New Dogma
It started on the quad. One of those freshman fun time events they held on Wednesday nights when the pressure of homework and classes and the sudden freedom of living away from home were at their peak and the weekend seemed a century away. It felt that way for Katy that night. She wasn’t a bad student, she didn’t spend all her time partying, or hanging off the arm of her new and exciting college boyfriend. She was a good churchgoing girl, after all. Yet she definitely understood the need for escape that her wilder classmates were pursuing. The pressure of her studies, coupled with the lack of structure and oversight living with her parents had always provided her was daunting. She’d found herself attending more church functions, but somehow the relief she sought eluded her.
Which was how she found herself standing there at the outskirts of the crowded quad, instead of at Wednesday night prayer meeting, as she usually would have done. They’d set up a big projector and were playing the most recent summer blockbuster to leave theatres and come to home media, and Katy tried to forget the homework she should have been doing, or the notes she should have been reviewing, and most of all the good old church fellowship of which she should have been partaking. She focused on the screen as best she could for the ninety minutes of explosions and kick punching and snappy one liners and managed to forget her problems.
The girl approached her after the movie. She was petite, with short pixie cut hair, and big thick rimmed glasses. The chest tattoo that peaked around the edges of her tank top joined with her torn jeans and nose ring to scream ‘punk rock girl’, and the thick heels of her knee high boots brought her only up to Katy’s chin.
“Hi!” She said, holding her hand out to Katy with a wide grin.
“Oh, hi.” Katy said, holding her own hand out, reflexively letting the girl take it.
“What’d you think of the movie?” The girl asked, still holding Katy’s hand.
“Oh, I’d seen it already.” Katy said, a little nervous, “Back in theatres. But... uh... It was okay, I guess. Plus I needed a break ya know?”
She was wondering how long the girl planned to keep her hand captive.
“You seemed pretty wrapped up in it, like there was nothing else in the world. I wish I could focus like that, especially on a night like this given how tired I am... It gets hard to focus on school work sometimes and you need to focus, but you also need to relax, ya know? Just let go of that stress and unwind.”
Katy was polite, and looked at the girl’s eyes as she talked. They were big and dark and round, and seemed to flutter as she droned on and on about how important focus and relaxation were. It was easy, surprisingly so, to empathize. Katy found her own eyes fluttering with the girl’s. Still, she wondered how long this handshake would last. It had to be some kind of record, and why was the girl just holding her hand like that? She glanced down, which, strangely was dificult to make herself do, and saw that the handshake had ended. She wasn’t sure how or why, but she hadn’t felt the girl release her hand. She was simply standing there holding her hand out like a crazy person while this nice girl spoke so soothingly about focus and relaxation.
Katy was mortified, but it felt distant. Her gaze floated back up to the girl’s eyes. They were warm and smiling, and Katy realized with further embarrassment that she’d lost the track of what the girl had been saying.
“...and your hand drops and you drop with it.” Said the girl, and all the tension and anxiety, distant as they’d felt, melted away. Katy was just standing there listening as this girl told her things, and everything else got fuzzy and unimportant. Then she was walking, side by side with this girl whose name she didn’t even know. Then she was on a bench, or at least standing in front of one, when the girl told her to sit she did. With a great effort, or maybe no effort at all, Katy didn’t know, she turned her head to find the girl sitting next to her. The girl sat with her knees together, her hands folded demurely on top of them. Her eyes found Katy’s.
“Sleep.” she said.
There were words, in the darkness behind her eyelids, heavy words that Katy had to agree with. She didn’t know what the words were, exactly, but that mattered less than the heaviness she felt all over herself.
Then she was standing and walking. Her eyes were open, maybe a little wider than they normally would be, and she was walking behind the girl. She had to look at the girl’s butt. That wasn’t unusual, necessarily. It wasn’t (always) maliciously, but she compared her looks to other girls’ pretty regularly, so glancing at a girl’s chest or hips or waist was perfectly normal. She’d never stared like this though. Something about the movement of the girl’s hips, the sway of her butt (which Katy noticed was quite a bit rounder than her own, one of the few features she was perhaps a little self conscious about) was somehow the most fascinating thing in the world to her. She just couldn’t look away.
