THE FIRST MC’ER
“Oh hell, would you look at her.”
“What? Who?”
“Her,” said the first one with a light nod. “That girl over there.”
“What? You mean the Cro-Magnon next door.”
“She is so hot.”
The other one just shook his head. “Dude, she’s a Cro-Magnon. You’re a Neanderthal. Get over it. She’s out of your league.”
“Yeah, but fuck. Look at her. I wouldn’t mind bonking her over the head and hauling her back to my cave.”
“Dude, don’t you think your wife would object?”
“Well, maybe, but if I know Vama, she might just be up for a threesome. We are after all, very progressive Neanderthals.”
The second Neanderthal just shook his head. “Dude, you are out of your fucking mind. From what I hear, those Cro-Mags are like the next fucking generation and they know it, too. They think they’re better than us so someone like that babe over there, she ain’t going to give you the fucking time of day.”
“I’m not asking for the time of day,” the first Neanderthal said. “Heck, we don’t even have watches so what would I want with the time of day.”
“Dude, it’s a figure of speech. I hear it’s going to be all the rage in a few thousand years or so.”
“Whatever.”
“The point is someone like her, she don’t want nothing to do with you.”
The first Neanderthal looked as wistful as a low-browed Neanderthal could look. “Maybe,” he said. “Maybe. You know it was so much easier when all you had to do was bonk a girl over the head and drag her back to your cave.”
“Yeah.”
“But now, they want to be wined and dined. Bring me back a nice brontosaurus steak, and what the hell is wine, anyway?”
“Dude, I got no idea, but if that’s what they want—”
“Yeah, I just wish someone would hurry up and invent it. That’s all I’m saying.”
The next day, the two Neanderthals were out on a hunt.
“You know, Mik, I was thinking.”
“Dude, we’re Neanderthals. Thinking’s not exactly our strong suit, don’t you know.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean we can’t do it.”
“Actually, dude, that’s exactly what it means. We’re just not built for thinking.”
“Geez, man. Sometimes you can be so Prehistoric. Get your mind out of the Stone Age and just think for once.”
Mik grunted. “I don’t know man. I mean, thinking, it’s so ... so ... I don’t know. It’s weird, but okay, what were you thinking about?”
“It’s that new Cro-Mag girl.”
“Which one?”
Bil snorted. “There’s only one new Cro-Mag girl around here. You know that. She and her family moved into the cave next to mine.”
Mik grunted. “Oh yeah, I forgot. So what about her?”
“I think she’s hot.”
“Dude, she’s out of your league.”
“Yeah, but none of the other women know how to wear a fur skin like she does.”
“Dude—”
“And she likes to show a lot more skin than you know, than Neanderthal women.”
“Dude—”
“And have you seen the way she walks?”
“Dude, she’s a Cro-Magnon. You’re a Neanderthal. She’s out of your league.”
“Yeah, but, I was just thinking—”
“Dude!”
“Yeah, I know, I know. I shouldn’t be thinking. I know.”
“There she is again. Over there. Picking flowers.”
“Who?”
“The Cro-Mag girl.”
“What Cro-Mag girl?”
“Are we going to go over this again?”
“Sorry. I was hoping you would have dropped it, but okay, so what?”
“So there she is again. We should go talk to her.”
“Dude, she doesn’t want to talk to us.”
“That’s because she doesn’t know how great Neanderthals are. You know, what we really need is a slogan.”
“A slogan? Like what?”
“I don’t know. Something that says how great Neanderthals are.”
“Like what?”
“Well, here’s what I’m working on now. Once you go Neander, there’s no need to meander.”
“Dude, that’s weak.”
“I know. I know. It needs work. How about this. Our foreheads aren’t the only things that are thick.”
“That’s not much better.”
“I’ll work on it.”
“You better.”
“There she is again.”
“Dude, come on.”
“But there she is again. She’s picking flowers again.”
“Dude, I’m begging you. Give it a rest. She’s out of your league, you know. She doesn’t want anything to do with you, you know, and she’s told you so.”
“Yeah but—”
“No buts, man. I’m telling you this is getting really old.”
“I got an idea.”
“Oh geez, not this again.”
“What?”
“You’re trying to think again, and we all know you’re just not good at it.”
“Maybe.”
