Waking up, chap 12
SO many story lines to continue with. Well, I ended with the lesbians, so I’ll start with them. After the lasagna went in the oven, I told the remaining ‘cooks’ and ‘helpers’ that TWO of them were on ‘listen for the timer’ duty, and when it went off (1) turn off the oven, and (2) look in the oven and see if the top was REALLY brown and dark, or just a little tan. If dark, take the lasagna out, tent with foil, and come upstairs and find me. If tan, turn the oven off and leave the lasagna in the oven for another 10-15 minutes, keeping an eye on it every 5 minutes.
I left the kitchen with Lucy and Jenny, into the parlor by ourselves and whispered to them “Has anyone ever watched either of you have sex with another woman before? You remember that I joked about gay guys giving the best head? Well, I figure that YOU can teach ME a lot about what women like, and probably not just cunnilingus. Now, obviously this is YOUR choice, YOUR decision. I would understand 100% if you didn’t want to. You aren’t a Calif hippy, you didn’t grow up having sex thrown in your face since the age of 15. You both talk about it in private. I’ll come upstairs and see if you have come to a decision. Even a ‘we don’t even feel comfortable talking about it among ourselves, so no answer.’ So go up and talk it out for 5 minutes, then I’ll come up and you tell me what you decided. Five minutes later I knocked on their door and entered. Both ladies were completely nude. “Do we really have to put in words what our decision was?”, they laughed. I said “no, but. The issue of who to tell and NOT to tell needs to be decided.” Jenny said “we don’t really care, but it really isn’t anybody else’s business, and if we tell anybody at all the whole house will know in a day, if not 3 hours. I said “Well, if I tell Mary that I have a secret to share, with permission, but it IS a secret and she can’t repeat it, ever, she will not say a word. Has Mary ever told either of you someone else’s secret?” They both shook their heads ’no’. “So I can tell Mary?” Nods from both.
So they started the foreplay, Lucy was ‘driving’ and Jenny was enjoying. Well, so was Lucy. I was surprised to see that they were using techniques that I often used, and they didn’t use, at all, some that I had in my repertoire. I said nothing about it (at the time). They took their time, slowly building up the passion. Little touches here, a light stroke there, a feathery kiss in the crook (inside) of the elbow, playing with the nipples, then licking them, then Lucy started working her way down Jenny’s stomach and towards her ‘private garden’. It was obvious to me that each knew what pleased their partner. In this case, familiarity didn’t breed contempt, it bred passion. Jenny was shivering a little bit. Then Lucy pounced on her pussy, licking the lips from bottom to top. Jenny was moaning. Lucy started finger fucking and Jenny had her first orgasm in about 20 seconds. Then Lucy moved up and started gently licking Jenny’s clit. Jenny came again BIG TIME almost immediately, then pushed Lucy away. “God, you know how sensitive I get after an orgasm like that! I need some time to recuperate!” Jenny was panting.
Me: “May I say a few things while Jenny rests? OK, this isn’t a contest or a critique. I am rather pleased to find out that I am not a complete doofus when ‘visiting the downstairs’ so to speak. I do a lot of what you did. I didn’t know about the thing with the earlobe. Lucy said “It was complete happenstance. Just tried it once on a whim and she liked it, so…” Me: “Well, now I know to try it, mix it in, and see if my partner likes it. Do you usually switch off, switch roles back and forth?” Jenny said “yeah, now it’s my turn to try and make HER scream” and they both laughed. Jenny started on Lucy, did mostly the same things. No earlobe sucking, but Lucy apparently enjoyed having her butt rubbed and licked. But no massages from either on either. Hmm.
Lucy had her orgasm. They both cuddled and looked at me. I asked “Do you think that the fact that you had an audience changed anything? Held you back? Made it more exciting? Less so? Some people really get turned on knowing they are being watched.” Jenny blushed a bit and said “Um, I came quicker than normal, but I think that if it was due to being watched, it was because YOU were the person watching.” Lucy said “Sorry, but no difference for me.” Lucy said (laughingly) “That’s because you are a horny slut. Luckily, you are MY horny slut!” And kissed her passionately.
I said “Again, this isn’t a contest or a critique. I’m not offended at all. I am just here to learn.” Lucy asked “So, are you horny?” and Jenny elbowed her in the side. Me: “Yeah, I am sort of regretting doing this just before dinner. I am going to have a hard-on all evening. Then I looked at the clock. Ooooh, I have about 20 minutes for a blowjob, I’m going looking for Mary. But next time, we do this AFTER dinner!” They laughed and off I ran to find Mary. Found her, whispered in her ear “I really need a blowjob before dinner, which is in 15 minutes.” And we ran upstairs, leaving laughter behind us. Nobody heard what I had said, but it was pretty obvious why we were running upstairs in such a hurry.
That night when getting into bed, I said “Mary, I have a secret to tell you, I have permission, but it IS a secret and you can’t repeat it, ever, to anyone. It isn’t just my secret, but I do have permission to tell you—and ONLY you. They understand how close we are and that I don’t like keeping things from you. Do you agree to say nothing?” I got a nod. “BTW, this is why I was so horny before dinner. NEVER before dinner again.” I told her about Lucy and Jenny ‘tutoring’ me in the wonders of female intimacy. Mary snorted, and started laughing. “THEY are tutoring YOU in SEX?!!? That’s hilarious!” Me: “You know, that was basically the same reaction that I got from them. But I am always looking for ways to improve, and I figured that lesbians would know more about it than me, so … Now, do you want to laugh at me, or see what I learned tonight?”
