LOOK BOTH WAYS
28
A situation of staring came to pass, while a multitude of messages was silently sent between them both. He felt hers and hoped her female felt his own. She stood with her feet planted widely, her wrists cuffed behind her back, and she leaned forward slightly.
Her Amazonian athletic frame seemed smaller now, somehow vulnerable. Her full, firm chest had been rising and falling rapidly with each deep breath she took, but now it began to slowly quiet. The look in her eyes passed from hate to anger and to many others he could not yet identify, as her momentary essence alternated between woman and female continuously.
She was confused. He could see that, and he allowed her to remain that way, for as long as she chose to keep the tense silence going between them.
By education and thinking your woman has been misled, he thought. You believe because you were so bred and informed. Now the priest continues what the nurse began, so the female child can impose on the woman.
‘You have no idea!’ She exploded suddenly, but with an unexpectedly quiet voice laced with venom. ‘You’ll get life for doing this!’
He held her gaze calmly in his own and smiled warmly, while he considered an answer, but she spoke again as he was doing that.
‘Why are you doing this?’ She demanded quietly, the unleashed anger just below the controlled surface of her tone.
If I tell you, you will not believe me, he thought.
‘Not even the Pope will be able to save you!’ She snarled quietly, menacingly.
Religion is for thinking men and women, he wanted to tell her and make life easier all round. Life is for males and females. Through me I give you life, and through you I live. I will free you for the truth, and never said I would do of any other.
‘How do you feel?’ He asked her calmly, quietly in tone to match her own chosen. Her eyes blazed. He wondered why she looked even more beautiful to him then than she had already.
‘How do you think I feel?’ She hissed venomously back at him. ‘Get them off!’
‘That’s why I’m asking,’ he said quietly. ‘Because you wouldn’t tell the truth before.’
Her eyes widened. She straightened in posture and her breasts jutted more prominently because of the way her wrists were manacled behind her back. She raised her chin in her pride, defiance and arrogance. He smiled quietly at her woman’s defences, knowing they would continue to be raised for a little while longer.
‘I did tell you the truth before!’ She exploded and hissed angrily. ‘I told you! You think I’ve got the time to talk fairy tales? Get them OFF!’
Myths die when history is born, he thought, and then he pondered over that for a few seconds, as if she and the rest of the world had suddenly ceased to exist, but her voice brought him sharply back to the now.
‘You acting out some sort of fantasy or fiction? Is that your problem?’ She snarled angrily, and not so quietly.
Is myth reality in fiction? He thought to say to her woman then, or is reality fictioned from myth? But he did not say that. He only thought it, and then wondered why he had. He smiled quietly at her instead.
‘Why are you bloody smiling? For Christ’s sake!’ She demanded angrily. ‘Jesus! Don’t you know how much trouble you’re in? You’re gonna wish you’d never been born!’
My place and time of birth is not known, save for my Father, he recalled from somewhere he did not know, yet the truth is the stars above.
‘I’m waiting,’ he answered.
‘Waiting?’ She exploded again. ‘Waiting for damn well what?’
‘For you to tell me the real truth about how you feel, being cuffed and helpless in front of me, here in your own house.’
Her eyes glared many things at him in the space of the short few seconds that followed, but still he recognised her female at least once during that time. Then her anger faded a little and a frown became her brow, as she spoke.
‘Vulnerable?’ She said in a normal tone of voice, as if she had suddenly had a thought. Then her eyes instantly hardened again and glared at him. ‘I’m not damn vulnerable! But you will be when I damn well get out of them!’
‘If, you get out of them,’ he said quietly, and then deliberately looked down at the floor for a few seconds, before again raising his even gaze to hers. When his eyes met hers he saw her female looking back at him. Then she was gone. He smiled, knowing now she had at least considered all of the connotations of the word, if.
‘Well?’ He asked, after about thirty seconds of solid staring.
‘Well, bloody, what?’ She snapped.
