I put a spell on you
Chapter 3
“My head kind of hurts” Dmaien said as he swayed back and forth for a few minutes. Gino Held him steady. “My Head hurts real bad dude.”
“I’ll bet it does.” Gino replied calmly.
“What happened to me....”
Gino looked down at him with his benign smile “Nothing dude It’s just that spell I cast on you got a little tangled up. It’s no big deal man...It all worked out for the best- Your fine. Barely a scratch on you.”
“The What you did on who?” Damein asked shaking His head.
“Well your probably not going to like this but uhm.... I have somethin real big I have to tell you baby and uhm....it ain’t gonna be easy to take- I put a spell on you,” he said shyly holding onto the sides of his baggy jeans like a chastised Child.
“What....” Damien stuttered...
“Well I Kind of went through some of your things and I found this potion spell...that would make the person who drank it see the truth...... But I guess I did it wrong...cause it wasn’t supposed to change you...” he fumbled.
It all suddenly began to make sense. “Kenny’s pep talk my transformation into the ultimate me... and then the deterioration from there...everyone had been telling me what they saw as the truth...” Damein muttered as his head spun toward clarity
...and the spell made me believe them. Instead of finding my own truth. Or maybe the Spell made me realize that even my truth wasn’t the real thing, just my skewed perspective of it... like looking at something through a kaleidoscope and trying to make out the shape of an object.
“you see,” he continued slowly, “I wanted you to realize you loved me...you kept running from me all the time, I just thought if you could admit it to yourself then you could get rid of all your guilt about the magic thing and we could...” he trailed off.”
“Oh shit.” Damein mumbled trying to make the swimming in his head stop.
And then the moment stopped and he saw the truth but not the way Gino had intended.
His eys seemed to grow a thousand times wider and the blue widened until it was two sparkling pools of black crowned with the barest hint of my blue grey...
I was feeling the full affect of the spell...I could see the truth...all of it.
Somewhere beyond logical thought and between my reality and everyone elses there was the Truth...that I loved Gino...I don’t think I was in love with him. But I think it was sa close as I had really ever come to it...
And looking back into those two big pools of his I realized he loved me too...
And then the real truth hit me and I shook so hard I thought I was going to die. Gino grabbed me hard to steady me and I could feel the contents of my stomach heave inside of me in the revulsion at my own revelation.
He clutched my shaking hands in his big Paw, “But everything’s going to be fine now, because im here and We’re going to work through this...I’m sorry,” he almost begged.
He was such a good man.
Such a loving, honest and dedicated man.
I Saw the Truth.
And I knew I could no longer tell myself anymore lies. And the moment began again...
Damien put one big hand on Gino’s chest affectionately and rubbed the inside of shaking Italian Mit with his finger tips wistfully. “You’re one of the best men I’ve ever known Gino...Your Kind, confidant, intelligent and sometimes I look in those big eyes and I see so much of what’s good in human kind it hurts...” he dropped both hands and clutched them tightly at his sides. “But I can’t stay here with you...like this....”
“What!” Gino Yelled. “I said I was sorry, please Damein I never meant to...”
“But I did!” he answered back sadly with his head down. “I did all this, all this magic all this manipulation...I was arrogant and wrong.” He looked up quietly at Gino’s stressed almost red rimmed eyes, “and now I have to put it right.”
“no! I know all about what you did, how you changed me and Eric and Brian and all the others and I don’t care! Do ya here me I don’t! I’d much rather stay this way, I’m happy as a gay man, we all are...we’ve all been able to find love and happiness...I wouldn’t be the kind, intelligent example of humanity that you say I am if it wouldn’t have been for you...” He yelled angrily.
Damien’s crystal eyes blazed iridescent blue rage and he grabbed Gino’s arm...“Yes you would have, don’t ever underestimate yourself...the way I underestimated you. It’s been three years Gino...Three years..You could have grown so much in those three years...except I moved in and pushed you with my hocus pocus and all my self absorbed pseudo-help.”
“So you’re just going to make us all straight again huh?” he barked.
Damien laughed a little...“No I’m just going to put the control back in everyone’s hands...The only Choice I have is to give you all back the choice. I think most of you all would have realized your belligerent ignorance about us queers was because of your own Homo-erogenous issues...and given time you would have realized it yourself...it was wrong of me to steal that from you all because I felt that I knew better.”
Gino paused for a second and then looked up with a blank expression, “But I think I’m in love with you.”
“I know...and I know I’m in love with you...but I’ll never be able to trust it...because at the back of my mind it will always just be another spell.... And maybe you could live with me, knowing all of this... but after tonight I can’t live with myself.”
“There’s nothing I can say?” he asked sadly.
“No...just goodbye I suppose...but it’s not like either of us will remember it.”
“Alright then...” Gino took one big hand and grabbed Damien by his waist and pulled him close up tight until their foreheads touched and they stood angled into each other’s eyes. “I don’t care how much you wave a fucking magic wand...I won’t ever forget this...” he stroked Damien’s cheek with one leathery thumb and pressed his lips firmly into the other man’s waiting mouth. One huge arm grabbed him and held him tight as the other held the smaller man’s jaw with a shaking hand. Gino pressed his entire wait into Damien as Damien gave himself up to the heroic embrace. Gino Held Damien as if he were trying with his mammoth hulking form to some how shield him from the terrible choice he had made.
The kissed lasted both moments and years, each man absorbing all he could of the others presence until finally Damein slipped from Gino’s grasp like water.
He stood back and watched as two tears steamed down the dimpled olive skinned cheeks...
