But I Don’t Really Want This, Chapter 22
increasingly-ornamental-cock-moistener: 02.02.19 Saturday [4:27pm]
Mmmm, fun game for the next 30 days. When with my owner, whether in public or private, if I am not wearing a butt plug, then I am not allowed speak or make eye contact with him. In fact I cannot hold my head up at all, but must angle it at least a small bit down in subservience. I may only make eye contact with other people for as much time as it takes to smile or nod in greeting, or to answer simple questions using body language alone. In exceptional circumstances where it is expected of me to provide a verbal reply, my owner may signal to me that I am allowed to do so, but I may not speak any louder or longer than necessary to do so. Interesting! ;)
So I guess in my day-to-day life I will have to start carrying my butt plug and lube around in my bag (and wet wipes too) for the event that we meet up outside of home. Bringing my butt plug to work! Not wearing it, but having it there. The idea of its presence both thrills and terrifies me. In all the time I have worked there, no one has ever seen or had reason to see inside my bag, but who knows what incident could happen tomorrow? I will be guarding it like a hawk.
I do enjoy the anal stimulation my butt plug gives me. Nice and distracting, something that I could lose myself in while I waited for my owner to come back for more. And I’ve started to enjoy anal sex much more since I learned to appreciate this ;) Before it was just something that my owner would decide to do. It was a turn on for me only in the sense that he was choosing to use me for his pleasure alone, and besides, I knew that he would always take care of my needs afterwards, so I didn’t mind. But now I love it, although my owner is significantly bigger than my plug, so he has to be gentle with me.
I have a lot to research! Will panties be enough to prevent it from slipping out? What clothes can I not wear, for example, would the base be visible through the material? I doubt it, but I need to check. How often do I have to relube? Any advise from my fellow anal queens? :p (Well, maybe I’m not an anal queen yet, but I’m on that road for sure!)
increasingly-ornamental-cock-moistener: 02.02.19 Saturday [4:34pm]
Does your owner punish you? If so, what does he punish you for, and how does he punish you?
No, he doesn’t punish me. It’s not something we have experimented with. Though the idea of it, the thought that he may choose to punish me, and that I should submit to this is... enticing ;)
I don’t think that physical pain as a punishment would interest me by itself, beyond the power dynamic already inherent in punishment.
Nicole was very subtly rocking back and forth on her seat.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, concerned about her first such public experience.
Her eyes looked up. She looked down again, seemingly at the salt and pepper shakers, and nodded her head. She reached one hand across the table and placed it on his, she squeezed it hard. She repeated the motion in her seat. She looked up at him again. Her breathing was uneasy. She bit her lower lip, just to be sure that he understood.
He had gone to the bathroom. When he had come back he had eaten a few bites of his lunch in silence. He had then noticed that she hadn’t touched her food since he had come back. His plate was nearly empty, she was barely half way through. Before he had gone they had been talking about food, movies, books, history, music. Now nothing.
She checked around her, making sure no one was in hearing distance. ‘Feels so good’, she whispered across to him. She rocked herself again, then laughed at her situation. ‘Let me enjoy it a bit more’.
‘OK, but do you plan on eating that, or are you happy?’
‘We can go’, she said, not needing to whisper this time.
Will placed his hand on hers and gave it a squeeze back. He smiled and nodded. He got out his phone and browsed a news app while finishing his meal. Nicole also got out her phone, but just to look like she was doing something other than what she was really doing. She experimented again with the rocking motion, trying to make it as minimal as possible, as unnoticeable as possible, while still doing it right.
She continued to scroll up and down on her phone, head down, supposedly looking at it on the table, but eyes glazed.
She became aware that someone was standing beside their table. Probably the waitress, Will’s plate was empty. He would take her home now, would do everything, would take care of her, a nice thought. He can take care of this human interaction. He can take charge, make things easy for me, let me float in this cloud, I don’t want to have to think about it.
‘Nicole!’ Will said, not shouting, but loud enough to get her attention.
She looked up, startled. ‘What?’ Will nodded in the waitress’s direction.
The waitress looked embarrassed, but sympathetically down at Nicole. ‘Was your meal OK?’ she asked. She’s pretty thought Nicole.
