The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

For a second, in that gray zone between sleep and wakefulness, Alex thought he was at home and his alarm was stirring him awake. For that moment he was content because, for those brief seconds, there was nothing wrong in his world. The next ring hit him like cold water and he jerked awake the rest of the way.

“Hello?”

He rolled to his left to see Robyn standing near the bed with the headset of that now antiquated phone, complete with curly cord tying the handset to the phone. She was already dressed and ready to go and her tone was friendly if slightly guarded. “Hi, Alecia.” After a pause, “He sure is.”

The words pulled him to wakefulness and he quickly took the phone. “Hi”

“Catch you sleeping the day away?”

There was the hint of humor and the energy that she seemed to always carry with her through life. He almost wished he was still in his morning fog so that everything really could be normal for a while longer. “The day hasn’t started yet for normal people.”

A heartbeat passed before, “Quite the burn, brother, but my new normal works for me. Wanna come talk? My house?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure. I can be right there.”

She reminded him of where it was and gave him a cheery goodbye. “See you in a few.”

He bolted from the pull-out, happy now that he had been coherent enough to put a pair of briefs on before collapsing into bed. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I tried, and you were out, and it didn’t really matter, so I gave you a few more minutes. I had to get ready anyway.”

He rushed to the closet to grab his clothes before she admonished him. “Relax. You have time. It’s not like she’s going anywhere now.”

His body slowed a bit, but his mind kept racing. “I know, but I haven’t seen her since she just up and left and, finally, face-to-face maybe she’ll listen to me and put an end to this college girl in Walnut Grove stuff.”

She managed to stifle her exasperation with his thought that this was all going to be over with a few well-chosen words. This wasn’t a movie. “Don’t get your hopes up, Alex.”

“I know. You keep telling me.”

“And you keep pretending I never say it. Listen, if you can get her to see the light, great. If the three of us just end up driving out of here, great. But if she hasn’t seen the light talking to you to the point where you had to hire me, you gotta stop thinking this ‘just one more time’ is gonna work out.”

His vest on his bed, he finished putting on his pants put his arms into his shirt. “And It’s easier for her to give me all that nonsense over the phone than to say it to my face. She’ll listen to me when she has to look me in the eye.”

She sighed, long and audibly. “Good luck.”

Alex had dropped Robyn off in the square to find members of the community already milling around a bit like ants in a colony setting themselves up for the day while no doubt helping others do the same. His eyes lingered on the ladies almost without him realizing it. Something to be said for simplicity sometimes. He waited until Robyn joined the crowd and waved him off before taking the long, winding dirt roads to Alecia’s home, a small home not much larger than the cottage he and Robyn were staying in now. Green grass, a small vegetable garden, and a barn off to the side completed yet another picture of idyllic country life. He sat in the car for what felt like a long time talking himself through what was to come, Be nice. Be calm. You’re the rational one right now. She’s all turned around. She’s looking to you. You’re her big brother, so go in there and get this done, so you can both go back to your life.

He stepped out, closed the door, and followed the little manicured walk to the door. Knocking twice he heard her urge him forward with, “No locks, Alex. Remember? Come on in.”

He craned his head around the door and smiled at the sight of her in spite of the circumstances. She smiled back and waved him in before going back to the dirty dishes in the sink long enough to let a glass go and dry her hands before she came to him with outstretched arms.

Alex let himself forget everything else for a moment and enjoyed the fact that she was close again. She hugged him with the same rib-crushing ferocity that she always had. Pulling away just enough to survey him. “You look good this way.”

“I feel ten minutes late for a hoedown.”

Alecia felt good having some of that normal between them back. The last few conversations had been so strained between them that they left her emotionally spent and pained. “Hootenanny in these parts and that’s not until tonight?”

“What’s that now?”

She smiled at his confusion and patted his chest, “I was kidding about the hootenanny part. We don’t call them that, they’re just dances and that’s not until tonight. Enjoyed yourself here so far?”

He thought about it. “The people have been...nice. We had dinner with Rose, Ivy, and Brandon, and it was...nice.”

“So enthusiastic,” she teased, “but they are great people. This place is full of them.” She slipped effortlessly into caretaker mode. “Can I get you coffee or something? Have you eaten? I know you don’t like heavy stuff in the morning, but there’s juice, cereal, oatmeal.”

He stopped her before she could go on, “I’m good, thanks.” He looked around the little, well-furnished house as she went back to the dishes, “So where is this guy of yours?”

“Kevin is in town. He wanted to be here. He asked me if I needed him to be here. I told him everything was fine. He’ll be back in a few hours, if you want to meet him. You should meet him. He’s a wonderful man.” She smiled at the thought of him.

His long-simmering frustration quashed his promise of moments before. “Where did he get his advanced degree in cow-herding?”

The smile faded and she fought the dejection. “That was so fair, Alex. Have you decided that it’s his fault I’m staying, even though I didn’t meet him until two months ago.”

“And that’s the thing. My sister never would have married some guy less than two months.”

“I’m still your sister, whether you know it or not, and even if you...like it or not. When it came to Kevin. When you know, you know. This is my home, he’s the right man, so why on Earth should I wait?”

He slowly paced the floor, “So this is your life now? Babies and...babies?”

“I was always going to have a family.”

“After you made junior partner somewhere or saved the world, whichever came first. One cause after another. You were fired up. You were passionate before here.”

“Sit for a second?”

He was anxious, so he wanted to keep moving, but he acquiesced because at least she was listening. She dried off again and sat down. “I tell you about this place. I talked to you for months about how great it is. It’s calm and quiet and peaceful. The doors don’t have locks because they don’t need them and you tell me it’s all a scam. I tell you about the sweet people who reached out to me almost from the beginning and you tell me to hang on to my money, as though between working through school and student loans I had anything for them to take to begin with.”