Damien smiled a long tragic sigh and gave the big lout one last beaming chin up smile. “Thank you.”
Gino looked up startled...“for what?”
“For Helping me find myself...I started out on this whole little errand thinking all was going to do was teach a bunch of straight jocks a lesson by making them into gay wet dreams...but I didn’t realize that they were people...not concepts; the jocks and the wet dreams... I was wrong. I thought all along it was about changing all of you...but it was really about changing myself not just physically,” he said as he watched with facinatio at the movements of his muscled arm, “But mentally too, if I had it all to do again...I might have done it differently......Goodbye Gino........” he convulsed in a long shudder of pain... “goodbye...”
His hands swooped up like lightening and the air seemed to crackle with unseen energy. Damien closed his eyes and pictured his room in his mind, the piles of magic texts, his notebooks and all his varies arcane equipment. A memory of a far off world accord to him...of the young boy who quietly read his thick books while the other kids laughed and carried on during High school lit. Class. He saw the timid younger version of him quietly isolated reading dusty old fiction and dreaming away the day when he would be able to teach all these kids a lesson.
“From Shakespeare to Necromancy...what a leap,” he said sadly. “Sorry pal...you’ll thank me later.”
But the memory did more then make him realize the error of his intentions it made him remember the perfect spell to break all his enchantments...
“This Rough magic
I here abjure, and when I have required
Some heavenly music...which even now I do,
To work mine end upon their senses that
This airy charm is for. I’ll break my staff,
Bury it certain fathoms in the earth,
And deeper then did ever plummet sound” He paused for a moment thinking of Gino’s tear rimmed eyes...and then steadied himself.
“I’ll drown my book...”
In the far reaches of Damein’s mind’s eye he struck a match and dropped it onto the dusty tomes. They lit up like fireworks at the break of dawn. The world lurched beneath him and his vision became a carousel like view of swirling colors in a maelstrom around him. As the fire blazed he lost his tenuous control on the energy he had invoked and gave himself up onto the tempest.
As the books blazed in the background he could see Red and hank crawling into their large bed both tired and talking about their day. They both paused as they reached for their identical bedside lamps and suddenly turned to each other, “Eric...,” Hank asked using Red’s real name for the first time, “Yeah,”
“Do you ever wander what it would have been like if we would have never met”
Eric paused considering the question, “Yeah but then I usually start shivering and thanking God I know you’re waiting for me at home....” Hank smiled and rolled closer to him.
The room blurred for a second and when the vision cleared it was still Red and hank in their bed but now it was a much nicer room with better furniture and antiques. The two men in the bed were still both hairy bodybuilder’s but Red’s face was no longer the exaggerated masculinity of the trucker he was. No, Eric’s clean-cut looks replaced them and he finally had a decent haircut. His crewcut was short and neat.
“What time do you have to work,” hank mumbled, as Eric attacked him with hungry lips.
“Same as usual 6am...Gotta get to the office before Patricia or she won’t let it go all day.” Eric smiled.
“You make a good team,” hank pointed out.
“I know but we make a better one.” And with that the vision swirled into a tumble of blankets and hairy muscular legs...
Damien smiled to himself a quick quiet smile, “So Eric decided to keep hank but return to the Office...I would never have guessed...At least he fixed that God damn hair...”
Again he tumbled through the kaleidoscope of color, now he was in Gabriel and David’s Salon. Gabriel was busy cutting David’s already tight hair into a close fade. “Just sit still will you!”
“I can’t,” Dave’s rich voice boomed back, “You keep rubbing up against me.” He pinched the smaller Latin man on his big ass to emphasis his point.
“Ya so I guess you like my Ass beta then Gotie’s”
“Who?”
“You know Gottie my ex-girlfriend.”
“oh her...” Gabe paused and put down the shaver...“Do you still think about her often?”
“Not really. Every now and again...”
“Oh...”
David pulled gabe’s lithe frame into the crook of his massive spread thighs and stroked his arm, “just because I regret something doesn’t mean I’d change a damn thing...It’s a shame what happened between all of us...but she would have just got hurt in the long run. Let her find some man to really love her... the way I found one to love me...”
They kissed.
The room switched to a dirty kitchen. To large frames hulked beside the kitchen cabinets in the shadows... they were large and naked and the sounds of heavy passion rung through the air like the barks of wild animals.
Their was a crash...the sound of a dish breaking and then...“goddammit.” That was Forman’s voice...Brian’s Football coach.
“Ya know what we need around her’a? Mark’s tough Alabama accent questioned back.
“a slaveboy?” Forman offered...
“No you pig!”
“hey you’re the cop!”
“Shut-up coach we need a dishwasha so’s we don have all these damn dirty dishes around.” Mark snapped back,
“oh...that makes sense... but I’d still like a slaveboy...”
“That’s disgusting Forman, now shut up and turn around...already....”
Damien shook his head as the scene changed again the motion making him mildly seasick...“what was going on? Where was Brian wasn’t that his scenario...shouldn’t he be with Forman and Mark...or maybe the spell worked the way Damien intended and Brian had decided to return to his old life.... Good for him.
The crowded dance floor of the waterloo came into frame and Damien could see the boys from the gym clustered in a laughing circle. They looked at each other with their glasses raised. Jarod was sporting a broad smile as he hugged Eddie’s giggling frame hard to his Jean and leather encased body.
Mark, Tony and Kenny fell on top of each other with laughter and from the crowd of men Deana strode with a confidant smile. “I told you that’s what the Tattoo says and that what the tattoo said!”
