The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

I opened my eyes.

It sounds so simple on the surface, an action described with just four small words in sequence.

I’m always amazed at the wonder of it all around me, the people, the world itself really. Amazed that we haven’t just blown ourselves clean off the surface of this little rock we call home.

At least, not yet it seems.

So you’ll forgive me a moment of weakness when I decided to share a tale with you of how Life, in its infinite complexity, its infinite creativity and beauty, decided to sideswipe me right out of the blue.

You see, unbeknownst to most if not all people, Life has a purpose, one that would surprise dare I say shock most people considering the things we humans have to deal with in our daily doses of it.

I found out about it rather abruptly one day when I stepped off a curb right into the hood and front fender of an oncoming automobile.

I’d like to tell you it hurt like the dickens, but it happened so fast that, unlike the many stories you’ve no doubt heard from people that claim “my life flashed before my eyes,” my life ended before such an eye opening experience ever happened or any sensations had an opportunity to register.

Life opened my eyes for me after I was already dead, and what you’re about to read are my recollections of the experiences as Life allowed me to remember them.

Yep, you read that right. Life showed me, taught me, educated me about the many things I’d missed along the way until that Fateful day when I became a hood ornament.

Fate laughed about it, Life told me at one point. Considered it a rather amateurish snuff job, it seems.

For a few moments afterwards, I was confident I was dead. I mean, I distinctly remember two things:

I remember stepping off the curb, and I remember… well, that’s pretty much it. So those two things in tandem convinced me someone had pushed the Stop button on my elevator ride and I was pretty pissed about it.

Life, of course, had other plans.

I asked Life if I were dead, as most persons did in this sort of situation. I was going on instinct, I think. It might have been memories of movies I’d seen in my lifetime where the protagonists typically find themselves “awake” and, looking around like a deer in headlights, always asked, “Am I dead?”

Life simply ignored the question and went back to watching TV. Jerry Springer seemed to be on from what I could tell. Two incredibly large very overweight women were complaining about how they both wanted to be with the star of the show: a skinny underweight excuse for a man sitting there sandwiched between the two of them squeezed into those tiny chairs onstage.

I’d caught such shows in the past during times when flipping channels seemed to be the only use for the TV. “500 channels and nothing on” was fast becoming the mantra for an entire generation of homebound people with nothing better to do.

Life laughed again then turned off the TV, took a swig of beer from the can, tossed it over in the corner and belched.

“Forced to watch Jerry Springer in Hell forever. Now that’s an idea I’ll have to pass on to Hades the next time I see him,” Life said as… well, I don’t know what Life is in terms of sexuality. Maybe I should have—

“For the purposes of your training, you see me as a male, so that’s what I am,” Life answered.

(belch)

“Oh great, it… I mean he can—

“Yes Brainiac, I can read that pathetic excuse for a mind you have up there on your shoulders, and let me tell you this, it hurts to think down to your primitive levels. But, sometimes it’s fun, even for the likes of a force such as me.”

(belch)

“So,” I asked, “what exactly is—

“You’re in what you humans refer to as limbo. We just like to call it ‘Gilligan’s Island’ for our own selfish reasons. You know, Maryanne really was a total babe, if you get my drift.”

The wink Life was giving me would have made me puke my guts out at that point if not for the fact there wasn’t anything in my guts to puke out.

“Pizza’s in the microwave, beer is in the fridge. Oh, you don’t drink, right, almost forgot that,” Life said, smirking as he did so. “How can you eat pizza without beer? Ugh…”

(fart)

“I’m going to take a dump, make yourself at home since you’re going to be here for a while.”

The chuckling sound Life made as he left the living room – Life’s living room, how quaint – gave me the willies.

“Life sucks,” I muttered, unsure of what else to say.

Life stormed back into the room, one hand holding up his pants, the other pointing directly at me.

“I DO NOT!!! That reminds me though; I’ll have to introduce you to Persephone sometime. Wonder if you could handle the Hoovering she’s capable of.”

And with a twist of his considerable girth, he turned on a cankle and was soon invisible once more.

I, on the other hand, hadn’t a clue of what to do or how to do it so I did what most men did in the situation.

The pizza was fantastic, I had to admit. I passed on the beer and grabbed a bottle of what appeared to be water, deciding to sniff it before drinking it. The odor assaulted my nostrils, causing me to lose my balance for several seconds.

“PUT THAT BACK!!!” Life screamed. “What the hell is wrong with you, man? How would you feel if I came to your place and just rummaged around in the fridge for whatever I wanted?”

“You told me to make myself at home, you know,” I countered.

“Yeah well, even I make mistakes sometimes. But that’s not something you could handle, dude, I assure you.” Life took the bottle from my hand, and with an almost unbelievably delicate sense of touch, replaced the cap and returned the bottle to its resting place on the top shelf of his seemingly bachelor accentuated refrigerator – meaning it had next to nothing in it.

“So, what was that st—

“If I told you, you simply would not believe me, believe me,” Life replied.

“Look, let’s say what you’ve told me up to this moment is true, I can handle that, but the constant reading of my thoughts and not even letting me fin—

“Save it, dude, I’ve heard it all before, read it all before too in your case. But I’ll make you a deal: stay out of my fridge, forget you saw that bottle completely, and I’ll stop reading your mind. Deal?”

For a moment I had two thoughts:

One was that bottle obviously was leverage of some kind for him; it seemed to have some special significance. Two, I couldn’t forget that smell no matter how hard I was trying, even the pizza, as amazing as it was, didn’t do enough to get that odor out of my thoughts.

Now that I’d had some time to come down from the high it had given me, I began wondering just what it really was, so I pressed my advantage.

“Ok, deal, with one stipulation and just one,” I said, “and don’t read my mind right now, I’ll tell you the stipulation, dammit.”

Life looked me up and down, smirked, and then said, “Ok, spill it.”

“Tell me what’s in that bottle because you already know I have… hell I need to know now.”

“You’re not going to give up on this will you?”

“You should know, right?” I snapped back.

“Well, you said not to read your mind. Dammit, you’re really putting me in a bind here, a big one.”

“He’s on the ropes now, time to finish him off,” I thought, cocky and sure of myself. “Tell me what it is so we can get on with this, whatever this is supposed to be. Surely it can’t be that important, can it?” I said, milking the moment for all I could.

“It’s the most important thing in my… well… you figure it out.”

Life sulked over to the couch, and for me, somehow the victory wasn’t quite what I had hoped for.

“It’s piss.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, trying to hold back both the laughter and the disbelief and failing miserably.

“IT’S PISS you stupid human, can’t you understand anything?” he exclaimed, flopping back into his chair, downing yet another beer.

“Ok, so… it’s piss. Why do you, force that you are, have a bottle of piss in your fridge?”

“It’s not just any piss, surely even you must realize,” he stated.

“Well, I have to admit for a few moments there the thought of your piss getting me high was just about the mos—

“No wonder you stepped in front of that car, you’re blind. It’s not my piss, it’s… special… you could say.”

Now I was getting somewhere in Life’s living room. Mom and Dad would be proud.

“Ok, let’s cut this short: whose piss is in a bottle on the top shelf of your refrigerator?” I asked, sure this time my lawyer like question left him no outs.

In what had to be the most bizarre moment of my… my… oh hell, my life, Life himself looked me in the eye and said:

“The piss of a Goddess.”

“Oh well, that makes perfect sense, now doesn’t it?” I retorted. I sat down on the couch and had another slice of pizza.

“You couldn’t possibly understand you just can’t. That mammalian brain of yours – thank you very fucking much, Zeus – simply can’t fathom the power that piss has.”

So far, all I knew was:

I was in limbo, neither alive nor dead, if what Life had told me was true. Life had a bottle of piss in his fridge. Not just any piss, mind you, but the piss of a Goddess as he puts it. And the pizza was pretty good.

For some reason, I didn’t see anything wrong with the situation, so I had another slice.

“What, no more questions?” Life asked me.

“Well, I figure you’ll tell me in your own sweet time, right?”

“Eternity is in upper management, rarely comes around these parts,” he said, and I completely missed what he was referring to.

“Time you idiot. I don’t have time, it simply doesn’t exist for me; I’m a force of the Universe itself. Do you see a fucking Timex on my wrist?” and he held both of them up to me for inspection.

“Nope, I don’t.” Damn that pizza really was delicious.

Life sighed long and hard, making me think he’d just given up. He slouched back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, probably not thinking the cobwebs in the corners were anything to worry about.

“You really should consider cleaning this place up sometime,” I said.

“Order pops in on occasion and does me a few odd favors. But then Chaos drops by, usually with a few Nymphs and some pizza and beer and, well, this place goes to Hell in a hand basket pretty quick. Hades said it’s just his kind of hangout, though. For some reason, that never did make me feel better to hear it.”

More sulking, more sighs. I had nothing to lose, or so I imagined, so I gave it my best effort.

“Look, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know why I’m in limbo or here in your home. It seems you’re upset about something, so perhaps I should—

“You have no place to go, human. Sorry, don’t you have a name, something the other monkeys called you by?” Life snorted condescendingly.

“Steve is my name. I would think you knew this already.”

“Yeah well, forgive me for having a…” and Life hung his head down and cried.

Talk about metaphysics gone insane. I was beside myself with guilt, thinking I’d just created emotional suffering for a force of the Universe. I guess I was on a roll.

“So, I’m going to be here for some time I guess. Do I take the couch or…?”

“Guest room, down the hallway, second door on the left, towels are in the bathroom. The hot water takes a while to work. I’ll have to talk to Hades about that,” he said before turning the TV on once again.

I took that as my cue to leave Life alone for a while and headed down the hallway to my room. As I turned the corner, I felt a twinge of sadness for Life. I started to speak but he cut me off again.

“I know, Steve, I know. And call me… Harvey,” then he went back to watching TV.

“Thanks,” I said, wanting it out there in the open. I turned and walked away.

The room was fairly large, clean as a whistle compared to the rest of what I’d seen of the place. The bed was made, the sheets giving off somewhat of a glow I couldn’t quite make out. They looked like they were slightly off focus for some reason. I stepped forward, placed my hand on the topmost sheet and was pleasantly surprised to feel—

“No way no fucking way,” I stuttered out, stepping back for the briefest moment, not realizing I had just stepped on someone’s toe.

“OUCH!!! DAMMIT!!! GET OFF MY FOOT!!!”

I turned quickly, not quite prepared for what I found standing there in my vision.

A Goddess…

That’s all I could think as I gazed on her face, and not much else crossed my mind, but something crossed my face soon enough that helped.

Her hand, fast and hard.

“Wake up, imbecile!” she ordered.

“I’m awake. Geez, why’d you slap me?” I asked. My face stung from the blow.

“Because you’re all alike, that’s what for. Human males, ‘gazing on a Goddess’, all you do is get stiff from head to toe like that. Seems the only way a Goddess can get any real attention is to just slap you out of that trance you all seem to let yourselves slip into.”

She had a point. In fact, two of them, both very lovely points, right there underneath her outfit, pointing out at me like they wanted attention or something. So…

(SLAP)

“HEY… what was that for?” I asked, now tending the other side of my face which stung enough to tone down the sensation from the other freshly slapped cheek.

