Because I Knew You (part 6)
The next day Bill did call. “How are you feeling?” he asked cheerfully. I wanted to scream at him, and ask him how he THOUGHT I was feeling. However, I didn’t.
“Fine,” I said dully.
“Good to hear,” he said, maintaining his cheerfulness. “I’ll check on you soon,” he said. For some reason I didn’t feel terribly assured.
I didn’t hear much from him over the next couple of weeks, and I didn’t see him at all. I felt dead inside, even the chat rooms held little appeal for me. Only Leslie was any source of comfort.
One Friday afternoon there was a knock at my door. I was stunned to see Bill. “I had no idea you were coming,” I said sincerely.
“I know, but as you know I have the day off and we haven’t seen each other in a while. How are you feeling? Are you all healed up?” he asked.
“The bleeding has stopped and I am physically ok,” I said.
He smiled broadly. “Glad to hear it,” he said. “Now, why don’t you sit down in your chair.”
Part of me wanted to tell him to just leave, and part of me couldn’t. Obediently I sat down.
“Sleep now,” he said. In spite of myself I felt my eyes close and I started to slip down into trance. It was a relief in some ways, to just let go. I found his words were lost on me, a jumble of incoherency like when adults speak on Charlie Brown cartoons. I hadn’t realized how much I needed it.
When I woke up I was on the bed and Bill was pulling his pants up. I knew we’d had sex, though I had no real memory of it. It didn’t give me the thrill it normally did.
“I’ve missed you,” he said smiling.
I wanted to tell him that I hadn’t gone anywhere, but instead I smiled demurely and told him I’d missed him too.
Bill started coming around a bit more, and I found myself falling back into the old routine.
“Mandy, is this relationship really making you happy,” Leslie asked, looking at me sincerely over lunch one day.
“Bill and I have been together a long time, it’s hard to just break that bond,” I told her.
“But what benefit are you receiving from it?” she continued to press.
“The pleasure of pleasing him,” I said, almost automatically.
Leslie looked at me funny, but didn’t continue to belabor the subject.
One morning Bill had me in a nice deep trance. I was kissing up his thighs, getting ready to suckle on his cock. “Keep the sucking nice and slow today my slave,” he ordered. Obediently I suckled very softly on his sex, knowing how much it pleased him. I was vaguely aware of him moaning as I suckled.
As I sucked he spoke to me softly. “Mandy, it’s time for you to find me other subjects to hypnotize. You know how much I want you to do this for me, and how much it will please me,” he said.
I stopped sucking and felt myself starting to resist.
“Mandy, I want you to continue sucking. Feel yourself being lulled by it, soothed, and feel your mind opening.”
I started sucking, while he continued to speak. “I want to practice my hypnosis skills, but it is hard for me to find the time to find others. I know you will find someone wonderful for me to trance. I am trusting you with this task because I have such faith in you. You know it will please me and I know how important it is for you to please me.”
I continued to suck, but I knew I wasn’t as deep as I was before. I began to feel anxious.
“Now Mandy, suck harder on me so that I may cum. The harder you suck, the more this idea appeals to you,” he continued.
Obediently I sucked harder, feeling him shudder as he exploded in my mouth. I swallowed and laid my head against his leg.
“When you awaken, you will remember pleasuring me but you won’t remember me asking you to find subjects for me. You will only know that you want to do it, and think that it is your idea,” he said.
He woke me up and said he had to go. “You have pleased me today, my good girl,” he told me. I smiled some, but felt no warm fuzzies.
“Bye doc,” I said. I noticed he frowned at that. I’d never called him doc before, but I was mildly amused that it seemed to bother him.
After he left I called Leslie. “Leslie, he tranced me today and asked me to find him subjects. He told me to forget he asked, but I didn’t forget. I don’t want to do this and I’m not sure what to do.” I knew I sounded really upset.
“Mandy, have you ever considered that maybe he isn’t the only game in town?” she asked.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, genuinely confused.
“I think you should get out there, and experience what other ‘tists and doms have to offer you.”
I was silent at that, not knowing what to say. I’d never pondered seriously playing with anyone else, on or offline. I mean, I’d done a bit of trancing in domme mode, but I’d not taken any of it real seriously. I liked Rick as a friend, but that was about as close as it had gotten.
“I’m not sure I want to do that,” I replied.
“Do you want to find other women for Bill to trance?” she asked me softly.
“You know I don’t,” I said.
“And haven’t you expressed to him many time, that you don’t want to do this?”
“Well, yes..” I said, stammering over my words.
“I’ll be blunt Mandy, I don’t think he’s half good enough for you and I think you should see what else is out there. Why don’t you let me set you up with some of the good ones that I know, what harm would it do?”
“Um, let me ask Bill what he’d think about that,” I said, with hesitation.
The long pause on the other end of the phone told me she wasn’t thrilled with my response, but she accepted it anyway.