Tony laughed the hardest and the longest as he patted Deana’s back; “Good work Deana!”
“What does it say” mark questioned tearing himself away from his lover Kenny’s eyes.
“neva you mind connan, that’s a secret between me and half the population of this city.” Deana answered back.
Tony laughed and gave her a pat on the head, “Now Deana you may play that tramp riff with everybody else but we know the real deal.”
Deana gave a sweet little smile “shhhh don’t give away all my secrets...but half the city has seen that tattoo on my ass,” she turned quickly to Mark and explained, “I decided to moon channel 12 at the last pride parade.” They all giggled.
“You know what I think,” Jarod’s heavy voice intoned as he rubbed eddie’s adorant shoulders.
“what?” Eddie asked.
“I think you should get my name tatooed on your thigh.” Jarod said leering.
Eddie nodded his head dumbly, “Yeah you’re right and after that I should let you brand me with a hot iron...maybe something tasteful like “pussyboy” or “cockholster”.” Eddie Gave Jarod an irritated smack on his big leg.
The bigger man smiled and leaned into Jarod with his huge hairy chest and gave the smaller man a tender squeeze, “it was just a thought.”
“Look baby,” Eddie said turning around suggestively with one of his eyes crooked, “I can deal with a little rope burn and you ripping most of my clothes to shreds every time you get a hard on...but the first time you even think of putting a collar on me you’re going to find out how significantly worse this bitch’s bite is then his bark.”
“Point taken.” Jarod laughed and pulled Eddie into a tight kiss.
Kenny looked up from their revere of looking in each others eyes and turned to look at the crowd. “uhm I’m glad you guys are all here, since you all are our closest friends and we want to share this with you.”
They all looked at Kenny and Mark intently. Both were dressed in crisp J. Crew shirts and slacks that hugged their frames like wet clothe. Kenny in his dark navy button down that made his excellent figure look devastatingly debonair and Mark in his big white turtle neck that made him seem almost impossibly more huge. “we just want you all to know so that you don’t find out from anyone else but...”
“HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT ROCK!” Eddie exclaimed pulling up one of Mark’s massive paws to showcase the large emerald set in a wide band of platinum.
Kenny then exposed the same ring on his own hand but garnished with a large ruby.
“We just decided to do it for us...it’s not like we’re going to have a ceremony on the beach or anything...it’s just so we both know that...” Kenny fumbled embarrassed
“We’re together...for life.” Mark finished putting one massive arm around his lover and giving him a confidant look in the eye.
“That’s great.” Eddie and jarod intoned at the same time.
“Hell yeah!” Tony shouted.
“AWWW You’re his Lobster!” Deana cheered.
“Huh?” they all said turning to her confusedly
“Well you see lobsters mate for life and on this episode of friends Phoebe.......”
Love, Friends and a place to hang out...maybe all this wasn’t so misguided...
And again the world was spinning beyond his control his view coming in and out of scenes until settling on a busy television set with people running everywhere and camera’s rolling on a highly lit stage. On the stage four extremely atrative young men sat in almost identicle outfits of denim and polo shirts answering questions posed by an overtly perky woman in far too much pastel
“...and you all don’t feel that your openness about your homosexuality is going to hurt your career?” the woman asked happily as if she asked them for their favorite cookie recipe.
The tall dark haired one seemed to pull forward and answer the question before the other four men had a chance. “well you see Gayle, We’re trying to help young gay men more then we are trying to gain acceptance in the music industry...”
The woman looked confused an expression she was probably accustomed to. “I don’t quite get your...point.”
“you see young men today are taught through the mainstream media and the Gay community itself is that the only way you can be accepted and feel good about yourself is if you party all the time take a lot of drugs and sleep around and do everything you can to achieve that.”
The young blonde man sitting next to the very intelligent and verbal slim brunette cleared his throat and the tall man automaticly differed to the cute little guy, “their’s a lot more to being a man in the gay community and we want to expose the enxt generation of young men to those positives instead of re-inforcing negative body and lifestyle images. We’re all not drag queens, porn kings and drug addicts...and you don’t have to be either.” He looked to the dark haired companion and gave his neck a familiar almost affectionate squeeze...“there’s a lot more to being gay then that.”
The other three men agreed in a loud chorus.
The perky pants suit returned her gaze to stage right and looked directly into one of the lens aimed at her, “Well there you have it the 5 out and proud members of “U’VE Got MALE” on their recent success and on their lives! Don’t miss their live performance of their latest single after we come back from this short....”
Spinning and more spinning, The scene was gone the colors began to blur into a hot white nonsense that pulled Damien an all sides. His head began to throb and for a moment he was sure he saw two men in a rowboat pass by and a rooster perched on a white picket fence zing passed his head.
The terrible vortex pulled tighter and tighter untill their was nothing left but tension and white light. Damien became so intrenched in the storm of energy he could no longer tell where it began and where he ended.
And then nothing.
Just black and Damien alone.
Nothingness everywhere.
A void so large to cast shadows on every part of his body but so small that he felt completely isolated in the emptiness.
“Well this sure as hell isn’t kansas....FUCK!” he sweared.
“I thought you had decided to for go all those Gay Stereotypes from now on...” an urbane voice asked from behind him in the fathoms of darkness.
“that’s not a gay comment anyone who just experienced that would have made a Dorothy reference man.” He answered back automatically.
He could make out the vague figure of a man advancing toward him at a slow stroll, “Point taken,” the man agreed in a good natured tone.