“I’m up here, stupid,” pointing with both hands at her face. “It seems most of you boys are still in the stone ages. I told Zeus you’d never stop thinking with your dicks, and he really hates it when I’m right.”

As the pain subsided, I calmed down enough to see her for what she appeared to be: a beautiful woman standing before me. I struggled to keep from staring at her cleavage, her ample breasts filling out the material she was swathed in, almost glowing like the sheets, actually.

“I wonder if she feels like the shee—

I caught her hand that time before it had a chance to actually make contact. I also got an answer to my unspoken question: her skin felt like a woman’s breast, soft and smooth.

“Copping a feel, eh?” she smirked.

“So let me guess, you can read minds too?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Of course, I’m a Goddess you know.” The accenting of the word Goddess was not lost on me.

She pulled back her wrist from my grasp and took it in her other hand. I had a moment of weakness where I thought I may have held her too tightly, so I did the typical gentlemanly thing:

“I’m sorry, I hope I didn—

(SLAP)

“Aha! Gotcha! You men, you’re all so easy, I tell you,” she said triumphantly even as I had trouble deciding which side of my face hurt the most.

I found myself staring down a Goddess and getting angry for it. Perfect breasts be damned, it was time to assert myself.

“Listen here, woman, I don’t know what—

“GODDESS!!!” she roared, and I swear if I didn’t know better I would believe I had just been blasted by the sound system at a concert performance by The Who pushing 11.

After a few seconds, I capitulated.

“Ok, Goddess,” I said, making a mockery of her title the best I could and stepping back at the same time outside of her swing zone. “I am new here, wherever here happens to be. It seems that Life has picked me for something, and I have to admit that sounds pretty stupid when I say it. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t know why Life has a bottle of piss in his fridge, I don’t know why you’re here, all I know is that my face hurts, the pizza was pretty damned good, and I’m tired and I’d like to sleep on those sheets that feel like a woman’s breast. Does that sound weird, even to a Goddess, or is it just me?”

She was standing there, eyes open, blank stare on her face. Her mouth was open in that “o” shape I find so attractive on some of the women I work with in my hypnotherapy practice when I send them deep into trance.

Oh, sorry, make that the women I used to work with in my hypnotherapy practice I used to have when I sent them deep into trance since I’m dead. Or in limbo or whatever the fuck I was.

“Uhmmm…” I started to wonder out loud. I wondered. My hand went towards her of its own accord, I swear.

Waving my hand in front of her eyes, I got no feedback at all.

“Uhmmm… hello in there, is anyone home?” I asked.

“He’s got a bottle of piss in his fridge?” she asked softly.

“Sure. Don’t all you Gods and Goddesses like the kinky stuff?” I asked pressing what little luck I felt I had.

Her face went from blank to “fuck you” in a split second.

“How’d you like to spend the rest of eternity as a rock on some planet far away from mother Earth?” she asked.

“Well, do you think you could get Eternity to sign off on the requisition order to have me transformed, and would they cover my moving expenses?” I responded, firing back a sarcastic remark based on Life’s earlier little slip of information about how the hierarchy worked.

“Damn, he told you, didn’t he?”

Suddenly deflated, she walked over to the bed and sat down on those sheets. I kept thinking about them, wondering what it would be like to sleep between them. Sleep would be so nice right now. Hopefully I’d wake up from this nightmare and get some real work done.

“You’re not dreaming, human. This is all too real, for us, and now for you as well,” she stated. Sighing almost the same way Life did only a few minutes earlier, she stood up, stepped towards me and spoke.

“Get some sleep. I know you’re just dying to take those sheets for a ride, and boy will you ever.” She even smiled as she said it.

“Ok, what did I just miss,” I wondered out loud.

“Oh, it’s nothing at all, at least to us, but to a human like you the sheets will have a much different effect. Hypnos likes to crash here on occasion; he and Life are best buds, have been for eons. The sheets were sort of a housewarming gift to Life.”

“You mean Hypnos, as in the God of Sleep?” I asked the question already knowing the answer.

“Oh, you know the guy?” she playfully responded. She reached up with both hands, placing them on my cheeks and… well… I almost came in my pants right then and there.

“Ooops, guess I’ll have to tone it down somewhat. You’re not quite up to speed just yet. Sorry, side effect of being a Goddess.”

She smiled again, and I started feeling pretty tired at that moment. The pain in my cheeks was gone, obviously, replaced by the intense erection I now sported that I couldn’t seem to exert any willpower whatsoever.

“Don’t worry, Steve-O, you’re going to be just fine. We’ll talk tomorrow, when you’re rested. Of course that depends on what the sheets have in store for you. Oh, one more thing, just a tip: take a shower before bed,” she said. Another playful smile crossed her face as she shimmered before me.

“But, I don’t even know your name, who are you?”

“The name is Aphrodite. And the piss in the fridge is mine,” and with that, she simply disappeared before me like something right out of an episode of Star Trek when someone is transported.

“Son of a…” I started to say, but decided not to pursue it. I was feeling tired, however, but that tip about the shower and that smile convinced me to have one. I tossed my clothes onto the bed, stripping down to my birthday suit and I swear I heard the most wonderful “Ooooohhh” and “Mmmmm” sound in the room with me, but I was alone.

At least I thought I was. I looked around, walked to the other side of the bed to take a look out what appeared to be the window. As I passed the bed, I know I wasn’t close enough to touch it but I felt the sheet touching me just the same, the soft sensation stopping me where I stood. Looking down where I felt the touch I could plainly see about a foot of space between my leg and the side of the bed.

Another “Mmmmm” was heard, and I still couldn’t find the source of it. I was feeling more tired by the minute, so I headed directly to the door next to the empty walk-in closet. Opening the door I found the water already running, a bit of steam in the room making it slightly difficult to see. I felt my way to the sliding door and opened it, stepping inside and being doused with water that felt… well… it just didn’t feel like water.

I reached for the sides of the shower, hoping to find soap of some kind, and was taken aback at the touch of a hand on my back. Spinning around almost caused me to slip and fall, but strong hands from the back and the front caught me, standing me upright.

“What the fuck is going on here?” I yelled.

“Hush, human,” was all I heard.

In that moment, my mind was calm, quiet, and still. I wanted to think, I really did, but it just wasn’t happening. I might not have been thinking, but I was damned sure feeling something and it wasn’t just the water.

I felt a hand on my ass, a finger sliding down the top of the cleft, down between the cheeks, further and further. Along my front side I felt hands on my chest, hands on my face and neck, hands sliding down my torso, and before I could protest I felt hands encircling my cock and my balls even as the finger slid into my ass.

It’s a good thing I wasn’t able to think at that point because it would have ruined the experience completely.

“Relax, and enjoy. Aphrodite asked us to play with you, so we shall. Let your mind imagine wonderful erotic things, and we shall make them a reality, here with you now. You have nothing to fear from us. We are water Nymphs, and you shall not remember this when you awaken. But you will remember this in your dreams for as long as Life allows it.”

The words were hazy, just like my vision. The feelings on my skin, my ass, my cock, my balls, it seemed like every square inch of my skin was being stimulated constantly. Now that I reflect back on experience it was since these wonderful beings are made of water and with me being in the shower I was wet all over.

Wherever they could reach, whatever spot they could come into contact with, become instantly sensitive to their ministrations as my mind simply disconnected from my body and I felt like I was having one long continuous orgasm the entire time the shower lasted.

To say I was clean and refreshed when it was over could be the understatement of all time, and I’m not sure Eternity would want any blemishes on his well-deserved reputation. I was also exhausted for reasons I’m sure you’ll understand I keep to myself, save for this tidbit: the anus is an incredibly sensitive thing with the right touch – don’t ignore it.

I remember this now as I recall it only because Aphrodite allowed it. When I told her I was writing a story about it she was excited about it she made a point – two points, actually, sorry! – of offering me a Muse of my own for the process, but I felt confident I could handle it after… well, you’ll just have to keep reading to find out.

Making my way from the shower back to the bed, I somehow failed to notice my clothes were now hanging in the closet. All I could focus on were those sheets and my earlier momentary contact with them. I dimly realized that if just a split second of touching them gave me the impression which was still right there at the forefront of my consciousness, sleeping between them well give new meaning to the term “wet dreams.”

I noticed as I approached the bed that it seemed to be a bit different than it was before I went to shower. The pillows were doubled up as I preferred, and the top sheet had already been turned back. I felt like going out to thank Life—err, Harvey for his hospitality, but that thought was quickly replaced by a drowsy heavy feeling I couldn’t ignore any longer.

Stepping to the bed, I turned. As the backs of my legs came into contact with the sheets, I simply fell back into the sheets, without a care in the world. As my vision changed from seeing the room to staring at the ceiling, the sensations washing over me began to work on my consciousness.

“Relax, sleep… all you want to do now is sleep… sleep… so good to sleep… soft… warm… comfortable… relax and sleep…”

The voices were coming from somewhere, but the source was simply beyond my ability to comprehend. I mean, come on, living sheets? Looking back on it now I realize just how fortunate I was to have the experience, but living sheets?

Over and over again, the voices kept whispering to me, calming me, relaxing me. I simply had no choice but to surrender to them, in all possible ways. Again I felt stimulation from behind, from the front, everyplace the sheets touched became super-sensitive even as my mind was being whispered to sleep as the voices continued.

The top sheet slowly moved up my body even as the lower sheet spun me around somehow. The pillows wedged themselves underneath my head, propping it up just so I could look down across the sheet lying across me, still slowly moving up towards my chest and neck.

The sensation its slow teasing motion was creating became almost unbearable. I already had an erection, quite visible beneath the sheet as a huge lump standing out from where my groin was. The feeling of the sheet rubbing along the base of my cock just added with all the others leaving me quite dizzy and helpless.

At the time I didn’t remember the shower I’d just experienced; that memory was returned at a later time before I started writing this story, so I didn’t even know why I already felt freshly fucked and spent. But I just couldn’t move, not one muscle was cooperating at that point.

It might have been those whispers. I’ve always been a sucker for a woman’s voice, her mouth so close to my ear I can feel the heat of her breath, whispering me to sleep with suggestions I couldn’t – didn’t want to resist. I find hypnosis and sex to be a nearly irresistible combination, both as the one in charge when I induce a trance in someone else and as the subject when I allow myself to let go and give control to another.

But right then and there, being stimulated in such a way, the voices seeming to never cease, coming from all directions at once with no clear source, and that top sheet still sliding up the base of my cock (probably the most sensitive part on mine) and over the head was pushing my mind to new places.

I felt a change in the top sheet, and barely found enough strength to open my eyes to see something I still can’t quite believe after the fact: the top sheet pulled back off my torso, flapped about in midair for a few moments, then formed a body – a female body, obviously. Curves in all the right places, even legs it seemed.

The only way to describe it would be to say imagine a woman with a near perfect body, whatever that means to you and your particular tastes in women. Imagine wrapping her in a sheet that doesn’t just cover her entire skin, but imagine the sheet becomes her skin, and leaving out all the finer details like the eyes, ears, and the individual fingers and toes.

If you can imagine that, if you can imagine a woman sheathed in a sheet that felt like a woman’s breast, then you can have some small concept of what I felt and was seeing in mid-air over my tired helpless naked erect aroused sleepy distracted body.