“I’ve been trying so hard to share with you that I’m passionate about here and it’s not you trying to understand, even if you still tried to talk me out of it. I’m just your stupid and wrong little sister, and how do I not see who these people are and big brother knows best. I’m the one here with them every day. I know their hearts.”

He threw his hands in the air. “That’s what I mean. Since when did you ever talk like that before here with the people in this place?”

“Why do you think I had so many causes, Alex? The environment. Police brutality. General misogyny. So much is wrong with that world and it feels like too many of them out there don’t care about fixing it because it’s all ‘what’s in it for me’ and they aren’t in it together to try to fix whatever the problems are.”

“So things suck and you run away?”

“I didn’t run from. I ran to,” she said with a certainty in her soul. “I came here like the tourists. I came here for a nice getaway and maybe to eyeball the zoo a little bit. But they invited me to come live it. And, before I knew it, I realized that they have it right here.”

“With you just doing what Kevin wants. I guess you got okay with misogyny.”

“There needs to be one voice, and it’s his. But I’m always heard. It’s not like you’re saying it is.”

His frustration grew. “Where were you anyway? Gone when you know I’m coming is a little...coincidental, don’t you think?”

Kevin’s mother is getting over the flu and we went to help.” She found excitement again as the truth of her next words moved and uplifted her. “And it’s not just because she’s his mother and ‘obligated.’ I could tell one of the people here that I needed help and they would all be here for me by the end of the day wanting to help us, not because they have to because it’s some rule. They want to because it’s right and that’s how people should treat each other.”

“Anyway, I know you probably don’t believe me, but I wasn’t avoiding you. I don’t need to avoid you because I haven’t done anything to be ashamed of except, to you apparently, because I’ve found someplace I’m happy and it’s not what you want for me.”

He couldn’t sit anymore. “What about mom and dad? Do you think they would have wanted this?”

She ignored the low blow. “They would have wanted us to be happy. I am, and the only reason I think you’re not because you’re the man of the family and I should do what you want because you say so. Talk about misogyny.”

He clenched his jaw at the offense. “It’s not about that and you know it.”

“Maybe not,” she agreed. “It’s more about you wanting to deal with them gone by controlling your life, so that everything is just your idea of perfect, and that includes me.” She looked up at him, feeling his pain in more ways than one. She still missed them. It had hit her just as hard as it did him, and maybe she had been looking for some mastery of the world around her in her own way by picking fights with this injustice and that. Take on even one of them and notch the smallest win and she could tell herself she’d done something that couldn’t be taken away. She understood so much now. This place and the people in it offered so much clarity that she often thought of how different a person she was before she came here.

“I’m happy here. I have everything I want in life. As much as I’d like you accept that for both our sakes, I don’t need you to in order to be happy.”

“You can be happy out there with the rest of the world. You were happy before this place and these people got their hooks into you. You’ll be happy after.”

Now she rose, not liking the undercurrent that was clear in his tone, “After what? What does that mean? I’m not leaving my friends and my life for what’s out there. I left that for this and I’d do it again a million times.”

He feared he’d already said too much in that rush of anger, so he just moved beyond it and hoped she would to. “Listen, just...”

“I’m not leaving.” She said it with iron certainty, standing nearly-toe-to-toe with him. She tried one more time, “If you just gave this place a chance, maybe...”

He felt panicked. His heart raced in his chest. Why couldn’t she see what this place was? Why couldn’t she see he loved her and was only trying to do what was best for her? Everything was spiraling out of control. Their parents gone and she needed, so he gave up a lot of his own life to take care of her and now she was putting her life and future in the hands of people who lived frontier cosplay. It wasn’t right for her. It just wasn’t right.

Frustration and fear welled up inside him with a little anger over the fact that things were not working out as he’d hoped. Hell, he’d secretly hoped that the ‘man in charge’ thing that prevailed around here would help him. She’d often defer to him with an eyeroll and a shrug on the smaller things, but she was steadfast now. He clasped her arms more tightly than he’d intended and harder than he ever would have if he’d realized what he was doing and not behaving like someone on the edge of losing the only family he had left. “No, I’m trying to… You listen to me! I’m trying to...”

Bad feeling. Evil. Wrong. Shame.

He froze, eyes blinking as the sensation wrapped itself around him and penetrated every fiber of his being. For that instant he wanted to cease to exist because it was the only way he could think of to stop feeling the self-loathing he was drowning in. For that instant he hated everything about who he was and what he was doing. It was wrong. All of it.

He was yelling at his own sister when she had done nothing to provoke it except for want to stay where she was happy. He looked slowly around the floor left to right, seeking to escape the creature he was at that moment that could do those things to another person, but most especially to her. He let go of her for an instant, suddenly, as though she had shocked him before placing his hands back where they were, but this time with far more gentleness even as his mind muddled through such a sense of wickedness and confusion about him he had to remind himself of where he was. The disgust was still there and so strong he feared he might throw up.

“Alex? Alex, are you okay?” She studied him with concern, his skin looking decidedly clammy and feeling cool to the touch when she pressed her palm to his forehead. “Let’s sit you down and I’ll get you some water. Breathe, okay?” She tried to lead him to the couch but he shook his head, surprised the action didn’t send him spinning to the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Alecia.”

Truth.

She tried to again to lead him to the living room, happy to put the past in the past and take care of him now because he needed her. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about any of it right now.

The shame lifted slightly with his contrition and a tear ran down his cheek. “I didn’t mean to do that. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. No one deserves that.”

Truth.

“Are you okay? Did I...hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine. Really.”