“uhm...not that I don’t love the minimalist motif but uhm where am I?” Damien asked with mild fright.
The figure continued it’s Sunday stroll toward him almost close enough to make out the face, “I think the better Question is... where aren’t you?”
“Oh christ this is going to end up one like one of those irritating Chaos theory discussions about infinity and the non-existence of time as a linear structure isn’t it.” Damien whined.
“no,” the figure answered back, “That’s just my evasive and mystical way of telling you nothing and also politely telling you not to ask again.”
“ah I get it, thanx for the honesty, I appreciate the truth.”
“I’d hope so after all that you’ve been through.” And then the figure stepped into the light and damien jolted back in shock.
“Brian!” Before him stood the college jock who he had changed into a happy leather boy. But now it seemed like a different Brian more mature and intelligent. He wore a simple t-shirt and jeans that hugged his athletic beefy form.
“not exactly,’ the man said with a smile.
Damien Crouched down in a tight huddle unable to recognize what was going on. “What’s going on...” he bayed unable to process the entire situation.
“Well that’s another one of those complicated questions dude, but if you really want the answer...” The Brian figure answered speculatively.
“I think I deserve one.” Damien demanded.
“yeah I suppose you do.” The other man laughed, “you see Damien...” Damien’s head shot up because the voice had changed and suddenly mark stood before him but as he was originally, mousey brown hair, glasses and all. “We had to test cha pal.” Mark leaned down and patted Damien’s shoulder.
“mark...” Damien groaned, “now I’m really confused.”
“bare with me here killer. I’m not Mark either...or I was...but that’s not the point...okay here we go and pay attention because if I have to repeat it, you’ll really be confused. " The figure that looked like Mark raised it’s hand and pointed toward a space in the inky blackness. The dark cleared and then their was a clear picture of Damien with all his books on the occult and magic, studying diligently and putting his knowledge of his Art to use. “ya see Chief you were a child prodigy from the beginning and even though the majority of people think magic is something produced Via blue screen and computer animation by george lucas, you and I know it’s something quite different.”
Then mark looked down at Damien, “And we both know how dangerous that kind of power is...and in the wrong hands...well I don’t have to tell you.”
- The scene changed again and Damein studying became Damien having a drink with his friend’s Stacey and mark over what seemed like aeons ago...
“It’s just not Fair” Mark whined into his beer, “They’re Assholes!”
“Yes, Yes they are,” the image of me replied
“It’s Ok Mark you can stay with me till you find a place,” Stacey said as she gave him a big hug. It was a Kodak moment.
“They were all my friends, but when they found out I was gay... They all went crazy. Gino through me against the wall and Brian was ready to kick my ass.”
“So they kicked you out? I guess that means they’ll be looking for a new roommate?” I asked him.
Both Stacey and Mark stared at the me in the scene in horror. “I’m not looking for a better deal on the rent. I just think someone ought to teach your buddies a well deserved lesson.”
Stacey said worriedly, “What are you gonna do Damien.”
“What good is being a major in ancient religious philosophy with a focus on the occult, if you can’t put it in to practical use?” the dark smile I gave her made me shiver.
“What are ya gonna do, put a curse on them?”
I put my long black coat on and left the table, and saw Stacey call after me, “Or turn em into frogs”
I opened the door to the bar and turned around and met her eyes, with my ice blue “not... frogs..."—
“and so your test began...We wanted to see how you’d play out the little scenario...” the figure answered back but now it was Stacy’s light sweet tone. I looked up and their stood my old friend with her sweet defiant glare.
“and of course your repressed desperate libido went automatically for...”
-the scene changed to the house I had so come to love, Gino strolled in all pissed off. His dark hair was matted under his ball cap, and he looked messy like he was rolling around. He wore a big parka but had it hung open wide so as to let the wife-beater T-shirt that hugged his muscled torso be exposed. His big somewhat hairy pec’s were tightly encased in the thin white cotton and his gold name chain, glittered against his sweaty olive skin. I squinted at his bulging chest and could just make out the imprint of his very big round nipples, and began to get hard. I looked at his big baggy jeans and absently wandered what kind of legs he had. Probably big muscled thighs covered with dark leg hair, and even those wide jeans couldn’t hide his obvious spectacular bubble but. The band of his boxers peaked ostentatiously over his belt and I thought how sad it was that he wore those and not something more erotic. I thought about how big his cock was and what it would be like to suck on that big Italian meat, listen to his big masculine voice beg for more, beg to be fucked. The baggy boxers and baggy jeans however awkwardly called attention to the massive erection that was making a circus tent on his crouch.—
“You went right to that like Catnip” The stacey figure laughed.
Then the Scene Changed as Gino did. He went from hard as nails mean as Itlain thug to totally shaved peroxide club boy blonde. He saw Gino giving head to some gorgeous man at the gym, and then returning in the ostentatious pair of red lycra boots...
“Oh God, I’m such a pig...” Damien groaned.
“moderately yes,” stacey answered back.
“and then of course their was, Gabe and David.” And then stacey was Allanna with her long braids caressing her shoulders " I thought your little hex on them was particularly cute...”
He watched as Gabe and David turned from hard ghetto players to two loving compassionate men completely devoted to each other.
Damine looked back at Allanna finally making a very important connection, “Hey if you...whoever you are were pretending to be all these people this entire time then...how did...I mean... did everything happen..or was it all a...I mean you couldn’t be both...is stacey... I mean....area alll those...”