And then a face formed on the sheet, as unmistakable as anything I’d seen since all this started.

It was Aphrodite herself, or at least a highly accurate facsimile of her.

And then the sheet smiled at me, just as she had earlier. Before I could even muster the strength to smile back, the sheet went down on me, taking me entire length into her… whatever.

I wish I could say I recall the thoughts that went through my mind at that moment, but even now I can’t. I think it’s better this way actually, me not remembering. In my dreams, I’m confident I relive the experience – or at least I damned well hope I do.

All I do remember is that after some length of time, the mouth finally slid off me, and I wondered what happened to all my come I’d surrendered since I didn’t see a stain of any sort in those last few moments of consciousness.

The sheet-girl then proceeded to tease me with the edges of her form, lightly stroking my legs, my arms, the sensitive spots on my abdomen and neck, and then impaled itself on my still erect cock.

The sheet-girl slowly surrounded my entire being, it seemed, as the sheet underneath me lifted my hips up to match the motions the top sheet was making.

I was sandwiched in between what now appeared to be not one but two of these beings, and at that point I simply gave up trying to do anything at all and rode along with whatever they had in store for me.

I was being fucked to sleep by the softest living whispering sheets, believe it or not. I’d love to say I’ve hand stranger experiences, but I can’t. It was the most intense experience of my… well… my time in limbo.

I woke up the next… err… I never did figure out how the 24 hour thing worked in limbo, actually. I woke up at some point, still wrapped in the sheets which now were just sheets, it seemed. Still soft like a woman’s breast, of course. Just moving underneath them to try and get from underneath them was enough stimulation to wake up my pal again, but I couldn’t imagine myself being able to have any more sex.

As I reached the edge of the bed, I tried to stand and felt the tug of the top sheet and heard a whisper say, “Sleep with us, please… you want to sleep, relax and sleep…” over and over. It was a very powerful trigger that almost worked, and as soon as I felt my shoulders wilting with relaxation I snapped out of it and leaped from the bed.

I swear I heard the sound of desperation in those whispers as I turned to look at the sheets intermingling there on the mattress. I never bothered to find out what it was made of, suffice to say the bed gave me the best night’s sleep I’d ever had in my… well… damn it’s hard telling a story without using that word.

I realized the beings, whatever they were, had given me a gift and I hadn’t a clue as to how I might repay them, so I did what I thought would be the right thing.

I stepped back to the bed, reached down and took a handful of the material softly, lifted it towards my face, and gently brushed my cheek with it careful while I whispered, “Thank you.”

The voices whispered back, “You’re welcome. Sleep with us again sometime,” and immediately the material went slack in my hand, just as a normal sheet would be. No tension of any kind, just cloth-like material with no spark, no… errr… life it seemed.

As I pulled the sheets off the bed to make it properly, the whispers returned but this time they were simply moans and groans. I took that as a good sign, so as I made the bed I paid extra careful and close attention to smoothing out every wrinkle I made, softly, with a loving touch. Each stroke was done with me imagining that I was giving the most erotic massage I could possibly give.

The sheets were apparently quite satisfied by my gentle hands, and as I finished the job by fluffing the pillows – yes, I know how ridiculous it sounds, but I really did fluff the pillows – I got the most exquisite sensation that, believe it or not, I had just given those sheets and pillows some kind of orgasm.

Hey, what can I say, I’m no God but I know how to please.

“Steve, are you awake yet?” I heard Harvey calling.

“Yep, just finished making the bed, be right there,” I replied. I went to the closet, got my clothes, considered taking another shower at that moment and wondered why the hell my dick got so stiff.

I know why it happened now, of course, but I mean, really.

We men do love our erections when they happen, at least I do. I admit, I love jerking off whenever I get the chance which usually means anytime I see a woman worth jerking off and fantasizing about. Be it a picture, a video, a voice, physical contact, it really doesn’t matter.

If it’s female, and we consider it attractive, we’ll find a way to masturbate to it.

I opened the door and came face to face with what appeared to be Death incarnate.

No, really. I’m serious.

The laughter echoing through the place was enough to convince me that Harvey, Life itself, had simply gone mad. He appeared a few moments later, still laughing, and doing some play boxing with Death, incarnate.

“Did you see the look on his face? Man that was priceless,” Harvey bellowed. I finally realized it was a gag played on me, the newest pledge at this seemingly insane frat house in limbo.

“Hi,” Death said, offering a bony hand for me to shake.

“I was fucked to sleep by sheets, slapped by Aphrodite whose piss is in Life’s fridge and now I’m offered a handshake by Death incarnate. Things could be worse I suppose.” The thoughts rattled around in my head as I shook Death incarnate’s hand, cold as it was, and that just served to spur Harvey on.

“You forgot the shower, Steve,” Life mused. He punched Death incarnate in the shoulder and shouted, “He doesn’t remember the shower! Ain’t that hilarious?” and continued laughing maniacally.

Finally calming down after what seemed to be an… errr… incredibly long time, Harvey said, “So you just happened to tell her I had her piss in the fridge, huh? Great job, man, what a pal you’re turning out to be,” as he shrugged his shoulders and made his way back to the… dammit… TV room.

I tried to follow him but Death incarnate just sort of stood there in front of me blocking the doorway. His tattered outfit could certainly use some stitching up I thought, but at the moment all I wanted to do was get past… errr…

“Just call me Dave,” Death incarnate said, floating off towards the other end of the house.

I wanted to be in shock, I really did, but I couldn’t. If I had been in shock, it would have been the only normal thing that happened to me since all this, whatever it still was, began.

I shook my head then headed towards the noise I knew was being used to drown out some emotional trauma, and this time I was getting some answers. That or I was going back to bed. “Hello!!!” my pal said, and this time I had to agree with him and let him be.

“SO, HARVEY, HOW’S IT HANGING?” I screamed, trying to speak over the din of the audio from the TV. Onscreen were more fat white chicks with skinny goofy looking men that seemed to love them. Opposites attract, I suppose, what did I know.

Life looked at me once more and I had no answers, only questions.

“IF I MAKE A BAD JOKE RIGHT NOW WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO BE MAD?” I screamed. Of course, the joke would fall flat on its face if he was reading my mind, but somehow I thought I’d get him if he’d just drop his defenses for one second.

The audio on the TV was muted, and with a sullen look in his eye, Life looked at me again.

“Got any lemons?”

The faintest smile crossed his face, slowly growing from a small grin to a big Cheshire cat one quickly.

From the other side of the house was heard another maniacal almost hyena-like wail that I could only assume was a laugh.

Death incarnate… errr… Dave poked his head out into the hallway and screamed, “Lemons!!! He asked Life for LEMONS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…” and went back inside his room closing the door behind him.

“Ok, I gotta admit, you got me with that one,” Harvey admitted, still smiling.

“So, do me a favor and tell me why you have Aphrodite’s piss in your fridge, Harvey, because I gotta admit after what’s happened since I got here, whenever that actually was, that’s the one thing I still don’t have a grip on.”

“See, it’s like this,” he began. “I’ve got a crush on her, always have. I mean, she’s the Goddess of Love, right? How can I not love her? But the problem is, she’s a Goddess and I’m just a force of the Universe, it just won’t work.”

He seemed pretty down about it, and with me being the odd man out, or in as it were, I took a chance.

“But that still doesn’t explain why you have the piss of Aphrodite in your fridge which is what I’d like to know,” I pushed on.

“Because I’m addicted to the stuff, Steve, that’s why. There, I said it. I LOVE APHRODITE’S PISS!!! Are you happy now?”

“The question is, Harvey, are you?”

The voice was unmistakable, of course. Aphrodite herself, standing there in front of the TV, and I didn’t even see her shimmer that perfect body in.

“Aphrodite… hey there, how… I mean, what brings… oh fuck it,” Life said, slumping back into his chair.

“So let me see if I’ve got this straight: when I’ve been here in the past, for whatever reason, you actually put forth the effort of rigging your commode so that when I took a leak my piss was captured somehow, because you’re… addicted to it? Can someone explain that to me like I’m 6 eons old because I’m just not getting it.”

The look on her face, as beautiful as she was to look at, plus the tapping foot all added up to one very incensed Goddess. I just backed off and went looking for the leftover pizza.

“Look, it just happened, I can’t explain it, ok? Let’s just move on shall—

“No, I don’t think so, not this time. You have something of mine, something that belongs to me, in some respects my very essence, and I deserve an explanation, so get cracking, right now.”

Life looked like he was in the dumps, so I did what anyone in my situation would do.

The bottle was cold in my hand as I offered it to Aphrodite. If I thought she was angry before, I was wrong – again.

“How dare you? Have you no respect for a man’s fridge?” she blurted out.

“Ok, fine, first him and now you. Listen, the man told me to make myself at home, what does that mean to you… beings?” I responded.

“Put it back, now,” she commanded, so I did.

“This is ‘Beauty and the Beast’ on a universal scale,” I thought to myself.

“I heard that, Steve,” Aphrodite said. “That’s not nice, but there is some ring of truth to your thoughts. Come to me.”

As if I had a choice.

I found myself staring into her eyes, her hands felt so good on my cheeks again.

“You’re a very sleepy boy, Steve. So sleepy… so tired… you want to sleep between the sheets, don’t you? Yes you do… such a sleepy boy… you just want to sleep between the sheets again… close your eyes…” and I don’t remember anything past that point.

I asked her to give me the memories back and her response was simple:

“If I allow you to remember what the sheets did to you, with you, and for you after I sent you to your room, your conscious mind would short out and you’d slip into a coma. Just be happy knowing the memories return to you as you dream when you’re deep asleep.”

I want to remember, but I’m not about to argue with a Goddess, so I took her word for it.

What I do recall is that when I woke up the next time, the sheets were still softly stimulating me from head to toe. My raspy voice pleaded with them to stop because I really needed to use the bathroom. They allowed me to leave the bed, so I gave a quick kiss to one corner of the top sheet and another whispered “Thank you” as my bladder forced me into action.

I ran into the bathroom, stood over the commode and began to urinate when the most peculiar thing happened.

The water, or at least I think it was water, seemed to come out of the commode as a solid thing. The only way to describe it to you would be to say it formed something like the “water tentacle” from the movie ‘The Abyss’, so I hope you’ve seen it.

Then the next most peculiar thing happened.

It slowly surrounded my hand which was gripping my erect cock – I had just left the sheets, remember, and this was my morning wood I guess. For some reason I decided to let go of my cock, and in doing so, the “water tentacle” simply inhaled my cock and literally sucked the piss right out of me.

I can’t describe the sensation, suffice to say it wasn’t a painful one as you might imagine. I just felt myself open up and release my bladder without any effort at all. It wasn’t the same sensation as a blowjob, not in the slightest.

I mean, by the time this was happening, I have to admit I was expecting another water finger to just slide right up my ass and make me orgasm and ejaculate right along with the urination, but that didn’t happen thankfully. I don’t know if I could have withstood that kind of experience.

The sucking continued even as my bladder shrunk and emptied, and the pressure subsided. I opened my eyes to look down and see this “thing” finishing me off, and was still astonished at the wonder of it all, of everything I’d experienced so far.

