Title: Affection Multiplier App: The Boyfriend
By: BreaktheBar
Chapter 109
“What’s wrong?” Cassidy asked, now concerned as I had led her into our room and then flopped face down on our bed.
I mumbled wordlessly into the mattress, and Cassidy got up onto the bed beside me and reached down, starting her own massage on my shoulder.
“Tiger, please don’t—I love you, Robbie. I really don’t want to see you like that first day. Please talk to me and don’t bottle it up. Radical honesty.
I sighed, which only just barely didn’t turn into a sob. Now that I wasn’t trying actively to be what she and Wanda wanted me to be, the guilt was ripping into my chest. And frustration that I felt the way I did, both then and now. I turned over so I was on my back, and Cassidy laid down crosswise on the bed so her head was resting on my chest and she was looking up at me.
“I’m so sorry, Cass,” I said, closing my eyes and breathing deeply.
“For what, Robbie?” she asked. “None of that was bad. It was hot as hell, and super sweet at the same time. You did everything you could to make her feel amazing and you succeeded. Plus the pictures looked amazing.”
I took one more breath, counting down from three in my head, but I couldn’t open my eyes and look into hers as I said it. “Cass, I think we need to stop. When I was holding her like that, after the orgasm, I almost told her I loved her.”
Cassidy didn’t move.
“I wasn’t thinking that. I wasn’t building up to it or anything. And it’s insane, and so fucking wrong. I’ve known her for all of two days and I’m in love with you. And she’s married to someone else, and everything we’ve been doing has been about sexual gratification and feeling good and we haven’t been romantic. But I felt it right there in that moment, and I almost said it, and I feel fucking awful for it.”
Cassidy shifted and crawled up over me so that she was laying on top of my fully, her arms hugging under mine and burying beneath me and her legs pulled up and straddling my hips.
“It’s OK, baby,” she said. Cassidy hadn’t called me ‘baby’ since she’d started using Tiger as her pet name for me. It had been a couple of years. I was always ‘Robbie’ or ‘Tiger,’ or very occasionally ‘Robert’ when she was being silly with an accent.
“It’s not,” I said, wrapping my arms around her as well.
“No,” she shook her head. “It is. I—I had a feeling this might happen. Baby, I never felt this way about any of the girls I was cheating on you with, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to develop feelings for the women you feel safe with. I know you. I know how big a heart you have, and how much you care about people that are close to you. Wanda isn’t a Madison, she isn’t some hookup. We, and you especially, are taking your time to get to know her, and care about her. Same with Becca. I’d say same with Cattie, but that’s sort of different already.”
“But it’s wrong,” I said softly.
“It’s not wrong, it’s just different,” Cassidy said softly. “Do you love me?”
“I do,” I said.
“I have your heart, baby,” Cassidy said. “Like you said, you own me and I own you. I’m giving you permission to share your cock with any woman you want, and I’m giving you permission to share your heart with Wanda and Becca and Cattie, OK? If anyone else gets close, just tell me and we can talk about it. Obviously if you say it, it might be weird for them. So just… show it. Be yourself, and they’ll know.”
We lay like that for a while, quiet and breathing together.
“Are you sure?” I asked her. “This is different from what we talked about. Your cheating was physical. This is—”
“Not cheating,” Cassidy said. “And God, I love you all the more for needing to tell me right away. Even though it was hard. I wish I was as strong as you, Robbie. I wish I told you everything I was feeling all those years ago before I ever slept with any other girls at all. I’m so sorry.”
Again, we held each other, hugging and quiet.
I had to process this, and I didn’t know where to start. I’d decided, maybe even earlier than I’d realized, that I was still in love, and loved, Cassidy. She was mine, I was hers. That was the thing. I could acknowledge she hurt me deeply, but that we were going to figure it out because she was so completely full of contrition.
I loved Cattie. I was in lust with her. Fuck, was I in lust with her, but I also loved her. It felt more like my love for my sister than for Cassidy though, though maybe the ability to act on my lust was changing that. I wanted to make sure she was safe, and taken care of. I wanted her to be loved, and feel that.
I had a crush on Becca. I knew that. An infatuation. I saw in her parts of myself that I liked, and differences that I liked too. A crush was different from love, but a crush was what I’d had for Cassidy all those years ago. I wanted to impress Becca. I wanted to see her succeed, and celebrate that with her, and hold her close and protect her if she needed it. I wanted to know more about her, and spend more time with her, and explore her mentally and spiritually and, yes, physically.
But I loved Wanda in a way that was different from the other two and was closer to Cassidy. Maybe I was deluding myself, and it was just a reflection of Wanda saying similar things as Cass—the ownership flirting, the comfortability of our bodies together. My desire to meet her needs matching with her feeling unfulfilled. But she was married, for fuck’s sake!
The sexual contact wasn’t cheating because she had a deal with her husband and they knew about it. But there was no way he was aware of the emotions going on. I doubted he would be horny to hear her temporary partner was in love with his wife. Or maybe he would—fuck, the way she talked he sounded like he might be a secret cuckold or something. But that wasn’t what I wanted.
The engines powered lower, and then off, and there were a lot more voices going on above. The boats had come back together.
“Robbie?” Cassidy asked softly, checking if I was awake.
“I”m here,” I said.
“I love you,” she said. “It’s OK. I promise. It will all be OK.”
It was hard to see how it was, or could be. And Cassidy didn’t sound sure, but she did sound confident.
Maybe it could be.
* * *