They reached the doors to Mason hall, her dorm building, and her eyes floated away from the girl’s posterior of their own accord. Katy stared forward now, and reached into her purse by feel. She flashed her id to the RA in the dorm lobby and walked over to the elevator. The wait, which normally felt like several eternities, seemed to be over in an instant as Katy drifted through the strange fog in her mind. The doors opened and she was inside. The girl was with her and as the doors closed, the girl held up a finger. Katy’s eyes focused on it, crossed as it touched the bridge of her nose and—
“Sleep.” Katy’s head dipped. Petite hands gripping her shoulders like handlebars as she was steered down the hall. Her eyes were open again but she hadn’t noticed when that had happened. A door. She didn’t look at the number, and couldn’t make herself. She couldn’t look anywhere but directly ahead. She was in the common area of a four room dorm suite. It was like her own, same furniture, same kitchenette, but it wasn’t hers. The arrangement, the feeling the smell.
“Sleep.” Katy knew only darkness.
She was sitting in one of the rooms, on top of a folded towel. The desk chair beneath the towel had been turned around to face the bed. On the bed the girl sat, her legs crossed at the knees, her chin, beneath her smug grin was cradled in her hands.
Katy was naked.
She readied herself to feel tense, ashamed, embarrassed, but the feelings never came. It felt... nice. Liberating.
“You’ve got hangups.” The girl said. “Lots of repressing going on in that head of yours.” She touched a finger to Katy’s forehead. Katy’s eyes followed it, rolled, fluttered, and whatever spell of relaxation she’d been put under deepened. “That makes this more fun. Much more fun.”
The girl’s eyes traveled over Katy’s body, to her rather ample chest, down her stomach and slid off her thighs.
“Cover up.” The girl said, and Katy’s hands went to her breasts. She felt a jolt of pleasure as her thumbs found her nipples and started to move in slow circles.
“See, that’s the problem,” The girl said, “You can’t control your impulses, can you?”
“No.” Katy agreed lazily. And the shame was there, finally, but still remote, as though she were feeling it second hand. She didn’t think about why that was. She couldn’t think at all.
“That’s why you’re such a stickler for the rules, for going to church, for being a good girl, because you don’t trust yourself, do you?”
“Yes.” Katy agreed. Her nipples felt so good. She felt so good. She couldn’t think, only feel.
“Look at you now. I told you to loosen up on the repression a bit and you’re fondling yourself in front of me now.”
“Yes...” Katy moaned. She’d masturbated before, of course, though she tried not to. It felt nice during, but she always felt such shame after. After she’d... She shivered. The fact that she continued the practice had always been something she’d hated about herself. She just couldn’t seem to stop.
“You’ve always needed and wanted someone to take charge and to make you behave, haven’t you?” The girl’s voice was pitched low, sultry.
“Yes...” Katy breathed. Of course she had. She couldn’t control herself, so someone had to do it. In her mind she’d always thought she’d find a good man, a husband that she could submit to, like the scriptures said. He’d help her with her weaknesses, and everything would be okay.
“But it makes you anxious, doesn’t it? Trying to be good all the time.” The girl was breathing hard too now. It bothered katy less than she knew it should have. She couldn’t think of why, or anything else, really.
“Yesssss...” Katy hissed. The shame was nearly gone now, smothered by the pleasure. The girl had told her this would happen. Katy didn’t exactly remember this, but she knew it deep in her cloudy, blanked out mind.
“You want to let go and let someone else worry about all the stress of being good, don’t you?” The girl said.
“MMhmmm...” Katy’s voice was a squeal as the pleasure mounted. Of course. It was her most treasured fantasy.
“this’ll do nicely...” The girl said. “What if I were that person?” She asked.