Allanna looked at him with irritation and bemusement, “What an articulate little guy you are, jeez Regis Philbin doesn’t have a lick on you mr. Vocabulary. No all of it was real and I really didn’t actually become these people...I just kind of borrowed them to keep an eye on you and to further the test from time to time...”
Then Hank’s booming voice echoed in his ears “You know, I think it might have been with Eric that you started to go to far...” Hank’s big hand waved in front of the image mirror, and he saw Eric descend from everything he was to everything he hated.
“but it think some of your best work might have been those corporate sharks that were giving your heart throb such a hard time.” Now the figure was no longer Hank’s burly masculine frame but Kenny’s muscled lithe athletic form. He watched each of the four offenders change from thirty something jaded miserable martini bar barracuda’s into carefree fun loving club and gym kids.
“I didn’t really understand the whole Club thing though,” the figure admitted in Deana’s bawdy bravado, “but then I realized you were trying to help not only those boys but that sweet girl to.” The boys of Rancid freshened up before his eyes into the crisp clean good hearted young men that they could have been.
Deana looked at Damien’s floundering form before her, “It was quite amazing...with each test you both passed and failed. You would use your powers to subvert someone elses destiny but you always gave them a silver lining never letting them be beyond happiness. In your own twisted machiavellian way you managed to give all of them true love. You made Gabe and David realize that they’re friendship was way more then platonic. You lead Eric to Hank...the true love he would have never found on his own. Gave Eddie to Jarod, Mark to Kenny and tony...” Deana laughed to herself a little, “I don’t think tony is ever going to be ready to pair...off even if he was gay or even straight but that remains to be seen...”
“I don’t get any of this...”
“It’s magic dimwit.” Deana Spat. “We can’t allow any idiot who can read a book on Elemental invocation and spell casting to go running around like halfcocked.” She let out an uncomfortable cough, “so to speak, anyway Once you demonstrate enough knowledge and Art to bring you to our attention we set up a period of testing...to make sure you were worthy to proceed to the next step. It’s pretty interesting that all your successes are failures as well. But it was the real test that you failed.”
“hey I didn’t force Gino to love me I broke that spell!” Damien retorted defensively...
“yes and had that been the only part of your test you would have passed. but that wasn’t all of your test, that however may just be what saved your sorry ass in the end.”
“Hey wait a minute” Damien answered back, looking Deana in her lovely over done sparkled eye shadowed eyes. “What about Brian? I did some horrible stuff to Brian...and to mark to...”
Deana gave him a shadowy mysterious grin, and then with a forboding look said, “or at least you thought you did..” she paused, “this is where things get really murky...this is another one of those things if I repeat, won’t make any sense...you see Damien technically you are Brian...or at least you could have been Brian...” Deana began to taper off...
“WHAT?” Damien snapped. “me and Brian yeah right we are nothing alike...”
“Really describe Brian in three words.”
Damien thought about it, “Arrogant, narrow minded and mean.”
“Now think of how you started this whole thing.... How you were when you moved into that house and what you had planned for those poor boys before you even got to know them.... You were Arrogant to think it was your place to teach them a lesson, narrow minded belieiving you were right and making no attempt to find out the motivations beneath their actions and mean well... you set out to break Gino’s heart, make Eric into everything he hated and then Brian...poor Collared and humiliated Brian....”
“Hey I had good intentions! I only wanted to let them walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.” He sad sitting up and beginning to defend himself against the character attack.
“Which paved your way to hell nicely. Did it ever occur to you in your narrow minded queer way that perhaps underneath all these men were actually gay and trying to come to terms with it. And that Mark’s ostentatious flamboyance made them uncomfortable not because of the simple “I Hate Fags because That’s Gross” but was instead “I Hate Fags cause I think I might be one.” Deana said patiently.
“oh shit...You gotta be kidding.”
Deana gave him a long steady look and then soundly smacked him on an up sweep across his head. “You’ve changed Men Physically and mentally, rearranged time, undid it all and are now conversing with a mysterious shape shifting precsence in a limbo like space beyond reality AND NOW YOU GET IT TOGETHER TO HAVE DISBELIEF ISSUES!!!”
Damien rubbed his aching head, “sorry...”
“These guys would have probably come to these conclusions on their own given time but you interfered...” she gave him as soft pleasant look then.... “however instead of the egomaniacal punishment you seemed to want to give them you’ve shown all these men what they’re gay side looks like and helped them evolve to a deeper sense of love and selfrespect...”
“Oh wow... are you oprah? Because only Oprah talks with all that sentimental deeper love and self respect gibbirish and I’ve always had this sneaking suspision that God was a wise black woman...” He asked the figure.
“there’s the acidic smart ass I’ve come to know and love” the buxom apparition said sweetly and then kicked him firmly in the ass with one pointed shoe. He yelped and she sighed contentedly, But since you sought to show all these supposedly “straight” men what they’re gay doppelgangers looked like... we gave you a little peek at what your straight side looks like.”
And then the figure was again Brian, There stood in all his glory Mr. Athlete. His hard one muscle and thickly built body stared back at Damien’s own.
They stood their, now looking for all the would like two sides of the same coin. Damein had all but forgot the spell he had cast long ago in front of the mirrors. But now he was startled at how much the body he had made for himself with Magic and force of will was the body that Brian had made over years of high school sports, college athletics’ and intense training... Brian’s Broad Shoulders spanned the impressive width of Damien’s new body’s. Brian’s heavy chest protruded just as far. It was eery.