The being pulled back with a slight popping sound as it left contact with my cock head, and once again, unable to figure out what I should do, I just said “Thank you” softly for some reason.

“You’re welcome,” a voice said. I looked at the tentacle and a female face formed, but I could make out the specific details. “Feed us anytime,” it said, then the tentacle, for lack of a better word, simply went limp and loose, and the water splashed back into the commode.

I didn’t want to even consider flushing it, so I just walked back into the bedroom.

“Is that fun? Does it feel good when it happens?”

For the second time in a day, or whatever it was in limbo, I found myself staring face to… errr… hooded abyss perhaps… with Death incarnate.

“I… well…” I tried to find an answer for Death—Dave, I mean, but nothing came to mind.

“It’s ok, I understand. I’ve always heard you humans have a tough time explaining those kinds of sensations to someone that’s never had them.”

A pang of guilt crossed my heart, and I really can’t say why. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I just had my dick sucked by a commode, I’m being fucked to sleep by sheets every time I get into that bed, I met a Goddess and sniffed her piss which got me high, I was killed I think and brought to limbo by Life itself, and now Death incarnate is asking me what it’s like to have my dick sucked. What else can possibly go wrong?”

“Uhmmm, Steve, if you’ve got a minute, there’s someone out here that wants to meet you,” Harvey asked through the door.

“Yeah, what the fuck ever, Harvey, be right there,” I threw back at him.

“You’re a funny guy, Steve,” Death incarnate said before floating right through my bedroom wall.

At that point, I contemplated walking into the liv—TV room naked as the day I was born because of how ludicrous this whole situation was turning out, but I decided to use better judgment and get dressed. I sat on the bed to put on my socks and was almost convinced by the sheets to simply let go and slip back into sleepy bliss while they fucked me to sleep once more, but I fought it, thanked them for a wonderful time I couldn’t remember, smoothed them out softly and gently once more, and went to the door.

This time, I decided to open it and step back in case Harvey was planning another of his frat house pranks.

To my relief, there was no one there. I headed to the TV room only to see Harvey dancing with some… well… another Goddess from all appearances.

“What is it with this guy,” I asked myself.

“He wants to know what you’ve got that keeps bringing all the hotties your way, lover,” the woman spoke.

Harvey turned to face me.

“It’s a secret,” he said, then winked at me. The puking feeling returned but passed more quickly this time.

At that moment, something occurred to me so I asked about it.

“Wasn’t Aphrodite here earlier? What happened with that, seemed like she wanted to talk about the… errr… that thing you two wanted to discuss?” I’d already slipped up once before telling someone about the piss in the fridge, I didn’t want to do it twice.

“Yeah, she and I had words, as always. I love her, I can’t help it, but she’s impossible to be around and she knows it. The thing is safe for now,” he said, another wink over the woman’s shoulder. Bile shot up my esophagus once again so I swallowed and sent it back down.

“I need something to eat,” I said.

“You should considering all the sex you’ve been getting. For a human, you’ve got remarkable stamina from what I can tell,” Harvey bellowed.

“Well, I just have one thing to say about all this: you Gods and Goddesses are all a bunch of total wackjobs as far as I’m concerned, but if I could take one thing with me when I leave this place, I’d give my soul to have a set of those sheets.”

“Fine, whatever, they’re yours if you want ‘em,” Harvey added.

“HELLO!!!” my pal sang to the world, and was noticed by the woman in Harvey’s arms.

“Wow, he really does have stamina, doesn’t he?” she cooed.

“Enough woman, he’s not for you. You’d kill him and we both know it. But then again, he might enjoy coming and going at the same time, eh?” Life mused once more.

She smiled, and kissed Life on the cheek.

“It was nice meeting you, human. Take care of him…” and with a shimmer she was gone.

“Was she telling me to take care of you, or…?” I asked.

“Who knows, crazy Goddesses, they’re all the same once you really get under their skin.”

“They have skin? Is it soft like those sheets?”

“Funny. You realize those sheets have no effect on any of us higher beings, right? I’m not even sure they’ll work in reality, but you’re welcome to them if you make it out of this place. Hell, I’ll even gift wrap ‘em for you just for old time’s sake.”

“Deal. Now, about Aphrodite, I’ll ask this once more since it so obviously seems like it’s the one thing you’re simply going to keep putting me off on: why do you have her piss in your fridge?” I asked.

“Fine. Aphrodite’s urine, if you will, if the most potent aphrodisiac I the known Universe. Get it? Aphrodisiac? Aphrodite? Surely even your monkey brain can get those two things added together,” he added, trying to sting with insult.

“I seem to recall reading something during my… errr… life, as it were, that you Gods and Goddesses wouldn’t exist if not for our silly monkey brains believing in you, that you would simply cease to exist if we all could ever get past our primitive belief structures and stick directly to the facts of reality. Is there some truth to that?”

Harvey mumbled something that sounded like, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,” but I wasn’t sure if that was it.

“The Wizard of Oz? Oh please, spare me the melodramatics,” I quipped.

“Well, there is some truth to that, actually,” he replied.

“What, that if we choose to stop believing in you all, you’ll dry up like spit in the desert sun?”

“yes.”

It was so faint I had to ask again.

“I said yes, dammit.”

The thought had never occurred to me. Well, it had actually, when I first read that in a mythology book in my youth, but who could have imagined I’d be here, wherever I am, talking to Life itself and just finding out the belief is rooted in fact, in direct contrast that facts are rooted in beliefs?

I was simply dumbstruck at the realization he’s just given me.

“So, you asked about the piss, and now you know. Anything else you’re interested in?” he asked, the sullen look returning to his face.

“Who was that woman?”

“Persephone.”

“So you go from Aphrodite’s piss to what, Persephone’s toe jam?”

Before I even knew it happened, I found myself practically impaled by Life’s arm as his hand gripped my throat while pressing me into the wall I had been standing 10 feet from.

“Human, I will tolerate a lot from your kind, and I mean a lot, but disrespect another woman in my presence and I’ll simply leave you here, locked in a room alone forever. No commodes, no fridge, no showers, no sheets to sleep with, and no god damned pizza, forever. Do I make myself clear?”

I wanted to answer him but his grip simply prevented any air from going in or out of my lungs at that moment. I did my best to nod in the slightest degree and he understood.

“I said I wouldn’t read your mind, and I honor my promises, Steve. But don’t push your luck. You have no idea what it’s like being me, your monk—Ok, sorry, your limited human intellect simply can’t fathom what I deal with on a moment by moment basis.”

Of that I was quite sure. Aside from just trying to imagine everything that Life himself had to put up with, just the idea of reading someone’s mind was more than enough to overwhelm me.

“What, what was that for?” he asked.

“I was just trying to imagine what it’s like to read a person’s thoughts, that’s all. I know you say I couldn’t handle being you, but I wonder if being able to read your thoughts might give me a glimpse.”

“You’d die, instantly, to put it bluntly. But reading minds is easy, once you know the secret.”

Curious killed the cat, and probably would have locked in that room for… errr… a really long time but I had to ask.

“Is it something I can do, really?” I asked as enthusiastically restrained as I could.

“Sure, just takes a touch from the right woman.”

“Can I ask a favor, as ridiculous as that sounds?”

“Shoot.”

“Is it possible for you to just answer my questions or give me the info I can actually use instead of making me keep asking more questions to get the information I’m trying to get without sounding like I’m stupid?”

“Impressive, for a monkey,” Harvey said, smiling ear to ear as he said it.

Hopefully the look of utter contempt on my face was something that mind reading simply wasn’t required for interpreting.

“Look, you need to be touched by a God or a Goddess, that’s it. After that, it’ll happen when you give yourself time to focus on what you’re doing.”

“Just by touching a Goddess? But I… I did… twice… no, three times I touched Aphrodite, I think.”

“Well then, you’re halfway there, Steve-O. But you need someone whose thoughts are actually on a level you can deal with, not like any of us. Give me a second…”

And Life flashed before my very eyes…

For a second or so I thought I was… no, no, I’m just kidding, readers. He did flash, however, unlike the ladies with that cool shimmer effect where they just faded away.

“Will she do?” the voice asked.

I spun around only to see Harvey standing there next to…

“Lila…” I silently mouthed, the shock setting in.

“Whoa there big boy, calm down a bit, she’s not really here, just her astral self is,” Harvey explained.

“But why her? I pleaded.

“Because you know her, Steve. You know her so well, almost to the point of knowing her thoughts already.”

Of course I know her you asshole, that’s my wife.

“Wait, that’s contempt, right? That look, like earlier. I do know how to read faces, you know,” Harvey fired back. “Yes I know it’s your wife, yes I knew you’d react this way, and yes it was intentional. Look, just shut up for a second, be quiet, completely quiet. Concentrate on her, only her. Calm your mind, and just look at your wife with a calm quiet mind, ok? Trust me, you can do it.”

I was too pissed at the moment, really, but when I looked at my wife’s face, her eyes closed like so many times before when I’d sent her off into deep trance for some hypnoerotic fun, I did calm down and focus on her.

“Why?”

“What?” I asked.

“I didn’t say anything, Steve. Calm down, focus on her. What you hear are thoughts, not words spoken aloud. Trust yourself, try again.”

I closed my eyes and again all I heard was:

“Why?”

I opened my eyes, saw the look of peace on my wife’s face, wondered why she looked so peaceful and turned to Harvey.

“She’s asleep, that’s why. At least she’s asleep in your reality in her bed, deep asleep. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have the sheets to keep her company, to ease her suffering, to arouse and excite her passions, to use her own dreams as the tools of their influence. And she doesn’t have you as a bed partner anymore, either. But her astral self can dream unlike her mortal self.”

“Mortal?” I asked, the meaning of his last words simply didn’t quite fit.

“You have an immortal soul, Steve. All humans do. Her astral self is that immortal part set free when you humans are asleep. It’s simply too powerful to be contained in your bodies every moment you’re alive. When my brother comes calling, the mortal shell is basically cast aside, returned to the matter of the Universe once more, but the soul, the immortal self, is taken wherever the judgment decrees.”

“What judgment? Don’t tell me Saint Peter is for real, I can’t believe that,” I snapped back.

“No, that’s a human creation, not even really worthy of a belief structure. When our kind, the Gods and the Goddesses, fell out of favor long ago, humans decided that they needed to belief in some higher power that wasn’t cruel like we were, wasn’t abusive as we were and continue to be in some respects. So they created your “God” and his son and all that gobbledeegook Bible crap.”

The revelation happening right before me was simply too powerful to ignore. Harvey – Life itself – had just told me God didn’t exist, not the King James Version of God, but Gods and Goddesses do.

“We have the ultimate power in reality whenever we choose to exert it, but most times our kind simply toys with you humans, causing great pain and suffering instead of helping you improve and become more than you are. So, when someone on our side of the fence, so to speak, leaked that info about us being linked to the belief structure humans had, someone else that actually used his monkey brain for something worthwhile came to the realization that he could simply choose not to believe in us any longer. He made a conscious decision to ignore us, and in doing so, that one single human caused the foundation of Mount Olympus itself to crack, and the damage was done.”

