A little long this time, but I couldn’t find a good break point.
Some actual MC! Yay! ;) (Also some possibly hot bits.)
My email is still Darkmind@darkmindweb.com
My Hagiography—Part 4
I remembered to call Him that night. I waited until after supper, until I was actually dressed for bed. It was going to be the last thing I did today.
“Hi Rachel.” He answered.
“Hi David.” I was on the headset. It was more comfortable than holding the phone to my ear.
“So, what did you do today?” I could hear the smile in His voice.
“Went to church. Came home, watched TV. That’s about it.”
“What did Jessica want to say to you?”
“She… Wanted to know how my question turned out.”
“And what did you tell her?”
“That it was complicated. But that I hadn’t stopped at that question.”
“Did you tell her I was your boyfriend?”
“You aren’t, really. I’m your girl, but…”
“I’m your owner. And you couldn’t say that.”
“Yes.”
“That fits what she told me.”
“What?”
“After you left, she came to talk to me. Basically asked what my intentions were.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That my intentions were to do what you had asked of me. No more, and no less.”
“She didn’t accept that.”
“No, she wanted more.”
He spoke next: “She’s your friend, isn’t she?”
“My best friend.”
“Since?”
“Since forever. Elementary school.”
“She’s going to be watching you. Trying to figure out what is going on.”
“She always does. She told me to not to date my last boyfriend; said he was a jerk. He was.”
“Has she told you not to date me?”
“No.”
“That’s good. Nice to know she doesn’t think I’m a jerk. Despite thinking I’m ready to date someone almost ten years younger than me.”
“At the retreat she said you were cute.”
“She did? Nice to know she approves.” A break. “I think we will need to tell her more. Not everything, but more. She is your best friend, after all. She deserves to know that you are all right. That I’m not going to mess you up and drop you.”
“No, you intend to keep me.”
“Yes.” He chuckled. “Let me think about it; I’ll come up with something for you to tell her. For now, you can tell her that you are my girlfriend, and we are working out what that means. And that we don’t want this spread around.”
“Ok.” I had wondered. It was nice to be given an answer.
“For now… Are you ready for me to start messing you up?” The smile was back in His voice.
“Sure.” I smiled back.
“Ok. Where are you?”
“In my bedroom.”
“I assume you are alone. How are you dressed?”
“I’m ready for bed; I have my pajamas on. My parents think I’ve already turned in.”
“Good. Are you holding the phone or on the headset?”
“The headset. I figured this was why you bought it.”
“It is. Can I get you to take your pajamas off?”
I considered. It’s not like anyone could see me. “Sure.”
“Tell me when you are done.”
I dropped the headset once, but soon all I was wearing was the headset and my necklace. “Done.”
“Ok, I want you to turn off the lights and get into bed. Make sure the phone is within reach.”
“All the lights?”
“All of them. I want you in bed, in as dark a room as you can get.”
This took less time. “Done.”
“Ok, I want you to get comfortable in bed. Do lie on your back or your stomach?”
“My back.”
“Ok. Lie on your back, your hands at your sides, as relaxed as you can get. Close you eyes if it helps.”
“Ok.”
“Now, I want you to repeat after me: I trust David.”
“I trust David.”
“I trust David absolutely.”
“I trust David absolutely.”
“I belong to David.”
“I belong to David.”
“Making David happy makes me happy.”
“Making David happy makes me happy.”
“Ok, Rachel, how was that?”
“A little strange, actually.”
“Can you say those phrases on your own?”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“Did that feel strange?”
“Not as much.”
“Say them again.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“Again.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy. David? What are you doing?”
“I’m getting you to say you trust me, belong to me, and want to make me happy.”
“So?”
“So, if you say something enough you will start to believe it.”
“So this is my new mantra?”
“For tonight at least. You don’t object, do you?”
“No…”
“Good. Say it again.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“See, it’s easy to say that, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Say it twice.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy. I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“It doesn’t sound so strange now, does it?”
“No. I mean, I’ve already agreed to all of this.”
“I know. I just want you to affirm it. Say it again.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“You agree to all of that?”
“Yes.”
“Say it again.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“Again.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“It’s relaxing to say that, isn’t it.”
It was. I was almost asleep already. “Yes.” I had a thought: “Are you hypnotizing me?”
“Not tonight. Say your mantra.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“Again, twice.”
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy. I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“Rachel?”
I woke up a little. “Yes?”
“I want you to hang up the phone now. I want you to keep saying your mantra. Let it relax you until you fall asleep.”
“Ok.”
“Rachel?”
“Yes?”
“Good night. Sleep well.”
“You too.” I hung up the phone, removed the headpiece.
“I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.” It was relaxing. I said it again. Then a few more times.
Then I was asleep.
I remembered to wear one of my new pairs of shoes to school the next day. Two days of practice and I was already getting better in them.
Jessica didn’t bring it up until lunch. “I see you are still wearing your necklace.”
“Yes. David asked me to keep it on.”
“And you do what he asks?”
“Yes.” It was out before I thought about it.
“Always?”
This time I was prepared. “We… We agreed I’m his girlfriend. We’re still working out what that means.”