“you see this is how all your characteristics in a strait man’s body would have manifested themselves....” He flexed one brawny football bicep, “instead of fearing for team sports because of your weight or because of fear of the more aggressive other boys you would have funneled all that impressive energy into an athletic career that would have made you into an Athletic powerhouse. You would have excelled at sports in puberty instead of hiding behind your intellect and subsequently never cultivated the intellect that eventually would have made you the man you are today...”
“So if I hadn’t been gay I would have...” Damein trailed off startled at how his improved face and heavy jaw line were even identicle to Brian’s.
“you would have probably had a very nice run on a local college ball team and eventually settled down to breed with a nice young like minded woman however you were an insecure gay boy who hid instead in books... just turns out you found the right books...” Brian said with a knowing look.
Damein considered the probability that born under different circumstances he could see how his personality would have mirrored Brian’s own. “oh christ that’s a disturbing thought.”
Damien looked at Gino for a minute, in startled silence. “Is it really? Because the only way Gino could love you is if you had both qualities.”
“What?” he asked stunned to see Brian suddenly become the man he thought he had seen for the last time...when he gave him up.
“Don’t be niave you knew yourself that Gino wasn’t going to go in for some little drama queen looking to make trouble with the big chip on his shoulder” Gino looked at him with soft eyes, “you knew Gino deserved better then you kiddo...So you changed yourself into the MAN that you thought deserved his love. Both mentally and Physically...” Gino faded into Brian again. Damien almost reflexively reached out to the dissolving form of the big Italian man he had somehow fallen in love with...“With Brian’s body and dedication to physical superiority, combined with the heart and intelligence of Damien you were finally able to admit your love for him. That’s the only way it would have worked...”
“No,” Damien admitted...“even in the perfect body...I still would have never been able to trust Gino’s love for me...I would have always worried that it was my Magic that made him gay and that had made him love me......”
Brian Gave him a hard look “And that’s why you’re here right now...” he paused his expression growing dark...“you see, had you been fool enough to try and keep Gino...left all the spells together and admitted fault in none of your magics...” the threat in his tone of voice was clear...something bad could have happened...something very bad.
Damien looked down and scuffed one big foot. “wow so I guess I pass your test...lucky me.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself there Chief,” Brian warned. “you forget about me? Yeah I’m the version of yourself that you pierced, collared and sent to have dildo’s shoved up his ass for the remainder of his college career.” Now Brian stood before him the way Damien had made him. All his football muscle and girth packed tightly into a restraining harness and leather codpiece. His nipples rudely dissected with big hoops and his face an open book of mindless sexual adoration.
“Oh that...” Damien admitted embarrassingly.
“yeah that...” Brian answered back, fidgeting uncomfortably in his leather knee high boots. “It’s interesting that everyone else got redemption in your magic except for yourself.” He mused, trying comically to pull the leather thong that exposed his big thighs.
Damein shook his head in embarrassment at his own actions, “yeah life’s full of little ironies.”
“so again you both passed and failed...however since you decided to make such a valiant sacrifice and give up everything you selfishly wanted in the spirit of truth and love...” the figure that looked like Brian grimaced...“I really didn’t mean that to sound so hallmark...” he shrugged brushing it off... “we offer you a choice, You can resume your life as Damien Vaughn mild mannered college student before you ever heard of Gino, Eric, The Waterloo any of it, with no memory what so ever or you could accept your punishment and go on to the next step after your sentence is served.”
Damien considered it... he could go back to the way things were without ever finding Gino, and just be himself the way he was before the whole damned fiasco...or he could...“hey what’s the punishment?”
Brian smiled at him, “Well since you sentenced Brian to training and service you’ll have to accept the same punishment...”
Damien thought about it for a second and thought about the options, “look I really want to continue learning and all,” but he looked up at Brian’s leather clad form, the wrist bands the sexual objectification. “but I’ve read enough bad porn to have big reservations concerning anything that might require; a sling, a cross or a fist going where no fist should go...” He stuttered.
Brian gave him a long suffering look and then gave him the slam back handed slap that he had when he was Deana causing Stars to swim across his vision. “OW!”
“PAY ATTENTION! Yeah we’re going to send you to some masochist so you can be degraded, humiliated and completely objectified. THIS IS THE KIND OF THINKING THAT WE ARE TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM!” he yelled irritably.
“okay” Damein muttered rubbing the throbbing lump on his head, “so what does service and training mean...”
the Brian figure paused a moment regaining control of his temper, “All I can tell you is you’ll be given an opportunity to use your special skills to benefit others and in the time it takes you to do that you’ll learn enough to move onto the next level...” he said mysteriously.
Damien gave him a hard look, “that’s another one of those vague answers meant to derail me from asking any further questions on the subject isn’t it?”
Brian gave him a quizzical look then threw his hands in the air in triumph, “He can be taught!”
Damien rolled his eyes, “thanx...” He gave it some more thought...old life, punishment? Old life, Punishment? He weighed the options.
He could just go back to being himself, happy and content or he could...
Damien had never been one to admit he was wrong nor was he ever able to stomache any kind of chastisement, when the nuns in school hit him with a ruler he’d stick them with a compass...
And then with terrible certainty he made the only choice he really could, “bring on the Penance” He whispered.
“Done!” Brian answered with a crisp approving nod, and the his figure shimmered and receded back into the shadows of the inky blackness that surrounded them both “You haven Chosen Wisely, you have passed the final test! Good work Apprentice.”
“huh?” Damien called after the shrinking figure.
“The Last test was to accept your Punishment, after this time of reflection, service and teaching you will be able to advance to the next level...” the disembodied voice seemed to come from everywhere at once.