He was genuinely afraid she was covering up his wrong to spare his feelings, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, big brother.”

“You’re just trying to be happy and I...” He started walking towards the door, leaving her behind. “I’m going to get some air. I’m just going to...go out on the porch and get some air.” His legs seemed to move on their own as she watched him open the door and step out. She followed after, “You still don’t look so good. Maybe we should get you to a doctor.”

Stepping out onto the porch, the warm breeze hit his skin like ice water and he leaned against the wooden rail of the porch focusing on breathing as she gently rubbed his back. “I’m all right.” He still didn’t feel completely in the moment with her, but he felt better in that he wasn’t feeling as though the only thing he was good for was dropping dead and thinking that he actually might.

His nails bit into the wood as he thought. He was mean to her. He was cruel to her and here she was trying to take of him in spite of it. Alex cleared his throat. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Truth.

“No, she said firmly, “but I understand it. I do. I know my coming here...is a scary thing for you. It wasn’t for me.” She looked out to the road and the green grass as far as her eye could see. “It wasn’t for me. It’s...perfect here. Mom and dad may not have thought I would have had a life like this, but this feeling...this peace and happiness I have every day? If they knew I had this feeling and looked forward to a new day here every time I go to sleep, they’d be behind it one hundred percent.”

He found the strength to unleash a truth. “If you’re there and I’m here...”

She finished the thought for him, “Then you’re there and I’m here. We’re still family and I love you. I love you and want you to be the happy that works for you. I’m still your sister no matter what. I’m just that...here. Can you understand?”

He looked at her and saw her for the first time here as the sister he remembered. She had the strength of conviction that she always had. Things were still a little foggy, but he knew that much was true as he headed down the walk to the car, concentrating on his steps just to be cautious.

She called to him, “Are you sure you’re okay to drive?”

The humor in the answer he knew was coming was all over the question even as he asked it. “Wanna drive me?”

“I don’t do that anymore,” she said with equal good nature. “If you were dying, I could manage it, but you’re not dying, so...”

“Got it.” He waved with his back to her and, sitting in the car for a moment, he felt better, and certainly good enough to drive.

He watched her wave goodbye with that smile, as though all that had come before never happened. I don’t deserve her as a sister.

Truth.

Alex needed to clear his head so he decided to drive. The day was nice so the windows were down, letting the white noise of that serve as a balm far better than the radio would have. It all helped to leave him alone with his thoughts, not that there were many. When he thought of how he treated Alecia it repulsed him like a physical boot to the chest. He still worried about her and this place, but he thought now that perhaps he was taking all the concern too far.

Truth.

Thoughts would wander almost idly through his mind to be considered. That strength of will she always had was still there. Her passion was still there. She wasn’t lying when she said she had transferred that passion to this place and these people.

Truth.

Why shouldn’t she be upset with him? He wanted what was best for her, sure, but she’s an adult, too now. She wasn’t a child and, while he could try to talk to her he had to speak with her like a grown up and have respect for her position.

Truth.

Taking her from this place would hurt her. It would break her heart and she would never forgive him for it. Hurting her was wrong and vile. It was the antithesis of manhood.

Truth.

She was the woman she always was and was supposed to be. If she were submissive at all in the way that he thought she was when he first got here, she would have just hung her head and followed behind him when he told her it was time to go. She chose to submit and she chose the ways that she did according to what was right and proper in her mind.

Truth.

Ahead of him, there was a small green car with the hazard lights flashing on the shoulder and he slowed his approach. Looks like somebody needs some help and I can certainly try be helpful to them. That’s what a good and decent person does.

Truth.

He pulled next to the vehicle to see a young woman and an elderly man, both clearly members of the community under the hood, hands busy trying to figure out what the issue might be. He parked in front of them, putting on his own hazards, speaking as he stepped out, “What kind of trouble are you having?”

“I can’t say for sure,” the old man began. Wrinkles lined his face, with deeper creases on his forehead and under his eyes, though they were still sharp. His skin looked as though he’d spent his life in the sun with one labor or another, but, also judging from the lines on his face, smiled a lot while doing it. He proffered a hand. “Eric Stinson.” He gestured to the young lady with the light brown curls, “This is my granddaughter, Maisie.”

He didn’t worry at all about the car grime marking him as well as she shook it warmly “Alex Carter. Pleased.” He looked at the young woman with the finely sculpted features and it renewed his smile when she returned it with a little nod. “I’d hate to get you dirty, but I’m just as pleased to meet you.”

“Thank you, Alex. I’m happy to make your acquaintance.”

“Anyway,” Eric began, his head moving back under the hood, “like I said, I’m not at all sure what it would be. I don’t do my own maintenance. I probably should’ve picked it up after all this years, but, now that I’m old I’ve decided there are a few things I can leave to others,” he added with a chuckle.

“You’re not old yet, Grandpa.” Maisie chided.

“Not young anymore either.”

She let it slide, not liking to think about his mortality all that much if she could help it. “I’m afraid it’s not in my wheelhouse either,” she said almost apologetically. “I think I should learn so that I can help you.”

“You might be right, dear.” He explained his reasoning as Alex carefully examined things. “There’s usually someone close by in the community that I could get a hold of, but not out here of course. So you might be right. It’s worth talking out.” He watched Alex examining things carefully. “Speaking of community, I don’t think I recognize you and I know pretty much everyone.”

“Oh, I’m just visiting.”

Eric nodded, assuming he meant from one of the outlying areas. “Lucky you happened by.”

“It is,” Maisie agreed, the tone of her voice drawing him to look up to see that grin and the lively twinkle in those eyes.

