain!

Here’s a picture of all the applications from all of the lucky ladies who want to take care of me while Mommy is at work. Look how big the stack is! It’s like a lottery that everyone wants to enter ‘cause the winner gets ME! OK, so they get a lot of money too. But I’m worth every penny. Oh, I gotta get fed now. Bye!

Hello again! It’s me, little Jenny Harris again. See my new picture! That’s my Mommy holding me. I really love pulling on her long blonde hair. Ain’t I a mess? I weigh over 10 pounds now and my favorite thing to do is make a mess on Mommy’s shoulder before she can get the bib. Well, maybe it’s my second favorite thing. My real favorite thing is to look up at her and make funny noises. She’s so lucky to have me!

Here’s a picture of the lucky lady Mom hired to take care of me. She’s from a little town about 30 miles outside the city. She’s a little young, but Mom says she’s got really great credentials. Hehe, I’m so big now, I can use big words like ‘credentials’ even though I don’t know what they mean. Aren’t I cute? Her name is Shelly and she comes from a long line of nannies who take care of special babies like me. And she likes this weblog, but then doesn’t everyone? She has the nicest smile. Not as nice as mine, of course, but that’s only because I have the nicest smile in the whole world! See ya later!

Yay! I’m officially two months old. See my official two month old picture? That’s Shelly holding me ‘cause Mommy had to take the picture. I like Shelly a lot. She’s almost as fun to spit up on as Mommy is! But she’s a little faster with the bib, darn it! Ain’t I a little stinker? I’m not growing near as much as I used to ‘cause the doctor says I got some kind of problem with Mommy’s milk. But never fear, that’s what formula is for! It doesn’t taste near as good as Mommy’s, but what does? Yum! I’m hungry.

This is Shelly and Mom holding me together. They’re both so lucky to be in the same picture with me, don’t you think? See that little twinkle in Shelly’s eye? Mommy says it’s because she loves both of us so much. Ain’t that sweet! The little outfit I’m wearing used to be Shelly’s when she was my age! Don’t I just look SO adorable?! Bye!

Good news! I’m gaining weight like crazy! Shelly and Mommy decided to take me to a new doctor in Shelly’s home town and he gave me some really great formula. I eat and eat and eat all the time now. I feel just like one of those lucky babies in those baby commercials! See the difference a few weeks makes! I met all of Shelly’s family and friends and everyone says I’m just the cutest baby they ever saw! Don’t you agree?

This is a picture of Shelly and Mommy out dancing in the field in Shelly’s home town. It’s dark because the picture was taken in the moonlight. Don’t they make a cute couple? Not as cute as me, of course, but then what is?!

Three months! It’s been three whole months. Look how big I am now! Mommy Shelly said we lost the rest of the web site when we switched servers when we moved to her home town, so some people won’t be able to read this anymore. Now Mommy Samantha commutes (what’s ‘commutes?’) to work in the city. I like it here, though, ‘cause there’s lots and lots of Mommy Shelly’s family around. I love Mommy Shelly’s family.

This is a picture of my new crib. It used to be Mommy Shelly’s. I got tired of the old animals and music, so Mommy got me some neat dragons and unicorns and pegususes (pegusi?) to watch swing around. Sometimes I talk to them. I have a really cute voice.

Hello again! Four months old! Here’s my latest picture. Don’t I have the cutest golden eyes? I bet there aren’t any other babies around with golden eyes. Well, OK, maybe just a few around Mommy’s home town, but none nearly as cute as me! And see how big I am? Mommy says I’ll be walking any day now. I can’t wait!

Here’s a picture of Aunt Samantha on her way to work. Isn’t she cute! And she makes all that money just for me! See how special I am?

My first Christmas! Here’s a picture of me walking. I bet not too many other babies walk when they’re four and a half months old! And my nails are getting longer and longer. Mommy says she needs to trim them so I don’t hurt anyone. But I wouldn’t hurt anyone because I’m the very best baby in the whole world!

This is our family around the Christmas tree. See how happy everyone is. Well, everyone except Samantha. She’s a little sad because now she wants to have a baby of her own. Maybe one day Mommy will let her, and maybe she’ll even have one as cute and adorable as me!

END: “LITTLE JENNY’S BLOG”