“Zeus was furious about it, of course. But what could he do? Even he can’t ‘kill’ a human being, at least not his immortal soul. There are powers in this Universe even Gods and Goddesses have to bow down to. Eternity is one, but he’s a sweetheart really. Maybe I’ll give him a buzz, you’d like him. The Titans are another set of blowhards in a lot of respects. They treat Gods and Goddesses almost as badly as we treat humans, so I guess we get as good as we give, in some respects.”

“But in the end, humanity chose a different higher power to put its faith in, and in doing so, our kind simply faded from the minds of many. Sure, you can read all about us in mythology texts, as you’re well aware, but… we’re simply not what we used to be, and it’s our fault completely.”

Here I was, after all that I’d been through in my so-called “life,” and all that I’d been through since coming here to limbo, and now I was staring down a force of the Universe and I felt myself sympathetic to his plight, as it were.

But then I looked at my wife, Lila. Seeing her again brought back so many memories, both happy and sad, as life – my life – happened to be, at least to the point of me stepping in front of that car.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what,” Harvey asked.

“For my stupid remark in the past.”

“Help me out here since I can’t read your mind, Steve.”

“I’m sorry that I said you suck.”

“Oh, that. No worries. I hear it all the time, then magic happens and, well… it all works out in the end. So, relax, calm yourself, quiet your mind, and focus on Lila.”

I closed my eyes, took in a long slow breath and let it out in an even slower and longer sigh.

“I miss you,” was the first thing I heard, more of a feeling actually like a mental tickle. “Oh Steve, I miss you.”

I couldn’t stop the tears, and I didn’t want to open my eyes. I wanted to focus on her, stay with her, even for that brief moment in… time dammit, for as long as it would last.

But it did not last, as I knew it could not.

It was enough, though, to convince me I could read minds so that was a small positive, I suppose.

“Enough?” Harvey asked.

“Yeah, I guess. How is she, really, now that I’m gone?”

“For the moment she’s hurting, as expected. You humans have such potential for reaching amazing highs, and on the flipside you can reach such amazingly low depths, places that make Hell seem like a Bermuda vacation. Trust me on that one, Hell is bad, but you people make personal torture an art form compared to what Hades can accomplish.”

“I guess I should say, ‘Thanks’?”

“Don’t mention it. Be right back.”

And with that, my wife, my love, my life flashed before my eyes as he returned Lila to herself.

“It’s really not that bad, Steve.”

I turned to find Death incar—Ok, Dave standing there beside me.

“Do you actually have any legs? Sorry, I’m just curious.”

He opened his ragged dressings and indeed, he did have legs underneath: bones, of course, with no flesh at all to cover them. The feet were missing, however, hence the reason he seemed to be floating wherever he moved – he was floating.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Can I ask another question?”

“Uhmmm… I’m hungry. How about some pizza?”

Who was I to turn down a pizza in limbo if Death incarnate was footing the bill – no pun intended about the foot thing, Dave, in case you ever read this story.

We settled in a few minutes later, enjoying pizza delivered by a company with a name I won’t even bother to tell you; you wouldn’t believe me if I did. Still, it’s the most amazing pizza I’ve ever had, alive, dead, or even in limbo.

Someday I hope you get to try it – and you most likely will so tell ‘em Dave referred you for 10% off.

“You have another question for me, I believe,” Dave said, wiped his… well… facial area with a napkin.

“Yeah, Uhmmm… about that face there. That’s the topic of the question, actually.”

“Go on,” he asked, taking another bite of that fantastic pizza. I have no idea where he put it – sorry, Dave – but he sure was making the best of it.

“Well, exactly what… well… dammit, every time I look at you I sort of half ass expect to see a face, and I don’t see one, so… what gives?”

“Ever heard the old saying ‘Man stares into the abyss…’?”

“Yeah, I have.”

“Well there you go.” And there went another piece of pizza. Damn, he was hogging it!

“Sorry, you can have the rest,” he said.

“So what I don’t understand is, if there’s nothing there, how I can be staring at myself staring back at me?” I pressed on.

“Look, let’s just do this. It’s obvious you’re not going to understand it until you do. Normally someone would be staring into my “face” when I go to claim their soul at the moment of death, but since you’re already… well… here then nothing will happen. But I have to warn you, you won’t be the same after taking a peek inside yourself. You might think you know yourself, but buddy, you have no clue, none whatsoever.”

“Ok, that almost sounded like a dare,” I thought to myself, completely forgetting Dave could read the thou—

“It’s your choice, Steve. It’s not a dare, just a friendly warning before you take that last step. I’ve done this twice before here, because Harvey thought it’d be a hoot to see the reactions on their faces, but it wasn’t pleasant, I assure you. But again, it’s your call.”

He sat back on the couch, brought his bony hands together, and actually started twiddling the thumbs together.

“Can this day, or night, or whatever get any weirder?” I wondered.

“You haven’t met Loki yet. Oh man, he’s the goofiest thing on this entire Ethereal plane, so consider that another friendly warning. But anyway…”

It was now or never, I realized. I moved to the coffee table in front of – well, calling him Dave at this point just doesn’t do the memory justice – Death incarnate, about to look into the fabled abyss, I almost decided against it, but stuck it out.

I sat, and he leaned towards me.

“Relax; this will be over in the blink of an eye.”

I woke up some indeterminate amount of time later, feeling the sheets on my body but not moving on my body. They were simply sheets, it seemed, and no amount of prodding I did, no soft caresses, no soft whispers made any noticeable change in them.

Sad, but awake, I slid from the bed, the feeling of soft skin still there with the sheets I realized. Stepping into the restroom, I contemplated taking a shower, but for some reason I decided against it. Looking back on it now, I wonder what I missed, but other things were a bit more pressing.

Like the pressure in my bladder as well as my intestines. Hesitant to do “my business” on the commode in a seated position, I felt silly as I spoke to the commode and said, “I appreciate your loving attention, but please, give it a rest.” A slight gurgle of bubbles appeared, so I took that as a yes, as ridiculous as the scene was.

After finishing up, I put on my clothes that always seemed to be clean and neat there in limbo and made my way into the TV room again. Feeling a pang of hunger, I headed to the kitchen to look for—I’ll be damned, he ate the leftover pizza!

And then I remembered Dave, and I remembered sitting on the coffee table, and I…

I found myself in a ball, curled up beside the fridge, when Harvey came home. He called out my name several times but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t do anything.

“Yo, Steve, Steve-O, Yo, Steve-Ooooooo there you are. What the hell are you doing down there, man?” he asked.

He froze as soon as I turned my eyes to him.

“Dave, get your bony ass in here, now!” he screamed.

Dave phased through the wall, gliding as usual to a position next to the table.

“You rang?”

“Did you do what I think you did?”

“No, I didn’t. But he did,” pointing one elongated bony piece of cartilage towards me hunched in the corner.

“What did you do, Steve?” Harvey asked.

“I… I had to… know what I’d see…” I stuttered out, shaking the entire time.

“Great. Did my sometimes smart most times stupid brother here warn you ahead of time, that things would be different after?” Harvey continued on.

“Yeah… he… he warned me… still had to know…” I said, shivering even more severely.

“Well that’s just freakin’ perfect. Now what am I supposed to do with him? He can’t respond to the training anymore in this state, didn’t you consider that?”

“I did, of course I did. I do know what I’m doing, brother dear. Half faith, he’s human. You know what they’re capable of.”

Death incarnate, sticking up for me, a monkey with a primitive mammalian brain. I could never have imagined it if I hadn’t been there to witness it in person.

“Well he better snap out of it quick. How long’s he been this way?” Harvey questioned.

“It’s been awhile. I put him in bed when he finally surrendered, but it seems his sleep was a bit fitful – even the sheets couldn’t help. There was nothing for them to work with this time. Sorry about that, Steve.”

Now Death incarnate was apologizing to me. Could it get any stranger?

“Hi guys,” came the voice we all knew quite well.

I turned to look towards the stove only to see Aphrodite shimmer into existence, if that’s what you called limbo in any degree.

“Hi… Hi…” I muttered.

“What the hell is wrong with him? Have you two been playing your sick pranks on him again?” she asked, already hopping down from the stovetop and moving towards me. I tightened myself into the smallest possible ball I could and I don’t even know why.

“It’s ok,” she cooed, her sing song voice relaxing me as I uncoiled into her arms. It felt good there, even if I had no idea what was happening, I knew that it felt good.

“For the love of Zeus, you gave him a peek, didn’t you, Dave?”

“It was his decision, not mine. He made the choice, so don’t blame me.”

“Oh, that’s so like you, spoiling all the fun just because it’s your nature then blowing off the responsibility for someone else to suffer. I swear, if I had any power over you at all I’d kick you in the nuts,” she admonished him.

“That’s ok, Aphrodite, in due time you just might get the chance. As it is, I have work to do. He’ll be ok, really. He’s human. Never forget that.”

And with those words, Dave phased clean out of the kitchen passing right through the fridge.

Fridge. Food. I was hungry. I needed food.

“I’m hungry,” I said.

“I bet, that experience takes a lot out of a human, pretty much everything most of the time, hence Dave’s appearance at the moment of death and not before. It would ruin the show if he arrived early,” she continued on in that melodious voice.

“Show?” I asked.

“Yeah, that whole “my life flashed before my eyes” thing, it’s for real. Something Zeus thought of as a way to help humanity, actually. I didn’t understand it at first but, well, it works like this. Zeus hoped that if by replaying the person’s entire life in the moments before Dave, I mean Death incarnate, arrived to claim their soul, it was hoped that the replay of the entire life – the good parts, the bad parts, the smart decisions, the bad decisions, the happiness, sadness, all of it – might remain with the consciousness when the person’s soul moved on to the next point in its eternal journey. Zeus hoped it would help humanity improve and actually put forth the effort to do better the next time out.”

“Next time out? Are you saying we’re reborn after we die?” I had to ask.

“Of course you are, but some are returned more quickly than others. Some come here, spend some… errr… oh hell, time with Harvey here so they can learn something about the past life, the mistakes they made, opportunities they passed on but should have taken, that sort of thing. There is a purpose to Life, to Harvey, you realize.”

“Well, no, actually I don’t. Is that something I’m supposed to learn, because if it is, I haven’t.”

“Harvey, what have you been doing with this human since you brought him here?” she asked, turning her focus to him.

“I… uhmmm… well… you’ve been having fun, right Steve? I mean, the sheets, the shower – oh, sorry, you still don’t remember that part – well… the pizza, oh man, you gotta admit the pizza is the best ever, and—

“HARVEY!!!” Aphrodite called out, almost as loudly as she had previously when she yelled at Steve.

“I’m sorry, really. I’ve just, well, dammit, he’s fun so I thought I’d spend time getting to know him better.”

“You’re LIFE you idiot, you already know everything about him, every thought he’s ever had, every thought he’s had since he got here, every—

“Uhmmm… not quite. I made a promise to him just after he arrived that I wouldn’t read his thoughts. Seems humans need to do this thing we’re doing now,” Harvey tried to explain.

“What thing, talk?” she asked.

“Yes, talk, using his language, his words, in this way. This is not how we communicate, Goddess, and you know it. We’re doing this to appease him and his needs at this point. We’re kneecapping ourselves just to be able to speak to him.”

