Shout out to MrGrey, who inspired this story.
Anna and Bill: Party Crashers
“I’m booored!” Anna whined from the passenger seat of Bill’s ’68 Charger. It wasn’t a normal car, however, and Bill and Anna were not normal people. Bael and Inanna were two of the most powerful demons in the world. For four thousand years the two roamed the world, wreaking havoc and avoiding angels and demon-hunters. The two had circumnavigated the world a thousand times over in their magical car, warping reality on a whim. In their current forms Bill looked like a lithe, pale young man with black hair and Anna was a buxom young woman with tan skin and long, blonde hair.
Now, two-thousand and nineteen years since the death of Christ the two found themselves in Amarillo Texas. “How about a convent?” Bill asked. “We just did a convent last week. Is there a hippodrome near by?” “They call them racetracks now, you bimbo.” Bill grunted. “How about that house? Parties are always fun to crash.” Anna said as she pointed to a large house with several cars in the drive way. “Sure.” Bill said as he parked his car in the driveway.
“Why does this house have Greek letters above the doorway?” Anna asked as they approached the house. “It’s a frat. Where young people congregate.” “Hey bro” said a young man who was smoking on the front porch. “Nice car!” “Hey. What are you majoring in at college?” “Economics”, the man replied, confused at the strange question. Bill snapped his fingers and suddenly the man’s Astros t-shirt and jeans transformed into a purple suit. He was now decked out in gold jewelry and had a floppy hat on his head.
“You are now a pimp.” Bill said, smiling. “Damn right I am.” Said the pimp eyed Anna greedily. “You want to party, blondie?” “I can hook you up with some weed, eight-ball, whatever you want.” Buzz off, jerk.” Anna said, annoyed. “Fine. Plenty of fish in the sea”, the pimp said as he walked down the street. Bill and Anna walked into the frat house and Anna snapped her fingers. Every door and window in the house shut simultaneously, ensuring no one could escape until the demons had had their fun.
“Attention drunken mortals. Please congregate in the living room.” Bill yelled. As if pulled by invisible strings everyone in the house stopped what they were doing and shuffled into the living room. Eight men and nine women were now standing around, frightened but unable to move. “My name is Bill and this lovely succubus is Anna. We are going to make your meaningless lives interesting.” “Is this a fucking prank?” One muscular man in a letterman’s jacket asked defiantly.
Bill snapped his fingers in the man’s blonde hair grew into long twintails. He shrank from 6′2 down to 5′8. His muscles evaporated and his chest expanded as two breasts grew up to DD cup. Finally her clothes transformed into a slutty parody of a cheerleader’s uniform, complete with pom-poms.
“What did you do to Charles?” A black woman in the crowd asked, terrified. “Her name is Candy now, and you are her twin sister, Brandy.” Sure enough, the black woman transformed into a blonde cheerleader identical to the first. “You two are bisexual and incestuous too,” Bill added and the twins immediately started passionately making out.
“There are now eight women and seven men left.” Bill announced. “I want everyone to form a group of two and whomever is left alone gets punished.” Immediately people in the crowd began grabbing the nearest person. Within three seconds the only person unpaired was a young brunette woman with glasses.
“You are now addicted to swallowing semen.” Bill announced. “If you go twelve hours with no semen you get terrible migraines until you get some. Also you can’t get semen from the same person twice. It must be a different person every time.” The brunette stood there, horrified beyond comprehension.
“My turn.” Announced Anna. “First person to raise their hand gets to leave!” A red-headed woman raised her hand first. Anna snapped her fingers and the ginger’s hair turned black. Her pale skin turned brown and she became short and curvy. Her t-shirt became a pink tube top that barely contained her new DD breasts. Her jeans becamea frilly black skirt. “Por Dios!” She yelled, no longer capable of speaking English. Anna snapped her fingers again and the busty Latina was teleported to Juarez, Mexico where she would quickly become a prostitute.
Bill pointed to an athletic woman in a track suit. “What is your best feature?” He asked. “My body. I’m proud of how toned I am.” “From now on you can never wear clothes again.” Instantly her clothes disintegrated, leaving her butt naked. “You should probably avoid colder climates.” Anna helpfully added.
Anna pointed to a man and a woman who were holding hands. “How long have you two been dating?” “Two years”, the man said hesitantly. “From now on the only way either of you can orgasm is if you are watching your girlfriend get splitroasted by hobos.” The girlfriend immediately embraced her boyfriend, sobbing. There were now three men and four women left.
“I know!” Bill exclaimed. “Let’s play spin the bottle. Everyone get in a circle.” The seven remaining partiers formed a circle and Bill got an empty beer bottle and spun it around. It landed on a fat young man with curly brown hair. “You are now in a sexual relationship with your sister.” The fat man’s memories altered as he recalled all of the secret make-out sessions he had with his older sister. Late nights of playing video games and watching porn were replaced by him hanging out with his sister and making love. It’s worth mentioning that he was an only child until Bill cast his spell.
Anna spun the bottle and it landed in an Asian woman. “You are ultra-fertile now. No birth control or abortions and you must be pregnant as often as possible.” Anna neglected to mention that the Asian would always give birth to triplets. By Anna’s calculations she would give birth to around one-hundred and fifty kids before she hit menopause.
Bill spun the bottle again and it landed on a handsome blonde man. “Every time you ejaculate your penis will grow slightly longer and thicker, but you will lose an IQ point. Also you will forget that I just told you this.” The blonde man seemed confused. “Are you going to leave me alone?” “I guess today is your lucky day.” Bill chuckled.
There was now one man, a black man in a Jimmy Hendrix t-shirt, and three women, a curvy blonde, an athletic brunette and a terrified-looking black girl. “You.” Bill said, pointing to the black guy. “Pick one of these women to be your loyal sex slave.” “Summer” he said immediately, pointing to the blonde. “Marcus you cunt!” She yelled before her eyes went glassey and she dociley walked over to where he was sitting. “At the end of every month Marcus will become Summer’s sex slave for a month before switching back. Let it never be said that Bael was a misogynist.” “Didn’t you call me a bimbo like an hour ago?” Anna muttered. “Shut up bimbo.” Bill replied.
This left two women. The brunette and the black girl. The brunette looked angry, the black girl looked terrified. “Please let me go.” The black girl said. “I won’t tell anyone what happened.” “Shut up, Carolina”, the brunette said. “One last game.” Bill announced as he gave the two girls pieces of paper and pens. “Each of you must put an “X” or an “O” on the paper. If you both put an “O” you will both become a little dumber and a little sluttier than you are now. Not a lot but a little. If one of you puts an “X” and the other an “O”, the one who put an “X” will be unharmed and the one who put an “O” will be turned into the dumbest slut in Texas. You’ll make the twins look like rocket scientists in comparison”, Bill said pointing to Candy and Brandy.
“And what happens if they both put “X”s? Anna asked smiling. She already knew the answer. “Then they will be sent straight to the Second Circle of Hell to be sexually tortured for all of eternity! Now begin! You have ten seconds!” Both of the women wrote on the paper and folded it up. When the time was up Anna took one paper and Bill took the other. “Two “X”s! They exclaimed, showing the papers to the women. The brunette angrily lunged at the sobbing black girl as a crimson portal appeared beneath them, sucking them into the Underworld.
“Remind me, dear.” Anna asked. “Has anyone ever put an “O” down when you play that game?” “Nope!” Bill said, laughing. “Where should we go next?". “How about we go to Hollywood? There are lots of sinners there.” “You know, Anna, I think you might be right.” “Don’t act so surprised.” She replied as they left the traumatized co-eds to their respective fates.