“What do you think? It’s been sputtery and chuggy lately. It’s been getting worse for a little while, but it’s never just up and stopped before.”

Alex started to speak of the lovely young lady before he realized Eric was talking about the car. “Oh, umm...well...if this were a newer car I might say it’s a faulty chip, but your plug wires look a little worn and dirty.”

“Computer chip?” He spat the word as though it were near blasphemy. “Like cars ever needed the damn things. They ran just fine for as long as cars have been around without ’em. It’s just something else that can go wrong that they can charge you two thousand dollars to fix.”

The old man wasn’t entirely wrong, so Alex gave a nod. “Well, let’s see if we can’t get you going after a little cleaning.”

After returning to his car to pop the trunk to sort through his ample supplies his father’s admonishment to be ready for anything out on the road struck him. He missed the man so much that sometimes his heart still ached. But that and countless other bits of advice shaped him and put him in a position to help others.

And that felt good and right and proper now more than ever.

He got what he needed and started to work as Eric leaned in and looked to the other side of the car, “Pay attention, dear. I’m sure Alex will explain. Make sure you ask questions if you’re missing something. Understanding half of something….”

Maisie smiled, “...is usually worse than understanding none of it. I’ve heard that before somewhere.”

“That’s my girl.”

She blushed at the praise and watched like she was learning how to disarm a bomb while Alex explained what he was doing and why. After half an hour, he pronounced it all the best that he could do out here and Eric turned the key. After four cycles the engine turned over. It still sputtered, but didn’t sound like it was ready to give up the ghost just yet.

Alex grinned as he let the joy of accomplishment and being of service rush through him before bringing down the hood. He raised his voice to be heard over the motor as he came to Eric in the driver’s seat. “It should get you home all right, but I wouldn’t drive it a lot until you get it looked at properly.”

“And home is where we’re going,” Eric told him. “I’ll get it looked at first thing tomorrow. Thank you, son. We might have been quite a while out here if not for you coming along when you did.”

“Happy to help.”

Maisie smiled that smile that could make a whole army drop its weapons again, “Might I...see you at the dance tonight?”

His brow furrowed. “Dance?”

“The spring dance is tonight,” the old man said, fond memories of them showing on his wizened features. “Unless you have to head home yourself, you really should come.”

“I...might swing by.” He couldn’t stop looking at the simply kept but stunning young woman in the blue dress, bonnet forcing his eyes to narrow their focus on the lovely that was her.

“I hope you can.”

Her words echoed in his ear as he watched the car grow smaller with the distance. if I’m going to really see this place, I should see how they all really live together.

Truth.

The other truth, unconsidered by him even now was that now, in the center of his chest was warmth and an aching need to see that and be part of it.

It didn’t take long for Robyn to get into the swing of things when it came to helping the women set up. They all had it down well after years of practice, so she just settled into doing what she was asked in order to be those extra hands, whether it be bringing in boxes of their various wares to helping set up displays, and it was the latter where she showed some skill, knowing what colors and designs would most draw the eye and how to place them to get people to stop to look.

The care with which she was doing it got her a few curious looks as she made suggestions to Carol when it came to her ceramics. “I just kind of...put things out. I didn’t realize there was quite so much to it.”

“I worked retail for a while,” Robyn answered as she looked through the boxes to find a large bright floral to contrast with a darker piece that was already in front. “It’s all marketing and there’s a lot of science to it. Not that I really know,” she said. “It’s all little bits that I remember from what the managers were telling me why things were supposed to be a certain way and why I was doing it wrong.”

“Ivy,” she called out.

Ivy concerned herself with final checks of her needlepoint to make sure what she was putting out was error free, happily remembering Brandon telling her she’d checked enough times already and her gently correcting him in that ‘eleventy billion’ was not a number. “Yes.”

“What did you mean before when you said you were kind of sad that Alex and I weren’t a couple? What was that about contrast?”

She blushed upon remembering, “I mean no disrespect. It was just me being snarky in the most benign way, but I do like the contrast...a lovely Latina like yourself and...well, at the time I was thinking...pasty white boy.”

The women around her laughed even as they busied themselves with their own work. “Yeah, okay. I get that. But he’s not exactly my type. He’s a little high-strung for me. I’m already high-strung and there isn’t room for two like that in a relationship.”

“I understand. He is cute though.” Several of the women agreed, and, now that she had given it any thought at all, she agreed with them. He had a certain boyish look that appealed.

Carol pulled a vase out of the box and unwrapped it, already trying to follow Robyn’s train of thought when it came to where it should go while Robyn decided, now that they were into the swing of things and a little ice was broken that she could begin to put out feelers. “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here,” she said proudly. “Every day of my life has been here and I’m glad of it. I’ve never had to live the strife and pain of...out there. People have come here and found solace from the most horrible abuses and horrible lives. They are shocked that we don’t hurt one another or use one another. It’s never even occurred to me to be that kind of person. I hear their stories and it boggles my mind. Honestly, if it makes you happy overall to live there, then live there, but I don’t understand how you or anyone else does.”

Robyn paused to find the right words, “Well...there’s more freedom outside of here. There are more options for women out there, for men, too. There are certainly more clothing options,” she added as an attempt at levity.

That got a chuckle from a few of the women, and even Carol smirked. “That is true.” She looked out into the street seeing the men and women moving with purpose, but also with no shortage of smiles. “But I love my blue dress and my bonnet,” she said, giving the brim a reassuring caress with her fingertips. “I love the men in their simple vests, not worrying about dressing like a peacock and strutting about in order to perhaps be noticed, so they can focus instead on being proper men.”

Correctness.