The girl was taken the next day by the flowers on the doorstep of her cave. Where had these come from, she wondered. She looked around but she wasn’t stupid, not like the stupid oafs out there. Hers was the only Cro-Mag family in the neighborhood so it had to be one of the Neanderthals. She sniffed haughtity. As if any of those dolts could have a chance at her. They were so ... so last generation, but the flowers, the flowers were pretty. They were purple and she liked them. She took them back in her cave.
From a distance, Bil watched somewhat clandestinely which meant he wasn’t outright staring at the girl. He nodded his head as he watched the girl take the flowers into her cave and then he went back to what he had been doing, which meant he went back to finding a good club. You could never have enough good clubs, the Neanerthal thought.
The next day when the girl came out of her cave, there were more flowers. They were the same purple flowers as had been left the day before. The girl sniffed. These Neanderthals. They were so stupid. They completely lacked imagination, but the flowers were pretty, and she liked the way they smelled, so once again, she took them back in her cave.
Again, Bil watched from a distance. He nodded his head. Tomorrow, he thought, which for him, pretty much used up all the mental energy he could muster. Tomorrow would be the day.
The next day, there were more flowers at the entrance to her cave. By that time, the girl had almost come to expect it. She gathered the flowers up and she looked around, wondering which of the Neanderthals had given them to her. No matter, she thought. They were pretty and she liked them and that was reason enough for her to take them inside.
Bil wasn’t watching the girl because he didn’t have to and besides, his wife was pissed off at him. If you think it’s bad having a Neanderthal male pissed off at you, just wait til you have a Neanderthal female up in your face.
How come he didn’t bonk her on the head and drag her back to the cave like he used to, she wanted to know. Was there someone else. Maybe he’d found another Neanderthal bitch to bonk. Well, she’d told him, he’d better not do that because if she ever caught him in the cave with another Neanderthal bitch, she’d do some bonking of her own and Bil was sure she meant every word of it.
By the time Bil left his cave, the others had all gone out on a hunt and it was too late to catch up with them. That was just fine with Bil because one look at the Cro-Mag cave told him everything he needed to know. As nonchallantly as he could and with as much subtlety as he could manage, (which considering that he was a Neanderthal and was completely bereft of tact or guile and so such efforts were a complete waste of time,) Bil strode up to the Cro-Mag cave.
He stopped momentarily at the entrance and then he went in.
The Cro-Mag girl wasn’t in the front room but then somehow, Bil hadn’t expected her to be there. He moved further back into the cave and that’s where he found her, lying on a pile of furs with her flowers all around her. She looked up at the man. “What are you doing here,” she said lethargically.
Bil would have responded but he was after all a Neanderthal and speaking wasn’t one of his strong suits.
The girl shook her head but she couldn’t seem to clear her mind. “What ... what are you ... you doing here,” she said again.
Bil looked at her. His hands squeezed his club. Things were always so much easier the way they’d been in the olden days, back when all you had to do was bonk a girl on the head, but times, they were achanging. Now, if you wanted to be a modern Neanderthal, now, you had to talk to the girls. “Show me your tits,” he grunted.
The girl snorted. “Yeah right,” she said. “Like I’m going to do that, you dumb oaf,” but even as she said it, her hands started to open her furs.
It was only then that she realized what she’d done. “Hey,” she cried. “Why did I do that?”
Bil just shrugged as he looked at the girl. He was finding he’d just discovered he had a second club and he was finding that when he had the second club, it was so hard to think.
“Get out of here,” the Cro-Mag girl was yelling. “Get out of here.”
That seemed to snap the Neanderthal out of the funk he was in. His fingers tightened around his club, (no, not that one,) and he looked at the girl. “I don’t think so,” he grunted.
“You don’t what,” the girl said in astonishment.
“I don’t think so,” the Neanderthal said.
The girl stared at the caveman and then she just shook her head in amazement and then she started to talk and talk and talk. Bil considered himself lucky. With his limited vocabulary, he had no idea what the heck the Cro Magnon girl was saying. He had the vague impression that she was mad but that was as much as he knew.
He waited for the girl to stop talking so she could take a breath. “Would you shut up,” he said finally.
The girl stared at the caveman but she said nothing.