‘How do you really feel?’ he said calmly
‘Jesus!’ She exploded, looking rapidly left and right about herself in sheer disbelief that the whole thing was even happening, could even be happening… and to her.
‘How long has it been since you’ve felt anything?’ He asked her quietly, when she got tired of gazing about the room in disbelief and quietly stood fuming down at him, then added, ‘as a female.’
Her eyes blazed instantly. Then they did not. They deepened. Then they blazed once more, and then they softened again. And then they blazed bloody murder. He smiled warmly up at her, knowing her female was trying very hard to assert herself, but knowing also it had been a long time. He had all the time in the world. She stood upright, like a proud and captured Amazon warrior, but a little more relaxed than she had been.
Her eyes were locked terminally into his. Her lips were parted. Every now and then her nostrils flared and her tongue would snake around her full lower lip and moisten it, leaving it shiny. She breathed a little rapidly, but not as fast as she had been. He allowed the silence to continue with her choice. Then she chose, and if her female had been present, she vanished instantly.
‘I did! I felt, once!’ She spat, indignantly. ‘That was bloody well enough for me! Now get these cuffs-off!’
His thoughts saddened for her past hurt, and wondered how someone in her mid twenties could have been made so bitter, so young. Then he stopped wondering. Traders and bankers sell my Father’s name and mine, he recalled, and the profiteers are named Religion.
‘You are an attractive woman,’ he said quietly smiling up at her with all male eyes.
‘Don’t even damn well go there!’ she snarled with her mouth and her eyes.
‘But I could,’ he said softly.
‘Could what?’ she snapped, only her eyebrows registering her female’s hint of curiosity.
‘Go there.’
She was silent and breathed heavily, while he just looked both ways, slowly, then back up at her. Her face had softened. She was thinking, or feeling, or maybe both.
‘Go where?’ She said finally, her voice without tone or attitude.
‘There,’ he said, dropping his gaze to her breasts, lingering, and then to her groin… slowly.
When he looked back up at her he could see she was having an inner conflict between her woman and her female. Then he looked her slowly up and down once more, obviously, like a piece of meat on a hook. He heard a soft intake of her female’s breath; so soft, as to almost be undetectable, but not by him, by her woman, maybe, but not by him. Then her woman was back, but not explosively. He was glad.
‘Like hell! But why?’ She said curtly, the tone returning fully to her voice, along with something else. ‘It’s just trouble for you, and you know it! Why would you dare?’
He just smiled.
‘Because you’re cuffed,’ he said quietly, and again noticed her draw breath, as her gaze looked quickly over her shoulder, and her wrists felt and confirmed the words he had just spoken. ‘And, because I can,’ he added, just for good measure, locking his male gaze directly inside her own. Her face measured the emotional discord within her being. He could see that and knew she was feeling it.
‘You can’t!’ She exploded shouting, finally, but not arrogantly. He smiled, knowing she wasn’t sure. ‘You bloody can’t!’
‘I can.’
‘But why?’ Her woman’s defences asked a little quieter in defence.
‘Because, I’m here,’ he said quietly. She looked both ways, and then back at him.
‘And you’re here, cuffed, and vulnerable.’
Silence. Glaring silence.
‘And I want to.’
She glared and softened and hardened and softened in gaze, once… twice… and then three times even.
‘And because, I can.’
‘No!’ She suddenly shouted, her chest rising quickly.
‘Yes,’ he replied quietly, with a soft smile.
‘No!’ She shouted loudly, tensing her entire well-muscled Amazonian frame and leaning toward him.
‘Yes,’ he repeated softly, and waited, while she glared at him for several long seconds.
‘Why?’ She shouted angrily.
‘Because I want to,’ he softly spoke. ‘Because you need me to,’ he also added.
‘I don—!’ She began in hostile tone, but he cut her off abruptly.
‘And, because I can.’
‘No!’ She snapped quickly, but with no tone or attitude.