“Hey wait!” Damien yelled into the quickly shrinking void “WHat would have would have happened if I chose wrong?”
The shrinking stopped for a moment and Damien could here the voice as if it was right next to him, “then you would have surely failed... Having failed two and passed just one... and your fate would have mirrored your failure...” Damien’s mind suddenly became filled with the possibility of what could have been his fate...
Their he was Damien Vaughn only his name wasn’t damine no it was Jonathon... johnathon shamrock Collegiate super Star and intellectual ellitest...What a terrible combination...he had all the Arrogance of Brian with none of the Benign qualities of stupidity. He was adored and cruel in return... A wizard at finance and in school... a money hungry Brat with the biceps to make no one question him. He had his pick of the finest pussy at the school and he used the bubble headed bitch’s like holsters to keep his cock and disposed of them just as easily...
“I would have been straight!” Damien backed away repulsed.
“Oh yes, we couldn’t have let you return to your life with your Magics could we? Think about how dangerous that would be? So we would have had to take away the one thing that made you special and separate enough from humanity.”
Damien was startled “so it was my queer quotient that lead me to magic?”
The Void seemed to laugh at the comment, “Of course, Apprentice, there’s more to the “fairy” comment then you know... As I’ve been trying to show you everything happens for a reason. When a man is cursed or as you now see it, blessed enough to seek another man for comfort it is a great gift in it’s own... and should never be forced on an unwanting or unready man.”
“wow.’ Was all Damien could answer. Then he considered a minute, “Hey I don’t see how that would have been a punishment for me! I see how it would punish just about everyone else but i seem to make out like one miserable Hell on Wheel’s prick bandit.”
“Oh it might seem that way, but you see that choice would have left you suseptible to the charms of another kind of magic... Practical Magic... and you would have been enslaved and made over by one of the practicioners of that crude art...and he would have reshaped you body and mind and he would have done nothing but degrade you and you would have loved him for it...”
Damien saw a glimpse of that possibility and shuddered violently at the prospect. With one last terrified breath he yelled into the collapsing darkness... “HEY YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHO YOU WERE!!!”
“You have seen me a thousand times and touched me a hundred but you have yet to know me...but you will if you complete the tasks that have been set for you...”
and as the Void disappeared around and into him filling his mind with nothing but blank white light he screamed, “THAT’S JUST ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE FUCKING EVASIVE GOD DAMN NON-ANSWERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSss...........s...........sssssss....”
In the barrenness of endless white that remained After Damien’s brilliant departure a large male figure stood up and sighed.
From seemingly out of nowhere another equally large form strolled over to the first at an idle almost bored gait. He chewed absently on a peanut butter sandwich “So how’s the new... Apprentice...” he paused long enough to make the italic’s signals with his hands to show his contempt at the term, “coming along.”
The first one stood up solemnly and Answered “The Force is strong in this one.”
The second figure subsequently threw the peanut butter sandwich at his companion, “You are one gigantic dork, you know that!”
“No I’m not!’
“Oh Yeah? What’s with this whole mysterious figure bullshit? And the limbo? Huh? You just couldn’t take the guy out to a cup of coffee or a beer? I find people take this sort of thing much better over a beer.”
The first large Figure brushed himself off insulted, “some of us Justin take this a little more seriously then others, alright?”
Justin gave his friend a skeptical look as they both padded off toward the light, “You know what that needed? That needed a giant head and a man behind a curtain!”
“Shuddup.”
“No,” Justin continued, “And instead of testing the little bastard you should have just put on a pink gown and simply asked, “are you a good witch or a bad witch?"”
“shuddup.”
The continued bickering good naturedly untill they were gone and there was only white.
Epilogue
I was a little nervous at first to say the least. I mean I knew he wasn’t going to recognize me. I was prepared for that, it was just I didn’t know how I was going to react when I saw him. I had been playing the scene out in my head for days, each time with a different tone of voice or inflection, but now that I was standing once again in front of the 84th st. Gym door I found myself unable to think of one thing to say to him.
He wouldn’t remember me at all as far as he’s concerned I’m just another stranger off the street but i... I remember... and I guess that’s part of the punishment that I’ve been given...it’s gotta be cause damn does it hurt...oh well...here goes...
I walked through the black doors of the 64th st gym and said a polite hello to the receptionist, the cute Punky girl took my name and pointed me to the Member Services are at the back.
I walked passed men bustling in and out of the gym in various states of being, shy overweight college guys covering up every inch of their bodies with cloth and layers...Preening peacock muscle boys unable to pull themselves from the trap of the mirror.........I shuddered for a moment...I could have been either one of those extremes...I mentally checked off a couple of particularly needy souls for further examination...like tagging struggling beavers and releasing them back to the wild...
There wass one in particular, medium build... pugdy and completely oblivious to his surroundings and then another italian looking muscle boy who seemed to be checking himself out for about 45 minutes from every angle...My fingers twitched behind the strap of my backpack, These two didn’t know it but over the next week they were going to have the uncontrolable desire to start working out with a very special very particular trainer...
I stopped at the big Door to the office I remembered so well and stepped through it. For a moment I expected to be greeted with the big happy dawg hug I had always gotten when I arrived there...but all I got was a confused look from a mass of olive skinned muscle.
“Can I help you...?” Gino asked me cautiously.
“No.” I answered plainly, then smiled and added “But I might be able to help you.”
He smiled and leaned his huge weight back into the back of the chair, spreading his lat’s in a way that made an eagle’s windspan look menial. “Oh really,” he said with a seductive sceptisism.