I felt… honored… when Life put it that way.

“Hell, he even asked me for lemons. Can you believe that?” Harvey mused, enjoying the brief respite from the all too serious atmosphere in the room.

Aphrodite smiled at Harvey, looked at me and smiled at me directly, then placed her hand on my forehead and said the most magical word of all to me:

“Sleep.”

Voices, distant voices, barely recognizable, but voices.

“You have to admire him, no one has ever come back that fast, the quickest recovery I’ve ever seen.”

“I know, but he’s different now, changed.”

“Dave warned him, as he always does. My brother is quite good at what he does, you know.”

“Yes, but at what price, at what cost to this human whose protection and education we’re charged with? If Zeus finds out about this, we’re both going to be, how do humans put it, ‘shit creek without a paddle’ I believe.”

“Aphrodite, as Dave said, he’s got one thing working in his favor: he’s human. Do I have to page Fate and let her explain what’s to become of them in time?”

“No, I got the memo, damnable thing that it was. I’m just saying we need to get his education and training done with, now more than ever.”

“I agree, once again.”

Aphrodite reached up to caress Harvey’s face. He realized she was just being sympathetic to his plight, but even so the touch was more than enough to hurt him again.

“Good morning, or good afternoon, or good evening, whatever the hell it is,” I said as I wobbled into the kitchen. “I really need to eat something, like, right now,” and then promptly flopped into a chair beside the table.

“How about some---” Harvey started to say before being cut off.

“Don’t say pizza or I’ll smite you or whatever it is we humans do to Gods and Goddesses,” I managed to get out before slumping forward onto the table.

“I’m not a God, or a Goddess, I’m a—

“Stow it,” I said point blank.

The giggling that Aphrodite was doing turned out to be quite infectious.

First her, and then Harvey, and then me.

And then she laughed, and then Harvey, and then me.

It was a nice moment in limbo for me, Life, and the Goddess of Love. It sounds like the title of a lost Douglas Adams book now that I recall the moment and what I just typed, but it was a happy moment that I was fortunate to be part of.

“How about some, oh I don’t know grapes and berries?” Aphrodite asked.

“I really don’t care at the moment, Goddess, I just need to eat something.”

“Well, you could eat my pussy, silly boy, but then again, you’d love me forever if you did now wouldn’t you?” I heard her say.

“Why would I love you forever if I ate your pussy?” I asked.

“HARVEY!!!” she screamed once more, this time it was so loud the pizza box flew clear across the room and passed right through Dave – or it passed through him or something like that, I never could understand how he did that phasing thing.

“Oh goodie, I get to watch my brother get bitchslapped by a Goddess… again,” Dave stated, almost sounding happy at the prospect.

“How many times have I told you never never ever ever teach a human how to read minds, especially here in limbo!” she screamed. As she was screaming, she was tugging hard on one of Harvey’s earlobes, and Dave was actually shaking he was laughing so hard. The tattered rags that made up his dressings were flapping in the breeze when no breeze was anywhere around.

I found it pretty funny myself, the wonder of it all beginning to almost be something I would dare call normal. Amazing what we humans can adapt to. Perhaps what the Gods and Goddesses, the forces and the Titans see in us really is special. Maybe someday we’ll be what they seem to fear, based on Aphrodite’s reaction to that “memo” from Eternity.

To say I found the whole experience interesting is another understatement that Infinity couldn’t do justice – and I certainly hope I didn’t have to meet that being either.

“There goes my plans for some fun in the sheets with him,” I heard her say. Or did she? I just looked in her direction, met her eyes for the briefest of moments as they were measured out in limbo and noted the recognition. She knew I could read her mind, whatever that was as far as her existence before me was concerned, and for another of those moments, I think she was actually afraid of me.

“You haven’t told him, have you?” she asked Harvey.

He looked down at the table top, picking at the surface.

“Answer me, please.”

“No, I didn’t tell him all of it, just about the piss.”

“Great. Well, let’s get on with it. Steve, my urine is an aphrodisiac, the most powerful one in the Universe. But you already knew that, right?”

I just nodded, the growling in my stomach getting worse by the second.

“Here, try this,” Dave said. He motioned his hand over the table top and a plate full of what appeared to be Red and Delicious Apples appeared.

My first instinct was to be shocked, but then I wised up and just said, “Thanks, Dave.”

I tore into one as the question and answer period continued.

“So, if you can imagine that my urine is so powerful in creating love where none may exist, imagine how powerful my come might be.”

“Come, huh. You Goddesses actually do that?” I had to interject. I was ready for the slap, but it didn’t happen.

Just a look from her, followed by a thought: “No slap this time, this is serious.”

“Ok, I’m with you so far,” I said, working on the second apple. They were really delicious. Even Dave was working on one, but whenever Harvey reached for an apple, Aphrodite just smacked his hand so he gave up after several attempts.

“A couple of parties past, Harvey here got a really bright idea. He’d always had a big crush on me, as I’m sure you’re aware by now. His bright idea was to get me drunk.”

“A drunk Goddess with hypnotic pussy juice. Yeah, I can believe it, listen, how much more of this is there because I’d really like to get some sleep,” I had to say. “Smartass,” she said. “Anyway, so he gets this tip from, of all people, Loki. Loki tells him that if he can slip some Ambrosia into my wine it’ll tip me right over the edge. It’s true, we all know this. Ambrosia is the only substance that affects us in the way that alcohol can affect a human such as you,” accenting the last word with not only her voice, but her eyes and a change in posture as well.

I noticed.

“So Loki located a source for some Ambrosia, Harvey of course felt compelled to take the chance, idiot that he was, and got some of Loki’s stash. I still don’t know what the cost was, actually, and I can’t seem to beat it out of Harvey, isn’t that right you silly boy?” she said, addressing Harvey directly, watching him look up into her eyes.

It’s hard to believe I’m about to say this, much less that I witnessed it personally with my own eyes, but… in that moment of time, wherever it was when it happened, a Goddess had Life by the balls and Life was happy about it, practically ecstatic. That’s the best way I can put it.

And then something clicked in my head and things just fell into place.

“You came to a party here, at Harvey’s place. You had fun with some people you knew, perhaps meeting some new ones. Someone offered you some wine, you felt comfortable, and so you drank. Then you drank some more. And then perhaps you drank some more, and the mixture of the Ambrosia with the wine overwhelmed you and your senses, even Godlike as they are, and you found yourself doing what, riding Harvey’s face like there was no tomorrow? Slicking up his face with that Goddess’s pussy of yours, relishing in your control of Life itself as it surrendered to you and your whims? Is that about right?”

I knew I was in deep at that point, but I didn’t have any choice really. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer.

Aphrodite, some higher power love her if that were possible, was standing there with that blank stare once more, the “o” that always made my pal wake up and say “HELLO!!!”, calm face, a look of complete serenity.

Harvey was beside himself at my outburst, trying to contain what appeared to be a rather powerful laugh but I felt he could do it.

Dave, however, what twirling in place, whistling.

Death incarnate was whistling. Go figure.

“yes.”

Faint, but I heard it. I didn’t believe it but I heard it. I started to say “What?” but then…

“I SAID YES DAMMIT.”

She stormed from the room, leaving Dave spinning in place like a weather vane in a hurricane.

Harvey just placed his hands over his head and put his face down right into the table top.

I did what I thought was best. I went after her.

I didn’t see her in the TV room, didn’t see her in the hallway. At first I just accepted she’d probably shimmered out of limbo and would return in due… fuck it, time.

I made my way back to my room and opened the door, only to find her on the sheets, sobbing.

The Goddess of Love, crying, on sheets that gave nothing but love to whoever lay on them or in between them. The irony of the moment was apparent so you’ll forgive me for not being able to describe it adequately with my words.

You just had to be there, that’s all.

I stepped forward towards her and was overcome with grief unlike I’d ever felt. She held out one arm towards me, fingers pointing up. I understood what it meant, so I held my ground.

I didn’t understand what the real problem here was, even as a mere human as I’d long since accepted. I realized I could pry into her thoughts, but for some reason that felt like a violation in many ways in that moment. The problem for me was I didn’t have adequate control over this newfound ability of mine. So I did what anyone would do when they discovered they had the power to read minds because a Goddess touched them. I asked.

“Aphrodite, I can’t… is there… oh crap, how do I not read minds?” I asked.

She laughed, and I took it as a good sign. She sat upright on the bed, the sheets slipping back into position. Perhaps they’d comforted her just enough.

“Tell yourself to disconnect, simple.”

“For you, yeah, you’re experienced,” I thought. For some reason, it sounded like I was virgin talking with the woman that was going to take my virginity away. Another ironic moment in a string of them, it seemed.

“You’re not a virgin, Steve. Far from it, especially where these are concerned,” and she patted the sheets.

I couldn’t help but smile even as I knew my face turned beet red. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but, that’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. It always is, actually,” she stated.

“What’s that?”

“A human being accepting a simple compliment. The positive energy you just created when you allow yourself to accept the energy being offered to you, it’s… amazing to see. Same principle as love, on so many levels.”

“Where were you when I was 10?” I asked, hoping she’d smile.

“Angela Brown was not a love for you at 10, she was a lust, there’s a big difference. I do know my stuff, Steve.” She sniffled, but smiled.

“Yeah, she was a looker. Wonder what she’s doing now…” I allowed myself to imagine what might have been.

“She weighs 325 lbs, she has 5 kids, and you probably caught her on Jerry Springer if you’ve been here as long as I think you have. What Harvey sees in that show I simply will never understand.”

Now a real smile from the Goddess of Love, and things started to feel much better for me.

“You know, when you’re reading a person’s thoughts, you’re also directly affected by their emotional states. Same reason you’re feeling better now, because I’m feeling better. So thank you.”

She got up, glided across the floor – she’s a Goddess, dammit – and kissed me, full on the lips. Guess she forgot to tone it down this time too because, Goddess help me, I came where I stood, quick, hard, and very fast.

When she let go of me, I just sort of blanked out for I don’t know how long. Swaying, moving, happiness, joy, elation, ecstasy, all of it came crashing down on me. I’m surprised that when I opened my eyes I was still standing. She was looking right into my eyes, face to face.

“Forgive me, Godde—

“Don’t call me that, call me Aphrodite, please.”

“Ok, Aphrodite, forgive me. I… well, I couldn’t help that.”

“I know. I’m the Goddess of Love, silly boy. I tend to have that effect on people, especially human males like yourself.

“Can I ask you a serious question, please?” I had hoped the pleading would increase my chances of success, and it did.

“Sure.”

“What happened to me when I had my little ‘vision’ with Dave? I mean, I understand some of what he and Harvey were trying to explain, but I don’t remember anything past the last moment when Dave said something about the blink of an eye. Does any of this make sense?”

“Of course it does. Let me try to explain, come here.”

She took my hand and led me back to the bed. Sitting on the bed, beside Aphrodite herself – yeah, you could say I was digging the moment.

“Dave, or Death incarnate as humans seem to think best of him, is a force of the Universe just like Harvey, or Life, is. They’ve been around for about an equal amount of time. They were born in the same instant when this Universe we all occupy was created. There are 3 forces, 4 actually: Life, Death, Eternity, and Infinity. And no, you won’t be meeting him, he’s way beyond your ability to comprehend. Eternity though, she’s a sweetheart, really.”