‘Can’t I,’ he stated. It was not a question, and he knew she knew he meant it exactly that way.
‘No!’ She replied angrily.
‘You’re cuffed.’
‘No!’
‘You’re vulnerable.’
‘No!’
‘Because you’re hurting.’
Silence, but her female gained entry to her shining gaze momentarily. She had not yet cried.
‘And you’ve been hurt… badly.’
Her eyes shined even more.
‘And, because I can.’
One tear brimmed her left eye and overflowed down her cheek. She shook her head angrily, flinging her first tiny female droplet of truth away to fall on the floor.
‘I can. Can’t I.’
‘No,’ she said flatly. No tone. No attitude.
‘And, you want me to.’
Silence. Controlled breathing.
‘Don’t you?’
‘No,’ no tone and no attitude, but with some emotion, barely.
‘You do.’
‘No.’
‘Yes.’
Silence, but with another tear from the same eye. She did not fling it away. It ran slowly down her cheek and onto her neck. She felt it.
‘You haven’t been loved.’
Another tear. Her glistening gaze never left his.
‘You’ve been hurt.’
Another tear, but from her other eye.
‘But you haven’t been loved.’
Two tears.
‘Have you?’
Three tears, and silence.
‘You’ve been known,’
Four tears, and silence.
‘Only as a learned, thinking woman.’
Five tears, and silence.
‘But not as a feeling female.’
Six tears, and a soft sniff.
‘With special needs.’
Seven tears, and another sniff.
‘That have never been cared for.’
Eight tears, and silence.
‘In your lonely nights.’
Nine tears, and silence.
‘By a feeling male,’ he said intensely.
Ten tears, and a soft gasp, as she looked continuously at him through her shining eyes.
‘Not a thinking man,’ he said with contempt.
Eleven tears, and silence.
‘But a feeling male,’ he said with emphasis, and felt himself stir. ‘Have you.’
It was not a question.
Silence, and then a sniff.
‘Have you.’
Silence.
‘Have you.’
Silence, and a sniff, and then,
‘No,’ softly said, almost breathed, but her eyes never left his.
‘You’re cuffed, aren’t you.’
A statement of fact.
Silence, but he knew her female agreed.
‘You’re vulnerable, aren’t you.’
Another statement of obvious fact.
Silence, and more tears, uncountable.
‘You’re hurting.’
Silence and more tears.
‘And you’re uncared for.’
More tears, but a proud chin held high with a sniff.
‘And uncared about.’
More tears, no tension.
‘And you need that.’
More tears, but a proud chin.
‘Every human being needs that.’
More tears, but her head was beginning to not be held so high.
‘Every human nature needs that.’
More tears, and her chin not high now. Looking directly at him, as if mesmerised.
‘To be cared for.’
‘And loved. And desired, as a natural female.’
More tears. Slowly, he stood up. She stepped back a pace, but her gaze never left his.
‘By a male,’ he smiled softly, and then stepped forward one pace.
She stepped back.
‘By a natural feeling male,’ he stepped closer.
‘Not an unnatural thinking man,’ he said with disgust in his tone.
She stepped back.
‘But a male,’ he stepped closer.
She raised her head. She was only a little shorter than he. She stepped back then.
‘Who makes you feel.’
Closer. Her eyes widened, shining, bright. She did not step back.
‘Like you feel right now.’
Closer. Her full deep pink lips parted a little. She did not step back.
‘Right now.’
Closer. Her breath was warm. Her tongue quickly licked her bottom lip. It shined. That lip trembled, but she did not step back, or move her head back.
‘As a female.’
‘No,’ she whispered forcefully. It sounded like the last defence of her woman. Inside he smiled for her female’s ensuing victory.
‘Who wants to be wanted.’
‘No.’
‘Needed.’
‘No.’
‘Desired.’
‘No. Please,’ the final defence. The last supper.
‘Lusted for,’ eyes locked.
‘No,’ a whisper.
Only lips apart. Eyes locked.
