Dear Diary, Chapter 7;
Standing in my room staring at my shiny feet my mind started hazing over again. They always looked so pretty, and just the thought of rubbing my feet across one another sent shivers down my spine. As always I could not for the life of me understand why I would want to stop wearing something that looked and felt so good. The next thing I remember my mother is calling me from the other side of my door bringing me out of my trance. Shocked that I dazed out like I did, I quickly strip down and carefully remove the hose. I then threw my sweats back on and plodding to the kitchen in my bare feet I notice my mother gazing down at my feet, and almost swear I see her scowling. I sit down in a chair and we start eating in silence, with me wondering what she has hidden in her room.
I must have dazed out again because my mother raising her voice snapped me back to reality. “So what do you think?” she asked again. Telling her I was sorry, I asked her to repeat herself. “Are you ok?” she asked “You seem to be somewhere else tonight.” Reassuring her that I was fine she smiled at me and she went on to repeat herself “I was just informing you that the company is throwing a big dinner for all the employees, and I have a ticket for a plus one. Would you like to get all dressed up and join me for an evening of dinner and dancing?” I shook my head yes, and smiled. Smiling back at me, my mother went on “Then it is settled, I have picked out the cutest outfits for the both of us, and we will be the awe of all the men there.” Not sure how to respond I just sat there and finished eating, trying to figure out what my mother was really up to.
After dinner I returned to my room and quickly pulled my hidden hose out that I had hidden under my blanket and rushed to get it back into my dresser before I got caught. Halfway to my dresser I slowed enjoying the soft fabric as I rubbed my fingers across it. Shivering with delight I turned back towards my bed reaching for the waistband of my sweats, and started to take them off. Stopping with my sweats halfway off I shook my head, “No” I mumbled to myself and quickly pulled my sweats back up. I returned them to my dresser and for a while I sat on my bed, the longing to stretch that glorius fabric back out across my skin was so strong. Several times I found myself standing back up and beginning to walk back towards my dresser, but catching myself I would stop and return to my bed. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get them out of my head, the shimmer, the touch, the carress, the gentle security of it holding my lower body snuggly, it was all driving me nuts. Crazy, that is the only word that could possibly describe how I felt at that moment. All that time I had gone without wearing it, and slowly it had become easier to resist the longing. Granted it wasn’t gone, however it had become so much easier to resist its touch. But just wearing it once for a few hours had somehow completely reversed everything I had done, and made me want it as much or more than before I stopped. For a while longer I sat there at war with my own mind, drifting in and out of focus. I was determined I was going to remain in control, I had gone a month without wearing it, and I was going to continue, there was no way I was going to let it take over my life and control me as it seemed to be doing more and more with Becky. Still trying to calm myself I started to daydream, remembering how good it felt stretching it across my skin and rubbing my legs together. Becoming a bit more calm, I began rubbing my leg letting the fog take me deeper and deeper. After a few more minutes I slowly came back to reality and smiled as I looked down at my legs and feet. Finally calm I slid my sweats back up, and got up from my bed and plodded to the bathroom, “I can do this” I tell my reflection and sit down to pee. Once finished I work my hose back into place and pull my sweats back up smiling into the mirror one last time before I return to my room. I am back in control I say to myself as I walk back to my room for bed. Laying down on the bed I rub my feet together and quickly fall asleep.
Waking to my mother standing in the doorway to my room telling me to get up for school I turn over with the familiar swish and an almost electric sensation course through my body. Turning towards my mother I let her know I am awake and she turns with a smile and leaves the doorway, her nightie floating as she spins and her legs sparkling in the wash of light from my room. Shaking my head I do a double take but she is already gone. Then I go to throw the covers off myself and realize I slept on top of my covers and my mother just saw my pantyhose covered legs. “Wait, why am I wearing pantyhose again?” I asked myself as I quickly stood up and stripped out of my sweats, and peel the hose off my legs. Picking up a pair of scissors from my desk, I quickly cut them to little pieces and once finished I stand there shaking. Thinking back through the night I cannot figure out when I slipped them back on, but I did remember using the bathroom, and I had already given in at that point. Upset and confused, I dressed for school, and proceeded to the kitchen where my mother waited with breakfast finished. Looking her over I couldn’t tell if she was wearing any pantyhose, she had changed into dress pants and boots for work. Not wanting to rock the boat I didn’t mention anything, but the smile she gave me when she set down my plate in front of me told me she knew, what I had done, but for some reason was not going to bring it up or say anything. And that spooked me more than if she were to just yell at me.