“I love being able to look out onto that street or any street and know I am surrounded by people like me. The rest of the people that come in? It...feels like chaos to me. If they are kind and respectful I’m happy to meet them and be an example of this community for them. In my own way though, I am just as happy when they leave and take their chaos with them.”

“Not even curious?”

She shook her head. “The men talk. Ivy talks. I know what’s out there already. Men killing each other. Men hurting women. Parents...hurting children.” The very thought could bring tears. “Our purpose is to make our world better. Our purpose is to make each other’s lives better. You may as well ask me if I’m curious to find out what it’s like to die falling off a cliff. Not, really, no.”

Correctness.

“If someone decided their life was out there though, you’d let them go?”

Carol looked shocked. “Who here now would want to live in that? I would implore them to stay, but to imprison them to keep them is just inflicting pain. If they feel the need to go? I wish them the best and would welcome them back when they returned.”

“I’m not leaving,” Ana, a rotund woman of middle age offered. “My husband and I came looking for work after everything out there melted down. No job, no house, no nothing, and these people took us in like we were always one of them. We have a nice little home...jobs...a place to be and we know we and our family would never go hungry again here. Or...have to beg the sheriff for a few more days to find a place to go. They were there for us and we will be there for them. Always.”

Correctness. She felt it. It was a tangible sense of things that stood counter to a lot of her own life before now.

“Even that is hurting others,” Carol said. Roosevelt said that necessitous men were not free. A safe place to sleep and food to eat are not too much to ask. I’ve never inflicted pain on another that way. I couldn’t.”

“Come on.” Robyn was a bit incredulous, “You’ve never said or done something to hurt anyone? Ever?”

“Don’t be silly, Robyn. I’ve said the wrong thing at times or done things, no matter how well-intentioned that have hurt someone. But I’ve never hurt someone like they seem to so often out there, because they or their feelings don’t matter to me. They matter. I feel it when they hurt and I feel it when I hurt them.” Her mind went to a few of those times. I think about those times and it’s, in some ways, always fresh. Do you understand, Robyn?”

Her own transgressions were always on her mind. They always chased her. They always drove her. “Yeah. I do. I think that’s why people...worry about places like this. You get so..wrapped up in what your truth is at the time, you’re not thinking about other people. You’re just thinking of your place in things and having that all reinforced by the people around you and doing what you think is the right thing to the point that you end up hurting people.”

“Who did you hurt,” Ana wondered, looking at Robyn who seemed both distant and all too in the moment. “It’s all over your face.”

She shook herself free of it. Or tried to. It seemed that no matter how much she tried to shake herself free of it, it was all still there. “Lots of people.”

Carol urged her, what Robyn initially took as harshness when speaking of the outside world gone. “Tell us. No one will judge you here.”

“Even being an outsider.” The words came out harshly. “I’m already dirty, remember?”

Carol turned away quickly before taking a breath and meeting Robyn’s dark eyes again. “See? Proof that I say hurtful things occasionally. I am very sorry that I offended you. Honestly, it’s just that, I really don’t understand how any of you live there. But many in our community found there way to us. Indeed, part of Ivy’s purpose is to help those most in need and most suited to what we have here find us. No one will judge you here for things that you have done out there so long as you have regret, so long as you can accept your blame in things. No one is pure, not even if you were born and raised here.”

She reached tentatively to squeeze Robyn’s hand. “It weighs on you. We can all see it. Let it go, even if for only a few minutes. Allow yourself a break from it, even if only for a few minutes. Share it with us. We care for you even if you don’t know it. We care for you even if you don’t believe it.”

Correctness.

Robyn wasn’t going to. She had resolved that she wasn’t going to even as she tried to fight the weight of it all. But she’d heard those words before. She’d heard all those sweet, welcoming words designed to pull you in so you were theirs before you knew it and started taking in what they told you until it was divine truth.

“We’re here for you,” Ivy told her. “Even when you go back out there, you can still come visit and share. We’re good listeners and we’ll help any way we can. Always.”

Correctness.

Something broke within her with the quiver of her jaw. “I didn’t even...umm...I didn’t even have lousy parents so I can’t say that was why anything happened. Blue collar, worked hard so not home as much as any of us wanted, but they were good parents. When they were there, they were really there. I rebelled just to do it, I think. It was my, ‘I’m growing up and you’re not the boss of me’ thing.”

“I got into some trouble. Nobody died, but it was bad enough that they didn’t want me dragging my brothers and sisters down with me so they kicked me out. After about a month I realized they were serious and I they weren’t letting me back in. I...wish they had more than anything, now more than ever. I apologized. I swore up and down that I learned my lesson, but I broke their hearts. I get it. It was my fault and they had just had it.”

She shook her head free of the sadness. “So I wandered around doing my thing. I was a kid with nothing so I was ripe for people looking for new bodies. One day Daniel and June offered to buy me lunch at the food court and offered me a place to sleep. It was with a group so that it was all gonna be just fine. I’d hopped from friend’s couch to friend’s couch, but I was burning through that hospitality too so I took them up on it.” She gave her tone extra bravado, “I’ll be fine. Nobody will mess with me, and I’m smarter than everybody.”

“Nobody messed with me. They just acted like I was so special to them. They acted like they needed me. June even said so, so it was all great. But then you start sitting through their meetings with their scripture which was just some of this book and that book and things Daniel made up to tie it all together so that he’s...God on Earth.”

“He’s so sure, and it all makes some sort of sense, and you don’t hear anything from the outside anymore, and they are all saying the same things, and you want to fit, so after a while, it was all real to me.”