‘Loved.’
Silence, and a warm, hesitant and shaking breath.
‘You want to love,’ eyes locked.
‘No,’ warm breath.
‘You need to love.’
‘No,’ shaking breath, lips apart. He leaned down slightly, toward her. Almost there. She leaned back slightly, but only slightly, not enough.
‘To lust.’
‘No,’ lips apart. Warm breath. Rapid breathing.
‘To be taken.’
‘No!’ Lips apart. Rapid breathing.
‘Take.’
‘No,’ panting breath. Lips barely apart.
‘Taken.’
‘No.’
‘As a female.’
‘No.’
‘You’re a female.’
Silence. Lips barely apart. Breath warm and rapid.
‘Taken.’
Silence.
‘As a female.’
‘No.’
‘Take.’
Silence.
‘As a female.’
‘Ohh.’
‘Taken.’
Panting warm breath. Lips a skin apart.
‘As a female.’
‘Ooh.’
‘Taken!’
‘Oh!’
Lips trembling before his own, only a thin film of thickness, a skin away.
‘Taken!’
‘Oh, no!’
No fight left.
‘Now!’
‘Ohh!’
‘Taken!’
‘No!’
‘Yes! Taken’
Silence. Lips touching, barely. Breath hot and shaking.
‘Taken!’
Breathing only. Hot and rapid.
‘Yes!’
‘Nnnn!’
She struggled with her female’s almost victory.
‘Yes!’
‘Nnnnn!’
And her woman began to lose.
‘Yes!’
‘Oh, noo!’
And lose.
‘Take you!’
‘Nnnnnn!’
The historical and ageless struggle between thinking women and their feeling females.
‘Dare to be free!’
Not kissing, barely touching, hot, rapid breathing.
‘Ohhnn!’
Losing.
‘Yes?’
Tasting. Lips apart. Warm skin. Soft, barely soft.
‘Ohnnn!’
Losing.
‘Yes?’
‘Please, no!’
The final struggle.
‘Yes,’ he finally said. It was a statement of fact.
‘Ohh, no! Ohh… oh-yes! Ohh!’
Lost. Lips pressing fiercely, arms surrounding her, cuffed wrists, crushing her, taking her tongue, offering his own, then twisting and sweeping her backwards and down, like the old fashioned ballroom dancers. His tongue pressed and was accepted. Her own searched back, softening. Her body relaxed, melting, yielding.
Yes.
And his natural feeling-dominant male heart smiled fiercely, proudly, for all natural feeling-dominant male and female-kind everywhere, as he welcomed her finally and fully home to herself… and to him.
The human colour of tan will yet come to pass, he thought in the fury of that kiss, by setting the rainbow free. He drowned in her fledging female and she in her first natural male.
He broke their second kiss when he sensed her lilting faintness approach. He straightened her up with him, but still held her crushed to him at the hips and chest. His heart pounded. He could feel her own wild beat. She gasped and panted breathlessly in his face, warm and sweet, urgent and female.
‘Cuffs, off?’ He gasped, asking her in his own shaking breath if she now wanted her release. Her gaze was his gaze. His powerful mating essence now shared with her own.
Silence, while she panted, breathing deeply and heavily, staring wide-eyed and pure, raw female into his gaze. Then,
‘No,’ she gasped breathlessly, her female now accepting fully the rightful bondage of her woman’s place in the scheme of things.
He fell on her lips and her unfettered and wanting female with a long-denied male vengeance, while she could only groan her woman’s final and utter defeat and surrender, very, very deeply indeed.
You say I am the Son of the heavens, his living heart said to his sensual male mind. Yet I be the Son of man, of whom, brothers and sisters I have none. Yet that man’s father is my father’s son; as always and ever, I am a natural male.
Look both ways, I say to you, and be natural Universal love, the thought emotionally came to him then, as he ravished her lips, mouth and tongue—for that is who you really are; and this time I will be cruel to be kind to you.