“Yeah,” I answered, “I came over from the university, the proffesor I’m working for right now told me you were looking to fill one of your trainer positions.”
He considered me for a moment and then nodded with a friendly smile, “alright what’s your background.”
I laughed a little thinking about the question...“well that’s a little difficult to explain...I’m a psyche and Sports Therapy major,” he seemed confused...so was I when I was told that, “My theory is that your Physicality is directly related to your Psychology and Vise Versa.” It wasn’t a lie per say, that was my actual cover while I was doing my Penance. I just always said “And I’m going to use ancient sorcery to help people better themselves...” Quietly under my breath.
See.
No lie.
Alright? What do you want me to do, walk in and say “hi I’m Samantha From Bewitched and if I twitch my nose just right I can make you walk on the ceiling?” Yeah I’d be in a Jacket that zippers in the back quicker then you can say Sabrina the Teenage Acid Addict.
“wow,” He said really interested now, “that’s a suprisingly enlightened idea coming from...” he trailed off leaving it up in the air.
I smiled, now used to the reaction, “coming from someone like me huh?”
Yeah that’s the other thing. Not only do I have to constantly have to recite that Psyche and Sports riff I have to do it looking like the way I do now.
I glanced over Gino’s shoulder to the Art Deco mirror behind his head and looked at my face and was stunned to see the new me looking back all over again. The combination of myself with the Brian version of myself was quite interesting. It also made me look like a dumb straight boy body builder. Turns out, Brian’s athletic dedication and Damien’s thristy ambition equaled one heavily muscled bruiser. My Dark spikey hair was cut close to my skull in a tight roman style, and my face was terribly handsome in a very masculine way. My jaw was so strong it could almost be called a lantern jaw and no matter how much I tried I could never get rid of this five o’clock shadow...
My slightly almond eyes still shined benaeath my dark angular eyebrows but they were a little more inset because I had that strong brow that made Brian always seem so male aggressive...Now picture all that on top of about 235 lbs of muscle. On my 6′2 foot frame. Yeah I look like that Van Diesal guy from that Car movie with black hair. It also makes people assume that I’m quite stupid. And now I have a very thuggish manner that makes people think I am very straight and very stupid.
It’s strange how people equate all that muscle and masculninty with well...ridiculous stupidity...It’s another irony and part of my punishment. Not that I mind at all ....
I Can’t tell you how much time I spent Jerking off in front of a mirror. It’s very mesmerizing to watch you biceps bounce up and down and you traps contract, as your pec’s bounce to the rhythm of your hand....
Yeah I said I did it a lot!
Like you wouldn’t!
So sufficed to say, I guess standing their in my Tight t-shirt with the Sleeves ripped off and my baggy nylon Jogging pants, I looked less then colligiate.
“No,” gino said knocking my gaze from the mirror, “I was just surprised that your this ensightful at your age.”
“well,” I answered back slowly, “I just began apprentic... I mean studying with this really great teather and he’s showing me a whole new way to look at the world.”
Gino gave me a farway look “jeez... I remember being your age...three years ago...” he laughed a big hard chuckle...“Yeah I had just given up my Mechanic Job, gone back to school...I thought I knew it all...” his expression changed to one of irritation, “I was such a fucking prick.”
This is what I wanted to know, and here the big lovable Teddy Bear offered it, “then How did you end up working here at the uhm, err...” trailing off.
“At the Gayest gym in the city?” He said smiling. “Well I left school, started bouncing and one night after a real bad fight with the chick I was dating I met the dancer Justin. He was a real normal guy who just payed his bills dancing at a club...we got to know each other...and well...” He left the rest up in the air. “there’s a lot more to the story...”
“I’ll bet.”
“but don’t get any ideas...I might work here in the emerald city and have expiremented but I think I’m sticking to chicks for awhile...gay guys are just so...”
I smiled sadly, “shallow and manipulative?”
“All of em except that first guy, in my expiereince anyway, well enough about me...Dude I just realized I don’t even know your name.”
“Ah oh I’m Sorry it’s Gavin, Gavin Emauhnd.” He looked at me and for a second I thought he didn’t believe me.
“that’s a really unique name” He said standing and extending his hand.
“I’m sure you’ll find I’m a very unique man.” He smiled and eyed me as we shook hands.
“well it’s nice to meet you Gavin.”
“You to Gino.”
He looked at me intently for a second and asked, “Hey how did you know my name?”
Dammit I would never had made it as a spy...I fumbled for a moment, “the...err... name plate on your desk...I mean I know I look like a well groomed gorilla but I can read.”
He laughed again, “Yeah I can totally relate man. I’ll tell you but come back tomorrow I’ll give you a tour and we’ll set you up to take clients?”
I grabbed my backpack elated “Thanx Gino, I really appreciate the opportunity.”
“Geez, Gavin, I don’t know what it is about you but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life...” Gino said with that same hunky but kind of goofy smile.
I felt a little stab and smiled back completely hiding anything I was thinking...“Well Maybe I Put a Spell on you.”
He laughed a short appreciative chuckle and I walked out the door with a big grin.
I sighed a heavy sigh feeling my massive pecs eave underneath the fabric, as I shut the door, oh well...that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was... He still broke my heart but I have other things that I had to get done... First of all I ahd to get back to class for my adolescent psyche presentation and then report back to Justin and work out.
Behind the opaque glass door of his office Gino Laid a sad head in the steeple of his hands, “or maybe D, I Put a Spell on you...” He sighed heavily lost in thought “...I Hope you’re a quick study kid, I miss your witty repartee’”