“She? Harvey said Eternity was a he, did I miss something?”

“No, it doesn’t work that way. I appear to you here, right now, as the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, it’s how thin—

“Now wait a second, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen is my wife, Lila. I might be confused about a lot of things because of my time here in limbo, but that much is still true.” I had to stand my ground on something, might as well be the beauty of my wife.

“Fine, if that’s your idea of beauty. Look at me, Steve. I mean really look at me, let your eyes take in all of this body and form you see before you.”

She stood up, turned towards me even as she took one step back. She snapped her fingers and instantly she was naked, nothing but herself to offer my eyes. She turned slowly before me, and I promised myself to commit every curve, every muscle, everything she was to memory and never let it go.

She was… a Goddess, obviously. My pal was up to say “HELLO!!!” once again, and I just let him run with it. The sheets picked up on my arousal, and before I could protest I was soon being sucked off once more, not even realizing that I was naked just as Aphrodite was. Her finger snap was effective for both of us, it seems.

“Now tell me, in your memories of your time with your wife, did you ever react this way to her, standing before you as I stand before you now? Did you become as instantly aroused as you did when your mind suddenly realized I was naked? Did you desire to give yourself to her as you desire to give yourself to me, here, in this moment?”

The sheets were really working me over because I almost said, “yes” to Aphrodite.

Almost.

But then I remembered my wife, and how beautiful she truly was. I remembered that which was most important of all:

I loved my wife, and I always would, even now as I tell my tale I know I still do.

“Excellent,” she said. “You should now understand why I am the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen.”

I blinked, and before me stood my wife, Lila. But it wasn’t Lila; it was merely the image of Lila as I wanted to see her again, desperately.

“And now you have your answer, Steve. It’s time for you to rest. Lie back, relax, and sleep. Allow your memories to propel you into dreams. Sleep.”

When I woke up, the sheets held me tightly for a few moments and then released me. It was unexpected, but I understood why it happened.

I had my answer, to both the questions I had asked.

I understood that my greatest fear of all was what looked back at me when I stared into the face of Death incarnate: the fear that I would die alone, unloved and undesired, cold and hard, lifeless and stiff.

And not the kind of stiff that men like me appreciate, I assure you.

The other answer was one I had hoped for since my time in limbo began, and Harvey had still never answered outright.

I wasn’t dead, and for some inexplicably strange reason, I knew I wasn’t dead. Somehow it didn’t make me feel as good as I had hoped, but I accepted it for what it was: the truth.

Something told me to go take a shower, and so I did. I didn’t remember it when it was over, however, but I felt pretty good. I think. I realize it now of course, but it sure would have been nice to be able to spend more time with the water Nymphs.

I went into the TV room and didn’t find anyone. No one in the kitchen either, it seemed. It never once occurred to me in the entire time I was there, in limbo, that I could simply walk out the front door and see what happened. With no one to stop me, I headed that way. Looking around one last time, half expecting Harvey to pop out with some other gag, I placed my hand on the doorknob and turned.

The door opened and I was staring at what seemed to be a mirror image of… well, everything I was staring at. My eyes looked into my eyes, my hands held the doors; everything was exactly what it was, just backwards, if that makes sense. Just trying to explain it is enough to induce the vertigo I quickly got slammed with so, give it your best shot. If you get it, great, if not, oh well.

I closed the door, steadying myself on the door frame with one hand while trying my best not to Ralph all over Harvey’s foyer.

“Yeah, I always get a kick seeing that reaction from your kind,” Dave said.

“I’m so happy I could be the object of your amusement, Dave.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll pass soon enough. You up for some pizza?”

Another convulsion in my stomach, not as bad as it was but there just the same.

“You’ll forgive me if I say ‘thanks, but no thanks’ right?”

“Sure. I always find it funny that Harvey tells me eating all that pizza is going to kill me.”

I just stared at Dave, knowing what lay beneath the hood firsthand.

“Hey,” he said, “what can I say? I just gotta be me, right?”

I tried to laugh, really, I did, but it just didn’t work out that way.

Harvey appeared in the middle of the room, pizzas and beers in hand.

He winked. I puked.

“Oh man, why’d you have to do that? I JUST CLEANED THAT!!!”

His words were lost as my stomach just said “HELLO!!!” to Harvey’s foyer.

As the raw feeling in my throat subsided, I asked for some water. Dave appeared beside me, tall glass at the ready. It’s weird knowing that Death incarnate was waiting on me practically hand and foot, but there he was, like a butler doing his duties.

I sipped at it, wondering if this is what Aphrodite’s piss… errr… urine might taste like. I doubt I’d ever know, so I stopped thinking about it – at least for the next 10 seconds or so.

Because that’s about how long it took for Harvey to cover the distance between the kitchen and his seat with that bottle in his hand, sit down, crack it open and take one big swig of it.

Staring in complete and utter disbelief, I turned to look at Dave and all I got back from him was what appeared to be shrugged shoulders – if he even had shoulders – and then I watched him phase right back out of the room.

“Am I missing something here?” I asked.

“What? What?” Harvey asked, looking around.

“I mean, that’s the bottle, right? With her piss, right? Are you insane?”

“Oh come on, give me a break. Haven’t you put two and two together yet? Haven’t you at least questioned for moment why she keeps coming around here? Haven’t you for one moment opened your rather limited human eyes and seen what’s going on between her and me?” he snapped back.

I thought if I thought about it, maybe I’d actually make some sense of it. Fat chance in Hell, my inner voice mumbled.

“Are you so blind that you haven’t figured it out yet, after all you’ve seen?”

I had some slight vague barely there infinitesimally small idea but… no… it couldn’t be that. Or could it?

“If I were desperate enough to dose her wine with Ambrosia to get a taste of finally, would I go that extra step? Come on, I can see the hamsters turning the wheels inside that monkey brain again, you got this far, don’t fade out on me yet, Steve. I was actually starting to like you.”

“You didn’t” was all I could muster.

“Bingo. Outstanding. You are a testament to your kind, you know that?”

“You didn’t” was all I could repeat.

“Earth to Steve, Earth to Steve, wake up, you dumb ass. Yes, I did.”

“You did—and I was hit in the chest hard with a beer can. A full beer can.

“OUCH!!!”

“That’s more like it. Nothing I hate more than a human stuck like a broken record,” he blurted out and went back to his pizza.

I sat down on the couch, just staring at him in total and absolute disbelief.

“DAVE!!! Get in here,” I called out.

Phasing in with his typical cheerful attitude, he said “You rang?”

“Did you know? Did you know about what Harvey did?” I asked.

“Of course, I was the one that suggested it. He was so down on himself, really. I had to do something to snap him out of his ‘deep blue funk’ as you humans call it. But it was worth it.”

“It was worth what?”

“It was worth the fights, it was worth the hurt, the pain, the suffering, the elation, the joy, the happiness. It was worth everything, to put it bluntly.”

I stared Death incarnate in the face and this time I wasn’t backing down. Beat me once, shame on me, beat me twice, then I must be a wimp or something.

“Dave, this was your idea, really?”

“Sure. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“I’m still lost somewhere, never mind that I’m not dead and in limbo, no thanks to the big guy over there. What was it worth?”

“Love, you ignorant monkey. He loves her; he always did love her, long before my idea ever appeared in my rather phenomenal consciousness.”

Talk about an ego trip. You think you know someone, and then they just turn into something else right in front of you. Such is… errr… never mind.

“But what right did he have to… oh the hell with it, Harvey, what exactly did you do to her?”

Harvey turned in his seat, mouth full of pizza, another slice in one hand, a beer in the other. He swallowed hard and belched, adding that special quality to his confession.

“I laced her drink with her own piss. Aphrodite might be a Goddess, but Ambrosia is the work of the Titans. When I mixed the wine from Zeus’s own personal gardens, the Ambrosia that Loki acquired for me at considerable cost to me, plus a few drops of her piss, it coalesced into a beverage that affected her as strongly as anyone else that might partake of it.”

“She drank it while I was satisfying my desire to pleasure her finally came true, and as she came from my gentle loving of her sex, as her most divine essence spilled forth into my willing mouth, her consumption of that rather potent concoction I had created left her mine forever just as her nectar bound me to her.”

I would never have guessed Harvey was a poet, but there it was.

Now it all made sense. They fought like a married couple, had disjointed discussions like a married couple, seemingly opposite tastes like a married couple, and whatever else I’d missed since before I arrived and would most likely continue long after my mortal self shuffled off whatever coil I would hopefully be returning to – and soon.

“You just can’t keep that big mouth shut can you?” the voice spoke.

“Well, there’s always one way to shut me up, my love,” the words spoken to elicit a reaction. And they did.

“Why you…” she started in but decided against it for some reason. Instead, she crossed her arms, her face turned into a fairly serious scowl, and that food started tapping once more.

Harvey, of course, bathed in the moment like it was vindication in liquid form, probably beer if he had anything to say about it.

“What can I say, she loves me?” he quipped.

Dave simply phased out of the room. I found that particularly odd, but there were other things to focus on.

“Is it possible to hate someone as much as you love them, at the same time?” she asked.

“I’m a monkey, what do I know?” I said.

They both blinked at the admission, but laughter soon set in as I’d hoped.

“If it’s ok, can I have a word with you, Aphrodite?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said, motioning towards the kitchen. I got up and walked in that direction as she turned and said, “Stay there. Don’t get up, and don’t try any funny stuff.”

Harvey just said “Yes dear” and smiled.

“Hmmmpph” was her response, twirling on a heel and taking me by the arm as we strolled from the room.

“He’ll be good, promise,” she whispered into my ear. Oh man do I love that voice. We got seated and I opened the discussion.

“Do you really love him? I mean, aren’t you the total embodiment of love in all its forms?”

“Don’t be so clinical or literal, Steve. Love is what love is. You could consider me the personification of it, I guess. Where are you going with this?”

“I’m just… well… I mean… we’re talking about Harvey, that guy, sitting in there, belching, farting, pigging out on more pizza, drinking more beer, unkempt, unshaven, the exact opposite of what I’d consider a ladies man by all definitions and common uses of that title. What do you see in him? You’re a Goddess for… oh hell, even that doesn’t apply here,” I said, shaking my head as I did so.

“What?” she asked.

“I was going to say ‘Christ’s sake’, but it’s just not the same anymore I guess.”

“I think you’re attaching entirely too much significance to this, Steve. Really.”

“Well what else can I do, I’m sort of stuck here. I overheard both of you speaking earlier or whenever it happened. Something about being in charge of me, and I don’t think that sits too well with me.”

“We didn’t say we were in charge of you, silly. We said we’re charged with your care, we’re responsible for you while you’re here. Well, to be perfectly accurate, Harvey is charged with your care since he brought you here.”

“Why me, why am I here, why not someone else? If I stepped in front of that car, why am I here? I mean, I know because of your explanation that I’m not dead, but, if I’m not dead, and I’m in limbo, what the hell is going to happen to me?”