Mary stripped, jumped on the bed, spread her legs and said “no problem, go for it, C!” And I said “that’s one thing they taught me. Well, I already knew most of it, but they taught me new ways to approach it. Make the partner really, really WANT it. Play with them, excite them, make them wet as the ocean, THEN you start visiting downstairs and putting all of your attention there. I was reminded not to just jump to what I know you like a lot, I should be mixing it up, and not falling into a rut. Just like I did our first time together—I just got you horny as hell. I never used my cock that night, I didn’t even penetrate with a finger, I just used finger and tongue on the outside. I seem to remember that you liked it. A lot. Six times. (I smiled).”
I did try sucking on her earlobe and slowly blowing on it, and she did like that. Not orgasm-material, but she shivered a bit when I did it. But I pretty much stuck to the same things as usual, just in a different order of application, and not rushing through, and going back to some things that I had done earlier, slowing it down to tease her and work her up. And I got her all worked up—it was difficult for me to wait. I really wanted her. I got really horny while teasing her. After her first orgasm I fucked her like a crazed rabbit to two more orgasms. When it was time for me to blow, I said “it’s time” and Mary knew what I wanted. She pulled off and started deep-throating me until I came down her throat.
After she came up for air, and could breathe again, I asked, “So was that much different than other times recently?” She answered, well, I certainly enjoyed it a lot, but then I always do. I did come more quickly tonight, I think.” I asked “were you at all thinking about me watching Lucy and Jenny make love?” (Mary blushed and nodded yes) “So that might have been part of it. It doesn’t bother you that I am going to be spending time with Lucy and Jenny?” Mary laughed and said “I remember telling Pete that Lucy was prettier than me, but I didn’t have to worry because she was a lesbian!” I replied, laughing and with a smile “live and learn Mary, live and learn”.
BTW, those who were paying attention will have noticed that Mary called me ‘C’. An explanation is in order. I once joked to Mary (at the dinner table, if you can believe it) that since we slept in the same bed most nights, and since we’d been fucking like horny teenagers for months, that she could drop the formal ‘mister’. So she has started calling me just ‘C’. The sisters think that it is funny.
{Dear reader, sorry, but this is the back-story about me getting Laura all worked up and insecure. It will probably be a bit long, with no explicit sex.}
Next morning I called Shirley and asked if I could come over. She said yes, off I went. She hugged me and said “thank you again for the work on the car. It is just a jewel now.” I replied “it was always a jewel, it just needed a little buffing to bring out all of its beauty again.” Laura was having a late breakfast in the kitchen, which had a view into the entryway and living room. Shirley took my hand and led me towards the kitchen. The next thing that Shirley said, blushing a little bit (but making sure that Laura saw and heard) was “I wanted you to know that I had a full STD test a couple of weeks ago. I had my yearly gynecology exam, and my doctor told me I really should get one, if only to be able to prove at a later date that I tested clean at this point in time. In case there were … problems that came up later, I would know who to blame. And warn.” I replied “Smart doctor. Then I should go have a panel done as well. My latest is probably about a year old. ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander’, right?” I said with a smile. I ‘read’ Laura and she was not happy. She was trying to think of a way to leverage her way in, but hadn’t found anything yet.
Laura said: “Yesterday you said that you had a story about staying in Amsterdam for an extra four months? Would you tell me? Please” I said to Laura: “Yeah, I told you that I stayed about 4 months longer than I had planned, and also that it was a long story. Are you sure that you want to hear it?” Laura batted her eyelashes and said, in a deep, throaty voice, “oh, yes. I would love to hear it.” I asked Laura to heat me some water for tea. When she turned to the stove I looked at Stacey and winked, and Shirley smiled. A wicked smile. I said to Laura’s back “I am going to tell this first person, it’s just easier for me, ok?” Laura: “Of course MrC, whatever is easiest for you.”
OK, one night I was eating at a seedy street restaurant. The next table had a group of guys that were bitching about losing their bass player and how that screwed their concert schedule—their next performance was in 4 days. I volunteered my services, which surprised the shit out of them. First, they were speaking in Dutch (nederlands) and they weren’t used to foreigners speaking Dutch. Also because they were in dirty, torn clothes, had piercings everywhere, and atrocious dye jobs in their hair: bright pink, fluorescent teal, bright yellow. They were obviously not used to older guys, fairly conservatively dressed, just starting a random conversation with them at a restaurant. I told them that I could fill in for awhile, but that I had a few conditions. (1) I wasn’t traveling with my guitar, so they would have to find me one to play, (2) I would have to listen to their music, so I could pick up not only their songs, but more importantly their ’vibe’. (3) I would need to crash at one (or all, in rotation) of their apartments, and get fed because NO WAY was I going to spend money on a hotel room to play for free for a band filled with guys I really didn’t know that I met in a restaurant and might be total assholes or nutcases, or even serial killers. Don’t worry, I can cook—pretty well actually. Condition #4 : I won’t live in a pig sty. So you will be cleaning the apt. Clothes picked up off the floor, clothes and bed sheet washing done, everything vacuumed, kitchen cleaned and dishes sanitized. Don’t worry, I’ll help out. Hey, look at the bright side—even if I am shit at bass, you get a clean apt out of it, get some nice home-cooked food, and you can play your next few gigs while looking for a permanent replacement! I had planned on leaving in a couple of days, but I can stay around for a while. They started laughing like crazy and said—“you might be just what we need to break new ground—we’ve sort of hit a wall, we are in a rut”.