“That’s a change from yesterday.”
“We discussed it last night. On the phone.”
“He called you?”
“No, I called him. On the cell phone he bought me.” I brought it out.
“Nice. So, he’s bought you a necklace and a cell phone. Anything else?”
I blushed. “And some shoes, and music, and an MP3 player. I think that’s it, so far. Oh, and the phone accessories.”
“Well, it sounds like he isn’t cheap at least.”
“No, he’s not.” I laughed. “I don’t think he even looked at the price tags.”
Jessica shook her head. “That must have been fun.”
“It was. We’d walk into a store, start pulling things off the shelves, I’d try them out, and he’d just buy them. That’d be it.”
“What did your parents think when you brought it all home?”
“I… I slipped it in without them seeing it.” I looked at my best friend. “We’re not telling them yet. They would freak out, probably get him kicked out of church or something.”
“And you don’t want that.”
“Right.”
“You want me to keep it a secret as well.”
“Please?”
“Rachel, you are dating the guy at this point. They are going to find out, sooner or later.”
“We know. We’d just rather they found out later. When it doesn’t matter as much. Please, Jessica? I didn’t tell your parents about Rodger…”
“Oh, ok. I’ll keep quiet. For now. But I’ll be watching you two.”
“We know. David even said He was glad you seemed to approve.”
“I’m not sure I do.”
“But you aren’t making a fuss. You’ve objected to my boyfriends before.”
“Yes, when you wanted to date a jerk.”
“And David’s not a jerk?”
“He’s… Those guys all pressured you into dating them. David didn’t. He didn’t hit on you, even once. He fought to keep you away. I was there: he didn’t want to tell you anything. Didn’t want to let you close. If you got close in spite of that this must be something you really want. I don’t know what it is; he didn’t tell me, after all, but you knew what you were doing. If you wanted out, even a little bit, he’d let you. He’d push you, from what I saw.”
“Rachel, I don’t know what secret David told you, but I could see that night that he needed to tell someone just as much as you did. One of us probably wasn’t the right person, but you managed to get it out of him. If you want to stay with him after that, I won’t stop you. I’m even glad he’s got someone to share whatever he was hiding with. Just… Don’t go into hiding with him, ok?”
“I’m not going to tell you all his secrets.”
“And I didn’t tell you all of Rodger’s. You’re a couple; there are things the two of you have that are private. Just don’t hide who you are, not from your friends.”
“I… I’ll try.”
“Good. Now, tell me more about this shopping trip. What started it?”
I told her about our meeting for lunch (though not what was said, obviously), and how He dragged me from shop to shop. I even showed off my shoes. Jessica admitted He had good taste. We chatted all through lunch.
I told David all about it that night, on the phone.
He listened quietly as I recited as much of the conversation as I could remember. When I was done, He said: “Good. It sounds like you handled that very well, and that Jessica isn’t going to do anything to stop us too soon. We’ll have to make sure you don’t “go into hiding” as she put it. Which would be easy; she’s right there.”
“So, what do you want me to do?”
“For now, handle it like you have been handling it. We are going to have to tell her to expect you to start to change, however. She’ll be watching for you to do anything unusual, and you are going to do things that are unusual, for you.”
“Like wear heels all the time?”
“Exactly. We aren’t going to do anything major for a while — we both need to get used to this — but we are going to push you in new directions.”
“And Jessica would notice.”
“She will notice. And she’ll worry. We will need to tell her that is expected, and that you want it.”
“What should I tell her?”
“Nothing, yet. We need to tell her this together, I think. Do you two have anyplace you regularly hang out besides school and youth group?”
“We see each other a lot, but nothing really regularly.”
“Hmm. Well, if you see a chance to set up a meeting where it is just the three of us, go ahead. Otherwise, we’ll have to talk on Sunday probably.”
“Ok.” I was glad that we weren’t cutting off Jessica. I didn’t want to tell her everything, but I also wanted to talk to her about this.
And letting David figure out how, and how much, to tell her was so much easier than trying to figure it out myself.
“One thing: I haven’t seen her boyfriend at church recently. Are they still together?”
“No, they broke up about a month ago. Why?”
“I was hoping you could make a small point about how she has him under her control. Just little comments, that he seems ‘well-trained’, or ‘crack that whip’ after she gets him to do something, that type of thing. It would help make her think of herself as being dominant in her relationship with him. Which would mean she’s more likely to accept a relationship where there is a clear dominant ‘in charge’ role. Every little bit helps. But if she’s not dating steady at the moment you aren’t as likely to get opportunities.”
“Do you always think like this?”
“Like what?”
“Every time I ask you why you are doing something you give me multiple reasons, or reasons within reasons, or something. And they are always include ‘so this person will think that way’ or something similar. Is that something you do all the time, or is it just that you have to think that way for me?”
“Neither, actually. Mostly I do all that by habit, or reflex. I don’t actually have to think about it. That’s because growing up I did think about it, and payed attention to what I did and how people reacted. Now it is natural, easy. I just do it; I make the easy way for people to think be the way I want them to think. It’s so much a part of me that not doing it is hard. As you saw, around the campfire and over lunch. Those were times when I had to make sure I wasn’t influencing you, and it was hard for me.”