Katy’s breath hitched. The pleasure didn’t diminish, but her insanely pleasant fugue was ever so slightly tarnished. “Noooooo...” she moaned. It wasn’t right, that was what her—“huussband...” She whispered. Yes, it couldn’t be another girl. That was wrong. Forbidden. And yet...
“So you don’t like girls?” The girl asked.
Katy’s hand twitched. The girl smirked.
“You may.” The girl said.
Katy’s hand moved down to her slit. It was so dirty, thinking about another girl. She’d done that before too, once, when masturbating. It had been so wrong, so dirty, and she’d had to bite down on her pillow to silence her screams. After, she’d prayed, and cried, and she swore she could feel the gates of hell opening a little wider for her. Now, as she worked her clit, staring blankly into the other girl’s eyes, her left hand pawing at her breasts, she couldn’t think, only feel. And all she felt was the heat of the wrongness, the excitement of being bad. It was glorious.
“So,” said the girl, “hypothetically, if you were to submit to a girl, like you want to submit to your ‘husband’, how would that feel?”
Katy squeaked. She’d nearly cum, had been on the edge for what seemed like forever, but somehow she just couldn’t. Not until the girl told her she could. “B-bad...” She stammered. “Wrong...” She moaned, with the heat of the thought.
“I’ll tell you what.” The girl said, “How about I help you out? Since we’re friends now, I’ll help you keep the shame away. Since it only comes after you do,” She giggled, “You’ll find that you can’t cum. No matter how excited you get, how much pleasure you feel, you won’t be able to cum until I tell you to, do you understand?”
“Yess...” Katy breathed.
“Good.” Said the girl. “Sleep.” Darkness once more. Words from the girl, words Katy accepted, agreed with, and let sink deep into her mind.
When katy opened her eyes again she was dressed. Mostly. She was standing, and the girl, who had taken off her boots, now only came to her chest. Katy’s bra dangled from her left hand, swinging like a pendelum as the girl’s hand moved in a circle, twirling Katy’s panties on her index finger. The girl reached out towards Katy’s left nipple poking proudly through her t-shirt, sighed, and then pulled back.
“Not yet.” She said. “One last thing. Hold out your hand.” Katy obeyed, and felt a thrill, as she now knew she should when she obeyed the girl’s orders. Something was placed in her hand. She slipped it into her pocket.
“You may go.” The girl said.
In a daze Katy drifted out of the girl’s dorm room, into the hall, and toward the stairwell. She felt exposed, slutty, as she walked slowly up the stairs to her own floor. Her nipples stood at attention, straining against her shirt, her eyes were glassy and wide, and a warm lust smouldered in her core. That is as it should be The thought was hers, she was certain, but it was in the girl’s voice. Her lust flared. She reached her floor. Her door. Darkness.
Katy blinked awake. She was in her dorm room, at her desk. A file transfer window was just closing, and Katy felt a surge of pleasure as she forgot about it. She looked at the time. 11:45? How had it gotten so late! The movie ended at nine! What had she been doing all this time? Her eyelids drooped. “It doesn’t matter what I’ve been doing.” She said, “I don’t need to think about it.” She shivered as a thrill shot through her. The monotone of her own voice made her feel... turned on? That was worrisome. Still she needed sleep.
Her eyes fell on the icon on her desktop. A video file she hadn’t noticed before. Her curiosity piqued, she plugged her earbuds into her laptop. “I will sleep after watching the file.” She said aloud as she opened the file.
A familiar voice filled her ears. “Plaintext Dogma.” it said.
Katy’s jaw went slack. “Set the video player to full screen.” Said the voice in her earbuds. Katy obeyed with a thrill. Her eyes went wide as a colorful spiral resolved itself on her laptop’s screen. Without thought her hands began to move. She unzipped her jeans and slipped one hand inside while the other found its way up her shirt.
“There are things you should know, truths you have to learn. This is your new dogma.” Said the voice.
With glazed eyes Katy stared at her screen, her fingers twirling on her nipple and clit as the voice emptied her mind and filled it with new thoughts.