Stepford’s Agony Aunt
Good news, it worked, it worked.
The guy I like or should I say my now-boyfriend fell for me.
God Almighty, I’ve never felt so alive.
So, a week before he was due home, I finally told my girlfriends about him and they started discussing stuff like cute outfits, the right meetup spot, etc, but then I let it slip about his wondering eye, how he couldn’t help himself check out hot babes. I had even found his porn stash on his laptop and god, those beauties he lusted over. After describing those bosomy models to my girlfriends and how I couldn’t compete, they laughed and said “What are you talking about? That’s you.”
So, I looked into the mirror and what did I see? A goddess, a beautiful woman even more stunning than those models my man jerked off to. She was feminine as hell, bright bewitching eyes, soft lips, a face that would get on the cover of Vouge, no question, and her body? Large plump breasts, roomy hips, slender legs, she was everything my crush desired.
And I felt my chest swell, my self-respect rise, as I put it together and realise that she was me! I was that beautiful woman.
So much doubt and insecurity just melted away and I knew I could and would win my man’s heart. I didn’t hate myself; I knew I deserved love and I was fucking going to get it!
My crush told me over the phone that after getting back from his trip, he and his buddies planned a day at Lake Deacon and me and the girls were welcome to join them. I felt devilish because it was perfect for what I had planned.
Just imagine it, my man is on the shore, his buddies have decided to go off canoeing, leaving him to catch some sun, and he, feeling thirsty, strolls off towards a mobile vendor.
And being a guy, he can’t help but glance at a few babes strutting past, and he’s thinking about approaching a few for a chat when someone catches his eye. He stares at a killer figure clad in a black bikini, washing her hair by the shore. Oh boy, what a catch!
As he approaches her, nervous about blowing it, the gal spins around, and his jaw hits the sand because…
Well who do you think this sexy goddess is?
He gasps and can’t believe it’s me, I grin back and blush because this guy is still bloody handsome, and I swear he’s gotten hotter since he’s been away.
“Is that you?” he asks me
“Course silly, I’ve been busy!”
We hug and you damn well bet I grind my hips up against his, oh boy that beast of his swells with blood, all because of me. God this was the perfect day, my girlfriends were watching, squealing at the sight.
What next? Oh, we went to a café near the lake, chatting and gossiping and I was more relaxed in his company now that I was as hot as him. God what a great time we have. I ask him to take me to a movie that night, he said yes and oh Jesus rushing back home, girlfriends in tow, picking out the best outfit and getting my hair and makeup just right.
I wait around nervously for ten minutes outside the cinema before my crush shows up and looks even more awe struck when he sees me in the cute miniskirt, and he doesn’t look so bad himself.
The movie? Oh, who cares, some steamy romantic flick and when the film stars make out on screen, I feel his finger touch mine.
We stare into each other’s eyes and then…
He leans over and kisses me!
I almost die, I’m in heaven!
What happened next? Oh, it’s a blur, we were in a hotel room, kissing in bed before we undress. Jeez his cock was huge and when he penetrated me with that thing, I burst into tears, he looked so concerned, asking me if it hurt but I answered back I was just so happy because I loved him and…and…
God I must have cum I don’t know how many times, squirting, curling my toes, feeling him erupt inside me. And we just gazed into each other’s eyes afterwards before he told me he loved me, had always loved me but was too nervous and could I forgive him and…
Oh the joy of waking up next morning and realizing it hadn’t been a dream and that I now had the best boyfriend ever, and oh just kill me now!
Funny thing happened when we were walking back home, arm in arm. We passed a couple of scrawny girls, wearing shredded jeans and tacky t-shirts. Dear god, that sight made me bring out my phone and flick through my album to confirm that yes, I was just as tasteless. I feel sorry for the old me, dirty, sullen, and wearing clothes I can’t ever believe were fashionable.
Christ whatever, we grow, we change for the better right?
Anyway, I’ve just got to share this with someone. I feel so happy, so feminine, so womanly and everything. I’ve had all my dreams come true and I know I’ll live happily ever after.
Ah see now, didn’t everything work out? Happens to a good deal of folk who move to Stepford, to their amazement they find themselves falling hopelessly in love. I’m so happy you’re happy, warms my heart when my correspondences have such wonderful endings.
And don’t forget to tell your out of town friends just how fantastic Stepford is.
Hugs and cheers from my little penthouse. Goodness it’s been over two years since I tried writing to a magazine, my hubby says I’ve written to you before, but I honestly don’t remember. Writing a letter to the Stepford Gazette is something I wouldn’t forget in a hurry, right?
Anyhow I’m living the good life and my husband cares for all my wants. Our big problem is that he’s thinking about hiring a maid or two.