So I ended up in a punk rock band in Amsterdam for 4 months. I had to keep reminding them that they had to start looking for a new bass player, because I would be leaving soon. But in the few months that I was there, things went well for the band. I understood their vibe fairly quickly, and I got them into their ‘groove’, played around with some of the ‘melodies’ (if you can call punk rock having melodies), bringing the bass to the forefront in some songs, sometimes even dueling with the lead guitar back and forth, and I wrote two slow punk ‘ballads’ that the crowds loved. About a 4 weeks or so of playing with the band in more and more clubs, an agent from a music company heard us, saw the crazy crowd reaction to us, and came backstage to offer them a contract. Thank god he was from the French-speaking part of Belgium, so the conversation was in English. I immediately stepped up and became the ‘in your face’ spokesman for the band. I gruffly told him “Just wait a second”, turned around so my back was to him, winked at my bandmates (who all smiled) and said “we’ve never talked about this, but I usually talk for the band, right?” (Nods from all) “So I’ll handle this, OK? I’ll make the propositions, and make the decision with him—subject to later unanimous discussion: we are a GROUP, not a band of snarling, biting jackals!” (More nods, and smiles—they had seen me in action before, dickering with venues about pay). “We are all agreed, then?” (More nods)
I turn back to the guy and say “So, you aren’t going to act like a used car salesman, are you? Meaning, you aren’t going to pull crap like ‘this is the only offer, and you have to decide now, or no deal’—no bullshit like that, right?” The agent swallows in a gulp and says “no, of course not”. (Obviously, that WAS going to be his tactic.) Me: “Good. I need a piece of paper.” One of my bandmates handed me a blank music sheet. I would be writing down my ideas as I said them. I then held up my cell phone, and said “I am going to record this conversation” and turned on the audio recording—and told the band to do the same—and continued with “we are recording this conversation. It is a conversation not a contract, although it will contain ideas about what the band wants to see in a contract. I simply do not want there to be a misunderstanding at a later date about what was said. You may say NO to my recording this, and I will stop recording. But if you do, you leave immediately, no contract. No make-overs. Again, this is NOT in any way an official contract, just a conversation. If you agree, state your name, the company and label(s) that you represent, the date and location of this conversation. (He does so) OK, partners, state your names, first and last, and restate the date, each one of you. (They did). OK, let’s start the conversation. It will pretty much be a monologue to start, with me doing the talking.
Conditions, what the band would like to see in the contract. All the conditions boil down to basically the same thing: we don’t want the band to get screwed.
(1) We aren’t singing one of your boiler-plate bullshit contacts, 30-90 pages long. We want straight and simple, one page preferable, but we could go with maybe 3. Straight, to the point, easily understood, no ambiguities. I wrote “Simple, short contract, aim is 3 pages or less” as point #1. (2) We have a studio we like recording in. We are a punk band, we don’t need symphonic sound, violins, or whatever. WE record the music, and hand it over to the label. You can not change anything. It is what it is. You can refuse anything. You will specify, in WRITING, within one week of reception, which songs you accept to put on the next album and which you refuse. The contract will specify that any song that you refuse we are free to peddle to any other company. You WILL have he option to say (for example) “we like songs #2 and #5, but would like some changes, like this, what do you think?”. In other words, you can SUGGEST changes that you would like, but the band has the final decision. You will get an extra week of time if you dispute any song for the next album. The band decides on the final version of every song. ONLY the band. The band can (but is not obligated to) give you extra time to decide on album contents, on an individual basis for each album, Got it? And the band has final say on all album artwork. We may or may not propose artwork, but the band has veto power on any and all artwork on the album.
(2) You have 4 months from when you get the songs for the next album to get released with ALL of the songs that you accepted. Any songs that are not released within 4 months in a major manner, on CD or full streaming, or on a major platform, etc., all rights revert back to the group. You can still release the songs, under the terms of the contract, but the band can also peddle them to whomever it wants. I wrote that down.
(3) Since we are giving you the total package, the entire album, all gift wrapped with a bow, there will be NO bullshit in the contract about hold-backs or fees due to recording costs or costs for advertising, or actually ANY fees at all. The band gets a flat, straight percentage of the NET retail sales price (MSRP) for all albums, distributed in any format including on-line sales and streaming services as well as movie or show soundtracks, on any medium. The band gets a higher % for soundtracks. Period. No discussion on that point. You are simply licensing to others the right to use the band’s music, and have no additional expenses—just more money rolling in for you after a few contracts get signed. The band will get RESIDUALS for anything on soundtracks, just like the actors and screenwriters do. We can negotiate the exact percentages later. (The agent was starting to look shell shocked.)