I called Bill later that day and asked how he’d feel if I went under for other men.
“You have my permission, but while you are online doing that don’t forget to look for girls for me,” he said.
His response upset me a lot. I didn’t WANT to be shared and I certainly didn’t want to find other girls for him. Still, all I could choke out was “ok,”.
When I told Leslie she was ready to go, had already hand picked someone out for me. She told me his name was Jim. I actually remembered Jim as being someone I’d spoken with briefly while under my Elizabeth guise.
“Isn’t he submissive?” I asked.
“Yes, but he enjoys trancing ladies and he’ll be a gentleman. You can totally trust him and I recommend doing it by phone,” she said encouragingly. Still I hesitated. “Let me at least introduce you, in fact why don’t you meet under your Elizabeth ID. He’ll love the idea of trancing a domme,” she said matter of factly.
Leslie opened up a chat room so she could introduce Jim and I. Jim actually recalled me from the other time we’d spoken. He seemed very sweet. Leslie slyly hinted that we should trance, and I found myself agreeing.
Jim called me on the phone. Feeling awkward about being called Elizabeth in voice, I told him my real name. After a little chit chat, mainly for me to get over being nervous at talking on the phone with a stranger, he began. He started with a pretty standard relaxation induction before getting to the “main idea,” as it were.
“Mandy, I want you to imagine yourself standing in front of a large bathtub. You are wearing a nice, comfy robe. It is soft and soothing against your skin. I am ready to draw your bath, and you watch as the warm water flows out of the faucet. Hear the sound it makes as it splashes into the tub. Watch as I add bubbles and the bubbles begin to foam to the top.”
As I lay on the bed, listening to his voice, a distant part of me was admitting to myself that I was enjoying this.
“Now, I’ve gotten the water temperature exactly to your liking. Let me help you out of your robe while you step into the warm, soothing water.”
I sighed softly as I felt the warm water flowing over my body. I felt a little anxious at him removing my robe. Although I’d done some sexual trances as the hypnotist recently, I’d never done them as the subject with anyone but Bill.
The sound of Jim’s voice lulled me a bit further. “As the water flows over you, feel yourself relaxing deeper. Let the tingles from the bubbles help you drift far, far away. As you watch one of the bubbles floating up, your mind seems to go with it. Feel me behind you, hands resting on your shoulders. They feel so nice as they gently massage your skin.”
I had to admit I was enjoying all this attention. I wondered when he was going to get sexual with me, but I pushed that thought out of my mind as I enjoyed myself.
“Feel my fingers gently making circles in your back, around and around,” he continued.
I melted as his voice seemed to get further away. I was hardly aware of what he was saying, just feeling that warm water and Jim’s gentle touch. Nothing seemed to matter for the moment.
“….and all the way awake,” I heard Jim say, as I came out of trance. I didn’t even recall him waking me up. I just had yummy memories of the warm bath and the lovely massage.
“How are you feeling, Mandy?” he asked.
“I feel great, that was just lovely,” I said sincerely.
“I’m so glad you liked it,” he said genuinely.
“Thank you so much, I needed that more than I knew,” I continued with enthusiasm.
After a few parting words we got off the phone. I called Leslie immediately to tell her about it. I could tell she was pleased at my enthusiasm.
“You let him take care of you?” she asked.
“Uh huh. He didn’t even try to have sex with me,” I said in awe.
Leslie laughed at this. “I’m so glad you enjoyed him, I had a feeling you would. Was it different from Bill?” she asked.
“Well, yes, I mean, Bill usually wants some kind of sex in our trances,” I explained.
“That’s because it’s all about him Mandy, and even in a master/slave relationship it shouldn’t always work that way. You deserve better and a good master takes care of his slave. Bill does not take care of you,” she said firmly.
“Well, he helps me with my rent,” I tried defending him.
“That’s because you living where you do suits him, it is still about him.” She clearly wasn’t backing down. “I’m not telling you what to do, I just want you to think about that.”
I promised her I would. When I got online later, Bill found me. I pondered telling him about my experience earlier, and decided against it. Bill couldn’t stay long, but he stayed long enough to put me under and remind me to find him subjects.
That night I couldn’t sleep. “SearchingForService” messaged me. I recalled talking to him as Elizabeth, the one who kept waiting for me. I laughed to myself, but didn’t tell him it was me (I was under my normal id tonight).
He and I chit chatted a bit, turned out his name was Robert. He asked why I was up so late, I admitted I was having trouble sleeping. When I thought about it, I realized this had been true for a while. The whole situation with Bill was stressing me out.
“I’m concerned about you not sleeping,” he said.
This startled me, why would this complete stranger care that I couldn’t sleep.
“Would you like me to trance you to help you get to sleep?” he offered.
I was tempted, but I declined. Although he seemed nice, I was still reluctant to go about trancing with anyone who asked.
