The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

Alvin Kettle loved Starla. If she was not the spittin’ image of Barbarella that he married, well, neither was Jane Fonda anymore and she could afford to have work done. Hell, he was not exactly givin’ Burt Reynolds a run for his money either.

But maybe that was the problem right thar. Alvin was not under any false illusions about his looks. Hey, he looked in the mirror to shave every day. And believe you me, Starla made sure he was aware of her distaste in being married to a middle aged man when she was in the prime of her life. Starla was ‘bout seven month’s younger ‘en Alvin.

Starla however seemed to think that time had stood still for her. She did not notice the little crow’s feet or that maybe the ol’ funbags were not as high and proud as in days gone by. When the bag boy called her ma’am that was jess a sign that kids today did not know the proper term for a woman of her age. Barbarella still lived—if only in the mind of Starla Kettle.

Alvin did not need Barbarella but he did still need Starla though. Unfortunately Starla apparently did not need him back ‘cept maybe to rub her feet or trace where the sounds of the cat yakking up a hairball was comin’ from. But when it came to the Mattress Olympics Starla was fond of quotin’ a joke that ended with the punchline, “What, heat up this big shiny grill for that little hotdog?”

So here is the thing. One night Alvin finds hisself down at the bar with Floyd drownin’ his marital miseries in an icy cold mug of Milwaukee’s finest when Floyd takes pity on him.

“Look Boss, I got jess what you need.”

Alvin looks at Floyd with them bloodshot eyes that Starla says makes him look like one of them there Basset Hounds and says, “Yeah?”

“Me and ‘Loretty’ was going through some rough times keepin’ the old home fires blazin’ too. Loretty got these tapes from some ol’ gal at church...”

“Can’t stay either Starla or me have much love for religious type tapes since that Jim and Tammy took us for a ride on that Heritage Village deal.”

“It AINT No Holy Roller Tapes! It is a couple porno-grafical type tapes.”

“What the hell kinda church you go to, boy?”

“Aint said it was church sanctioned just that she got it from a gal at church.”

“Mebbe so but Starla don’t hold with them type a tapes ... she jess insults the wimmen anyhow, says how she is better lookin’ and all.”

“Yeah well she will be playin’ a diff’rent song after—on your old meat harmonica. These tapes use these hidden messages to make you be more appreciative of your spouse—see ‘em in the best light and all. When I look my Loretty now no Hooter’s Waitress can compete. And to her I resemble a WWF Wrestler only neither of us needs to fake a blessed thing.

“Pull the other one Floyd—it plays “Dixie” but hey, let me but you a beer for the tale.”

But Floyd keeps talkin’ and pretty soon Alvin decides that maybe there is sumthin’ there. The way Floyd and Loretty liked to make their trailer shake did defy logical explanation. What the hell, if it got Starla to heat up the grill it was worth a shot even if it was a snipe he was shootin’ at.

But Alvin did not really hold with havin’ his mind tinkered with and there aint no problems with HIS plumbin’ so hows-a-bout he just gets the one that will make Starla hot to trot? They go to Floyd’s trailer and Loretty is there lookin’ all good to go and Alvin’ aint fifteen seconds out that door when that old trailer get’s to a rockin.’ Alvin’s tallywacker gets a little jolt thinkin’ that mebbe in 24 house he’ll be getting the royal treatment too. It’d be nice to have his bride look at him with the same de-lite she had on her face when they was first hitched. His hotdog was plenty big enough in them first days ‘course that was before Starla pushed out two kids, too!

Next night he pops the tape in and it aint playin’ ten seconds before Starla realizes what it is and gives Alvin one of them “men are dogs” looks but settles back in to watch on accounta the pizza delivery boy looks like a frienda her son’s who she knows has been wantin’ to get her alone. Like in that movie with that sexy mama, the classic one .. right, American Pie.

Alvin knows that the secret is to let them messages get to a’workin and then describe to Starla how he wants to be seen and before you know it he will be Brad Pit’s cuter brother as far as the old better half is concerned. Only it don’t go that well. She is still lookin’ at him with the same disregard. He points out his ‘warshboard abs’ and she jess looks at him like he is crazy, tells him that if he can find the abs under the beer gut she would be amazed! He points out his manly muscles and she jest tells him that he is cut off from beer entirely for the night. Alvin is dumbfounded at why this aint goin’ to plan.

Starla is starin’ at the screen and all off a sudden she says, “Where in blue blazes did they get that hoochie? Just for the record, my breasts are probably bigger than hers ... and firmer too!”

And suddenly, at least in Alvin’s eyes they are. They put Dolly Parton to shame! They are a’sittin there all high and proud and pretty as you please and lookin’ good enough to eat! Two mounds of pure double D heaven right here on earth. He feels a definate lurch in his nether regions.

“ I know my ass is nicer than that little Asian girls ass. Look’it.” Starla stands up and takes a spin and Alvin’s mouth goes all dry and his manhood goes all hard. Her ass is suddenly nicer than the day he married her—her tight butt cheeks are like somethin’ that should be immortalized on black velvet.

“And you could drive a Buick in between that gapin’ hold between her legs ... my honey pot is still as tight as a virgin’s and I have had me two kids!”

Alvin just knows in his heart of hearts that what she says is true that she has gotten the tightest snatch this side of a convent. Overwhelming love and desire flood through him! To think that him, Alvin J. Kettle, is hitched to this goddess of perfection is almost more ‘en he can stand!

He knows he has to get hisself some. He is insane with desire. He tells her she can have that car she has been lookin’ at, a trip to Vegas with the girls! Anything ... He is beggin’ and she is considerin’ relentin’ when there is a knockin’ at the door. Alvin don’t want to answer because he finally has old Starla firin’ up the grill but the knockin’ aint a’stoppin.’

It is Floyd, and he looks down at Alvin and then up to meet his eyes all quick like. “Hey old boy, you want to cover up the old one eyed worm, there are wimmin and children out here. ”

Alvin looks down and sees that sure enough he is a’poppin out of this boxers and goes on ahead and rearranges the merchandise while tossing a look back at the vision of downhome loveliness on the sofa. He aint never goin’ to be needin’ no Elly Mae Clampitt fantasies no more. (He might be recollectin’ Daisy Duke now and agin on accounta still bein’ human an’ all).

He looks back at Floyd and he is all a’shuffin like he knows he done messed up and then he says somethin’ that beats all you ever heard. “I was home lookin’ at the home video collection and well, it was dark last night and you know how Loretty was pullin’ at my drawers ... and I have to say there is a slight possibility I gave y’all the wrong tape.”

Alvin looks down at his tallywacker tentin’ his shorts, and then at Starla and the lightbulb goes off over his head. “Gee Floyd, ya think?”

The End.