Luckily, at this point, there was a knock at the door, which created a nice interruption, the stage manager stuck his head in and said, “there’s someone here to see you, he says it’s important. OK?” I said, sure, show him in. In walks a guy, who introduces himself, and hands over a business card. It was another agent for a different music company. I turned my back to both agents to face the band, and I grinned like a shark and winked again, then I turned back. I said to the new guy “Him (pointing to agent #1) and us were just having a talk about conditions for a possible contract. Would you like to join us?” #1 says indignantly “Hey, wait, I was here first!”, and I reply “Hey, that attitude and a Euro will get you a cup of coffee. So shut up and listen, or leave—your choice.” He shut up and stayed. I said “this conversation is being recorded. This conversation is just a conversation, It is NOT a contract, just a conversation. You may say NO to being recorded. But if you do, you leave immediately, no contract. No make-overs. If you agree, state your name, the company and label(s) you represent, and the date and location of this conversation. He did—verbally. I re-did the whole spiel, covering all the points. The eyebrows of agent #2 kept going up, higher and higher.
Point (4). Tours. There will be NO mandatory tours. Band will OK, or not, tours. We just don’t want to burn out because we are on tour all the time. It messed up the Beatles (who stopped touring at all), Cream, etc., etc. We have no problems touring just NOT ALL THE TIME. We understand that we’ll be the 2nd booking, at least in the beginning, and the beginning might last for years. We understand and are alright with that. That is just fine, it is what it is. But we won’t be touring non-stop. And the band won’t do stupid tours, with inappropriate bands. As an extreme example, if you want us to tour with a bluegrass band, it is a hard no. Ditto for candy-ass country music. We are a PUNK band. Rock bands are fine, and maybe some cross-over talents, such as Taylor Swift, who has done country and rock and country-rock. Hell, we’d love to tour with Willie Nelson. I bet he’d LOVE to come and play in Amsterdam, when he hears about our specialty ‘coffee houses’. (I grin)
Point (5). Again, tours. The label is responsible for all expenses for tours, including one night stands, except ones 100% IN the city that they are residing in—currently Amsterdam, but that may change. You even pay everything for the suburbs of said resident city, although the band may waive those rights. And the label pays for the transportation and setup of equipment: in ALL locations, even in the ‘home city’. The band will be paid a percentage of the gate for all concerts, 1€ (Euro) per ticket sold for the first 10,000 tickets and half a € for the next 10,000 tickets, and 0.30€ for every ticket after that, minimum 1000€ per band member per performance—obviously initially 4000€ total per performance because there are four of us. That is mainly so that we don’t get shuffled from one small venue to another all the time. The label will be paying more per ticket to the band if there aren’t at least 4000 tickets sold.
The band can book any small venue they want, say universities, clubs, etc. The band my even waive part of all of their payment (but not expenses) for any small venue that THEY book or insist that YOU book on their behalf. Universities and small clubs are currently their fan base. And original fans will LOVE getting the attention and will eat it up and talk up the band. That’s GOLD—free word-of-mouth marketing. “Venue completely sold out” will be a marketing headline that the company should get used to using. You should also get a professional sound guy working the sound (mixing board) at every concert, and recording it in high quality. The band will own the rights to all such recordings, even though you are paying for the recording of the concert. No discussion allowed on that. Two performances in one day? Two payments of (min) 4000€. A different, lower pay scale for appearances on TV shows to promote the band—the band has both veto power over any TV appearance, and the option of waiving actual pay to play, but all expenses will be paid for TV appearances (or any promotional appearance) and equipment movement and setup, food and travel and lodging expenses. We will not lip-sync—live performances only on TV.
Point (6). Again, tours. Expenses will include, but are not limited to: meals, hotels, transportation, including cabs or possibly limos when appropriate. It doesn’t have to be a 4-star hotel, or 4-star restaurants. Decent, clean, PRIVATE lodgings are fine. Decent restaurants are fine. The band is responsible for damages in hotels that THEY cause, or during band-hosted parties. Parties called by the label, the label pays for damages. I am sure that you are familiar with the concept that sometimes a bit of ‘bad’ publicity at hotels can be a good marketing move for a punk band.
Point (7). Money. There will be a signing bonus. It will not be chicken feed. It also won’t be 1 million Euros. But enough for the band to pay off debts, get some halfway decent clothing, get better lodgings, and buy presents for girlfriends. The bonus is completely separate from all other monies paid to the band. One time payment, it will NOT be a deduction from any other payment, it will not be an advance.
Point (8). Also money. There will be designated goals (objectives, targets). Each target hit will get a payout from the label. (The two agents were starting to look nervous) Now, they won’t be THAT unreasonable, but … For example, if ANY song and/or album reaches number 1 on ANY recognized chart in ANY country, there will be a payout/reward for ANY and EVERY chart it appears on. In fact, the scale will go from a song/album reaching #1—#10 on the charts, starting small and getting larger. These targets apply to both songs AND albums, separately. Payouts will be on a per-country basis, for example, maybe #2 in the Netherlands, #6 in Belgium are two different payouts. Don’t worry, the payouts will not be that big. At least not until the band hits #1—#4 in a country. Which is good news for YOU—the more successful the band is, the more money you rake in, but also, a little more money for the group that is making all that money for the label. It’s fair. As I said, we just want to make sure that the band doesn’t get screwed. We BOTH make more money the more popular the band is. I call that Win-Win. I call that incentive for BOTH sides to do the maximum to make the band popular.