She turned and focused now on grouping several ceramic animals together. “If it were just me there...living...it would have all been fine, but...then you have to go out. You panhandle and you...hunt. I got good at it. I knew how to find the fish and reel them in, and I did. God, I was good at it. If you were hungry, or lonely, or just had a hole in your life that Daniel’s words might fill I knew how to use them to get you in and, one you were in, there was no getting out. And I believed them. I believed all of it with every fiber of my being.”

“You couldn’t get out even if you wanted to. You want to leave? Why would you want to roast in Hell for eternity because you gave up your place as one of the chosen?” She clutched a lion tightly enough for her knuckles to go white. “So when we beat you bloody to keep you from leaving it’s all what’s best for you. When they...when I...rat out friends who wanted to leave and then help beat them...that was just for their good. It was never me liking the power trip of it in the face of just doing what I was told the rest of the time because you can’t disobey God.”

They were into so much that when the police raided the place, I knew it was over for all of them. I don’t even know how I got out when the doors started bursting open, but I ran until I couldn’t anymore.” She laughed at the absurdity. “But I didn’t even know why I ran at first. I wanted to go back. It was all there was for me. I believed all of it. It took years away from it to start seeing actual reality again.”

Her exhalation quivered. “I try to find out what happened to them and some of it was...really bad.” She couldn’t bring herself to talk about that aspect with anyone. “The ones I drew in and played...and kept in...and beat on all in the name of Prophet Daniel.”

She saw the faces of them all and felt their pain and their words echoed in her head like ghosts that would never be excised no matter how much she tried or how many people she pulled out from other places like where she had been. She held it together, barely, until she saw Carol crying.

And Ana.

And Ivy.

And several of the other women around that had been drawn in and stopped to listen to her words.

It was too much for her to hold back the flood of pain because she knew what they were thinking. They hated her for it like she hated herself for it. They cried for the people that she hurt the way she still too often did. “I’m sorry.

“I am, too, Robyn,” Carol told her, coming closer. “I’m sorry that happened to you and to them.”

She began to shake, “Why are you sorry for me? Didn’t you hear me? I hurt them...over and over. Some of them will never be all right again...because of me.”

Carol was undeterred, her teary eyes nothing but projections of understanding, support, and love as she drew cautiously closer as one might before trying to touch a skittish animal. “That wasn’t you. That was what they turned scary, alone, and lonely you into so they could use you. That person before had her heart taken away from her.”

She found a bit of the edge in her voice again to convey conviction even though the undercurrent of sorrow remained. “That’s not the person in front of me today. This person feels for them...and aches for them. This person would give anything to go back and fix all of it. And it’s people like her and others from outside that have found their way here that let me have a glimmer of hope for the rest of the world outside of my home. Thank you, Robyn.”

Bad thoughts. Release the pain.

Dredging up the crushing pain of years was almost too much to bear, destroying the carefully placed barriers that she had tried to build around it with time and good works. Looking upon the faces of those around her knowing they were there with her truly sharing her pain without a glimmer of judgement; seeing her as a victim even when she couldn’t bring herself to was too much. The ache needed out. She couldn’t stop herself from letting go and gave up trying. When Carol’s body pressed to hers in a fierce, cradling embrace, the tears came and wouldn’t stop.

Then the sobs wracked her and Carol didn’t urge her to hide them. “Let it go. Let it all out, Robyn. It wasn’t your fault. They used you.”

She clutched Carol tightly, “I—I let them.”

“No more punishing yourself. All you can do is live better and do better...and it looks to me like you have. I love you. We love you. We always will.”

Correctness.

The tears obscured her world so that all that remained was the feeling of the women close to her, soothing her...protecting her and to hear their words of love, acceptance, and encouragement. It felt like the sobs went on for years. Eventually she spent herself. She had drown the pain in alcohol before. She had sobbed like she just had before and, while both were cathartic in their own ways, they were both just temporary reprieves. The weight was always there.

Until now. She felt free. She felt peace that she attributed to this being the first time that she had truly confessed some of the things she had done. She revealed herself and they didn’t seem to hate her as she hated herself, which made her hate herself much less. If they could see it, perhaps she was the decent person she wanted to be. Maybe this place wasn’t so terrible.

She hoped the weight stayed away as she focused on helping where she could and finding tranquility in the idle chatter and the rote of helping the women set up. With the sun climbing the morning sky she watched the tourists mill about them again. She saw it all now with slightly different eyes. Maybe they were sort of...brainwashing each other here, but they didn’t seem to be wanting to impose themselves on others.

Correctness.

They were just trying to live the best they knew how.

Correctness.

And, she had to admit, irritation the day before at the overt and covert mockery of some of them by the tourists turned to anger today. So what if they are different? It’s not reason enough for teaching their little children that different is bad. It’s one of the things that poisons everything out there and made the idea of places like this so appealing.

Correctness.

She helped where she could and, before she knew it, most of the day was gone and many of the women were getting anxious to the point that some stands were ready to close early, “You’re coming to the dance,” Ana said as something between a question and an obvious fact. “You have to come to the dance. Everyone will be there.”

Robyn’s brown eyes lit. “If everyone is going to be there, why should I be left out?”

“Exactly,” Ivy said cheerfully. “It’s a wonderful time.”

“So...do we just go like this?”

“We have special dresses for dances,” Carol chimed in. “Nothing gaudy, but they are a little nicer...a little more fancy.”

“And they accent the attributes some,” Ivy answered with a smile. “They hug a little here and they hug a little there. The men like them.”

“A lot,” Ana threw in and the laughter spread like a bad cold. She eyeballed Robyn. “I’ll get you one that will come close. A little needle and thread work and it’ll look like it was made for you.”

“Wonderful.” It hit her as soon as they brought up the idea that it would be perfect. She could mill around and maybe find some help for her, Alex, and Alecia.