Well I never! Any woman who needs help home keeping isn’t worthy of the title housewife, but my husband insists that our place is just a tad too big for one woman.
I suppose the problem is that I’m six months pregnant with our first baby. Oh, waddling around bare footed with a pregnant belly gives me such maternal satisfaction. And it makes my husband so randy knowing that it’s his seed that did this to me. Not that I’m complaining mind you. But my hubby reckons since I’m soon to be a full-time mother, I can’t possibly juggle the duties of motherhood and homemaking. But I can, I know I can!
Oh, what can I do to make my husband see reason?
Ah sounds like you’ve got a man who really cares for you and I know it can be hard giving away your treasured position but remember as a good wife you ought to accept the fact that your husband knows best.
Of course, you’ll always be his number one woman, so make sure he hires a dull and not terribly good-looking maid to ensure he’s not up to any mischief.
Anyhow you’ll soon find out that being a mom really takes a lot out of you. A little help never hurts anyone.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever written to you before, but I’ve got myself one nagging problem.
I’d best explain, by evenings and weekends, I’m a happy little housewife, by day I’m teaching at my local high school, guiding my wayward students towards the straight and narrow.
The only blackspot is that as a teacher I’m stuck with some beastly young girls, trying to teach them about the joys of submission, obedience, and the importance of motherhood but they refuse to listen. One young woman said she hoped she got premature menopause so everybody would get off her case about having children.
Honestly, it horrifies me that such a girl would say something so monstrous!
Oh, how can I make these poor misguided students see the light?
Oh, this sounds rather familiar, I’ve dealt with a number of foolish, unruly young women who mistakenly think they’re equal to men. My advice dear? Just keep insisting that they’ll love the Stepford way, and in the end, they’ll embrace it. I’ve never known any girl to resist indefinitely.
Trust me, in a few years’ time, you’ll see your former students walking around town, gossiping with their friends, their bellies nice and big, and you’ll feel fantastic knowing you’ve helped those girls onto the proper path of womanhood.
Hi, I’ve never written to you before, but I’m inquiring over two friends of mine. They are (or use to be) complete nerds, one of them was a scrawny sci-fi loving guy, the other was his whale of a girlfriend who loves anime.
(She proudly called herself a whale, by the way, so it’s not like I’m fat shaming her.)
They attend the same college as me, and the week before the new semester was due to start, we meet up in the refectory. I couldn’t spot them at first and it was only when a tall and imposing man called me and Gabby, (a mutual friend of ours) over to his table, where he sat with his girlfriend that it clicked that it was them. God they’ve changed.
He was dressed in Levi jeans and a black polo shirt, his muscles barely contained in his new attire, and his girlfriend was no longer a fat anime nerd, but a doting, voluptuous babe who spent the whole meeting draped over his arm.
Jesus Christ Bananas! What’s happened? He’s always hated the fraternity type of guy and now he’s become that very guy. I asked him what the deal was, but he just laughed and said something about growing up.
From what I’ve been able to figure out, during the summer the pair stayed over at the conservative town of Stepford, which ended up seducing them. They won’t shut up about what a great a place it is. Crime free, child-friendly, god-fearing (before they’ve always been pretty adamant atheists) and how staying there really opened their eyes.
Gabby told them Stepford sounded like a cult, but they kept insisting it wasn’t.
Anyhow my friend gave us the lowdown, he’s now working for Stepford Inc, the company which has recently moved into our college town, and he’s advertising their products. After purchasing a few cans of Stepford Soda from a vending machine, he asked us to sample his wares and since I’m not one to turn down free food or drink I accepted.
It tastes fantastic. Dunno what’s in it but he’ll have no trouble selling it.
Still something didn’t add up, so I kept bugging my friend for a better explanation, and he gave me your number and address.
So yeah, can you guess what happened to him? Would you say Stepford’s a safe place? Anything cult like about it? And how can I kick my addiction to Stepford soda, I’ve been drinking nothing but these unhealthy sugary drinks all week.
What’s the problem, my dear? Your male friend is something that has sadly alluded a lot of young men. He’s normal.
I’d strongly advise you to embrace what he’s become. He’s got a good job, an adoring wife and is everything you should aspire to.
You ought to learn how to become the sort of man who deserves female attention. The sort of man who has a proper job, a wife to support and children to raise.
The sort of man I dare say every nerdish fellow resents but deep-down longs to be.
Your friend saw the light and changed for the better. You should too. And I wouldn’t worry too much about Stepford brand soda, it’s a lot healthier than you’d expect.
Our town is more than happy to carter to the tourist trade, just stay for a weekend and you and your pals might understand what your friend and his wife found so appealing.
Trust me, Stepford is everything, anybody could want and by the sounds of it, we’re slowly changing the world.