I told Leslie about it the next day. She said that she had gotten to know Robert a bit since I had first spoken with him, and that he was a hypnotist and a subject. She had let him trance her once and found it yummy. Leslie said his voice had a way of going dom that could just melt you. I had to admit, I was intrigued.
The next night, when I was again awake too late, Robert messaged again. He lived on the west coast, which is why he was still awake. He offered again to help me, and I agreed. When he offered to call me, I decided to let him. I may as well experience the complete package right. Besides, if Leslie thought he was ok than he must be. I trusted her judgment completely.
It didn’t take Robert very long to get me down. His voice had such a nice, soothing quality. It was easy to just drift off.
“I’m going to take you to a place, your place. This is a nice, relaxing place that you can come to, with or without me, whenever you need to relax. You are safe here, and find it easy to just drift and float. Feel my arms around you, keeping your warm. Feel safe in the knowledge that I care for you deeply.”
Even in my relaxed state this was odd to me. Why would someone care about me, who just met me.
“Feel me rocking you back and forth, as you feel sleepier and sleepier. Feel safe, warm, and cared for. Knowing you can come back here, to this garden with all your favorite flowers.”
In my mind we were in a garden with violets and roses. I saw him sitting in a rocking chair, holding me and rocking me in it. The image was so serene and I was at peace. I even thought I could smell the faint scent of the flowers.
“Do you want to wake up now pet, float here for a bit, or come deeper with me?” he asked gently.
I was slightly startled at his use of the word pet. Bill called me slave, but not pet. I liked it.
“Take me deeper,” I said without hesitation.
“Leaving the garden, but knowing you can come back whenever you wish. I take your hand and you follow me deeper down.”
I felt my body relaxing, and felt the warmth of his hand holding mine. The sensations were wonderful, and I loved this small intimacy. A small part of me wondered when it would get sexual, but as with Jim, I just didn’t worry too much about it. I was too floaty to care.
He took me to the edge of a deep pit. “Soon we will go into this pit, and you will find yourself falling deeper. This is a pit of wickedness. Such a naughty girl, wicked girl.”
In my minds eye I could see a bottomless hole. For a moment, I felt a wave of panic rise in my throat. Robert was going to push me and I KNEW it.
“I smile at you and give you a masterful kiss. I whisper in your ear, see you at the bottom, and give you a push down the pit.”
I felt my body actually jerk a smidge when he pushed me. I had that falling feeling as I envisioned a pit of darkness in my mind.
“Now feel yourself landing safely in my arms, as I catch you at the bottom. I kiss you again and tell you it’s about time to wake up,” he told me.
As he awakened me slowly I had to admit, I was sorry for it to end. Both Robert and Jim had given me very different trances, than anything I’d done with Bill. Though Jim had massaged me, and Robert had kissed me, neither had been terribly sexual. Both had been focused on me.
“Now, when you are fully out of trance you will tell me goodnight, hang up the phone, and drift off into a deep sleep. You will awaken feeling refreshed and invigorated. Do you understand?”
I mumbled yes. When he awakened me I did as instructed and had a peaceful nights sleep.
When I spoke to Leslie the next day she was excited for me. “I told you there was more out there than Bill. Not just more, but better too.”
I couldn’t bring myself to admit she might be right. However, just because Bill might not be the most original hypnotist out there didn’t mean he wasn’t the right one for me. I was still struggling with how he’d reacted to my miscarriage, but I kept telling myself it was just panic. Of course, he’d also not been around a lot lately either. All the requests for other women were also wearing on me.
Over the next couple of weeks Bill’s requests continued, and my anxiety level grew. Part of me wanted to pull away from him as I had before, yet part of me felt needy for his time and attention. I didn’t know why I wasn’t able to distance myself from him as I had. I kept remembering how upset he’d gotten the last time we’d had emotional distance, kept telling myself if he cared about me then he must still care about me.
Bill even tried another tactic. He mentioned a couple of girls he’d met in the room and suggested I introduce myself to them. Each request left me feeling more and more anxious.
One night I called up Leslie in tears. “He’s hardly spending any time with me, and when he does he always tells me to find him other women,” I sobbed.
Leslie listened to me carry on for a bit and finally said in a calm voice, “Why not give him what he wants.”
“Wha….??” I said in disbelief.
“If he wants this so badly, why not give him what he’s asking for,” she said.
“But, I don’t want to, I can’t, I don’t understand, who would I even find for him,” I said, stammering a bit as I spoke.
“Me, bring him me. Show him what a good slave you are, and bring him me.”
“Why would you want me to do that?” I said, still not understanding.
“Because, I want you to see him for who he really is. Give him what he wants, give him me.”
“I don’t think I can do that,” I said in disbelief.
“Don’t decide now, just think about it,” she said.
“Ok,” I said, knowing I could not do as she suggested.