A flash of uncertainty and embarrassment pulsed through her when she reminded herself that that’s what she was supposed to have been doing all day today and her very purpose for being here at all seemed to have slipped her mind. She dismissed it, blaming the emotional turmoil of the morning and the mostly mundane of the day.

Refocusing herself on her purpose, she realized that she hadn’t spoken to Alex all day and she needed to know how that went. It concerned her no end that his anxious fear and frustration could lead him to do something stupid that would make her job harder. If he did, Robyn had to know what it was so she could maybe counter it before it got around. They had made plans to get into contact and since he wasn’t already there to meet him, she knew she’d have to call the house. She broke with the other women and headed to the candy store, which was the closest place to her with a phone. She had the phone number on a slip of paper under her collar since she couldn’t remember the last time she had to actually remember a phone number. After six rings, he answered, “Hi.”

“Hey. How are things over there?”

He responded quickly, “Things are good.” He groaned after a pause. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was so late. I got back and cleaned up a little. I helped a couple of people stuck on the side of the road, came back, got cleaned up and lost track of time.” His words sped into one another. “I’m so sorry. Do you want me to come get you? I’ll be right there.”

He seemed in a better mood than he’d been in since since...she’d met him now that she thought about it if a little befuddled. “No. That’s okay actually, but we can get to that. How did your talk with Alecia go?” Judging by his tone she almost thought that maybe he’d actually talked her out of leaving.

“It went...okay. It went really okay.” Some enthusiasm actually worked its way in I understand where she’s at better now. We understand each other a lot better. It was a good talk. It got a little loud, but it turned out just fine in the end.”

Robyn took that to mean that it ended more or less as expected and the plans were still on.

She sighed in relief that he didn’t make things worse. “Good to hear, Alex. Thanks for paying attention. Listen, do you know there’s a dance tonight?”

That seemed to pique his excitement. “Yeah, I heard about that.” The tone turned boyish and tentative. “Would you like to go?”

She snorted and shook her head at the joke of his tone. “Yeah, I think so, boyfriend. Wanna meet me there and we can figure out how best to go forward from here?”

“You don’t want to go there together?”

She looked around the store, seeing the sea of bonnets and vests milling about. “No, there’s some special ceremonial dress or something. Getting me in it and fitting it and all that will probably take a little bit, so let’s say we just meet there?”

“That sounds...great. That sounds just great. I’ll meet you there, okay Robyn?”

Robyn smirked and shook her head. He was in good humor enough to joke around, which put her at ease. At least it didn’t sound like she was going to have to talk him down from this or that bit of self-defeating crazy and that was reason enough to play along. Keeping him from one dumb act or other since she met him seemed to be a second job that she wasn’t sure she was getting paid enough for.

“It’s a date,” she said, hanging up before he got the idea to drag out the joke and play, ‘No, You Hang Up.’

It was something of a whirlwind from that time forward. Everyone in town was excited for the dance and was anxious to get to it. Robyn found herself in the back of a truck on her way to Ana’s house and, once there, Ana and her daughters swarmed her, took her to the master bedroom where Ana appeared shortly thereafter with Jennifer, her oldest daughter’s first dress. The recent birth of her first child had changed her figure enough to warrant a new one, but the dress had been stored perfectly in the event it’d be handed down or if someone else in town needed.

She’d no more than slipped into it before Ana and her daughters chatted gleefully about how best to sew her into it in the most complimentary fashion as the younger women peppered her with questions while they worked. “What do you do for fun?” “What are your favorite things? “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Did you come here looking for one?” “What kind of men did she like?”

And the answers brought up suggestions of this name and that and and how they might hit it off until Ana finally playfully scolded them. “Can you give Robyn a break, maybe? Maybe she’s just visiting and would like to dance. If she’s looking for a suitor there are plenty and I’m not sure how effective teenagers are going to be in playing matchmaker for an adult. “

“It’s okay,” Robyn said, not wanting to maybe get them into trouble for giving offense. “I remember what that’s like.”

And it really was okay.

It reminded her of the few times she had that before she turned left instead of right. The laughter, the energy, and the gossipy tone were the same and she found herself caught up just listening to it. It was all so...normal and the way things should be.

Correctness.

Ana came from behind and played with the fabric over the shoulders a bit, “If she wants a match made Rebecca and I are the ones to talk to anyway.”

Robyn smiled, “Yeah, no.”

She shrugged, but didn’t lose her good humor, “Suit yourself. If you already have someone in mind...”

“I do not,” she said, flushing with embarassment as she watched the girls sewing away at her waist, it occurring to her that they hadn’t poked her with a needle even once. “There’s nobody.”

“Enjoy the buffet then.”

The sounds of girlish giggles filled the room as Robyn sighed, unable to actually be annoyed.

An hour later Robyn found herself in the largest barn she’d ever been in. Not that she’d been in many in her life, but it looked like it could hold everyone in the small town and it looked like most everyone was there, if not in the barn, in the field around it and between a smaller barn that was being used for livestock and storage.

As Robyn approached behind Ana and her husband and with the girls, she noted the many overhead lights, and music and lyrical female voices that seemed to carry for miles created a warm, inviting atmosphere that begged to be experienced.

Entering, she saw the dance floor fairly full already with couples spinning with flourishes or swaying gently together with no light between them, while, in the periphery, people of all ages milled about with refreshments, from punch to milk, to all manner of, no doubt, home cooked foods. It was idyllic and Robyn felt instantly at ease. There was no “prophet” guiding them. There was no chosen one leading chants designed to drill “truth” into your head and drive out common sense. By all appearances, these people were just simple folk trying to live their lives the way felt was right while bothering and imposing upon no one.

Correctness.