A few seconds passed before she realised that maybe more was expected of her. Her food. She hadn’t finished. Did I like it? ‘Yes!’ she blurted out. ‘I’m very sorry. Yes, I did like it, excuse me, I was lost in this article.’ She smiled winningly up at the waitress, gesturing with one hand to indicate her phone on the table. ‘I had a big breakfast, that’s all’. A lie, she realised. They had a very small breakfast in preparation for eating out for lunch. She had been hungry when they had arrived. Was she still hungry, she wondered. Was that lurking behind the horniness?
‘We could put the rest in a take-out box for you, if you wish’, offered the waitress.
‘No, it’s OK, thank you’, not attempting to think about what was the sensible option, just wanting the interaction to be over.
‘Yes’, said Will to the waitress, reaching across the table and squeezing Nicole’s hand, ‘could we take it with us please?’
He overruled me, Nicole realised. Then she realised that she liked it. My powerful boyfriend, man, no, owner overruled me. She attempted to rationalize the warm feeling. It’s fair. I wasn’t paying attention. He was right.
She continued to follow the thread of her rationalization. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t want to think. It’s feels good to let him to that. She shifted herself in the seat as subtly as she thought she could get away with. Very nice. Maybe I can just say anything, absolutely anything. It doesn’t matter if I say something wrong or stupid or don’t think. He can take charge and correct what I say. She shifted again. Then I can just focus on this—she did it again—and be happy and not worry.
It occurred to her that her eyes were closed. She opened them. The waitress was gone, so were both of their plates. Will was resting his chin on his hand, his elbow on the table, as he looked at her. She only realised that his other hand was still resting on hers on the table when he squeezed it. She smiled, embarrassed. She noticed that the check was on the table, card resting on top of it, waiting for the waitress to come back for it.
‘How are you?’ he asked, kindly, trying to pretend that he wasn’t asking ironically.
She smiled, then looked down at the table, escaping his gaze for a second. You know damn well how I am, she thought. She looked up and laughed. She turned her hand on the table around so that their hands were holding each other. He laughed too.
They rested against each other in the bed. They had had anal sex on coming home—she had insisted on it. Afterwards she had realised that she was now unplugged and so, according to the rules, couldn’t talk to him or make eye contact.
When she was ready she got up to go clean herself up, and then to get plugged up again. ‘Clean me first’, he ordered. She paused. She really wanted to do herself first. She wanted to be able to talk to him about the experience at lunch, and feel clean. If she did herself first, then they could talk while she cleaned him. But she couldn’t talk to him, couldn’t ask him if he could rescind the order as she usually was allowed to do. And she couldn’t even give him a questionable look, wordlessly asking him to rescind it.
There were some wet wipes in her bag she remembered. She left the room, looking down at the floor, to get them. Walking this way made her feel so unconfident she realised, and even small. So weird. I’m not small. She was 6 foot tall. I’ve never felt small in my life.
Once she was out of the bedroom she knew that, arguably, she was no longer in his presence, so she could raise her head again, but she chose not to, to explore the experience more.
She returned and started cleaning him. Her head facing away from him as he lay on his back. He stroked her hair. That’s nice she thought. When she was finished, she got up to go to the bathroom. ‘You’re a good girl’, he told her as she left.
She had come back with the take-out food and they finished it together, discussing the events of their lunch.
‘You had changed when I cam back from the bathroom’, he said. ‘Before I left you were normal, then when I came back you were in your own world’.
‘I know’, she said. ‘When wearing it, it feels very weird, but also nice. Before you left I had been ignoring it, just enjoying talking to you, but when you left, I started focusing on the sensations. Then I realised I could make it feel better by moving around in my chair, by getting it to move around inside of me. I’m not sure how long you were gone, probably not long, but when you came back it just felt so good and that was all that I wanted to do. Do you think she noticed, the waitress, do you think I covered it well’.
‘Well, if your phone’s browser hadn’t had the Google home page open, then your line about reading an article might have worked better’.
‘Oh no!’ she said loudly, mortified. ‘And she definitely saw that?’
‘It’s a big phone, you know that’, he said. ‘The Google home page is fairly minimal and recognisable’.