Payouts will be “first time reaches #—whatever”, so if it reaches #4 there is only one payout for reaching #4, even if it charts there there for 4 weeks—only ONE payout. If it drops, then goes back to #4, no payout. If it drops and rises again but up to #2, payout. Each payout will be calculated in the first week of each month, which day of the week being the day the after the chart(s) are released in each country. The payout being tied to the highest charting the month that the charts cover (the previous month, I expect). Each successive payout will be “this payout minus the largest ‘charting’ payout to date”. For example, If a song or album hits #3, and the highest previous payout before was #5, the payout would be “payout for #3 MINUS the payout already paid for being #5”, so the band doesn’t “double dip”. BTW, even though the payouts for #5—#10 will be pretty small, they will be slowly increasing. Expect the payouts for #1—#4 to increase significantly. Again, making more money for you means the band getting paid more. It is an incentive for BOTH of us to do our best. The payout will be based on some multiplier/ratio of number of records/songs sold in that country, or population of country, or maybe percentage of number sold compared to population between the ages of 20-30, or something like that. TBD.
Oh, and a significant payout if the band is nominated for a grammy (or music Oscar), a much bigger payout if we win a grammy (or music Oscar), to be mutually exclusive. After the event, if the band wins, you only pay the “band won” incentive. If we were nominated but didn’t win, then the nominated incentive is paid the day after the awards.
Point (9). No required album by a particular date, the albums fall when they fall. And no minimum number of albums over X years, no years-long contract. In fact, a one or two album deal is preferable. That we can negotiate on, but don’t expect a contract for more than 3 albums. It lets us both cut our losses if it doesn’t work out. I’ll even propose a ‘mutual option’ sort of deal if you want, like they have in professional sports. If both parties agree, contract can be renewed as it ends, with possible changes agreed upon by both parties, with no payments at all (unless specified in the new contract). I’ll even give the label the option of proposing a new contract before the first one runs out so both sides have time to think and make counter proposals. Don’t expect an automatic ‘yes’, though. We certainly won’t expect one either. If the label refuses to renew, they will make a one-time payment equal to ALL monies paid to the band up to that point. Payment can be spread over several years, length of time TBD. If the band doesn’t renew, no payment is due by either side.
Point (10). IF we sign a contract, the proposal is, and it WILL be in the contract, to first release an EP. We should be able to quickly put together an EP with maybe 6 songs, in a few weeks, or a month. That won’t count as one of the albums designated in the contract. It will just be the “chum in the water” to attract attention and allow the label to gauge interest—the label MUST cut a deal with iTunes to make one of the songs as their ‘free download’ of the week. The label can look at results and sales, and are allowed to bail with no payments to the band after the EP, but before they receive the songs for the next ‘album’ from the band, Oh, and all of the “album target” payments for the EP will be half what they are for a full album. Let the company evaluate interest in the band before fully committing. That’s fair, and is in the label’s interest. The ‘half payment’ clause may be dropped if too many other clauses are refused.
Honestly, I think this is is a fair proposal, it gives incentives to both sides to make the band a success. You are standing here listening to me rant because you HEARD the reaction of the crowd tonight. We are playing next Friday at “Stella’s Dungeon”. Come listen to the crowd’s reaction again Fri night. OK, I’m done. Go talk to your bosses, and get back to us. Here is my cell number. Leave me a message, it is often turned off. Goodbye and have a nice evening.” And I opened the door so that they would really get the hint that it was time for them to leave. They did.
Me, to the band: OK, listen guys, turn off your phones. Not just the audio recording, all the way off—shut them down.” (They did). I said, with a grin: “I thought that went well”. (They grinned) “And thank you for letting me be lead on screwing these big companies and not interrupting, as those two will report that we stood as one, together. That’s a BIG deal, because they would try and tear us apart to get a cheaper deal. I don’t really care about everything I asked for, I just didn’t want the band to get screwed. And we have leeway to wiggle and hem and haw and still get a lot of what I asked for. Not only do we have two labels bidding, but they both KNOW about the other, they understand that it is a competition. They are going to bid against each other.
You have to decide how important it is for you to record an album or three. You have to decide. RIGHT NOW, TONIGHT, HERE AND NOW. I expect there to be pushback from the labels, not as much as usual because they each know there is someone else bidding. We don’t need to figure the exact details tonight. But anybody that wants a recording contract, raise your hand (all 4 hands went up immediately). I don’t see any reason to move now. BUT if the band does start pulling in huge amounts of cash, the Czech Republic has some of the lowest tax rates in Europe—less than half what the max tax rate is in NL. That would mean a difference of about 275,000€ on a million Euro income. You could buy a new apartment in every European country every year, just with the income tax savings. And Prague is a beautiful and safe city. Romania has a max tax rate of 10%, while in NL it is around 49%. That’s a 400,000€ difference on a million Euro income. You can establish residency in Romania, pay taxes there, and travel around Europe “for work”. You would have to avoid NL as much as possible. Hey, go to Brussels and meet friends and your honeys at the train station there. It’s about a 2 hour train or bus ride.