“For you, I pay a little more attention to it, but mostly even there I don’t really think about it. Unless you ask; then I can pull up the reasons fairly quickly.”
“So, I can expect that nothing you do has just one reason?”
“As a general rule, yes. Occasionally I do something for no other reason than the obvious though.”
“So, why did you ask me to take my clothes of last night? All the reasons.”
“Well, the obvious one was to help you relax: you wouldn’t be bound by your clothes. Also, it was something you weren’t likely to do on your own, but would do when I asked, so it reinforces the fact that you do what I ask. Beyond that, your clothes are a symbolic barrier, so removing them for me (and repeating those phases right afterwards) has a feeling of lowering your barriers for me. It’s also a symbolic start: You start your life naked, and we were starting your journey into my life. And, of course, I want you comfortable naked; if I’m turning you into a sex object you should expect to be naked, or nearly so, often, so you being comfortable without clothes is part of that. Sleeping without clothes is considered a near-sexual act, so if I can get you to do that on a regular basis you will consider yourself more of a sexual being.”
“So the fact that I left my pajamas off to call you tonight…”
“Is a good sign. You are comfortable with me, or at least my voice, and are willing to do what I ask. You also consider yourself sexual enough to talk to a man on the phone while naked, and tell him that. At least, if it is me.” He chuckled. “You ready for me to talk you to sleep?”
“Sure.” I crawled into bed, turned off the lights. “What’s the psychology behind that?”
“Well, there is the obvious repetition effects, which I went over last night. Also, you learn better just before you go to sleep, so me giving these sessions as the last thing before you sleep maximizes their effect. As well, it prevents you from thinking about other things as you drift off, and that’s when personal worries are most likely to come up, so I’m preventing you from worrying about this too much. You ready?”
“Yes. I’m lying back and relaxed, I even remember my mantra: I trust David. I trust David absolutely. I belong to David. Making David happy makes me happy.”
“Very good, but we are going to give you a different mantra tonight. So, listen closely, and repeat after me: I like to obey David.”
“I like to obey David.”
“I always obey David.”
“I always obey David.”
“I need to obey David.”
“I need to obey David.”
“I obey David.”
“I obey David.”
“Ok, all of them together now.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“So, how was that?”
“It’s very focused.”
“Yeah, I thought last night’s was a little wandering. I thought tonight’s should have more of a point. Can you say it again?”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. You succeeded. It has a point.”
“Do you mind?”
“Not really. I’ve been wondering when we would get to obedience. You’ve been playing around it, and it was one of the parts I liked most from your stories.”
“Good. Three times.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“To me, obedience flows from the wanting to serve, it’s not really an end in itself. Again, once.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. Then why this mantra?”
“Because wanting to obey is part of wanting to serve, and getting you to obey more will help everything else. Twice.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I guess I can see that.”
“Good. Once.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“How does it feel to say that?”
“Good. I’ve kinda been waiting for it. It’s… freeing. And kinda hot.”
“Want to make it hotter?”
“Sure.”
“Ok, put one hand between your legs. When you say tonight’s manta, and only then, I want you to rub your clit.”
It felt natural. “Ok.”
“Ok, say it again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“How was that?”
“Hotter.”
“Ok, now move your other hand to a breast. I want you to stroke it as you say your mantra, if you can. Say your mantra.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.” I felt slightly discordinated.
“Again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.” That was better.
“Is it working?”
“Mmmh hm.”
“Say it twice.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Once.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Twice.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Three times.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. Mmmh.”
“Are you enjoying this?”
“Yes. Please, continue.”
“Ok, say it again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Twice.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.” I was starting to have trouble with the words.
“Again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need obey David. I obey David.”
“You messed up a little. Make sure you get it right. First phrase.”
“I like to obey David.”
“Second phrase.”
“I always obey David.”
“Third phrase.”
“I need to obey David.”
“Last phrase.”
“I obey David.”
“All together again.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Very good. No mistakes that time. Try it twice.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I like to obey David. I always obey David. Hmm. I need to obey David. I obey David. MMMhm.”
“Very good. Again. Twice.”
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David. I… I like to obey David. I always obey David. Ah, I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Three times.”
“I like to… obey David. I alwaays obey David. I neeed to obey Daavid. I obey David. I… …Like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obeeey David. I, I, I liketo obey David. I always obeyDavid. I needto obeyDavid. I. Obey. David!”
David was quiet as I settled back down. “So, did you enjoy that?”
“Yesss.” He’d heard me enjoy it.
“Good. Nice to know you enjoy doing what I ask. What’s tonight’s mantra?”
My hands moved on their own. “I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.”
“Very good, Rachel. Time to say good night. You can keep saying your mantra if you wish. Sweet dreams.”
“Good night David.” I turned off the phone.
“I like to obey David. I always obey David. I need to obey David. I obey David.” It just wasn’t quite the same without him. I murmured it a few more times, and fell asleep fingering myself.