THE MULE
Chapter 22
My eyes opened for me and to a brand new day. I felt wonderful. I felt refreshed, and I felt alive. Memories of the previous day’s reflections came flooding back quickly to my conscious mind. I lay there, allowing them to just wash over my awareness and as they did so began to feel incredibly humbled by the experience. So much knowledge and awareness had seemed to come my way and all because of the depth of that trance state while in self-hypnosis. Then I recalled something had not recalled on the previous day-the voice. I had heard a voice say something, almost as the last thing I could remember about the trance experience.
I relaxed and tried to allow the sound, the tone, and the words to come back to my conscious memory, but after fifteen minutes I began to see it was futile.
For some reason it had been the absolute depth of that trance state that had allowed my conscious awareness direct access to hitherto unknown knowledge and awareness of things I had previously been only to wonder about. Now I knew, or I believe I did, at any rate. And it all revolved around the concept of mind, to what I believed was mind. And the mind in question seemed to be mine. IT was all about the nature of mind-the nature of my mind.
As I lay there pondering all events to date I began to realise from my own awareness that I could really understand now that the active force in the animate object of my body was my mind. It was the spark of my conscious activity, my critical factor, my analytics and my ability to reason. But I also knew now that that conscious mind could not feel.
I began to see clearly that my mind had developed both by the action of all the senses of my body. It had then manifested itself before my subconscious feeling mind for use on a moment by moment basis to be, in fact, one mind, but utilising two very different methods and reasons of and for functioning and achieving. My overall mind divided the impression, mental, emotional or physical to the portion of my mind that handled that particular task or ability.
I reached over and took a cigarette, lit it, coughed three times, then put it out and idly lay back into the pillow. I sensed what was happening. Things were still coming together from the trance state. Fragments of this and that slowly finding a home within my realisation as and when it saw fit to do so, in spite of my efforts to bring it on home directly.
I could sense, somehow, that two forces on two separate tiers were involved mainly with my overall mind-the physical and the soul, and soul and the spirit force. But they were all one mind in reality functioning. Somehow, as I lay back and reflected on that concept I sensed that this knowledge was very important, or was going to be in the future. I could only guess what for and I couldn’t really do that, either, right then. All I could do was allow everything to keep on happening at its own pace and in its own time and see where it all led me, if it was, in fact, going to lead me anywhere.
Images came and went as I stared at the ceiling. They flooded conscious awareness as if a dam had burst inside my head. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, needing to know where it was all going. Was I a cog in someone else’s wheel or was I the hub of my own wheel? I just didn’t know. I opened my eyes and lazily allowed my vision to offset itself slightly. The moment I did that I became aware that the nearer I approached my mind in trying to divide it into compartments, between my soul and my spirit force, the nearer I would come to that final infinite force that guides me when it is allowed. And that final infinite force was who I really was, who I always had been, and who I always would be, in this lifetime or any other, for that matter.
My head began to develop a dull ache. I closed my eyes and bathed in the relaxation of not thinking for a little while. I rose and showered. For the moment I’d had enough. I knew there was yet more to come, but right then I’d had about all the revelations about my mind I could handle. As I showered I tried not to think about anything and just relaxed under the hot scalding jet sprays of hot water trying to slice and dice my body from head to toes. I felt wonderful. My headache had gone only when I noticed it was no longer there, but I hadn’t seen it go. I idly thought of Tina as I towelled myself dry and walked through to the bedroom to dress. I wondered what she was doing right then and what she was thinking. And I wondered again about the voice, whose it was and what it had said.
Sitting back on the deck overlooking the beautiful relaxing view of the ocean I sipped a hot strong coffee and smoked a cigarette I didn’t seem to be enjoying and wondered why I wasn’t. I always enjoyed a relaxing smoke when gazing out at the never-ending sea and sky. Only now I wasn’t. What I noticed, however, was that I was not craving for one, just noting I wasn’t enjoying it. Without another thought then I stubbed it out and watched myself doing it as if I was an observer. I felt as if I were outside my mind looking in all of a sudden as I idly gazed at the dying embers of the cigarette-a strange feeling-here and there at the same time, like the future and the past acting simultaneously in the now I seemed to be aware in both places at
once.
I wondered then just which part of my overall mind was doing the observing. If my overall mind was of both material and spiritual then it stood to reason that my mind’s abilities must also be material and spiritual. My gaze left the ashed cigarette and roamed the horizon from left to right and back again. As it did so I felt myself began to calm, and in a strange way-not unpleasant, just strange.
I became aware of a thought in form, pushing itself out of itself in the direction of its developing shape and form, much the same way as the amoebae multiplies by dividing itself in two. It was a beginning, when that as created as given thought did as was necessary to make its development by applying the same forces of projection, which was simply One with that creative energy used in the first place to exist. And so the next generation was created and came into being from a single thought wishing to experience something else, and for no other reason than it could.
No sooner had that concept left my awareness that it was flooded with another, that being that my subconscious mind was only a portion of that infinite force, whatever it was, and a partaker of all my experiences, good and bad, in the spiritual as well as the physical. Then I wondered where hypnosis fitted into my mind and realised almost instantly that through conscious suggestion to my subconscious mind the natural forces existing within it relate instantly and immediately to my spirit. And that sources of information, such that as I was receiving could be presented to me in any part of my overall mind and my infinite mind would comprehend the consciousness of that direct influence.
Then, from the sources of all that influence of all parts of my mind my consciousness would be moved to become aware of the very activity as it was happening.
I boggled at that concept. My mind, aware of itself, as it was functioning. It was almost more than I could handle. I wondered then if Tina or any other had become aware of the knowledge that seemed to be flowing like a river into my conscious awareness. Surely I could not be the only one to ever experience a trance of such a deep state as I had.
As best I knew Tina was an ally. Sure she was a mule, but with my own knowledge of her, to a certain extent she was an ally. She could do what I could do and probably more, but did she know what I knew? Had she experienced what I had? I had to find out just how much of an ally she was, and, what, exactly, she knew or had discovered from her own research. I went to the phone and dialled her number. Her smooth silky voice answered and surprised me.
‘I was wondering when you’d call.’ She said before I had spoken a word.
‘There seems to be a lot happening with me.’ I stated flatly.
‘I senses as much.’ She replied. ‘I think I can help you, at least a little. Are you interested?’
‘As quick as you can.’ I said, then hung up, realising that two heads were better than one on most dilemmas anyway.
I walked back onto the deck, breathed in the salt air to the bottom of my lungs and gazed out at the fishing boats in the bay. I reached for a cigarette, looked at them, put them back down again and then wondered why I did any of that. It saddened me to think that such a long relationship between cigarettes and myself was about to end, but I had a feeling that that was exactly what was happening. No doubt about it, I thought dryly then.
I was losing it. Too much information too soon. Information overload. I needed help and knew it, hoping against hope that Tina would be able to shed some kind of light on what had happened, what was happening, and what might be going to happen. In a way I dreaded Tina’s arrival. I knew the time had come for me to tell her. Total honesty was called for now, I knew that, if she was to really help me with all she knew. I wondered as to her reaction when she found out that she… was a mule.