“The men will swarm a lovely woman like yourself,” Ana told her, “but don’t you worry about it.”

“We take no for an answer like men,” her husband Patrick said with pride. “So dance, eat, drink, or none of the above and when you decide you want to go home, let me know and I’ll be happy to take you.”

“If you don’t have a ride by then. Or someone to take you back to the house.”

Robyn’s mouth dropped before she clamped it shut to compose herself, both amused and bewildered, “Does your husband know you’re so trashy?”

“Yes. I’m good with it.”

Ana smiled before giving a theatrical harrumph and putting her nose in the air before being led to the dance floor. Robyn milled around, sampling the refreshments. As Patrick had told her requests to dance could be politely rebuffed with only a hint of disappointment on the part of the man asking. And, as Ana had promised, there was no shortage of men ready to ask.

The women, for their parts, seemed thrilled to have a new face in the crowd. As she now expected though, while they wanted to know all about her they weren’t particularly interested in what news she might have from the outside world. They were warm and friendly. They were gossipy without being catty. They were happy and content people and that contentment was infectious.

Robyn eventually weaved her way through the couples on the dance floor, stopping short when she saw Alex there, alone enough on the floor to the extent that Robyn might have thought the sea of people parted just for them. He had just finished talking to another man about something before turning and freezing at the sight of her.

Robyn found herself rooted to the floor, too, though she couldn’t have articulated why at that moment. In the moment though she looked at the...pasty white boy… even as she smiled at the description and needed his approval. She ached for it. The feeling bewildered her because for a long space of time it was so all-consuming that nothing else mattered.

He smiled broadly, then looked away as though caught out before meeting her gaze once again. “Hi.”

She conspicuously cleared her throat. “Umm...hi.” He looked..dashing somehow..in the outfit. He looked solid, dependable, and decent like that. He wasn’t preening for her or putting on airs, he just was.

Alex stared at the vision in frilly and lacy blue. It was the perfect color for her and he couldn’t help but notice that it hugged her hips just a little more and pushed those firm, perky breasts forward and a little higher. And the way her bonnet narrowed his focus to her deep brown eyes made her nothing less than a vision. “I’m glad you made it. You look...perfect.”

Her cheeks warmed. “Thanks.”

He pursed his lips and exhaled to build up his courage. “I can’t really dance, but would you like to anyway?”

“Sure.”

She went to him as though pulled there and when her fingers laced to his, her heart began to pound. When his arm went around her waist she became almost euphoric before sinking into the most profound warmth. She was in the arms of a decent soul. There seemed to be too few of those in the world, but she was with one now. As they swayed together in a slow circle his bright eyes drew her in and made it impossible to let go, not that she wanted to all that much. This moment and the next and the next brought with them a serenity that had eluded her for longer than she cared to remember and she didn’t want to let go of it.

“The talk with Alecia went great,” he began.

“I’m glad,” she said, not quite registering what he said at first. His sister. Right. “Is she coming with?”

“I understand better now. Being here with her, seeing this place and how these people live. She’s still who she always was; better even.”

The last pierced her cloud of her contentment simply because it was so far beyond the Alex that was in a near-panic from the time she’d met him. “Better?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

She looked up into those sweet blue eyes. The panic was gone. The fear was gone. He was at peace with not just that…it looked like he was at peace with the universe. Robyn pushed through the haze. “How?”

“She’s happily married. She’s happy. She understands how men and women should be together and how we should would all be with each other.” Shame crept into his words. “We argued today. I was so sure I was right and she was so sure she was right and I was so...angry and eaten alive by that anger. Then...I just had an epiphany. I had no right to take that from her. It was wrong of me. Being angry over what made her happy was stupid of me.

Truth.

His seemingly untouchable happiness returned though, “But on the way home, there was a stranded car on the road. An old man and his granddaughter needed help. I would have stopped to help anyway, but, when I did today, it truly hit me, that’s the way we should all be. We need to be loving, caring, and of service to each other. It just...feels so good and right, Robyn.”

She searched his eyes. There wasn’t wild, fervent devotion. She knew that look. She’d seen it in her own eyes often enough. It was just a bedrock certainty as though he had found the way, the truth, and the light and that n its own way frightened her more. Crazed devotion stood in conflict to logic and most minds wanted logic, so, with enough time and effort, they could eventually be reached. She saw in Alex’s that he’d simply accepted a new reality.

“You feel it, too, don’t you?”

Robyn pulled away just a bit. “Feel what?”

“These are decent people. They give to each other, do for each other, and ask for nothing back from one another but that same willingness to give. They live right. What happened with your day? Have you seen even one thing from any of these people that says ‘evil cult?’”

“No...I.” As she thought about it it struck her then that she’d woken up intending to go into town and try to find help for Alecia. Instead, she bared her soul to these strangers, sharing things she’d never told anyone and flitted around the block doing this and that like some house frau in a 1950s sitcom.

Robyn stood away from him now, looking around at all the smiling, happy faces. There wasn’t a frown to be found. There’s something wrong with all of them. Reality slapped her again. Them? She came here to enlist help too just like this morning and she’d done nothing. All she did was gossip with the women and let herself get swept up in the atmosphere. She was slipping away just the same as she was when Daniel’s words were the beginning and end.

“Robyn?”

“I gotta go.” She backed away, panic building as with an animal realizing it was trapped and may have to chew a leg off to escape. “I gotta get out of here.”

“Robyn, wait. I’ll take you.”

She shook her head vehemently. “No. Leave me alone.”

It stung him. He’d hurt her too somehow. He had no idea how, but if she’d explain it he’d apologize and make it right. “Robyn, please.”

She ran from him, lifting her dress to gain speed enough to leave Alex behind.