“Take off your clothes,” said the caveman. The girl seemed about to say something but the caveman stopped her. “Take off your clothes,” he said again, “but don’t say anything.”
The girl closed her mouth and removed the rest of her furs.
Bil stared at the girl. He couldn’t believe how good she looked. She sure as hell looked a whole lot better than any of the Neanderthal women he knew and that included his wife.
Had he been something more than what he was, he might have possessed the mental faculties to understand exactly what the purple flowers were and what they did, but being a Neanderthal, he lacked the ability to understand that the purple flowers muted those higher brain functions and made a person thus affected highly susceptible to any order that was given. But Bil didn’t know any of that. He and his fellow Neanderthals were barely able to realize that the Cro-Mags acted funny whenever they were around the purple flowers and since the flowers only affected the higher mental functions, Bil and his friends were completely impervious to them.
But as funny as Cro-Mags acted around the purple flowers, he’d never made one undress herself for him until this very moment. He was so hard.
“Lean back,” he ordered the girl and once again, she did as she was told.
“Spread your legs,” was the next order and once again the girl did as instructed.
Bil was a rather sophisticated Neanderthal. Some Neanderthals, seeing the girl the way she now was would just have leaped on top of her and started banging away on her and it wasn’t like Bil didn’t have those tendencies, too. It was just that he wanted something more.
“Rub your fingers between your legs,” was the next command and again, the girl complied with the order.
And then she moaned.
Bil was surprised. “Do you like this,” he asked.
“Uh huh.”
He was getting excited. “Rub yourself more,” he directed and again, the girl did as she was told.
Being a Neanderthal, even a sophisticated one, Bil really wasn’t good at waiting. His other club was growing even harder as it caused his furs to tent out around his waist and he was getting the feeling he wasn’t even going to have to bonk the girl on the head in order to get what he wanted from her, and that was a good thing, because these Cro-Mags were rather fragile.
“Keep doing what you’re doing,” the man instructed and the girl did just that.
He removed his furs and he liked the way the girl’s eyes locked in on his cock.
“Have you ever had one of these,” he asked.
The girl shook her head.
The man grunted. “Keep playing with yourself,” he told the girl but he had the feeling that she would have done that even if she weren’t under the influence of the purple flowers.
The man took a step forward and then he knelt. He couldn’t believe how hard he was for the little Cro-Mag girl.
“Spread your legs even wider,” he said. “Let me see your pussy.”
The girl did as she was told and then she pulled her hand away so the man could see her pussy.
The man groaned. There was just something about her. He couldn’t even say what it was but she wasn’t like other girls.
Bil had a duh moment. Of course, she wasn’t like the other girls, he told himself. She was a Cro-Mag. In fact, she was the only Cro-Mag around, so of course, she wasn’t like any of the other girls. So, duh! She was a Cro-Mag.
Bil couldn’t help it. His hand stroked his cock. He knew his wife was going to be pissed if she ever found out, but he knew he had to have the girl, so he just hoped his wife never found out.
Bil dropped down and then he was sliding between the girl’s legs. “No,” the girl whimpered. “No.”
Bil was surprised but the truth was he’d come too far to stop now. She was soft, Bil realized as he brushed up against her thighs and then he was sliding in between her legs.
She was wet, too, the caveman realized as he pushed his way between her legs. The girl moaned and she leaned back and then her legs opened even wider.
Her body resisted his advances or at least it tried to but with the head of his member shoved up against her cunt, all it took was a good shove to drive himself inside.
The girl moaned and then she moaned again. “Oh wow,” she moaned. “Oh wow.”
“You like this, do you?”
“Yeah,” the girl moaned. “Yeah, yeah, oh geez, yeah.”
She was tight but the man was getting used to the feel of his cock inside her and from the moans of the girl, it sounded like the same could be said for her as well.
“Fuck me,” she moaned. “Fuck me.”
“You like this?”
“Yes. Fuck me. Fuck me.”
Bil groaned. A Neanderthal ought to have more staying power the caveman thought but even as he thought it, he could feel himself starting to cum.
He left shortly after that feeling somewhat miffed. Yeah sure, he thought, those Cro-Mags were hot, but really, he couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. Next generation, hah. As far as he could tell, when it came right down to it, these Cro-Mags fucked like everyone else and that was so fucking good.