I didn’t know how else to put it, short of just dumping myself out all over the table, but since that wasn’t a realistic possibility I gave it my best shot with my words.

“You’re not dead, Steve. You’re not going to be here forever, either. Every so often, Harvey finds someone like you he finds interesting. He gets a tip from Dave because Dave knows when everyone is going, or coming, or whatever. If you think Harvey has it tough, you should spend some time with Dave. He’s the deep one of the two, and he’s charged with more responsibilities than even Harvey. But anyway, you’re here for a reason and that reason is to learn the purpose of Harvey. Sorry, I know how stupid that sounds, so let me rephrase it: you’re here to learn the purpose of Life. Got it?”

“Oh, of course, how silly of me, now it makes perfect sense. Sorry if I didn’t make that abundantly clear in the time that I’ve been trapped here because Life decided to take me for a spin in limbo based on a hot tip from Death incarnate, the same Death incarnate that formulated a cockamamie scheme to use the piss of the Goddess of Love mixed with Ambrosia that Life scammed in some way from Loki the God of Mischief and then served it to the Goddess of Love even as he sucked her hypnotic love juice from her pussy so that they’d both be intertwined and bound forever to each other even though it’s readily apparent to my limited human eyes and my limited monkey brain that they can’t stand each other for more than a few moments in limbo without despising each other so much they’d do almost anything to be rid of each other for all Eternity unless he doesn’t put his stamp of approval on the marriage license.”

I had to take in a really long breath after that outburst, surprising myself in the process.

“yes.”

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say after that? Just a soft ‘yes’, nothing more?”

“no.”

For a few moments I almost, almost thought that perhaps Aphrodite was a submissive considering the way she bowed her head at me. In that moment I realized I had been standing on my feet, looking down on her from some point in my over-worded response to her statement. George Carlin would have been proud of me, though, I know it.

I sat down quickly, regaining my composure before speaking again.

“Aphrodite, you’re telling me that you, the Goddess of Love herself, aren’t able to break the bonds that Harvey’s little ‘love potion number infinity’ seems to have created between the both of you?”

“no.”

“Any particular reason I should be aware of, or one you’d care to share?” I prodded.

“two reasons.”

She really was submissive at that point, amazingly. I just sat back and let her take the lead, hoping it would draw out something of the woman – the Goddess – I had grown fond of in my time in limbo.

“he loves me, he really does. he did before he ever tasted me. you can’t know what that means to me, to know that someone, even Life itself, loves me. you just can’t, and it hasn’t got anything to do with you being human. humans fall under my spell because i’m a goddess, and that’s all. the love they feel, the love they think they have for me isn’t real, it’s artificial since i’m not real to them, i never can be real to them. i’m just a concept to you humans, unlike i am here, with you. gods and goddesses aren’t immune to my charms either. it’s who i am, what i am, and i accept that since it’s my existence.”

“but he loves me and that is why i went along with his little scheme as you so eloquently put it. i already knew he loved me, and so i wanted to return the love in some way, the only way i knew how: by letting him taste me, exactly how he’d dreamed for so long. i just… i just had no idea how strong the mixture was… i had no idea i wouldn’t be able to remove the spell afterwards. and now i belong to him, as he belongs to me. but this is the only place where we can be together, even for the moments that exist here in this place.”

“So, you two…” I put it out there and hoped she’d bite.

“yes, we make love. you might not think it to look at him – and i tried to explain it earlier to you, the difference between visual beauty and true beauty and how we gods and goddesses can only appear to you humans in a way that your, and again i’m sorry to put it this way, limited intelligence and perceptions allow. he, Life, is not what you see him as here in this place. he is beautiful beyond comprehension for your limited abilities. when i first became aware of Life in its natural form, i was almost in tears. you said it yourself earlier, or at least you thought it: the wonder of it all. that’s a perfect way to describe him, or at least Life as i have seen it, as i have experienced him. it’s precious, in a way that the word you humans have created for the concept simply doesn’t adequately cover it.”

I just sat in awe of what was transpiring in front of me. A Goddess, the Goddess of Love, opening her heart to me, a mere human.

“You mentioned two reasons earlier. In all that explanation, I only saw one.”

“harvey was right about you. you really are a credit to your kind. the second reason is, if you’ll forgive me, more personal to me.”

That was enough for me.

“It’s not necessary to tell me, Aphrodite, and I won’t pry, I promise, and thank you for tell—

“he made me come, so hard, so fast. i simply wasn’t prepared for it when it happened. there are no words, again, that i can find in your language that could ever honestly convey the sensations, the pleasure, the love he showed me as he adored me in that most intimate way. it was simply too much for me, a goddess. i knew, even in that mindless state of ambrosia and my own aphrodisiac laced bliss, that he was the one that could please me as none before ever could even dare approach. and so i surrendered myself to him as i’d never dreamed possible. i rode his mouth to so much pleasure even now it gives me tingles when i allow myself to remember.”

She was tingling, it seemed. She was also absolutely beautiful there, at a kitchen table, in limbo, bound to Life itself forever, because of love itself – because of Love herself, Aphrodite.

Her own purpose in existence became the very reason for her existence.

And in that moment, the purpose of Life – of Harvey – became clear to me, even with my limited mammalian capacity for learning and knowledge. I blinked at the realization and—

I woke up in a bed.

Not that bed, disappointing as it sounds. Not between the sheets I had hoped for, but sheets of a more normal type.

The simple truth and beauty of that realization hadn’t set in at that point, but it came on fast.

I was awake, breathing, and in a considerable amount of pain.

Pain. I was in pain. Did I mention it was considerable?

“OWWW!!!” I exclaimed, amazed at the sound of my own voice.

“What’s wrong, Steve?” the voice spoke.

I spun my head to the left, and there sat my wife Lila, smiling through tears.

“Lila!!!” I practically screamed. My first instinct was to reach out for her, to take her into my arms, and never let go.

The second instinct overpowered the first one, and since pain is such a powerful motivator, my desire to hug her and never let go was quelled fairly quickly by the desire to stop the pain that shot through most of the parts of my upper body.

“OH MY GOD… OWWWW…”

For some reason, I found the moment funny, I really did. The pain subsided, and I soon found myself giggling, staring into my wife’s eyes, such a wonderful shade of hazel. Such eyes that I could lose myself in as I had done many times in the past. I taught her well, passing on my skills with hypnosis as they had been passed on to me: with hard work, persistence, and a lot of imagination.

“You had me worried there, slugger. It’s nice to have you back. Thought I might never see you again, I missed you.”

“In your dreams,” I said softly.

“What?” she asked, but I brushed it off by distracting her with my hand softly caressing her cheek. “I love you, wife. Thank you for loving me,” I said, knowing things would never be the same for me, or her, ever again.

“You can be damned certain of that,” the voice spoke.

“No, she can’t see me, and right now neither can you. I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me, for us, Steve.”

I couldn’t very well speak out loud so I just—

“Exactly, we are well aware of your thoughts again, now that you’re back in your own reality. I hope I wasn’t too tough on you while you were my guest.”

“No, it’s ok, I learned a lot, really. And thank you for being patient with me,” I thought.

“Are you ok, honey?” Lila asked, noting something in my facial expression. “You look like you’re a million miles away. Don’t leave me again, promise me you’ll never leave me again… please.”

“It’s ok, Steve. I have it on good authority that you’re going to be stuck with Lila for a very long time.”

This time the words were spoken from the mouth of the woman standing beside my bed, invisible to my wife but there just the same.

Aphrodite waved her hand over my wife’s head as she cried and said, “Sleep” and my wife slept, there on my chest.

“I see you get a kick from that too,” I said. “It’s one of my biggest turn ons, actually. One of the main reasons I pursued a career in hypnosis, I guess.”

“You’re a good man, Steve; once more we say a credit to your kind. Someday your kind will evolve to become something more than even Gods and Goddesses, but you didn’t hear that from me. ‘Mums the word,’ is that the correct saying you humans use?”

Her smile was enough to melt diamonds, and for some reason, I actually considered her a friend now.

“You did just fine, lady. Thank you for everything. Will I…”

“Of course. You’re not like the others we’ve encountered in our little corner of the Universe, and we feel a special connection to you, so we’ll pop in on occasion to see how you’re progressing. I’d be remiss if I didn’t remind you this is a second chance for you, of sorts. Make the best of it.”

And with that she leaned in to kiss me, but I couldn’t handle that kiss again, not in this state. She grinned then kissed me on the forehead.

“You have a lot of healing to do, and even a Goddess like me can’t just wave my hand and fix your injuries. I could, of course, but the questions you’d get stuck with would cause a lot of requisitions upstairs, and the Big Man himself doesn’t have… errr… well actually he has all the time there is, but we’ll let it go this… errr… my that does get pretty confusing doesn’t it?”

She giggle, and so did I. She laughed, and so did I.

“So, there are two things that will help tremendously in your recovery. Ready to learn the two things?” she asked.

“Sure, hit me. Figuratively speaking, Goddess.”

Another playful smile, another kiss on the forehead.

“One is love, and I don’t think you’ll ever have any doubts about that one again.”

Her hand felt absolutely wonderful on my forehead, slowly stroking me softly.

“And… the other?” I was having a tough time with just those three words.

“A lot of… deeeeeeep… sleeeeeeeep…”

I heard the words, felt her hand sliding down… down… down…

After 4 weeks, I was allowed to come home, which is where I am now, sitting at my laptop as I type this story. Aphrodite has visited me on several occasions since I left the hospital, Harvey popped in for a few minutes the other day. Thankfully he didn’t bring pizza and beer, but he hinted at it. And he winked. Again.

I haven’t seen Dave yet, and for some reason I’m not sure I ever will. At least, in some small way, I hope I never do. But if he ever wants to talk, I’m here, waiting, as a friend.

Lila just walked in with a delivery we just got. I asked her to get me something to drink when I saw the Sender’s name was Harvey Lifestein.

After I opened the box, I saw a note and some kind of bag. I opened the note and it read:

“Sorry for the delay. You forgot these when you left. I keep my promises. They’re yours until Dave comes to claim them, but as you already know, we have it on good authority – namely Fate, who owed Dave a favor after a streak of bad luck playing poker (I think Loki had something to do with that, personally, but Dave won’t admit anything) – that you will have a long and prosperous… errr… time together with Lila.”

“Aphrodite wanted to give you something also, but it wouldn’t fit in the box, and some silly regulations you humans have about shipping liquids created a problem so, she says that after you open the bag, introduce your wife to her wonderful new sheets and then go take a shower – with your wife. She said instructions were given to allow you to remember the wonderful times you’ll both have with the ladies.”

“Oh, one more thing: if your wife has any issues with the sheets, such as disbelief and shock, Aphrodite said to tell you to remember that you’re a hypnotist. You’ll figure it out. Have fun, always…”

The card was signed Harvey, Aphrodite, and Dave. Well, the insignia of the scythe was probably Dave’s signature. I think.

Lila came back into the room with my drink, setting it down on the desktop. She asked what was in the box, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“A homecoming gift from some very special friends of mine. You look tired, love. So tired… so very sleepy, yes you are… we have some wonderful new sheets from my special friends… very special sheets… relax for me, Lila… sleep… for me, with me…”

The wonder of it all, indeed.