School was a drag, and I was very distracted. Between my own trying to understand what had happened, and my own desires to wear it again, visions of pantyhose danced in my head, and it was everywhere I turned. Becky chose black hose with ripped jeans, and her depressed demeaner from the day before was no where to be found. Giddy and happy she laughed as she teased me with her feet, “When are you going to wear it again, its more fun when we wear it together.” Trying not to look at her teasing foot I trembled. Shaking my head, I told her “No, no more” Laughing even harder, she smiled “We both know it is too late for that” Not wanting to accept that as an answer I shook my head violently, I was going to beat this, no more. I turned and walked away as Becky stood there giggling. “If you need a pair, I can hook you up.” Becky said as I continued to walk, not even bothering to turn around I just walked on.
Bursting through the door, I ran to my room. Throwing myself on my bed I started crying, and the more I cried the more upset I got. I wanted it so bad, I just couldn’t understand why I had done it again the day before. Finally all cried out I sat up and composed myself. I had destroyed my last pair, I had no choice now but to stop, and slowly a smile formed on my face. Picking myself up I went to shower, and did my homework. Maybe it wasn’t too late afterall.
The rest of the week was tough, several times I almost asked, no begged Becky for a new pair. But I held strong, and finally by Friday I was beginning to feel like I still had another chance. After school I arrived home to find my mothers car already in the driveway. Walking through the door I found her in the kitchen waiting for me. “Are you excited for the company dinner tonight?” She asked. “I put your clothes in your room for you to wear, you better get moving if we are going to be ready in time.” Faking a smile I told her ok, and headed to my room. I opened the door and stood there in shock staring at the items on my bed. She had chosen a beautiful black dress for me, short one inch heels, and laying next to those items was a beautiful shiny pair of suntan pantyhose. In shock I didn’t know what to do, shame, and excitement ran through my mind as a shiver went down my spine. Quickly I threw my bookbag into my room, closed the door and went to shower. The entire time I stood in the shower trying to find a way out of this situation. I didn’t want to wear the hose, well I did, but I knew if I did what would happen. But then again I had stopped so many times already, why couldn’t I just wear it for a little while tonight and then stop again? I knew I was lying to myself, each time I tried to stop it was getting harder and harder to do it. I honestly didn’t know how many times I had left in me before I gave up and accepted this new life. Turning off the water I dried myself off and returned to my room. I stood there, trying to figure out a way to tell my mother I didn’t want to wear it, staring at the hose on my bed as I heard my mother walk down the hallway to the bathroom. As the shower turned on, I walked towards the bed and picked up the pantyhose. Looking at the label I noticed it was the same brand that I had been wearing and that sent another chill down my spine. Slowly rubbing the fabric between my fingers with the intention of taking it to my mother and telling her I didn’t want to wear it. My mind started to fog over. Slowly a smile formed on my face as I continued to rub the hose between my fingers, I started towards the door to my room, and put my hand on the door handle.
Thirty minutes later I stood in front of my mirror putting the last few touches of makeup on my face. Turning on my heel I walked across the room relishing the feeling of the dress as is rubbed my silk covered legs. Smiling as I opened my door I clicked my way to the living room where my mother sat in a simular dress crossing her own silky legs smiling at me. “You look truly beautiful dear” she said “And that color tone of your hose definitely brings out your legs” Smiling at her, she stood and took my arm. Together we walked out the door, and headed out to the dinner party.