OK, I am going to get down to the necessary, nitty-gritty business crap now.
The members of the band will IMMEDIATELY copyright ALL the songs you have written, or simply jammed on. Be honest with one another. If ONE person wrote the song, it should be in their name. If the band helped a little bit with fine-tuning, ditto. If it was a joint effort with a lot of work put in by more than one member to get the final version, those people should all have the copyrights. Be honest. I know that I wrote two of the songs all by myself—so do you. I modified some of YOUR existing songs (generally the bass track, like the songs where we basically do a back and forth, or even a duel, between bass and lead guitar), but I don’t know how much YOU ALL think I contributed. We can talk it out. First thing, everybody come up with a list of songs they believe that they wrote mostly by themselves. Let’s not argue about this. This tears bands apart. Let’s just get it done and TALK. Also DO NOT TELL ANYONE about tonight’s meeting, For the moment, it is just a possibility. Do not tell your family or your girlfriends. Remember we are in this together—never forget that. Getting copyrights issued has to be done BEFORE giving anything to the label. That way, the copyrights belong to YOU, and not the label.
Your English is already very good, but all our conversations will now be in English, so that your conversational English will improve. Also you should start learning, or improving, your French. A very useful language to know.
I said “Oh, by the way, that whole ‘EP, you can dump us with no payment’ thing? That was a trap, a red herring. It looked good for the label, BUT …” (I smiled an incredibly vicious smile) “Remember that I specified ‘before receiving the songs for the next album’ and I WILL get that exact wording in the contract. My plan is to record the EP and the next album BEFORE we give the label our EP. Three or four weeks after the EP is released, we hand over the songs for the album. We send it with a notarized letter, that says ‘this is the new material for the next album. The notary will be signing an affidavit THAT WILL BE INCLUDED AS WELL in the envelope, that she/he PERSONALLY took the music CD, placed it in the envelope, and mailed it with receipt to your corporate addresses. We will mail two copies to two different contacts at the label and will document the two addresses that we used in the formal notification letter.” (We all laughed at the idea of having screwed the big corporate goons.) Also, I specified that the “album target” payments for the EP would be half—I never mentioned SONG target payments. Another evil grin.
I want to do a ‘live’ CD as our first full album right after the EP, because we already have a lot of recordings of live performances, so we can throw it together quickly. We should do one or two or three gigs ASAP with high quality sound equipment and a professional sound guy at the mixing board. (and we did) The album should contain live versions of (?almost?) every studio version song on the EP, plus another 5 or 7 ‘new’ songs NOT on the EP. That way, a lot of people who bought the EP will buy the live album. Hell, we’re like the Grateful Dead—our live performances KILL because we get the crowd involved.
We should also studio re-record an ENGLISH version of the most popular songs, based on radio air play and on-line purchases, to release after the live CD drops with some brand new material IN ENGLISH. We will sugar-coat it for the label by saying “this won’t count as one of our official albums in the contract, so we still owe you another album. Well, only if you release it all over Europe, and in the U.S. and seriously promote it.” They will jump at that like starving fish in a pond (Dear readers: that is a Dutch expression, BTW). Can you imagine the money that will roll in if you hit it big in the U.S.? Especially the ‘target payments’ which will be based on population? We WANT a #1 song in the U.S. And we’ll be a bigger hit when we tour France if we translate a song or four into French. The crowds will go crazy when a NL band starts singing in French.
We will need new material for the next (studio) album, eventually, so we need to start thinking about new songs, but that is lower priority. If anything bubbles out, write lyrics down, record on the phone, hum the tune if you have to. The most important: (1) copyright (2) make sure we have a solid EP and a solid full album in the can (3) Send EP to label (4) Send notarized letter of songs for the first full album to label about 4 weeks after the EP hits the market. After that, well, is after that.
We need to change the name of the band—the current name is Dutch, and that won’t fly outside of NL. We should pick an English name if we want to break into the American market. Hey, there was a German band named Scorpion, a French band called Telephone. We’ll think about it. The EP and maybe the first album can have “formerly known as” on the cover or back.
We did all that. The band was a European success, for a ‘nobody’ punk band from the Netherlands. The EP shot to #1 on two different charts in the Netherlands and there were also two #1 songs within a month, and #8 within 2 months in the U.K., with a #2 and a #4 song. And we were off to the races. The first album in English had a #2 song in the U.S. The next album had a #1 and a #2 song in both the U.K. and the NL, and #3 and #4 in the U.S. No album ever charted higher than #15 in the U.S., but one album did hit #3 in the U.K. I even flew back to the NL to play PinkPop with the band after the second full album (the first one in English).