She smacked her palm on her forehead, laughing. ‘But do you think she KNEW though?’, looking at him with tilted head, trying to make her meaning clear.
‘No, people can be distracted for lots of reasons. You weren’t panting and bouncing up and down on your chair. The rocking you were doing was only slight, it took me a minute to realise you were doing it, and I think you got better at it, it became even more subtle.’
‘Yeah’, she said triumphantly, ‘I was trying to reduce it to the minimal possible movement’.
He stroked her hair and kissed her. ‘You were very distracted though, that will probably happen again, this is only day 2. Are you OK with that?’
She nodded, thinking. ‘Yes’. Then she looked at him, ‘but will you take care of me? It made me feel really good that you were there to make the decisions and answer questions, and that I could stop worrying about that’.
‘Of course, you know I will look after you, I’ll protect you.’ He kissed her.
They kissed some more.
‘I mean’, she broke off the kissing, ‘like, it made me feel really, REALLY good’, she said, before returning her attention to his lips.
He allowed his hand to creep down between her legs. She was moist. He laid her down and they continued to kiss. Then he instructed her to hold her knees, and he reached his hand around to the base of the plug. He ran his finger slowly around the circular base, attempting to apply pressure, attempting to stimulate her, attempting to find whatever sweet spot she had found. After a minute, she pulled away from his kisses and just allowed herself to enjoy the sensations. Found it, he thought. Probably. Maybe. I’ll have to ask her to show me later.
She realised he was starting to remove the plug. Her eyes opened. She looked at his erection. She wanted it inside her. In there? Why not? But then afterwards she would be plug-less again, mute, unable to look at him. She would be unable to offer an objection to any orders he might issue. She paused her worrying to appreciate the sensation as the plug’s widest part exited her. Unnghhh. Worth it she told herself.
She came to, very drowsy, lying on her side, against him as he lay on his back, one arm and leg draped over him, her head on his shoulder, his hand holding her hair and head. Mmmm, this felt good. She didn’t move, enjoying the warmth of him, the safety.
She woke again. This time she was properly awake. The tiredness, the drowsiness expelled. What a nice feeling. She had been worried about having to re-plug herself afterwards, but instead they had just rested against each other, her just enjoying the feeling of him, his body, his hand stroking her hair, just allowing herself to enjoy the post-orgasmic bliss, not ruining a perfect moment with talk, with questions. Very nice.
He seemed to still be asleep. What should she do? Clean herself? Yes. Plug herself up again? Not necessarily. Clean him? She didn’t want to wake him. Maybe she could clean herself, and then just read beside him waiting for him to wake, and then she could clean him. Silently, demurely, tenderly, lovingly, showing him how much she appreciated this day so far.
She got up and came back a few minutes later. She started reading, her back to him, but let her book fall after a minute. What could they do for the rest of the day? There was still plenty of hours left for them to enjoy together. Would they watch television? Go to a movie? What would they eat later?
His hand moved onto her hip. He was awake. She took the wet-wipes from her dresser and shifted her position to start cleaning him.
‘Did you sleep?’, he asked.
She couldn’t answer. She shifted her position, got on her knees facing away from him and bent over him as she cleaned, enough to let him see that she wasn’t wearing the butt plug. He stroked her back and didn’t ask any more questions.
His erection grew as she cleaned. Yes please, thought Nicole. Once finished, she discarded the last tissue and started kissing and licking him. Enjoying the taste and feel of him in her mouth, against her lips. Enjoying knowing that she was pleasing him, and that she didn’t need to say anything, could just let it happen.
Afterwards her head was resting on his belly, looking down at his crotch, legs and feet, as he stroked her hair. He reached with his free hand for the bedside table and took out the marker from the top drawer. He sat up slowly, gently moving her head down to his lap, and leaned over her. She smiled but kept looking away, avoiding eye contact.
‘Your lips are so sexy’, he said. She sighed happily, letting him know that she appreciated the compliment.
He took her left arm in his left hand, and wrote along the inside of it ‘such a good girl’ followed by a heart. Another happy sigh. He rolled her onto her back and she closed her eyes. He drew a flower on one of her breasts. He thought about it for a few seconds and then drew a cumming cock on the other.