OK, Readers, back to today. Sorry for the long lead-in, but I had to set the background. Laura was a business major. This was all part of my plan to ‘break down’ Laura, to make her realize that she wasn’t the only one who understood economics or business dealing and how to screw your BUSINESS partners, while NOT screwing your real partners. That she wasn’t the hot shit that she thought that she was, and that I had done some pretty damn impressive things in my life. Of course, all the time pushing ‘this guy is amazing. God, all the stuff that he has done. He turns me on. I want to learn from him. I’ll do anything.’
I pushed to Laura ‘my god, he knows his shit. That was an amazing analysis and real quick thinking. Shit! I have a masters degree and he knows more than I do. I need to get in with him, get him close, and learn from him.”
Laura asked if she might know the band. I laughed. Yeah, you probably know the band, but they aren’t really a punk band anymore. You have heard of Metallica, right? Well, just like Metallica, this band’s ‘sound’ has changed over time. Now it’s sort of rock-ish with at times a punk ‘twang’ if that makes any sense. I only recorded on the EP and their first 2 released albums. Under a pseudonym.
Laura asks what band it was. I said “Only I you promise not to tell ANYONE, EVER, about my involvement or my real name, or even that you met me. I really value my anonymity. A LOT. I enjoy being able to just walk down the street and not get mobbed. I like peace and quiet. So if you ever break the rules, you are dead to me, and I will make it my mission in life to do anything LEGAL to make your life a constant, miserable hell for the rest of your days. Shirley, the same goes for you, even though I like you a lot.” (While pushing “he is being crazy scary. I will never tell anyone, ever. I will never tell anyone, ever. I will never tell anyone, ever.”) Like I said, I really like being anonymous. My picture has never appeared on any of their albums. Well—for the first EP I was actually there, but wearing a monkey mask. This feeling about how precious my anonymity is has intensified since being at the sorority and their constant talk about pop idols. Do you both fully understand the ramifications of breaking your word?” They both nodded. “You need to say it out loud. So first Laura, then followed by Shirley, both said “I will never tell anyone.”
Me: “OK, here it is. First a hint. I told you that I only recorded on the EP and the next two albums—only one of them in English and officially released in the U.S. I was credited as bassist and guitarist and lyrics, and recorded under the pseudonym ‘monkeyshit’.” Laura’s eyes got big, her mouth dropped open, she covered her mouth with both hands. She mumbled “you mean … you mean …”. Me: “They even picked my proposal for the English name for the band. I proposed ‘premature ejaculation’. They thought it was a hilarious name.” Now it was Shirley’s turn to look amazed. “They won a grammy 2 years ago, and three years ago, and their first about 4 years before that. Shit!” I said “Yeah, I have a grammy around somewheres—it was for one of the songs I wrote for the first EP, but the grammy was for the English version that appeared on the first album to be released in the U.S. And I’ve penned a few other songs for them over the years—none of them won awards, although two were nominated. I believe that it was because the competition was tight, not that the song was shit, but then I can be a narcissistic Ahole at times.” (Said with a smile)
I pushed to both of them “My god, this man is incredible! All the stuff he knows, all the stuff he can do, all the stuff he HAS ALREADY DONE! He is amazing, he turns me on.”
Me: “You know, Laura, you probably shouldn’t have had me tell that story.” Laura: “Why not?” Me: “Well, because it reminds me of times gone by, and what my life was like back then—it was pretty insane being a punk rock star. Groupies, having women throwing themselves at us, crawling up on stage. Shit, it’s gotten me in a randy mood. And I was pretty dominant with the female fans back then, having them do whatever I wanted. And I have to admit, I feel like being dominant now. Do either of you feel like serving me today, as a submissive?” I knew that I didn’t really have to push at Shirley, she was already hooked on being my submissive but I did it anyways: “you are so horny, you will do anything for MrC today, even in front of Laura.” I pushed at Laura “I have to get to him first. And for some reason I am so horny. God, I am horny. Horny. Horny. God I want to submit to him.”
I asked the room a loud “WELL?”. Shirley just started taking off her shirt. Laura started a stripping race with her sister, and got naked first. I said “Well, someone seems ready, willing and anxious to serve today. Are you ready to submit to me today, and tomorrow, and on and on and on?” (Laura nodded) “Then get on your knees and bow your head. Touch the floor with your forehead and leave it there until I release you, to show your total submission to me. (I pushed to Laura “I will submit to MrC, I will submit to him totally, he is my master, all I want is to pleasure him.”) I looked at Shirley, who was also now naked. I could see that she was ready, and wanted to fuck and DIDN’T want to share. I winked at Shirley, and said “My new slave should show her devotion to me with a blowjob. But only if she begs in a convincing manner. You may talk slave, formerly known as Laura.” (I pushed “I want to suck his cock. I want to suck his cock. I want to suck his cock.” to Laura.) Laura just babbled and begged to suck my cock.
I pulled out a box of blowjob condoms. Me: “You almost convinced me, but you failed to call me ‘Master’. You need to learn your place.” Laura then started begging again: “Master, please let your humble slave worship your cock. Let this slave suck on your cock. Please, Master.” (I was constantly pushing at Laura: ‘I want to come. I am so horny. I want to suck his cock.’) “That sounds better. You may get back up on your knees. Put your hands behind your neck, interlace you fingers. That is your “I am ready for whatever you want to do, Master” position. Do you understand?” (A quiet ‘yes master’ came out of Laura’s mouth.)
Ever since I let her get back up on her knees, I was pushing constantly at Laura ‘I want to fuck my master. I want to please my master. I will do anything for my master. I am so HORNY.’ I continued: “From that position, I can fuck your face. I can push you forward and fuck you doggie style, I can slide my cock up your ass. You, slave, are now my fuck toy, to do with as I please. WHATEVER I WANT. WHENEVER I WANT. Does my new fuck toy understand?” (She more confidently said “Yes, Master”). I am going to put on a condom, and you are going to demonstrate your cock sucking skills. You had better be good at it, or I will just grab your head and fuck your face, making you choke on my cock as I ram it down your throat.” (Pushing to Laura ‘I want to please my master. I will do anything for my master. I want to suck his cock. Being his slave and personal fuck toy is making me so HORNY.’)
Laura started the blowjob. She wasn’t exactly bad, but Shirley was much better. I said “I hope you get better soon, or I will see what Shirley can do with her mouth.” After about a minute I said, “OK, I am losing patience—I will just fuck your face” and started roughly shoving my cock down her throat while yelling “swallow it, fuck toy, your only job now is to get me to come.” And pushing ‘this is turning me on so much. I Love him being so forceful in fucking my face, he is my master and I am his fuck toy.’ After a few minutes of this, including a lot of her gagging and choking I finally came. As I came, I pushed a medium ‘cum’ at fuck toy. She orgasmed. I pulled out. She had drool running out of her mouth onto her tits, and was coughing.
I said, in an angry voice “Was that the best you can do? Have you ever given a blowjob before?” Fuck Toy, previously named Laura, said “That was not my first blowjob master. I am ashamed that I did not please you. I want to learn to be better. Please allow your fuck toy to try again.”
I replied: “Well, they say that practice makes perfect, so I will allow you to practice on me. But that did not merit a fuck or an orgasm. And I did not give you permission to have an orgasm, but you did anyways. You need to be punished. Lean over the table while I spank you. And I gave her 10 HARD spanks. After each spank, I pushed ‘I love it when master is forceful with me. I want to be punished by my master.’ After the tenth spank, I growled, “Now get back on your knees. You will suck my cock until I get hard again. You did not earn a fuck with your performance so far. But Shirley has been quietly and patiently waiting for me to turn my attention to her, so after you get me hard, you may watch me reward Shirley with a nice, hard, animal doggie fuck.” Fuck Toy got me hard, and I just pounded Shirley from behind, pushing medium ‘cum’ about every 45 seconds. Shirley was in heaven. When I felt myself getting close, I stopped pushing. She still came like clockwork. As I orgasmed, I pushed a massive ‘CUM’ to Shirley and she screamed her orgasm. Luckily all her neighbors worked, or somebody would have called the police about a murder going on at the neighbors.
Shirley was short of breath. I said “I said the other day that there was something I wouldn’t bring up. Is there anything that YOU would like to bring up, Shirley?” Shirley had trouble speaking clearly but she managed to answer in a low, almost stutter. “God, I want you to fuck me like that. Over and Over. Every day. I’d like you to leave the old road, and take another path, and fuck me silly. Like you just did. Constantly.”
I answered “I will consider it. But know your place. YOU are MINE. I can fuck anyone I want. YOU reserve yourself for MY cock and MY cock only. Do you understand? Do you agree?” I was pleased to hear a louder “Yes, Master” from Shirley. I said “Well, then, the only question is how to handle fuck toy here. Do you think you can show her the right way to suck cock?” (“I will try my best to teach her, Master”) Me: “Have you ever been fucked in the ass before?” (“No, Master”) “Well, maybe fuck toy will be useful when I feel like sliding my cock into a tight asshole. Fuck Toy, answer me: have you ever been fucked in the ass?” (A quiet, and somewhat trepidatious “No, Maser, I have not”) “Well, then, you should have a very tight asshole, and will be useful for something around here until you learn how to properly suck a cock. Fuck Toy, go get a washcloth, run WARM water over it, and very gently clean up Shirley’s thighs and her pussy. She came so much that she has fluids dripping down her legs. Then go get another one, warm water again, and lovingly come wipe off my cock.” Which she did, quite happily.
I said “I have to go now. No fighting, no bickering between you two. You will be calm and happy while I am gone. I will believe Shirley’s word over Fuck Toy’s word. So tread lightly, Fuck Toy. Shirley, be nice to Fuck Toy. In fact, both of you be not just civil, but kind to one another at all times. Have I been clear enough about your obligations? (A solid “Yes, Master” from both.) “So I will leave now. So I bid you “au revoir” until next time. You may both carry on with your regular lives and activities while I am not here.” (I did push ‘you will be nice with each other. Always. You now respect each other, and you have both realized that serving your new Master brings you even closer together.’)
And I went back to the sorority to ponder what I had done. Yes, they both had orgasms, and they were both already submissives, but did I go too far? I had nobody to ask. I DID do a reading of both during the submissive sessions, and they were both pleased to be doing it at the time. I decided that I should do another ‘read’ when I saw them again to see how they felt about it after they had time for it to sink in.